Halton Cray (Shadows of the World Book 1)

by N. B. Roberts

  ‘What a depressing job he has.’

  ‘I’m sure he doesn’t think of it in that way.’

  ‘It’s fascinating. What else can you tell me?’

  ‘No. It’s best not to go into any more.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because you’re too good a person to know those secrets.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘It means exactly what I just said.’

  ‘I’m supposed to be really horrible and selfish or something to deserve to know?’

  ‘Precisely!’

  ‘How the hell does that work?’

  He laughed. ‘Good people are too trusting of others, and everyone in some form tarnishes everyone else with his or her own brush. Good people think, “oh, I am so nice and trusting, and I suppose everyone else is too!” when in fact that’s not the case.’

  I giggled. ‘What are you trying to say?’

  ‘Good people are more likely to share information which others could benefit from, without thinking of dark consequences. Evil people will more easily prise secrets from a good person than they could from another of their own kind. Fact! One evil person knowing a great secret will remain that way; they won’t share power. A good person is more likely to.’

  ‘So just for arguments sake,’ I said, ‘since I know that I can refuse Death, I might feel like telling someone I love to refuse Death, just to keep them in my life? Though I think that was a unique situation likely never to repeat itself. Your soul reminded me of you and the life I had here.’

  He squeezed my knee and smiled. ‘You could do that – tell someone you love. And doing that would be a very powerful thing to the wrong person. But that wasn’t exactly what I meant, but it is another possibility. If the bad guy learns of it, they could use it to their advantage. Though I am very happy you discovered it.’

  ‘How could they abuse it?’

  He huffed. ‘They could keep refusing. I don’t mean forever, because it would be an absolute age to a human. But in the course of it, Death would become desperate, to the point where persuading him to do things for someone’s consent might be too easy. You’ve seen for yourself that he’s quite capable of striking a bargain, of responding to blackmail. Anybody with the right knowledge I feel sure could bluff, trick or even bribe him. I’ve only read about these things, but it’s clear he’ll make a deal to get what he needs in the end. Things you don’t want to think of. That information is now for you to protect. And Death will watch us closely, and is probably listening right now.’

  I shivered.

  ‘But let’s not talk morbidly any longer.’

  Thom braked for traffic lights at the crest of Bourne Hill, with Halton Cray in our view – a place I thought I might never see again. He leant over and kissed me.

  ‘Alex, it’s so wonderful to really feel again. I’d forgotten what things felt like, to a human I mean. Kissing you before was incredible enough, but compared to being human and kissing you, there’s no contest.’

  The lights changed and as we descended Bourne Hill, and the Cray’s White Tower rose before us, I had to ask a question; one that I’d been pushing to the back of my mind for too long.

  ‘I think it’s about time I knew your real name.’

  He smirked and looked down the hill, fixing his eyes on the Cray and nodding towards it.

  ‘Halton Cray.’

  ‘I know it’s been a difficult week’ – I elevated one eyebrow – ‘but it hasn’t rendered me stupid. I know where we are.’

  He grinned and patted my knee. ‘No, my dainty nutter! That is my real name: Halton Cray.’

  ‘What do you mean? How can that be your name?’

  ‘I was named after my father, who was also the namesake of our ancestor, the founder of the Cray estate. You remember me telling you about my father, who was English, and from a great family?’

  I nodded.

  ‘This was the one place in the world I wanted to be!’ He wound down his window and inhaled the air. ‘To see where he grew up. The place he had often talked of, where he and my mother met and fell in love. I’d never seen a picture of it, nor heard it described in any detail. I only had an idea of it in my head. Imagine my astonishment when I arrived here and saw it for the first time. The place where they were happiest together. I wanted to know it. That’s why I came here. You must have noticed how often I walked down to the bridge. There’s a spot amongst the willow trees where my mother and father would go to be together in secret. There they would dream of an unlikely future, but with more happiness in hope than any amount of cruel certainty could outdo. I used to spend a lot of time there, to remember them better, and imagine how happy they must have been when they fell in love.’ He paused on this thought, a soft smile on his lips. ‘It is incredibly sad that his own mother didn’t see him once more, after making that great effort to reunite with him. How different things would have been if my father had made it home safely through the gates, as his spirit often tries for.’

  ‘Wait– are you saying that Sir Halton, as in Sir Halton’s ghost, is your father’s haunting?’

  ‘It is. He’s been seen a number of times, finishing the journey he was trying to make here. That damned Evans woman, over the years, has fed the few ridiculous stories that always float around – merely to scare people – that my father was returning to murder his own family! It has always filled me with rancour, as she span out her lies and nonsense for attention, while I heard and could say little to really defend my excellent father.’

  ‘I get it now,’ I said. ‘Your hostility towards her was always a bit of a mystery to me. Although I’ve never been fond of her, it seemed too personal. She turned your father’s memory into a vicious lie.’

  ‘That’s what drives me mad. No one remembers him as being the true heir, or the man who wouldn’t abandon his pregnant wife because she was poor. No. He’s rumoured to be a vengeful spirit, after the blood of his family, for the sake of money and status!’

  ‘But now I know the truth. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think people generally believe a word she says.’

  ‘The majority don’t, I hope. – I’ve been living in the past, Alex, and not even my own, where it felt safer, and in that sense more hopeful than anything else. It was easier than facing a blank stretch of time. I sometimes wondered if just by being here I was in some sense atoning for a lost piece of their lives. This place was denied them, and ultimately Bronagh and myself. I imagined an alternate future for them and it was more comforting than sad. But I’m not going to live in the past any longer. I’m looking forward to a future, a real future, with you!’

  He pulled into Halton Cray car park and turned onto a private lane behind the restaurant, for residents only. I couldn’t wait to get into his bed and literally crash out.

  A sudden thought occurred to me.

  ‘It’ll take me some time to get used to calling you Halton. It’s going to feel strange.’

  He shook his head decidedly. ‘No. You must call me Thom. Though I love that you know my true identity, nobody can know it but you. Just another secret we’ll always share. Far from making no sense, it would raise too many questions. But’ – he smiled profoundly – ‘it just so happens that Thomas is one of my own forenames. Now that is a coincidence!’

  ‘Certainly is! So I can keep calling you Thom without feeling like a total liar.’

  ‘You can always call me sir, you know, if it’s easier. I rather enjoyed it. And technically, of course, I am–’

  ‘Ah, yes! I’m glad you reminded me about that. I think I should have you forfeit or something for cheating.’

  ‘I cheated, did I?’

  ‘You had powers!’

  ‘Yes. I never denied it. I told you it was magic. Where’s the deceit?’

  ‘You led me to believe you were performing an illusion.’

  ‘No. You convinced yourself it was an illusion based entirely on scepticism.’

  ‘You asked me to guess how it was don
e!’

  ‘And not once, Cassandra, not once! did you say it was done by magic. Or more specifically, my shadow. So you see, I won. All is square!’

  ‘I’ll get you back for that, Halton!’ – To this he laughed. – ‘Going back to the subject of your name. Don’t you want things restored properly?’

  ‘I’ve no interest in claiming any birthright or redemise there, and never have. I wanted to be near the place my father grew up, and where he met my mother. I’m so happy, Alex, to have my life back! So happy to hear my own name spoken by you. You finally know me, as I thought it would never be.’ As he said this, he beamed a smile and squeezed me tenderly.

  I spent that Sunday with Halton at the Cray, after we’d slept the entire morning in each other’s arms. We woke to find the midday sun crossing his bedroom, illumining the folds of the white cotton sheet across our clothed bodies.

  ‘Good afternoon,’ he murmured, kissing me instantly, and so insistently that I couldn’t return the greeting without forcing it out the side of my mouth. To this he laughed while locked in the same kiss. During which he began untucking his shirt, pulling it from the waist of his jeans. He put my hands to work on the buttons, while kissing me eagerly. I undid each one, now and again stopping to feel his powerful chest. His warm skin so inviting, remained ivory. I realised something that astounded me.

  ‘Thom, you’re shaking,’ I whispered, pushing back the collar of his shirt. I had difficulty keeping back a smile. ‘You’re nervous?’

  ‘Excited, actually. I am, after all, only human, Alex. Besides, this is my first time with you.’ He laughed before gently tugging at my jersey. ‘May I?’

  ‘You may.’

  He lifted it, sweeping it up over my arms and head. The warmth of the sun increased through the glass on my bare skin, as he ran his eyes over me, followed by his fingertips. He pressed his chest to mine, and I could feel his heart beating excitedly against my own.

  ‘You’re my soul mate, Alexandra,’ he breathed. ‘This is precisely what I’ve dreamt of. It’s paradise.’

  I smiled, feeling as if I may have died on that roadside after all and now I was in my own definition of heaven.

  He sat upright to unbutton my jeans, before tugging them off quickly.

  ‘Afraid I’m going to change my mind?’ I chortled.

  ‘Always! – Wow, Alex. I never had you down for white cotton.’

  ‘Sure you didn’t!’

  He lifted his eyebrows cheekily. ‘Honestly, I never imagined you wearing anything.’

  ‘I don’t suppose white cotton briefs are very sexy either.’

  ‘Oh, yes they are!’ he insisted. ‘You have no idea what white cotton briefs can do to a man.’ He leaned forward, his hands running the length of my body. The cold buckle of his belt pressed on my tummy and made me gasp – then giggle.

  ‘It’ll have to go.’ He smirked, unfastening it and sliding it off.

  ‘And these.’ I tugged at the rim of his jeans before trying to undo the top button. The thick stud wouldn’t budge; it seemed as if you needed inhuman strength to unfasten it. He took my hands, kissed them and then removed his jeans in front of me.

  Thom laid his body against mine, tucking me beneath him, as if to shield me from the world. I’d never experienced a sensation like it; I felt truly loved. It was so perfect. I didn’t want to ruin it by admitting –

  ‘Thom, I really could do with a shower first.’

  His eyes lit up. ‘Me too!’ He chuckled, pulling himself upright again. ‘Shall we?’ holding out his hand.

  I smiled and took it. He stood up and pulled me against him, before sliding his hand into a drawer next to the bed. Condoms. He grabbed two. With my fingers locked in his, I tiptoed naked behind him as he led me to his en suite. There we stayed under a stream of hot water for hours.

  That evening we agreed on a plan. It involved me apologising to Mrs Evans for leaving so suddenly. I would lie through my teeth regarding the excuse. I agreed, because I was going to be at the Cray more often from now on, and I didn’t want any awkwardness between us if I saw her.

  ‘What are you thinking about, Cassandra? You look so grave staring out the window as if on to another world.’

  I drew the curtain and turned round on his sofa.

  ‘Well?’ he pursued, taking a seat next to me. ‘Were you thinking of morbid things? I know that look.’

  ‘You should do. You gave it to me.’ I smiled. ‘I was just thinking how I have a longer life because of you. Without you, Thom, I’d be road kill at age twenty-one.’

  ‘We’ve given each other life then, Cassandra!’ He put his arm round me. ‘And can therefore worship each other as deities! And I thought we were going to talk morbidly.’

  ‘Do you think Death will appear as my father again?’

  ‘Oh, so we are still talking morbidly. I couldn’t say, Alex. Those thoughts really are best left undisturbed. You don’t want to start wondering about that. Let’s just enjoy the time we have.’ As he said this he squeezed me a little tighter with a strength Hercules would’ve been proud to possess.

  I yelped involuntarily.

  He apologised inexhaustibly. ‘I just thought I hadn’t gotten used to my human strength, but–’

  ‘But what?’

  He looked pensive. ‘Despite slender appearances I expected you to weigh something, earlier on, when I lifted you in the shower. I put it down to my own excitement, the rush of adrenaline! You weighed virtually nothing. That’s why I was so gentle.’

  ‘You were?’

  His eyes widened. His hands instinctively took hold of mine. ‘Alex, did I hurt you?’

  ‘I’m teasing you, Thom. You were very gentle… at first. But what are you saying – that you’ve retained the strength of your demon?’

  He shot across the room before returning to me, nodding. ‘My speed too. It’s almost the same. Just slightly decreased.’

  Despite the fact that Thom now ate like a human (well, a pig, in those first few days), had a pulse, breath, normal reflection and shadow. And that he no longer had a clue as to where Death lurked, we tried to convince ourselves he was human. The truth was he was now superhuman, which he saw as some compensation for all his troubles. If only it was that easy to believe the nightmare was over. We worried that the restoration of his soul hadn’t completely dissolved the demon, or Death hadn’t fully returned it. Thom tried to reason with this, saying –

  ‘Death did say it was a little soon.’ He picked up a pen to have a try at spinning it. ‘I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see.’

  End of Book One

  Take a first look at

  SHADOWS OF THE WORLD

  ∙ BOOK TWO ∙

  THE 13TH BARONET

  Coming Soon…

  I am the reason for the funeral costs.

  The car crash you didn’t survive.

  A shadow steadily gaining.

  I’m the abductor of your loved ones.

  The knowledge you cannot win.

  I’m the last face you’ll ever see.

  The one you can never escape.

  …I am Death, and it doesn’t matter who you are.

  One

  SHADOW WORK

  ‘The spirit that I have seen may be the Devil; and the Devil hath power to assume a pleasing shape.’

  – William Shakespeare, Hamlet

  Thom sat up beside me in the predawn glow, his bronzed torso moist with perspiration. The sound of deep exasperated breath filled the quiet room, as his chest rose and fell with the regularity of a stormy sea.

  ‘Another nightmare?’ I half rose, holding the hotel bed sheet at my chest and placing a hand on his solid clammy shoulder. He looked round surprised I was awake. I’d been watching him dream; I’d been stroking his arm and trying to calm him, knowing that any attempt to wake him would fail.

  He turned his lips to my fingers and kissed them. My skin tingled to the rough stubble surrounding his mouth.

  ‘It was just a d
ream, Madness. Go back to sleep.’

  ‘I can’t sleep anyway. Want to talk about it?’

  He shook his head, laid back down and rubbed my hip so that the cotton sheet wrinkled beneath his fingers.

  ‘I’d forgotten what it was like to dream,’ he whispered. ‘It’s been such a long time. I just don’t remember them being so intense.’

  ‘You’ve been through so much, Thom. Your subconscious needs to deal with it.’

  ‘I get that, Alex, I do. But these recent ones are something else. They’re more vivid than those I suffered when at Johan’s. I thought they’d get better, not–’ He cut off.

  ‘How long have these ones been going on? A week?’

  ‘Mm-hmm.’

  ‘I have a great book for deciphering dreams at home. Maybe we can work them out together, and then maybe they’ll go away.’

  ‘Then I’ll tell you about them tomorrow… maybe. Not right now.’

  I kissed him and he edged nearer, enclosing me in his arms.

  Thom didn’t tell me tomorrow. He acted as if it was nothing. His usual way of dealing with things. But from the sheer horror is his eyes, and the gloominess the dreams threw on his face, I imagined they were about his mother and sister.

  It was the first day of July and all of southern England was experiencing a heat wave. We’d been staying in Dorset for a long weekend. Thom basked in the tropical climate, having been unable to feel the sun for over one hundred and fifty years. He’d turned a beautiful golden brown without burning. I was jealous; being red-haired meant my pale skin would blister without much provocation, even though I wore a high factor sun cream. Indeed, I was not a huge fan of the sun, preferring drab, safe, grey skies and the sound of wind and rain.