The Letter

by Ruth Saberton

  So there were a few months of safety at least. Daisy held him tightly and buried her face in his chest.

  “I love you, Kit. So much.”

  His arms closed around her. “And I love you, Daisy. I’ll love you forever. The war won’t change that. We’ll be together one day. I promise.”

  And as he kissed her, Daisy knew that Kit meant every word. Nonetheless, the churning in the pit of her stomach reminded her that there were some promises even he wouldn’t be able to keep.

  Chapter 10

  Daisy, August 1914

  War fever gripped Rosecraddick. One by one more men enlisted and before long the exhilaration of the sign-up was replaced by the sadness of farewells. Gem and some of his friends from the village were among the first to leave for a training camp in Sussex. There was a tremendous send-off at the station, with bunting, a brass band, a blessing from the Reverend and lots of cheering and flag-waving. Gem, who had never left Cornwall before, had been almost unable to contain himself, and as the train had pulled away he’d been waving and smiling as though off on an adventure rather than to war. Dickon had strutted along the platform and even this had brought a lump to Daisy’s throat. They were so optimistic, so filled with excitement at what lay ahead. Was it only she and Kit who feared something terrible? Perhaps his poet’s imagination was running away with him, and maybe she was too obsessed with a childhood nightmare that ought to have been outgrown a long time ago.

  It felt like something more significant than that though. Daisy was convinced something awful was lurking just over the horizon. A subdued atmosphere had fallen over Rosecraddick since the young men had departed, and the Rectory was a sombre place without Gem’s cheerful face and the banter of the gardeners now that only one of them (an old man) remained. Meanwhile Nancy, after a flurry of heady days showing off her engagement ring, had become silent.

  Kit, having passed before the medical board, was to take up an officer’s post in his father’s old regiment, and was due to leave imminently for training on Salisbury Plain. With every second that brought his departure nearer, Daisy felt closer to panic. She wanted to hold onto him and prevent him from leaving, yet she knew this wasn’t what Kit wanted. He was determined to play his part – and Daisy loved him even more for his quiet bravery, which was so at odds with Dickon’s swaggering and the jingoistic words her godfather hurled from his pulpit every Sunday.

  The coming of the war had changed so much already. The close scrutiny Daisy had been under previously soon vanished as Mrs Polmartin became preoccupied with the departure of her only son and the Reverend busied himself with sermons. Daisy found herself free once more to walk the cliffs and swim in the cove, but with Colonel Rivers’ health still in question and Kit’s time being taken up with helping with estate business, her fiancé was seldom able to join her. When they did manage to snatch some time together, Kit told her he was keen to speak to her father so that they could make their engagement official. However, Daisy had begged Kit not to breathe a word about their plans to marry. She couldn’t bear the thought of Kit leaving Rosecraddick on bad terms with his family because of her. Kit argued that he’d been at odds with Colonel Rivers for a long time anyway and that he had a duty to do the right thing by Daisy. He wanted everyone to know she was his girl. Eventually, though, she persuaded him to wait until he was back on leave. That way, Daisy told herself when she lay in bed with tears silently slipping onto her pillow, Kit would have to come home to her. There was something to fight for and to keep him alive no matter what. The thought that he might not return was simply too dreadful to countenance.

  He would come back, and when he did they would speak to his parents and to her father, Kit promised. Then, if Dr Hills gave his consent, they would be married. Daisy, who had no doubt that her papa would approve of Kit, was cheered by this thought and knew it would be what sustained her through the time they were apart.

  The secrecy of their relationship meant that Daisy couldn’t say goodbye to Kit at the station. Not for her the kisses, promises and waving of handkerchiefs that Nancy and the other sweethearts and wives had taken for granted. Instead, Kit and Daisy had agreed to meet the day before he left. As a result, Daisy was now torn between longing to see Kit again and the bitter knowledge that every moment this time came nearer was also a moment closer to saying goodbye. How she would bear it she didn’t know; she only knew that bear it she must, and that if Kit could be brave enough to fight then somehow she would have to find the strength to be left behind. She would have to be strong, Daisy told herself sharply. She didn’t want their last moments together to be tainted by tears and sadness. Daisy wanted Kit’s memories of her to be filled with sunshine and smiles and tenderness.

  Their final day together dawned fine, with baby-blue skies above a sea as smooth as silk. As always, Daisy ate breakfast with her godfather, but this morning she averted her eyes from the newspaper. Instead she looked to the window and concentrated on fat pink roses twined together and nodding in the soft breeze, and on the white sails of a boat dancing across the bay. It was the perfect summer’s morning to be young and alive and in love, and she was determined to hold every moment close.

  “I’m going for a swim,” Daisy told Mrs Polmartin, after breakfast. “May I pack a picnic?”

  “There’s cold cuts in the pantry, Miss,” said the housekeeper. Luckily she didn’t ask why a girl who’d scarcely touched her food for days suddenly needed so much cold mutton, cheese and bread.

  “Take some apples too, Miss,” she added, fetching some from the pantry and tucking them into Daisy’s basket, along with a bottle of home-made lemonade. “It’s a beautiful day and should be enjoyed. Nancy here will help me in the kitchen. You make the most of the sunshine and your day.”

  There was sympathy in her voice and a lump rose to Daisy’s throat. The housekeeper’s son Bertie had enlisted too, and Daisy had heard her weeping piteously in the scullery on several occasions. Daisy suspected that Mrs Polmartin had guessed she was meeting Kit to bid him farewell; after all, everyone in Rosecraddick knew that Kit Rivers was leaving for Salisbury. It was hard to keep secrets in a small Cornish village, but the war was changing everything and what had mattered so very much a few weeks ago no longer held the same significance.

  With the basket on her arm, Daisy left the Rectory and crossed the churchyard. Her hair, loose today and curling to her waist, lifted in the light breeze, and her white cotton dress drifted like the sails on the boat she’d watched earlier. She scarcely noticed the cliff path beneath her feet or the sharp fingers of yellow-starred gorse snatching at her skirts. Pink valerian swayed as she passed, and her namesake daisies crowded the grass. Above her, swifts darted. All of nature was teeming with vitality and Daisy had never felt so alive. She raised her face to the sunshine and, in spite of her sadness, her heart was gladdened by the warmth and the surrounding scenery.

  Kit was waiting on the beach, holding onto a small sailing boat that tugged and danced in the shallows. His back was to her and his white shirt was rolled up to his elbows, revealing forearms that were corded with muscle as he fought to hold the vessel. The sunlight turned his hair to gold and Daisy gasped, dazzled by his beauty and the strength of her love for him. She loved him so much it was a physical pain in her chest; the wonder of it took her breath away.

  “Daisy!” Kit waved at her with a smile of pure delight. “Come on! We need to catch the tide!”

  “We’re going sailing?”

  “There’s no sailing in Fulham – wasn’t that what you told me? Believe me, there’s no better way to see Cornwall than from the sea and today’s perfect for it. Come on, slowcoach!”

  The sea looked very big and the boat very small, but Daisy would have set sail in a teacup if Kit had been there too, so she hurried down to the water’s edge. He took her basket and placed it into the boat, then lifted her after it, holding her against him for a moment and kissing her.

  “You’re so beautiful, Daisy,” he said softly. “The fir
st time I saw you I thought you must be a mermaid. Your hair was fiery seaweed and your skin pure alabaster in the water. You were like a creature from another world.”

  “Is that the start of another sonnet? I’m starting to think you only want me for your poetry!” she teased, but Kit was solemn.

  “The truth. I loved you the first moment I saw you and I’ve loved you every moment since.” Having lowered her into the boat, he regarded her with a serious expression. “I’ll love you and write about you for the rest of my life. There will never be anyone else. It’s always you, Daisy. You have my heart, now and forever.”

  She smiled and glanced away. She didn’t want him to see that his words had made her eyes fill with tears, not when this was their happy day.

  Kit pushed the boat into the surf, the water up to his knees as he caught the next big wave and pulled himself up into the vessel and next to her. He raised the sail effortlessly and let it bloom with air then surge forward. Daisy felt the wind in her face as the boat picked up speed and danced across the bay.

  Oh! It was wonderful! Glorious! She felt as though she was flying! Daisy looked across at Kit, whose focus was trained on the tiller and the sails. His shirt was open and she watched the muscles of his chest swell as he held the power of the vessel and made it obey him. The ease with which Kit handled the boat, commanded it to sing beneath his touch and thrill to his desires, made her shiver deep inside. She longed to feel his hands on her with that same gentleness and skill. She knew the experience would be every bit as joyful and heart-stopping as this flight across the sparkling waves.

  Sensing her gaze, Kit gave her a smile.

  “Do you like it?”

  “Like it? I love it! It feels free!”

  The smile blossomed into a huge grin. “You’re right. Out here nothing matters. Just the water and the freedom. I feel alive.”

  “Me too!” Daisy knew she’d never felt as alive as she had since she’d known Kit. Everything was brighter, more beautiful, more vivid and in many ways more painful too. It seemed to Daisy that loving someone so much was a blessing and a curse all mixed into one.

  They sailed across the bay, tacking and racing the white horses, with the wind whipping Daisy’s hair across her cheeks. For a blissful time nothing mattered save the hull slicing through the water; when Kit lowered the sails and guided the boat into a small inlet, Daisy was sorry to stop.

  “It’s time to eat!” Kit said when she complained. “All that fresh air makes me hungry and exhausted.”

  Kit appeared far from exhausted though: as he tossed the anchor overboard, his eyes were shining. She doubted his mind was really on food either. When he glanced at her, Daisy knew he was thinking about the solitude of the deep blue inlet and being alone with her. Something awoke deep inside her, yawned and stretched into life, and as their eyes met she felt warmth rush into her face. Something delicious and unknown was beckoning and Daisy understood that her life was about to change.

  Waves lapped the hull. Seabirds called. The blue sky arched above. This was the most perfect moment and the most perfect place imaginable. There was nobody here but them, and for this brief moment nothing else existed. This was their time and they had to take it.

  Daisy turned to him, holding out her hands.

  “I want to be with you, Kit.”

  He nodded, taking them and kissing each one in turn. “I want to be with you too and we will get married, I promise.”

  She blushed. “I didn’t mean that. I meant I want to be with you. Now.”

  His green eyes widened. The pupils were so dark she saw herself swimming in them. “Daisy, I didn’t bring you here expecting… thinking…” Now it was Kit’s turn to flush. “I don’t want you to feel that was my intention. I would never—”

  She stopped his words by leaning forward and kissing him, and in that embrace her lips told him everything she wanted him to know: that she loved him, adored him and wanted him more than she had ever known it was possible to want anyone.

  “This has been the most wonderful summer of my life,” she said when they finally broke apart. “Whatever is ahead, Kit, meeting you is something I can never be thankful enough for. I’ll never, ever regret it.”

  He nodded. “It’s perfect, Daisy. Before I met you I thought I understood love, thought I could write about it. But the instant I saw you I realised I knew more in that one heartbeat than I ever did from all those years of reading. Those were just words on a page. I never got it here.” He slipped her hand inside his shirt and lay it over his racing heart. “I never let love in until I saw you. You are here forever, Daisy. There’s only you.”

  Daisy was intensely aware of how close they were. His skin beneath her fingers seemed to burn like fire and she wanted to be closer still. When Kit leaned in again and kissed her softly, Daisy closed her eyes and lost herself to everything except the sensation of his lips on hers. Then his mouth moved to her eyelids, her cheeks and her neck. Daisy found herself unfastening his shirt completely and pulling him towards her until his naked skin was against her palms.

  Kit groaned and his eyes were dark with desire – desire for her, Daisy thought – and the thrill of this made her giddy and reckless.

  “Daisy, I—”

  “Shh,” she whispered, slipping the shirt from his shoulders and burying her face in his chest. She was drowning in the thousand sensations that came from being so intimate. “Just love me, Kit. Please.”

  The sun shone and the waves slapped the hull as Daisy lay in Kit’s arms and gave herself up to the joy of his touch. He kissed her as though he worshipped every inch of her body, slowly loving and teasing her until she thought she would die from bliss. Then he pulled her closer and she knew that they really were one heart in two bodies, his soul and hers forever twinned and destined to be as one. Kit was gentle and strong and tender all at once, and if there was anything she was certain of, it was that this moment was meant to be theirs. It was right and it was beautiful, and Daisy had never dreamed there could be anything like this.

  She’d had no idea.

  “I love you so much,” Kit said wonderingly as she trembled in his arms. He was dropping kisses on her eyelids and her tear-wet cheeks. “I love you, Daisy Hills.”

  She wrapped her arms around him, unable to speak. There simply weren’t the words. How could there be? Daisy was certain nobody had ever felt like this before.

  They spent the next few hours wrapped in a rough boat blanket before feasting on the picnic, ravenous from the salt air and each other. Then they held each other close and, lulled by the motion of the boat, dozed in the sunshine. By the time the tide turned they were tired and heavy-eyed and their mouths ached with kisses and smiles.

  How could everything in her world feel so right when soon it would all feel so wrong? Daisy wondered. How could she have found such exquisite happiness while teetering on the precipice of such despair? And how had she ever thought she’d loved Kit before this moment? Those earlier feelings were nothing, nothing, compared with the overwhelming ones she had now as she cradled his head against her breasts and drifted in and out of sleep. Kit was her everything – and to find him only to let him go so soon was agony. She never wanted to leave his side again. He was her and she was him; where one ended the other began. They were meant to be together.

  This was what Heathcliff and Cathy had known, she thought drowsily, and what Shakespeare had understood when he’d written Romeo and Juliet. Even her love of literature had come into a sharp and wonderful new focus.

  When they could no longer risk missing the tide, they set sail for home without speaking of the future that loomed ahead. The boat flew across the bay far too fast. With every second that brought them nearer to the end of the journey, a greater sense of loss tightened Daisy’s throat. The moment of their first parting was racing towards them and, just like the turning of the tide, she was powerless to stop it. This morning Daisy had believed she was about to face the worst, but she’d been ill-prepared for the app
rehension she felt now.

  She stole a glance at Kit and saw at once that he felt the same way. His eyes were bright jade with emotion and his jaw was clenched in an attempt to keep himself in check. Daisy knew then that she must be brave for his sake, because Kit was facing so much more than she could ever comprehend; she couldn’t bear for him to leave her feeling anything other than love. Fear and grief had no right stealing their time today. She must believe that all would be well and that Kit would come home to marry her. She must have faith that they would live happily ever after in a little cottage with roses around the door, where Kit would write poetry and she would raise smiling babies with his rock-pool eyes and her wild curls. That beautiful life was waiting for them. It was. She just had to hold the thought close and believe it.

  For both of them.

  The boat sailed towards their cove and Kit leapt out, pulling it up the beach so that he could lift Daisy onto the shore. They stood on the sand for a moment, holding hands and drinking each other in, knowing that this day would have to sustain them during the separation that lay ahead.

  Kit squeezed her hands.

  “Daisy, I love you more than my life. You’re everything to me. But if I don’t come back or you don’t think you can wait, then I wouldn’t blame you. I would still love you and I would understand.”

  “You think I could ever want anyone else? Especially now?” Daisy could hardly speak; the lump in her throat was swelling almost enough to asphyxiate her. “Could you love anyone else after today?”

  “No! Never!”

  “Then don’t say it! There will never be anyone else for me, Kit, do you understand? Never! I’ll wait for you however long I have to – forever, if needs be. We’ll see each other again though. Of course we will!”

  He held her tightly as the sea retreated and then came back up the beach. The boat bashed against her ankles and her skirts grew heavy but Daisy didn’t care. She clung to Kit as though she was drowning and only he could keep the waves from closing over her. She was already drowning in her imminent loss.