Because of the List

by Amy Knupp

  Alex didn’t immediately notice her reaction. Then a knot formed in his chest as realization dawned.

  “This is the box he always took with him when he fished.”

  It wasn’t as neat as the others, but everything in it reflected the last jaunt Quinn had taken—a river trip, Alex guessed from the gear.

  Taylor’s thin, pale arm came into his view as she reached across him and grabbed something. She held it in front of her carefully to avoid getting sliced by one of the multiple hooks on the neon pink lure. He looked at her face in time to see a tear escape and trail down her lightly freckled cheek.

  Damn, but he needed to get out of here.

  Instead, he touched her forearm briefly, helplessly.

  “I gave him this when I was seven,” she said in a choked voice after quickly drying her face with the back of her hand. “I don’t think he ever once used it—for all I know it’s only good for catching salmon in the Bering Sea.”

  “It was his good-luck charm,” Alex told her. “He took it with him wherever he went. Lakes here locally, rivers, a trip up north. He always triple-checked to make sure that lure was in the box.”

  “You can have everything else. This is all I want.”

  He made the mistake of looking her in the eye. The depth of the sadness there did it. Did him in.

  He’d been over and over the crash that had killed Quinn. Could remember every second of it, recall his every decision as the helicopter had come under attack and he’d attempted to bring the disabled Blackhawk down safely. He’d thought through it ad nauseum during the never-ending weeks he’d spent in the hospital and then rehab. He’d thought about Quinn every day since he’d been back in the States. Tortured himself with questions and doubts. But despite all of that, the repercussions had never been so painfully clear to him as they were at this moment, when he looked into Taylor’s haunted, desolate eyes.

  He was ultimately responsible for the pain that was tearing this woman apart.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ALEX WENT FROM one silent emotional woman to one frantic hysterical one when he answered his cell phone on the walk home.

  “Yo,” he said, forcing a lightness he didn’t feel, knowing by the number on the screen it was either his mom or his sister.

  “Alex, where are you?” Vienna spoke even faster than usual.

  “On my way home. What’s wrong?”

  “You’re not at Taylor’s still? My computer, it’s freaking out. Dead. I don’t know. I can’t fix it and my project is due in less than two days. I’m going to die if I can’t get it to work—”

  “Vee, stop. Breathe.”

  “I can’t breathe, Alex! Do you know how long I’ve been working on this thing? On my MBA? It all rides on this project! If I can’t turn it in on time, it’s F city for me.”

  “Don’t you think your professor would understand?”

  She laughed but there was only crazed desperation in the sound. “Not a freaking chance. This guy’s motto is ‘No excuses.’ I think he’s a direct descendant of Hitler. He’s been rubbing his hands together all term, just waiting for us to fail.”

  “What do you want me to do?” Alex asked, knowing there was no talking his sister down when she was so worked up.

  “Fix it!”

  “You want me to fix a computer.”

  “It’s…electronic. You can fix anything, Alex.”

  He knew his way around helicopters, a few military planes, and he might be able to fake it on a car as long as it was an older American model. “I can barely turn a computer on, Vienna.”

  “But Taylor can, right? You said she’s got a high-power computer job. Can we call her?”

  “I don’t think computer repair is her strong point…”

  “Can you ask? If she spends eight hours a day with these stupid things, maybe she knows more than you and me combined?”

  More like eighteen hours a day, he thought.

  “Aren’t there companies who will come to your house for problems like this? Mobile geeks or something?”

  “It’s Saturday night.” Her voice was starting to sound genuinely panicked. “Please, can you at least ask Taylor? Where are you? I’ll come pick you up and we can take my laptop over.”

  Call him a selfish bastard but the prospect of not having to walk another three miles on a leg that was now throbbing after bending, stretching and squatting all afternoon had definite appeal. And maybe Taylor could help.

  “I’ll call her and ask,” he said. “Wait to hear back from me.”

  “Thank you thank you thank you.” She disconnected before he could tell her not to get her hopes up.

  TAYLOR GAZED AT HER reflection as she combed through her wet hair. Her skin was pink from the scalding shower she’d taken in an attempt to wash off all the basement dust as well as the soul-deep sorrow that’d been dogging her all afternoon.

  Although she dreaded the long empty evening that stretched before her, she was relieved Alex was gone. His presence put her on guard as nothing else could. She couldn’t explain it, really, but she felt as if he constantly scrutinized her every clumsy move. Logically, she guessed most of it was in her head, but that didn’t matter. He made her feel edgy and inadequate just by being in the same room.

  Still, she couldn’t have gotten through today’s task without his assistance. At least not so quickly. It would’ve taken her weeks to research everything, look up models and brands and retail prices to try to figure out what prices to ask. Plus the bit about being naive enough to consider selling the guns online. Honestly, without him, either the guns would sit in the basement for eternity or she’d end up dead from a crazed killer.

  The pile of dusty clothes on the bathroom floor began buzzing and she realized she’d forgotten to remove her phone from the pocket of her sweatshirt. Lorien, her blue point Siamese, had sneaked in and curled up on the heap. Taylor tossed the comb on the bathroom counter, tugged her sweatshirt out from under the cat and dug in the pouch for the vibrating cell.

  “Hello?” She didn’t recognize the number.

  “Hi, Scarlet, it’s Alex. Is this a bad time?”

  “Um, no?” Was there a good time? She felt shaky just hearing his voice.

  “Sorry to bother you. My sister’s having a crisis and I promised her I’d call.” She listened as he explained about Vienna’s grad-school project and her potentially dead computer, and the shakiness gradually went away. She could deal with computers so much better than testosterone-laden, stormy-eyed helicopter pilots.

  “I can see if I can figure it out. My diagnostic skills are mediocre.”

  “Apparently she doesn’t have many options at this point. I’ll call her. I imagine she’ll be there as soon as she can drive over if that’s okay.”

  “It’s fine.” Pathetic as it was, the thought of company—less intimidating female company—brightened her outlook for the evening, even if it meant fighting with a machine. “Anytime.”

  “Thanks, Scarlet.”

  Taylor frowned at herself in the mirror as she set the phone on the counter. She was forever Scarlet, Quinn’s redheaded little sister who needed to be looked after. She wondered if Alex would ever see her as more than that. As a capable woman who could write some pretty world-rocking computer code. Not likely, since she seemed stuck on stuttering and blushing whenever he was around.

  She threw on a pair of black leggings and an oversize T-shirt she sometimes slept in, thinking only of being comfortable as she tried to solve Vienna’s computer problem. She’d seen Alex’s little sister from time to time over the years when their families ran into each other. Though Taylor wasn’t well-acquainted with her, she knew one thing for certain—Vienna was a lot less nerve-racking than Alex. Easy to talk to, relatively speaking. She’d come to Quinn’s funeral, along with their mother. Alex had been stuck on the East Coast at the time, unable to walk and in pretty bad shape. Vienna’s warm embrace at the visitation had seemed genuine in a long line of uncomfortable hugs of obligation
.

  Taylor had just finished blow-drying her hair when the doorbell rang. Elanor, Lorien’s seal point sister, beat a hasty path to Taylor’s room, no doubt to hide under the bed. “Coward cat,” Taylor called out, shaking her head. Lorien peered up at her with disinterest as she left the room.

  Taylor opened the door and greeted Vienna. Again, something about the girl’s manner was open, friendly, and any nervousness Taylor had harbored lessened.

  Vienna was dressed in denim shorts, a plain white tank top and glittery purple flip-flops that Taylor coveted on sight. A faint darkness below Vienna’s eyes was the only hint that she wasn’t on top of the world. What Taylor wouldn’t give to look half as put-together with so little effort.

  “Taylor.” Vienna pulled her into a friendly one-armed hug, holding her laptop to her chest with the other. “You’re an absolute doll for agreeing to look at this thing. If my life didn’t depend on it, I would’ve winged it into the street by now.”

  “It’s no problem, really. I just hope I can find the issue. I love your shoes, by the way.”

  “Brand-new,” Vienna said enthusiastically. “Sales at Laurel’s are the best.”

  “My favorite store.” Taylor smiled, her two favorite subjects—computers and shoes—relaxing her to a degree.

  The ancient, rusted-around-the-edges car backing out of her driveway caught her eye.

  “I sent Alex to pick up pizzas for all of us. You haven’t eaten, have you?”

  “No,” Taylor said, suddenly self-conscious at how sloppy she looked in her almost-pajamas. Changing now would make it seem like Alex’s opinion mattered, and really, it didn’t.

  “Is pizza okay? It’s the least I could do.”

  “Pizza sounds delicious but you really didn’t have to.”

  “Ha! You don’t realize how much my ass is in a sling until I can get this thing working.” Vienna energetically entered the house as Taylor watched Alex speed off down the street.

  “Let’s see what we can figure out.” She closed the front door, took the laptop from Vienna and headed to the kitchen. The sooner she got started, the sooner she could finish and the less time Alex would be stuck hanging out with her.

  Twenty minutes later, the front door opened and Taylor tensed automatically—which was stupid. Why should she worry what he thought of her?

  Back to the task at hand, she told herself. She was making progress on Vienna’s problem, bit by bit. Losing herself in the challenge again wasn’t hard. She belatedly looked up when Alex entered the kitchen and noticed he was limping subtly. His back was to her as he set two large pizza boxes, two smaller ones and a paper sack on the counter. He opened the sack and took out a six-pack of beer, a different brand from Quinn’s. He turned around and did a double take when he glanced in Taylor’s direction.

  She self-consciously ran her hand over her loose hair, adjusted her glasses and tucked her baggy shirt more tightly underneath her rear. “I’d just gotten out of the shower when you called,” she explained, realizing as she spoke the words how inane they sounded.

  “Don’t know when I’ve seen you with your hair down,” Alex said.

  Taylor studied the screen, unsure what to make of his comment. His tone sounded about a half step from teasing.

  “It looks good down,” Vienna said. “Gorgeous copper color. I’m jealous.”

  Taylor felt heat climbing up her neck at the compliment. “Your hair always looks good. It must be easy to take care of.”

  Vienna ran a nonchalant hand over her short locks. “It works. I don’t have the time or patience for anything else.”

  “Hate to interrupt the hair fest,” Alex said, “but I’m eating. Anyone want a beer?”

  “No, thank you.” Taylor returned her attention to the stubborn hunk of plastic in front of her.

  “What’s your rush, brother mine?” Vienna stood and walked over to the counter. She helped herself to a beer and a slice. “Got a hot date tonight?”

  Alex scoffed. “Hell no.” He put the rest of the six-pack in the refrigerator then took out a breadstick and shoved half of it in his mouth at once. “Taylor’s the one who might have a hot date.”

  She pretended she didn’t hear him and typed in a command.

  “Are you going out tonight?” Vienna asked, not-so-subtle excitement underlining the question. She sat back down at the table, pulling one foot up on the chair and hugging her knee.

  “No.” Lorien rubbed up against Taylor’s leg as if offering moral support.

  Alex’s sister continued to stare at her expectantly and Taylor feigned deep absorption in the computer screen.

  “Are you dating someone? What’s he talking about?”

  Taylor bit the inside of her lower lip hard. Closed her eyes briefly and considered how to make this less embarrassing. “I’m ready to meet someone. The right someone. I haven’t dated much and I just decided it’s past time to go for it.” Her voice got stronger as she spoke. She dared to meet Vienna’s gaze and braced herself, just in case Vienna was as amused as her brother by the prospect of Taylor finding a man.

  “That’s awesome, Taylor.” Vienna’s cerulean eyes shone with encouragement. “Some guy out there will be lucky to find you.”

  Taylor couldn’t help herself. She shot a vindicated glance at Alex, who leaned against the counter stuffing pizza in his mouth. She could swear he momentarily froze when he spotted the cat at her feet.

  “So you don’t have someone already picked out?” Vienna asked.

  “Actually, maybe. I signed up with one of those online dating sites. One of my coworkers met his wife online.” She was talking too fast but couldn’t help it. “I’ve kind of met a guy on this site.”

  Alex gave a disapproving grunt, still staring at Lorien uncertainly.

  “Excellent.” Vienna leaned forward and practically rubbed her hands together. “So you’re going to meet him in person?”

  “He asked me to go out this Tuesday.” Her cheeks warmed and she cursed the blushing gene.

  “You can’t go out with some guy off the internet,” Alex said. Lorien padded toward him and rubbed against his legs. He stepped to the side. The cat followed.

  “Why not?” Taylor had started a process on the laptop that would take a few minutes, so she went to the counter, picked up a paper plate from the pizza place and grabbed a slice of the veggie-heavy pie from the bottom box.

  “How do you think serial killers meet their victims?”

  “Nice,” Vienna scolded him. “Shut up, killjoy. Don’t listen to him, Taylor.”

  “Lorien, leave Alex alone. He’s afraid of you,” Taylor scolded her cat.

  “Am not.”

  Taylor tried not to laugh. “You’ve been staring at her. Cats always go to someone who stares at them.”

  “I don’t like cats.”

  “Don’t listen to him,” Taylor said to the feline, mimicking Vienna’s words to her.

  “Come here, kitty,” Vienna said, holding her hand down. Lorien, being an attention hog, strutted over to Vienna and allowed her to pet her. “Back to the internet guy. Have you seen his picture?”

  “Does he look like a serial killer?” Alex actually sounded worried as opposed to just giving her a hard time. He glanced at the cat, caught himself and looked away.

  “He isn’t wielding a knife in his photo.” Taylor grabbed a plastic fork and cut herself a bite of pizza.

  She had many concerns about meeting this guy—any guy—in person, but being offed wasn’t at the top of her list. Not even in the top ten. She was too fixated on what she would say, what she would wear, what she’d do if he turned out to be a jerk…what she’d do if he turned out not to be a jerk.

  “I’m sure she’s being cautious,” Vienna told her brother.

  “Where are you planning to meet this guy?”

  “It’s nothing formal. Just happy hour at Ian’s.” She cut another bite, leaning over the counter to pop it in her mouth.

  “See?” Vienna told him. �
�Taylor’s smart. Big, busy public place, daylight hours.”

  Taylor was torn between feeling annoyed that Alex was trying to fill the conspicuously vacant big-brother role and being a teeny bit touched that he cared enough to not want her massacred by some psychopath. That was twice in one day, come to think of it. First the potential gun nuts and now the serial-killer date. She finished chewing and straightened. “I’m a big girl, really.”

  Alex stood up straight as well and peered down at her, towering over her and emphasizing their eight-or nine-inch height difference. “No. You’re not.”

  “Bully.” Taylor took her plate and returned to the table to check on the computer’s progress. Setting her plate to the side, she typed rapidly, her suspicions about the problem beginning to be confirmed. “It looks like your hard drive is dying.”

  “That doesn’t sound pretty,” Vienna said, frowning and taking a swig from her bottle. “What does that mean exactly? Can it be fixed?”

  Taylor typed some more, checking one last possibility. It confirmed her diagnosis. “It means you’ll need to replace the computer.”

  “Tonight? Is it completely dead?”

  “I’ve got it working for now. You need to save everything on an external drive just in case, but you should be able to finish your project. I wouldn’t rely on it for more than a few days.”

  Vienna leaned her head back and groaned. “Nooo. This,” she told Alex, standing and taking her plate to the trash under the sink, “is why I’m so frantic to secure a job for the fall. I’m sick of being a broke grad student. Tired of asking mom for another lump of cash.”

  “I can loan you the money for a new computer,” Alex said, adding his plate to the trash after devouring at least half of the food he’d brought.

  “Ha, you think I want to be in debt to you?”

  “I won’t charge you too much interest.”

  “Good, because I won’t pay you any.” Vienna crossed her arms over her chest, her shoulders sagging.

  The two of them reminded Taylor of how she and Quinn used to get along. They gave each other a hard time, but when you got down to it, they were there for each other. Family. A sharp pang of longing struck her, took her breath for a long second.