by Erika Masten
“I’m ready for more, Devon. Please.” Vulnerability had its way with me before I stomped it down into the ground.
“Okay.” He sat up and reached for the scarf. His dark eyes rooted mine. “Hold out your wrists.”
I didn’t look at the pretty bond while pushing myself up against the headboard. Gaze tattooed to his, I did what I should’ve done from the beginning.
I obeyed.
* * *
Five Weeks Before
I read the book. I read it again. Then again. Over and over and over.
It invaded my thoughts, making me imagine what it must have been like to be Elizabeth. When he beat her, did she know how much she’d love it during? Or did that come after once she was removed from the brutal sensations? Did it come at all?
Work went by in a haze. I barely remembered slogging through month-end financials.
The book possessed me that completely.
I wanted to be handcuffed, bathed, and pampered like Elizabeth. I wanted to be stretched on tip-toe, wrists hooked onto the wall, while my lover carried on with his life as if I were nothing more than a living painting on his wall.
I wanted to be that loved.
The days melted into one another as I got lost exploring the hidden room labeled “Domination” in my mind. I wanted to cross that red line into madness. I wanted something so vicious, so pure to tear me apart, to remake me into who I had always been.
I carried Devon McNeill’s card with me everywhere I went. Temptation to call him flitted about me like a constant, annoying gnat. No way was I going to do it. I wasn’t even sure if I was going back to the bookstore on Tuesday or not.
Liar!
Okay, maybe I was mostly sure I was going to go but there was definitely no way I was going to call him. Now if the note had said “Call me sometime” then maybe.
And that was a big maybe.
Tuesday came. I was antsy all day, continuously glancing at the wall clock, wrist watch, and computer clock. I was so damned anxious I could barely eat. I cleared my desk at five just so I could then spend the next hour pacing my apartment. I forced myself to eat a sandwich even though my appetite had apparently decided to take a mini-vacation.
When evening finally came I showered carefully, hunting for stray hairs with my razor, and taking my time with my after-shower routine.
I’m absolutely not going to go to bed with him tonight but I reserve the right to change my mind. Fortune favors the prepared and all.
I kept my makeup light; a little eye shadow, mascara, and nude lipstick. Temptation to wear my favorite red shade tickled me, but I decided against it. Although red made me feel great, it would just be my luck to have smear all over my teeth tonight of all nights!
Lipstick was my last easy decision because picking out my clothes was a lesson in aggravation. Nothing seemed right. I really should’ve bought something new.
That’s what I get for letting the week get away from me! Now he’ll think that I’m ugly and…and…didn’t care enough to get dressed up!
Okay, what?
I laughed at myself for being so temperamental. Taking a deep breath, I reentered my walk-in closet and found a lovely cream sweater and taupe wide-legged pants that would go very well with my taupe overcoat.
I wanted to look pretty but not too dressy. Studying my reflection in the mirror, I was perhaps a shade over the dressy line but it was a shade I could live with. I yelped when I looked down at my wristwatch. Perverse as it always was, time had decided to overcompensate for its earlier molasses pace.
Feeling the crunch, I hurriedly twisted my hair into a chignon, pulled on a pair of silky trouser socks, shoved my feet into brown leather half boots, and ran downstairs for my coat, purse, book, and keys.
Although it wasn’t technically a date, I couldn’t help but feel it really was. At least I hoped it was. Please God, let it be a date.
Thankfully, with light traffic the drive took no time at all. After checking my reflection in the mirror, I scanned the parking lot, trying to guess which one was Devon’s car. There were only three to choose from—SUV, sedan, and truck.
He could be any of them or none.
He might not even be here yet.
He might not come at all.
I really didn’t like that possibility.
Leaving the book in my nondescript, white sedan, I got out and made my way to the entrance. If Devon wasn’t there, I’d definitely be disappointed. Okay, I’d be pissed as well. However, on the bright side of the spectrum, I got to read a book unlike any I’d read before.
The peppy thought rang hollow.
Okay, if he doesn’t show don’t get all depressed. You would’ve came here anyways, Sarah. Find a few books and then treat yourself to nice pastry or cake next door. Then tear that card up into a bazillion pieces before setting it on fire.
All right, I wasn’t going to be so gracious about being stood up but it happens, right? Anyways, I’d just blame it on the sugar.
Strengthened by my plan, I walked inside, returning the warm greeting from the cashier, and scanned the area. Shelves filled with a glorious cornucopia of the printed word met my gaze but unfortunately no Devon. Feeling a little deflated, I went to the bargain table. Granted, I had a straight-shot view to the front door but I was really there because I loved a great bargain.
“It’s a good thing this place is small or I would’ve never heard you come in.”
“Oh, hi!” I popped up, book stacks forgotten, and smiled widely at Devon. “Where were you?” My insides fluttered beneath the wake of his warm greeting. He recognized my voice! I couldn’t help but feel giddy.
“In the back.”
“I was going to make my way over but the bargains called out to me.” Memory hadn’t exaggerated the effect his voice and body had on me. I loved how much he towered over me. It made me feel protected and safe. I tried not to let on how much his presence made me want to dance and spin in glee.
“Did you see anything?” Devon gestured to the table with an easy hand.
I hemmed, looking back down before shaking my head.
“You sure?”
“Yes.” I took a step away from the table as if to prove I wasn’t fibbing.
“Okay.” Devon smiled, warm eyes crinkling a bit at the corners. “You want to go next door for coffee and discuss the book?”
“Sure!” I cringed at how high-pitched my voice came out. I coughed, grinning sheepishly as I ducked my head a bit.
Okay, he has to know how much I like him. Argh, how embarrassing!
I surrendered without firing a shot in my defense. It happens to the best of us if we’re lucky and I guess this was my time. I liked him. I couldn’t explain why. I just had to be optimistic and hope that I wouldn’t look back on this experience with the burning rage of a thousand suns.
Please, please don’t make me regret this.
Devon placed a hand on my lower back and led us back outside. Thank goodness it wasn’t as cold as it had been last week or I might have shivered harder than I already was. Maybe Devon wouldn’t notice the trembling centering beneath his large hand.
Once inside the small coffee shop, he asked what I wanted. Devon then steered me to a table and went to fetch it along with whatever it was he had a taste for. I was charmed even if my modern conditioning questioned if I should’ve paid for my own hot chocolate and cake slice.
I couldn’t help but watch as Devon waited for our order. While I may have accepted I liked him, my mind tried to solve the puzzle. I had never been as attracted to a man as I was to him but why? He was undeniably handsome but I had never been one to be led solely by good looks. Personality counted for everything. I didn’t know enough about Devon to say that was it.
He looked over his shoulder and caught me staring. Our gazes entangled for a long, heart-stopping moment. Snared, I wondered if he felt the same pull as me. I hoped so or I was really going to regret where this was going.
Please don’t be a pig.<
br />
Despite my silent plea, I didn’t peg Devon as the type to routinely pick up women at bookstores. Besides, I had been going to this one for years and had never seen him before. Surely I would’ve noticed if he was a Literary Lothario. If anything, rumors would’ve spread among the regulars.
Devon brought our food over on a tray, carrying it aloft with one hand. It was so natural I wondered if he had been a waiter once upon a time. Solicitously he placed my hot chocolate and fluffy, gorgeously decorated cake of yummy goodness in front of me along with napkin and fork. He set his coffee and pie down before taking the tray back up to the counter.
I liked his manners. I liked the way he walked. I liked him.
Please, please don’t be a pig, or married, or a jerk, or anything less than what you appear to be.
Devon sat down, took a sip of his drink before saying, “You didn’t call.”
I carefully put my fork down on a napkin. Worry jumped all along my thoughts. “Was that wrong?”
My answer seemed to amuse him. His sweet smile broadened. “No.”
“Okay then.” Flustered, I picked my fork back up and cut into my cake, determined not to read too much into his words. God knows I had already read too much into everything he said, did, or wrote. “I would’ve called if I thought it was appropriate.”
Shit! You just couldn’t let it go! Eat your food and shut your mouth, girl.
“No, you were right. You respect boundaries and that’s always good.”
I blushed, loving the praise and wondering at the current coursing beneath his words.
“What’s your name?”
Oh! That’s right. I never gave him my name. Feeling all kinds of awkward, I held out my hand and replied, “Sarah Woods.”
He shook my hand firmly. “Nice to meet you, Ms. Sarah Woods.”
I smiled, abashed and withdrew my hand.
“Now, what did you think of the book?”
I swallowed and took a hasty sip of my drink. I thought of hedging the truth, tempering my response based on what he might think of me, before dismissing it. Ask me a question and you’ll get a truthful answer. That’s just how I roll. Okay, usually that’s just how I roll. Occasionally I can be a bit mealy-mouthed but not with books. Damnit. So there.
“I thought it was a beautiful love story and I only wished it had ended differently.”
Devon considered my words, studying me from beneath long, thick lashes. “So did I.”
Wow. Color me surprised.
* * *
Present Day
“You didn’t hesitate this time, Sarah. That’s good.” Devon got off the bed. He stood in the middle of the room and crooked his finger, leaving the ruby scarf to undulate much like I hoped to be soon.
Excitement coursed up and down my sensitized body. This was it. Tonight, I’d be Devon’s girl, maybe his pet, hopefully his lover, and definitely his slave. I carefully slid off the mattress and padded over to Devon, wrists still locked together and held up for his pleasure. My gesture must’ve satisfied him because Devon caught them in a hard grip and pulled me to him.
“You’re so sweet, Sarah. Do you have any idea what your eagerness is doing to me?”
I trembled, excited to have overcome my reticent nature and even more excited for what it was doing to him. Devon leaned down and brushed his lips against mine very slowly. I could hear my heartbeat thumping loudly in my ears, competing against the sound of my quickened breathing. I wanted Devon to kiss me, to let me know his taste and the feel of his warm tongue against mine. As much as I wanted to savor the ephemeral magic of a first kiss, I needed the freedom to possess Devon’s kisses so I could possess darker delights.
He moved away from my mouth, taking his to feather softly against my cheek and temple. I stepped closer. His thighs pressed against mine. I remembered my earlier fantasy of lying across those legs while he punished me. The possibility of it truly happening pushed me closer.
Devon released my wrists. He cupped my chin and smiled. “Take off your clothes, Sarah.”
His command, although gently spoken, didn’t allow for hesitation or debate. Something inside me responded before the words fully processed in my mind. Fingers found their way to undo shirt buttons while I stepped out of my shoes.
I kept my gaze on his, needing to gauge Devon’s response to my obedience. His expression eluded; I couldn’t pin down what he thought. I could only wish as I slipped off my blouse, unzipped my skirt, and quickly rolled down my pantyhose that I’d be able to figure out my part in this play.
Standing up straight, I suffered the prickly stirrings of shyness. I was clad only in my lacy bra and tiny panties, newly purchased and festooned with sweet rosettes and ribbon. I hoped Devon liked what he saw. I wanted to be beautiful for him. I wanted him to be pleased at the sight of my body and be inspired to explore its feminine lines.
“You’re still wearing clothes, Sarah.”
I bit my lip for a moment while screwing up the courage for this final unveiling. Would he see me as an object, like an unread book, mysterious and ready to be digested? Or was I going to be just one in a long line of disposable and forgotten experiences?
I don’t want that to be my fate.
Reaching behind me, I undid the bra clasp and felt it release. No longer able to keep my gaze on his, I held the bra to my front for a second before letting it drop to the ground.
My nipples tightened when I hooked my thumbs on the lacy scrap panty shielding me. Arousal overwhelmed me for a sweet, agonizing moment. Once I bared my pussy to Devon, I was sure every fantasy I held of this man would be fulfilled—even if it didn’t come precisely in the way I expected it.
Suspended in that moment of infinite possibility, I savored my lust. I couldn’t wait to see Devon naked, to play on the bed, to taste his body, to feel his cock, to cup his hips in the sweet hollow of my thighs. Dampness slicked me. If Devon dipped his fingers inside they’d come out obscenely wet.
I didn’t want to wait any longer. I pulled my panties down past my knees and stepped out of them. I let Devon look his fill but kept my gaze down at my feet.
Devon moaned, the soft sound staying low in his throat. “Very nice. Turn around, Sarah. Let me see your ass.”
I obeyed on surprisingly steady legs. Without being instructed, I widened my stance and arched my back. When Devon cupped one full cheek I couldn’t help but echo his earlier moan.
“You were made to be spanked, Sarah. I can’t wait to feel how hot this gets against my hand.”
I wanted to reach up behind me and link my arms around his neck. Instinct bade me to keep still.
“I’m going to ask you to be naughty. Can you be naughty for me, Sarah?”
Fuck yes!
I nodded my head quickly; eager for him to debauch me however he wanted. Devon squeezed my ass hard. I grunted in pain.
“Answer me with “Yes, Devon” or “No, Devon” but never keep quiet when I ask you a question. Do you understand me, Sarah?”
He sounded so stern, so unlike the man I had gotten to know. I instantly felt like a child-woman and found I responded even more strongly to his harshness than I had his kindness.
Snippets from the book floated in my mind. Was it like that for Elizabeth too? Somehow kindness and cruelty became one, unable to be differentiated from the other and incomplete unless together. How could our signals deviate so much? Was it something we were conditioned to or was it simply a matter of personal taste?
I was surely about to find out.
“Yes, Devon. I understand.”
“Good girl,” he crooned in my ear. His punishing hand became benevolent. Devon stroked my ass with wide, sweeping movements as if in apology. “Now, I want you to bend over and show me everything. Can you do that for me, Sarah?”
My face instantly burst into flames. Although Devon was standing a little off to the side, I’m sure he’d be able to see exactly how I reacted to his command. I barely remembered to answer him before I received ano
ther firm squeeze.
“Yes, Devon.”
Inhaling deeply, I reached for the floor. My hamstrings protested as they submitted to an uncomfortable stretch. My fingertips barely brushed the carpet, reminding me I needed to work on my flexibility.
Upside down, I watched Devon’s feet move behind me. He didn’t touch me or make a sound.
He simply looked at me.
I was sure he could see my bare lips and the pink flesh between them. Wet and wanting, my pussy yearned for Devon’s fingers, tongue, and cock. I shifted my feet and sank a little deeper. My slit opened, leaving me vulnerable to Devon’s perusal. He would be able to see all of me—lips, clit, hole, and ass.
God! Even in my mind it all sounded too vulgar to be true.
I clenched and heard him inhale sharply. Closing my eyes, I imagined the hunger on his face. I was so wet! Moisture dampened the tender skin of my inner thighs. I should’ve been embarrassed to be this hot for a man but I wasn’t.
Somehow in a very short period of time I had learned to become shameless for Devon.
* * *
One Hour Earlier
It was only supposed to be a discussion about a book.
So how did it end up with me sitting alone in my car in an upscale hotel parking lot?
I had met Devon four times more after our initial meet. We discussed the book thoroughly, often up until the café’s closing, only to leave with the promises of expounding on another point next time. Talking about the subject matter should’ve felt erotic and charged but strangely it wasn’t. At least not in the moment.
Once I got home, showered, and settled for bed then our conversations took on another cast…
“Elizabeth was his great experiment. I think he loved her in his way but the experiment meant more, Devon.”
“I don’t completely disagree but I don’t think he was conscious enough to mentally label it an experiment.”
“What about when he finally broke skin and made her bleed?”
“It proves it. He didn’t know that moment would drive her away. He saw it as her willing sacrifice to him. It was just another part of their shared experience.”
“He pushed to see her reaction. Their whole relationship was a series of pushes. He was never satisfied with the moment which meant he could never be satisfied with her.”
