by Erika Masten
“Maybe. Maybe not. It still didn’t mean he saw her as an experiment.”
On an on we went. I enjoyed how we alternately dissected sentences for meaning. Conjecture vied with the printed word, becoming an outlet for what we thought did happen, should’ve happened, and would’ve happened had Elizabeth not been pushed too far. I hadn’t had such spirited debates in years. I loved it.
I loved our time together more.
I recognized Devon’s footsteps over another’s. The hairs on the back of my neck sprang to attention whenever he was near. The scent of his cologne soothed me but nowhere as strongly as his voice.
I honestly wished I could have Devon read to me before bed every night of my life until I died. If I was Empress of the Universe I would definitely have made it happen.
Whenever we parted, Devon would walk me to my car, making sure I drove away safely before getting into his SUV. The first time he escorted me out I expected him to kiss me. He didn’t the first time or the last.
I wasn’t sure what to make of that.
Pussy tease.
Despite the context of our talks, Devon was a gentleman through and through. He was never disrespectful to my thoughts or body. Although there were times when I wondered if I was only one who felt this insane attraction, I was able to enjoy his company.
Of course I wanted more but I was okay with our pace. I did worry about being stuck in the friend zone but the trade-off was I felt like I’d gotten to know him as a person first. If I truly couldn’t have Devon as a lover then I’d be blessed to have him as a friend. I was so secure in what I thought was happening between us that Devon completely caught me by surprise that final night.
“Prove it.”
“What?”
“Prove you can do better than Elizabeth.”
I laughed, expecting him to join me only to find his expression lacking any and all humor.
“You’re joking.”
“I’m not.” Devon reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a business card and pen. “You judge Elizabeth for not being able to look past the pain and see their relationship for what it was. Prove you can do what she couldn’t.” He scribbled on the back; ink slashes a permanent symbol for Devon’s boldness.
“I don’t judge her.”
“You do. You think she broke because she was too afraid to make the permanent transition between acceptable romantic love and their kind of love.”
“It doesn’t mean I judge her.” I flushed pink as the thought wormed inside my mind. I didn’t judge her, did I?
“You do. You think she threw away her only chance at true self-discovery in order to stay afraid. Safe.” Devon slid the card over to me.
I picked it up and read it. Once. Twice. My worried gaze shot up to his. “It’s a hotel.”
“I know.” Devon leaned back in his chair, gorgeous gaze skimming over my shocked figure. “Prove you can do better, Sarah. Prove it with me.”
With you?
“In a hotel room?”
“Yes.”
My parched throat desperately needed a drink. Too bad I was out. I leaned forward and whispered, “Are you asking me to go to bed with you?”
Devon’s lopsided grin held not an ounce of shame. “I’m asking for a bit more but essentially yes.”
“And you’re not joking?”
“No.”
A cold, alien, unwanted thought slinked about my brain. “Has all this been a setup? The book, our discussions—was it all just to get me into bed?”
Something like disappointment flashed across his face. “Sarah, I’ve wanted to fuck you since the moment I laid eyes on you. But no, that’s not what I’m doing. I’m spending time with you here because I like talking with you.”
Okay, what do I say to that? He said he wanted to fuck me. Fuck me.
I tapped the tabletop with two fingers. I tightened my thighs and suddenly imagined Devon throwing me on the table, ripping my pants and panties off, before fucking me senseless. It was a gorgeous fantasy of violence and animal instinct. I knew I’d be going over it again in further detail tonight in bed. Flustered, I mumbled, “I’ve enjoyed our time too.”
Devon remained silent, waiting for me to say more.
“Shouldn’t things be more natural? I mean, you’re just propositioning me like I’m for sale.”
“Natural. You mean where I seduce you instead of being forthright and giving you the respect of a choice? And no, I’m not propositioning you. I’m just letting you know what kind of relationship I want with you. It’s up to you whether you agree.”
Put like that…
“Why me?”
“I like you.”
My belly flip-flopped. I didn’t have to touch my face to feel the flush of pleasure his words induced. “You don’t know me enough to say that.”
The quiet intensity of his gaze denied my pronouncement. “I’ve gotten to know you very well, Sarah. And I like what I’ve learned very much.”
Desire quickened. I imagined closing the space between us with a heated kiss. I came closer before I realized it.
What a minute! What am I doing?
“Devon, I have to think about it.”
“That’s fine.”
Devon gathered his things. His expression didn’t express confidence or disappointment. Feeling the pressure of his absence, I blurted out, “Besides, I’m still not sure he loved her.”
His toe-curling gaze got me again. “He did, Sarah. He did.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Devon tapped the card. “Find out. I’ll have the front desk set aside a key for you.”
He stood up, slipped on his coat, and held out his hand. I stared at it for a moment before carefully placing my fingers on his smooth palm. We had never held hands before.
Now it was three days later. Friday night. I was due at the front desk in five minutes.
* * *
Present Day
Hoping I wouldn’t lose my balance and fall on my face, I carefully reached behind me and spread myself wide open.
Devon let out another delicious groan. I reveled in my power. No matter what he did to me from here on out, I knew I had him on his figurative knees. I could walk out and leave him a suffering mess.
Granted, I would suffer too but that was entirely beside the point.
A mischievous grin planted itself on my lips. I allowed my fingertips to tease my entrance, giving him a glimpse of what lay beyond.
“Are you playing with me, Sarah?”
“Maybe, Devon.”
Devon came to my side, leaned down, and growled, “I can’t wait until I can do whatever I want to you. Do you hear me, Sarah?”
Okay…who was in charge again? It obviously wasn’t me anymore.
I answered him quickly in a breathy sigh, not yet ready to tempt punishment. “Yes, Devon.”
“Stand up and face me.”
I bounced up, eager and excited for what was to come.
Devon’s dark gaze burned. “Hold out your wrists. Good girl.”
He slipped each of my damp fingertips one at time into his mouth while finally binding me with the scarf. I panted, overcome with the desire to know what I tasted like on his lips, and how I couldn’t get away from him now.
Devon tethered me to him with a piece of fabric symbolically as indestructible as a chain and manacle.
My eyelids grew heavy. I wanted to crash into him, to feel his arms around me while I kissed him breathless.
“You taste as sweet as I imagined, Sarah. Actually better.”
His eyes sparkled fever-bright. I didn’t have to look in a mirror to know so did mine. I tested my new bond. Devon tied the scarf tight. I wasn’t getting out of it until he said I could. I was sure he could read me and deliberately chose to tease by spending so much time with his mouth on my fingers.
“Kiss me, Devon. I want you to kiss me.”
I almost cried out in shock. That gasping, begging creature couldn’t be me, could it?
Devon nibbled a fingertip before giving my backside a brutal swat.
“Consider this a warning, sweet. You’re not in control here. I am.”
Tears sprang to my eyes. I didn’t know a spank could hurt so bad. The pain just kept coming, rolling over me like a wave. Overcome with emotion, I would’ve fallen to his feet in twisted happiness if he hadn’t chosen to grab me at that moment.
Devon kissed me, perhaps in apology or domination. I didn’t know and I didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was how he consumed me, drawing me into him with each stroke of his tongue. He dug his fingers into my jaw, forcing it to open wider.
This, this, this is what I’ve always wanted. Wrapped up in fantasy too unpredictable to be plotted, courting the darker side of love, and becoming the fixation of beautifully unusual man, all of it was what I missed out on life and was too ignorant to know.
* * *
One Hour Earlier
The hotel foyer became a beacon as the seconds disappeared. My footsteps echoed in my ears, sounding too loud and hurried for someone who was about to take all control. My heart slammed against my chest. Wisps of breath hung about my head like smoke. It was so damned cold I wondered what I must’ve been thinking to wear a skirt tonight instead of pants.
All things considered, I haven’t really had time to think about the weather did I?
Instead, I had three long days and nights to think about Devon’s proposal.
Danger swarmed, buzzing close with gorgeous ideas of what I’d gain by taking a flying leap towards the sun. Work was impossible. Thankfully, my angst took place during the slowest part of the month but it aggravated me nonetheless.
I wanted to do it. I wanted to take a chance that the candy he held out was just as delicious as it looked. If I had to confess, I wanted to let my guard down and give complete control over to Devon.
The problem to solve was I could only guess to what that meant. The short answer was Devon would rule me sexually and physically. The long answer was too complex to fathom.
I rubbed the corner of his business card, eyes unfocused as they stared at his name.
Just do it!
My mouth felt dry and scratchy. I dialed the number anyways.
“This is Devon.”
It felt like my stomach tumbled somewhere while my blood alternately dropped to my feet and rushed to my face.
“It’s me. Sarah. I needed to talk. Is this a bad time?” I was proud of how calm I sounded.
“Sarah, this is a welcome pleasure. No, I have time. Take all you need.”
I closed my eyes. Devon didn’t need to physically be in front of me for me to succumb to his voice. Thankfully, I had already closed the door to my office so no one would inadvertently witness me turning into a pile of living goo.
Still, I clutched the phone and whispered, “Why me?”
Devon didn’t pretend to misunderstand the question. “Because something inside tells me you’re right for this and me.”
My heart bloomed. “I’m scared.”
“I know.”
The silence stretched between us. I sighed raggedly. I should’ve had plenty to say. I should’ve asked any and every question that popped into my mind. I should’ve asked if he thought me as unique as I thought of him. I should’ve asked if he had a pack of girls stashed all over town who all had a copy of Nine and a Half Weeks and the bruised wrists and backsides to prove it.
Instead I said, “Goodbye.”
“Sarah, wait!” Silence spiked, making me wonder if I had lost connection, before Devon sighed, “I hope I see you tonight.”
I wished to hold his hand again. I wondered what he would think of me if I showed. Would he think me a whore or a revolutionary? Maybe both? Maybe neither.
“I hope so too.”
The enormous foyer welcomed me with anonymity. Smartly dressed people fluttered in and out of my periphery. I walked up to the front desk clerk, speaking in the firm, clear tones of someone who was not there for an assignation.
The elegant brunette handed me the card key and directed me to the proper elevator. Self-conscious and glad I chose not to wear heels, I quietly made my way over, hoping I would continue to draw as little attention as possible. Soon suspended in the metal and glass tube with only myself for company, I watched the world beneath me grow smaller.
Do all love stories start this way? Feeling like anything but love?
There was no doubt I was going to love Devon. I knew it as well as I knew my own name. Just how deeply was the question.
I don’t want to be destroyed by him.
I thought of getting off the elevator and taking the stairs all the way down to the lobby. I could leave and be home within the hour. My world could return back to what it was before a fascinating stranger held the door open for me one winter’s night.
Back to when I wondered if there was more to life than what I’d had.
Back to when I ended relationships but never felt true grief over their demise.
Back to when I wished for something I didn’t know existed.
The elevator doors slid open. I walked out, rubbery legs finding a way to imitate a strong, sure stride. Before I knew it, I stood in front of a beige door in a long, low-lit hallway. I looked down at my fist. The colorful plastic rectangle proved this was really happening. I was really going to give myself over to Devon.
I can do this. I can be better than Elizabeth. I can take what I want and be okay. I’m not going to fall apart because I want this.
Holding my breath, I inserted the card, unlocked the door, and stepped into the room. Devon turned away from the window and met me with a heart-stopping smile.
“Hello, Sarah.”
* * *
Present Day
Writhing against his body, I flirted with insanity. I couldn’t breathe properly, I couldn’t think of anything other than how wonderful Devon tasted and how thoroughly I was already addicted to him. I sucked on his tongue, insatiable for more. Lusty growls rumbled in my throat. I shed my humanity like an unnecessary skin. Animal instinct demanded me to submit to this strange, new creature and allow her to take us where she pleased.
Devon wrapped one arm around my waist and lifted me straight up. He then threaded the fingers of his free hand through the hair at my temple. Yanking my head sharply to the right, he swooped down on my neck.
Blunt teeth scored the sensitive skin. I moaned and twisted my wrists, wishing they were free so I could touch him as I wanted. Devon bit, licked, and kissed my neck before moving onto my shoulder. My arms and legs went numb when he sank his teeth deep.
Devon’s dominance demanded my submission and I gave it to him in spades.
I ended up on the bed, legs spread wide and hips jerking up in time with his demanding hand. Devon stretched across me. One hand pinned my wrists above my head. His mouth made love to my breast while his long fingers fucked me.
Devon’s thumb brushed my clit with each hard snap of my hips. I knew I wasn’t going to last long, especially while his lips gently pulled on my nipple before sucking it softly.
Unintelligible noises erupted from my mouth. I wanted to come and innocent to what was expected, I let the blissful sensations wash over me. Tightening my thighs around Devon’s hand, I moaned and closed my eyes. God, it felt so good! I couldn’t wait to come again. Instead, Devon pulled away and slapped my leg.
“You just came!”
Devon’s irritation reached me, pulling me back from the languorous, orgasmic plane. Fuzzy and still believing our lovemaking was something else, I smiled at him and nodded.
He leaned down and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “You shouldn’t have done that, Sarah.”
Devon’s cold voice had the effect of a face full of icy water. Shocked, I sat up only to have him push me down with one hand. “What are you doing, Devon?”
He shushed me, blowing the soothing sound across my ear. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, remember?”
His reassurance helped calm me but instinct knew there was bound to be more. Devon looked me in the eye and asked, “Will you let me punish you?”
What the hell?
The ceiling made an interesting spot for me to rest my eyes. “And if I don’t want to let you punish me?”
Devon brushed my wrists. “Then I let you go.” He tugged the end of the scarf.
It wasn’t much of a choice, was it?
I looked into his dark eyes, trying to figure out what was expected. “I’m sorry. I thought you wanted me to feel good?”
“I do, Sarah, but those belong to me.”
I knew he meant orgasms. Unfortunately, I didn’t know what to say next.
Devon sighed and ghosted a finger down my cheek. “I know you’re confused, Sarah. It’s okay. I think the best way to explain myself is to show you exactly why I’m upset. Can you let me show you?”
I nodded, suddenly shy and unsure. Devon reached for my bound hands and helped me off the bed. He held me in his arms, kissing my cheeks, mouth, and neck. My nipples rubbed against his dress shirt; each pass stoking the growing heat between my thighs. Soon Devon left me with a final kiss before pushing me down to my knees.
My early fantasy reared up and knocked me breathless. Excitement played with me until I was nearly dizzy with anticipation. Devon locked his gaze onto mine as he undid the buckle of his pants.
I hoped eventually he would use that belt on me. Passages from the book flipped through my over-stimulated brain. I imagined Elizabeth’s naked body in the shower, watching as the belt came down on her, over and over again.
I wanted that. I wanted him to do that to me.
Devon’s glorious cock sprang free. I tore my gaze from Devon’s so I could study the part of him that would soon be inside me. Long and thick, it seduced me into leaning forward so I could love it with my fingers.
Devon made a chiding sound. “Don’t use your hands. Keep them down. Good girl. Now, I want you to just suck the head.”
The hotel-grade carpet dug into my knees, making them itch. I shrugged it off along with the irritation of being denied what I wanted as I studied my new position. I liked Devon being clothed while I kneeled naked at his feet. It triggered a sense of rightness. I wondered if he would keep his clothes on the whole night. A large part of me hoped so…
