Confessions of a Curious Bookseller
Page 11
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Fri, Jan 4, 2019 at 8:15 AM
To: Staff
Re: Space Heaters
Dear Staff,
I have never sleepwalked before. Although, I suppose since I’ve lived alone these many years, I would not know.
Is everyone certain that they have no knowledge of how to fix a heater? Or do you know someone who could cut me a deal?
Fawn, Owner
January 6, 2019
As strange as it is to admit, I hope Mark is the saboteur. He is an enemy I understand and can go toe-to-toe with. By the very nature of what he does, I inherently understand him more than he could ever know, and perhaps because of that he understands me. Truly, I hope he isn’t the culprit of this latest rash of tomfoolery, because I don’t want us to be enemies. I never did.
But if it has to be someone, let it be him. Better him than Missy from Missy’s Co-op or those losers at Fortieth Street Catering. Or Richard—though I doubt he has the energy to do much of anything against me when he’s busy drooling over the freight trains at the Schuylkill like some simpleton.
Yesterday I walked down to the Schuylkill, and in the woodpile beside the tracks was a mother cat and a large litter of kittens. Two of them were playing just outside the woodpile while another little gray one was drinking from a puddle of questionable origin. The mother seemed to be stalking something. When the train came barreling through, I watched as they all ran with practiced dexterity and timing into the safety of their improvised house. I wanted to bring them all home with me, but it was clear that they were perfectly fine without my interference. Their mother was providing them with everything they needed. For a long time, I stood there and imagined what it would be like to grow up in an environment of play, warmth, and love. I let myself wonder how things would be different, if they would be different, and most importantly, if they should be different. Maybe it isn’t for me to decide what should have been. The world simply is, and we must do our best to make the most out of it. Some are born into a household that shows love through spankings and assignments; others are born on sprawling estates with royal blood in their veins and no cares in the world, while others still are born by the train tracks under a woodpile. And there is no deep meaning to any of it.
It is useless to lament what could have been. I didn’t see the kitten complaining as she drank from the oily puddle by the tracks. Why should I lament? And yet . . . and yet I do. Because if my life were different growing up, would I be here putting myself through this? Would I have been happier? Would I have known what happiness was if I encountered it? And am I able to discern it now? The other day I went to heat up cat food in Jane’s apartment, and she took one look at me and said, “Oh, you poor thing.” I couldn’t believe it, and I didn’t have the gumption to ask her what exactly made her say that. Instead I just smiled and left as quickly as I could. But what did she see there as the seconds wound down, as I watched the wet food rotate on the little plate? What did she see?
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Jan 7, 2019 at 8:15 AM
To: Mark Nilsen
Subject: The trash police
Dear Mark,
I have been putting my trash out at six thirty every Friday night for the past couple of decades, and I have never had anyone call and complain. I know it was you because the ornery woman who handed me the fifty-dollar fine had no qualms revealing the identity of the man who called the sanitation department on me. After five we get very little foot traffic, so the likelihood of someone walking down this well-lit street and stumbling over my trash is about as high as winning the Powerball.
How easily threatened you are by my business. I would be flattered if I wasn’t so angry.
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Jan 7, 2019 at 9:56 AM
To: Staff
Subject: Sales Numbers
Dear Staff,
I have never seen sales numbers this dismal around Christmas (attached). Since I have heard absolutely nothing from anyone as far as ideas go, I feel I must introduce an incentive. I believe our top priority right now is that we have to move these Mark Twain books to make room for some variety. With that goal in mind, please bring me your suggestions by the end of the week. The winning suggestion will receive a fifty-dollar gift card to the Fresh Grocer. And no, you cannot suggest nuking the Grumpy Mug, even though it would be an easy fix—ha ha!
Thank you,
Fawn, Owner
From: Sam Asimov
Sent: Mon, Jan 7, 2019 at 10:08 AM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Sales Numbers
Hi Fawn,
What about selling your books online? I’ll gladly help in any way I can.
Sam
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Jan 7, 2019 at 12:13 PM
To: Staff
Re: Sales Numbers
Dear Sam,
If I do that, we might lose our physical customer base and become nothing better than a warehouse. I don’t like using the internet to sell—it feels like an easy-way-out solution, and I want to be a bit more creative. Plus, I don’t like computers, so though you have kindly offered to spearhead the operation, I will politely decline.
Fawn, Owner
From: Kyle Krazinsky
Sent: Mon, Jan 7, 2019 at 1:32 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Sales Numbers
Hey Fawn,
What about just having more of an internet presence? I’ve attached a list of websites that might be good to start with. I know the Grumpy Mug uses the Parrot, and they have a lot of followers. (It’s like Twitter.)
If you build a presence, they will come.
Kyle
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Jan 7, 2019 at 3:00 PM
To: Staff
Re: Sales Numbers
All,
I don’t know anything about Twitter, but if the Parrot works for the Grumpy Mug then we should give it a try!
Sam, I would like you to spearhead the operation, posting as much as you think is realistic. Angela and Kyle should certainly help you. Please keep it relevant to the goings-on in the store, and keep it positive. This is an excellent and necessary idea now that we have competition, so we must take such measures as these and leave our comfort zones.
Many thanks,
Fawn, Owner
phillysmallbiz.com
Mon, Jan 7, 2019
Top Review—The Curious Cat Book Emporium
I was so disappointed by the customer service in their store. None of the books I wanted were in stock, and no one seemed interested in doing anything about it. I went to the Grumpy Mug after, and they were super nice and helpful. I honestly don’t know how the emporium is going to make it now that this new place has moved in. It’s going to need a lot of luck, and I think they should be very worried.
—Kenji O.
phillysmallbiz.com
Mon, Jan 7, 2019
Dear Kenji O.,
To be quite frank, if a book is not in the inventory, then we cannot retrieve it for you. We are not magicians. However, our employees should have certainly offered to order you a copy of this book, and for that oversight I apologize. And yes, even though we are a used bookstore, we certainly can order books. Not only do I have an amazing array of books in the basement not yet shelved, but I also have internet access and can order anything you need. If you return, we will remedy this.
No, I am not worried about the Grumpy Mug Bookstop down the street. The owner knows very little about running a business. If he thinks that having coffee, craft beer, and cats hides the fact that he knows nothing about literature and the business of bookselling, then he has another thing coming. I, in contrast, went to business school. I didn’t fall off the trust-fund hippie wagon and whimsically decide to open a small business for the heck of it.
I know exactly what I’m doing, and I’ve been doing it for years, so please rest assured, Kenji: the Curious Cat Book Emporium isn’t going anywhere.
Best,
Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
From: Mark Nilsen
Sent: Mon, Jan 7, 2019 at 6:04 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Hippie Wagon?
Hi Fawn,
I don’t understand this animosity, and frankly, don’t bother explaining it to me, though I’m sure you will try. Can you please just agree to stop libeling my store on phillysmallbiz.com? I do not want to report you and get you kicked off, as I know it has been a useful platform for you. Also, understand that I am always willing to put this behind us and start fresh. You are always welcome to stop by the store and meet everyone.
Regards,
Mark
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Jan 7, 2019 at 8:45 PM
To: Mark Nilsen
Re: Hippie Wagon?
Mark,
After you stole all my customers on Black Friday, the most important sales day of the year, I can no longer be friendly with you. My store was doing quite well before you came along with your bright track lighting, new books, craft beer, and feel-good coffee. You might be a bit shinier, but we are no different, Mark, so I will ask you straight: Why this block? Why my neighborhood?
And no, I have no interest in meeting your staff or seeing your store. So far you have been nothing but a scheming, two-faced marauder, and I will not support such behavior by paying a visit.
As much as I stand by what I say on phillysmallbiz.com, I do not wish to lose my listing over this silly feud, so I will refrain from all further mention of you or your store. I hope you are satisfied and no longer feel the need to report me.
Speaking of, your little reading events, or whatever they are, are still keeping me up at night. Please tell your guests to keep quiet. I would hate to get the authorities involved.
Best wishes,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
From: Mark Nilsen
Sent: Mon, Jan 7, 2019 at 9:20 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Hippie Wagon?
Hi Fawn,
Thank you. Also, to set the record straight, I sell as many used books as I sell new ones. If you bothered to stop by, you’d know that already.
We’ll try to keep it down. Remember that when I first came here, I offered that we work together. I’m sorry this has been so difficult.
Mark
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Mon, Jan 7, 2019 at 10:34 PM
To: Florence Eakins
Subject: Just what I wanted
Dear Florence,
I’m so glad you liked the Christmas presents. Ulysses is a bear of a book, but I know it is not above your capabilities. If Joseph doesn’t like Madame Bovary then I recommend you give it a chance. I gave each of the kids their own Tom Sawyer so they would not fight over it!
Thank you for the jellies and for the truffles. Butterscotch loves his catnip. You are too generous with your gifts. I imagine a microwave was too heavy to ship—gas prices are astronomical—so I understand your choice to instead give me jelly and truffle, though the obvious greater need is for a microwave. In this dubious economy, expensive but necessary gifts are difficult to come by (though Mother told me you bought her a sound system). Next year perhaps instead of getting me physical things, you can save the money you would have spent and just send me a Macy’s gift card?
Many thanks again, and merry Christmas! (Sorry it has taken me this long to write a thank-you! I have been so very busy!!!)
Fawn
From: Tabitha Birchill
Sent: Tue, Jan 8, 2019 at 7:45 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Microwave
Dear Fawn,
I feel the need to mediate. Florence spoke with me about the rather rude email you sent her regarding the fact that you did not receive a microwave for Christmas. I am sorry you did not receive something that you needed, but please understand that Florence is not made of money and gives what she can. There is love behind it. You should see that, appreciate the gesture, and not obsess over the perceived inadequacy of the gift. I thought I raised you better.
I understand that your store is going through a rough patch, but it is not appropriate to take it out on your sister. I hate to say it, but this sounds like the behavior of one who is generally unhappy and a little, dare I say it, envious. It is not a way to behave at any time but especially not around the holidays. It would mean a lot to her if you apologize. And before you assume that I am blowing it out of proportion, Florence is capable of reading between the lines and sees right through what you are doing.
I hope you are okay. I am worried about you.
Love,
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, Jan 8, 2019 at 8:19 AM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Re: Microwave
Dear Mother,
I would like to say first that what I wrote to Florence was not rude but honest. Only in America do people confuse honesty with rudeness. If we were French or German, she would have thanked me for the refreshing insight on how I really feel about things.
Florence has always been a bit spoiled, and the spoiled tend to be awful at giving presents. For you to accuse me of being envious of her life and unhappy—I have no words to describe my disappointment in your horribly confused misconception of the way things truly are. I will have you know that I am very happy indeed. Because I have an inquisitive mind, because I read, and because I am a business owner on her own, you think that I am lacking something? As if the presence of a husband or a couple of kids would complete me? I have all that I need, thank you.
Contrary to family rumor, the store is doing exceedingly well. The fact that I do not have a new microwave is not because I cannot afford one but because I am too busy to go out and get one myself. The Grumpy Mug has merely made things more interesting, and there is nothing to worry about. The owner is a bit of a kook. I haven’t had a good look at him, but he is young, bearded, and tattooed—the new physical criteria that seem to promise successful entrepreneurship in Philadelphia. They did an article on him last week with a full-color spread. He had a cat on his shoulders, his favorite books lined up in front of him, and a steaming mug of coffee in his hand. There is nothing special about him except for the fact that he is from South Philly and just lost his mother to emphysema. Maybe I’ll ask the paper to do an article on me, and I can tell them all about my father in hospice and all the cats I’ve watched grow old and die in my lifetime. Maybe then I’ll get some pity customers! What a desperate cry for attention.
Fawn
From: Mark Nilsen
Sent: Tue, Jan 8, 2019 at 11:04 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Feb 8 Gala to Benefit Inner City Youth Centers
Hello Fawn,
I would like to officially invite you to our gala on February 8. It will be held at the Grumpy Mug, starting at 7 p.m. and concluding whenever. Proceeds (books and greenbacks) will benefit the Youth Centers of West Philadelphia. I will send you an official invite in the mail, but I thought I’d reach out electronically to make sure you knew about it.
Hope to see you there,
Mark
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, Jan 8, 2019 at 1:12 PM
To: Mark Nilsen
Re: Feb 8 Gala to Benefit Inner City Youth Centers
Dear Mark,
Though I am flattered, I am regretfully declining the offer, as I have already made plans to attend the ballet with a date. He got us special box seats by the stage. Apparently he is a subscriber! That said, I believe the cause is very just, and I wish you all the best donating books to inner city youth centers. Perhaps you were inspired by my similar idea when I sent o
ut an advertisement welcoming teachers and schools to purchase The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Even if it was subconscious mimicry, I find it flattering and adorable.
Good luck with your gala, and I do hope it concludes at a reasonable hour!
Sincerely,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, Jan 8, 2019 at 3:46 PM
To: Angela Washington
Subject: Revised Posting—Please Approve
Angela,
Per your suggestions, the revisions to my profile are attached here in red. I have taken out all mention of my cat but for one instance. I have taken out the comment on my feet being noticeable. For books, I have added Chuck Palahniuk (though I have only seen half of Fight Club due to the violent and sexual nature of it). I have added that I enjoy rock music of all kinds, and for shows I have added Breaking Bad, though I’ve never seen it. For my idea of a great evening, I added drinking socially and spending time with friends (a slight stretch from the truth). I have removed my preference for the Irish as well as my religious intolerance at the end.
Hope that helps!!
Fawn, Owner
From: Angela Washington
Sent: Tue, Jan 8, 2019 at 4:30 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Subject: Sales Numbers
Okay, what about this? Crazy thought, but have you ever considered reaching out to, like, Mark Twain’s estate to see if they’d be willing to sign some of these books? I found this contact info online. I don’t know if it’s totally right, but it’s worth a try???
—A
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, Jan 8, 2019 at 4:55 PM
To: Staff
Re: Sales Numbers
Dear Angela,
That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day. Thank you for providing the address—I would have had no idea how to begin to get in touch with them otherwise, as everything is on the internet these days and navigating that feels to me like rounding the Cape of Good Hope without a paddle.
I will get in touch with his estate immediately!
Many thanks,
Fawn, Owner