Confessions of a Curious Bookseller
Page 15
I stood at the window for a long time after that. I could see the warm lights from Mark’s store spill out onto the street. I don’t know how long I cried.
I believe that I need a distraction to get me through these winter months.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Tue, Jan 29, 2019 at 3:30 PM
To: Schuylkill Photo
Subject: Glamour Photos?
Dear Schuylkill Photo,
Do you do glamour? I think your prices are quite reasonable, and I am willing to give you a try. On your website I saw mostly black-and-white photos of babies and sepia-toned wedding photography. Are you capable of incorporating color? If so, I would like a quote for a glamour/modeling portfolio with some props that I will provide (boas, books, and parasols to name a few). I will do my own makeup and have four wardrobe changes. I would like to use music if possible, and if you do not have speakers, I can bring a small boom box. I tried to do the photos on my own, but I can’t figure out how to use my computer’s built-in camera, so I am resorting to this.
Thank you,
Fawn
From: Schuylkill Photo
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 7:24 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Glamour Photos?
Good morning,
We certainly offer modeling packages (please see attached breakdown). I would be happy to jump on the phone with you in the next few days to set something up. It is okay to bring props/makeup and have costume changes. I believe you will find the quality of these photos will far exceed anything your computer’s camera could do.
Best wishes,
Sarah
January 30
Fawn,
Enclosed please find numerous CVS and Giant coupons. There are some for litter and cat food as well as bacon, which is astronomically expensive these days. You’d think pigs were going extinct!
Please reach out to your sister. She is still angry and probably won’t do it even though I’ve begged her.
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 8:09 AM
To: Staff
Subject: Customer Bathroom
Dear Staff,
Please do not go into the bathroom to wash your hands anymore. We have a kitchen sink in the back for that purpose. Yesterday, upon checking the bathroom, I noticed that the floorboards have the consistency of wet newspaper. If something were to happen, I do not have the money to pay for your medical bills.
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 9:24 AM
To: Twain Estates
Subject: Counteroffer?
To the estate of Mark Twain:
Regarding my proposition, as I have not heard from you, I will take it as a sign that 10 percent is not enough. I will raise it to an even 15 percent but can go no higher, as I am the one with the product and wish to see some profit from this.
Please reply shortly as my patience is wearing thin.
Best wishes,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 10:43 AM
To: Mark Nilsen
Subject: Grumpy Mug Sign
I was walking by today on my way from Missy’s Co-op and saw to my dismay that the sign for your business is dangerously close to the fire escape that hangs suspended just above your first floor. In the event of a fire, whoever was on the second floor would find themselves in dire circumstances indeed, since your sign seems to impede the extension of the fire escape stairway. I highly recommend that you deal with this situation posthaste before I am forced to inform the police of this safety violation. Please know that I am thinking of your customers and you, not trying to undermine your business by encouraging you to take down your lovely store sign.
Have a beautiful day,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
From: Mark Nilsen
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 11:02 AM
To: Fawn Birchill
Re: Grumpy Mug Sign
Hi Fawn,
Wow, thank you so much for letting me know about that. I never even noticed it. I think it would only be fair if I let you know that there seem to be no exit signs in your store. That could be an issue if a similar emergency occurs.
Thanks again!
Mark
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 11:12 AM
To: Mark Nilsen
Re: Grumpy Mug Sign
Dear Mark,
You are most welcome! And let me thank you for bringing the exit sign issue to my attention. I am surprised that you have been in my store long enough to notice this and find it worrisome. I have been operating for twenty years and not a single person has pointed out the lack of a back door exit sign, nor have I been fined. That happens when you are a neighborhood staple—people tend to overlook things because they are so focused on the contents of the store and not the safety.
Thanking you ever so much for the input,
Fawn Birchill, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
phillysmallbiz.com
Wed, Jan 30, 2019
Top Review—The Curious Cat Book Emporium
Okay, so I went into this store to look for a book for my niece’s birthday (I am a regular customer) and this time I noticed that the store has taken on a weird dank smell, particularly toward the back. Also, why is there cat hair all over the books all of a sudden? It never used to be this bad. I don’t want to go to the Grumpy Mug, but I might have to start.
Please get the cat and filth situation figured out STAT.
—Tamara J.
phillysmallbiz.com
Wed, Jan 30, 2019
Dear Tamara J.,
Since you say you are one of my most loyal customers (though I’ve never met you, I’ll take your word for it), I will accept your criticism of the layout with the utmost sensitivity. I apologize if you find the cleanliness questionable. The smell in the back is from a leaky pipe where black mold has been collecting for years, and seeing how I have been here for twenty years and have not yet dropped dead from it, I doubt you will do the same. In regard to the animal fur on the books, I also apologize. Butterscotch likes to tuck himself between the books and sleep on the shelves. I always found it a rather charming hobby of his. Nevertheless, I will have you know that my customers’ comfort (especially regular ones, as you claim to be), are paramount. That is why I have stopped allowing Butterscotch his usual happiness and no longer allow him to sit on the shelves with the books. Even though you are in here for only ten minutes and he is in here all day, every day, it is much more important that you are more comfortable because you are a human being—an accepted double standard that we, as business owners and pet parents, adhere to.
Today, for example, he was tucked away in the self-help section, so I took it upon myself to pull a chair up to the shelf, stand on top and, balancing carefully on uneven flooring, reach my arms out to extract him. He would not be moved. He has been declawed so he cannot scratch, but he has spent so many years bludgeoning animals that his little fists are like boxing gloves. He hissed at me and turned around in place, knocking down about five books. I tried again, this time successfully grabbing him. With cat in arms, I turned to step off the chair, but the leg slipped along the uneven flooring and the chair went completely upright. I flew, Butterscotch howling and twisting in the air above me, and I landed hard on my back. I will have you know that I have previous back problems. Butterscotch landed on his feet and took off while I remained on the floor with the wind knocked out of me, waiting for one of my employees to find me, though no one seemed to hear the crash or the cat’s howling. A book landed open, covering my face like a paper tent. The book was aptly titled Finding Happiness. Well, I must say that a nose
bleed, and not happiness, is what I found in that moment. I remained on the floor for thirty minutes, regaining my breath and slowly moving each limb to check for paralysis or a broken back. I was happy to find out that nothing too serious befell me. On the floor, surrounded by my self-help books, listening to my employees move around on the first floor below me, I thought for some time about all the sacrifices I’ve made for this store. I have cut family from my life and only see them once a year for funerals. Friends are rare, as I do not have time for them. This place is my life; this is who I am. As I lay on the floor like a soldier wounded on the battlefield, fighting for his country, I realized that I had just done the same for you, Tamara. The difference is, I do not get a medal for my hard work. I do not get recognition of any kind for running a small used bookstore. I am the ultimate sacrificial lamb, and I will fight for my cause, my store, my life. So please, return and take back what you said about never coming back again until we “get the cat and filth situation figured out.” As you can see, I do my very best every time—more, I’m sure, than my competitor down the block.
By the way, the store is no dirtier than when you first started coming here. Nothing has changed in the way we clean, so I wonder why you’ve donned white gloves and decided to criticize me now?
All the best,
Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 2:12 PM
To: Staff
Subject: January Numbers
Dear Staff,
I have never seen sales this low in all the years I have been running this store. I am adamant that we keep morale high during these dark times, but things are not as good as they used to be, and I may have to let one of you go permanently if things do not turn around—a horrible act that I always feared I may have to do.
Still, let us keep positive. Stiff upper lip and all that! I’m not saying this is a sure thing but if it comes to this, I do not want anyone to be blindsided.
Fawn, Owner
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 3:40 PM
To: Twain Estates
Subject: Please respond
To the estate of Mark Twain:
If you are not interested in this amazing opportunity, at least do me the decency of writing back. Incidentally, I have already advertised in all the Philadelphia papers as well as in the Wilmington, Princeton, and Trenton papers that we will be graced with your presence. It would be most embarrassing for your good name if you were to simply not show up to your own event.
Additionally, there will be coffee, fresh baked goods, and a lovely declawed cat for the children to play with and pet—so feel free to bring any little ones. To assuage your concerns, this cat has been given its rabies shots, wears a flea collar, and has been free of tapeworms for nearly four months.
Best wishes,
Fawn, Owner, The Curious Cat Book Emporium (a The Adventures of Tom Sawyer specialist store)
From: Tabitha Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 6:53 PM
To: Fawn Birchill
Subject: Check-in
My dear Fawn,
How are you? Forgive me; I need to brag. I won a bowling tournament last night! First time ever winning.
How is the store?
I should also let you know that your father has decided to give most of his savings to the church upon his death. I was helping him write up his will a couple of nights ago during a rare, lucid evening. I am not a fan of this, but it is his money and his decision.
Please, for all that is good, reach out to Florence. You are the older sister.
Love you,
Mother
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Wed, Jan 30, 2019 at 9:45 PM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Re: Check-in
Dear Mother,
Thanks for the email, and congratulations on the win the other night. I’m sure if Father were lucid, he would be very proud.
Things at the store are interesting. Life is interesting. I went twenty years in this neighborhood without dealing with a single copycat. I truly believe I was the first store those twenty years ago to make cats an intregral part of a bookstore. And a draw to customers. And I mean all over America not just my block of Philadelphia. I think I was a pioneer! And here I am facing a copycat that the papers are calling a pioneer??? That was me! Just because he’s young nad has a beard like a pritae? Does he really think he is special? Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjhisuye89sf//o
Svd]’
B’
That was Butterscotch saying hello!! He almost tipped over my wine glass too—he does that sometimes. I think he must miss you, ha ha!
Father isn’t really giving all his money to the church, is he? They are doing so well. They have a pool for Christ’s sake. Why is it that teh rich get all the money all the time? Why is that? How can a man that was so money-oriented and aware of his own lack of funds give money to an organization that doesn’t really need it?? When there are bookstore owners that might need to sell their own furniture to pay their employees? When bankruptcy looms only to be scared away by the rare good day?
I am having an event in Febuayray that will turn everything around! I am getting rather sleepy. So I better get to bed before I fall asleep here at the computer again!
Fawn
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Jan 31, 2019 at 8:13 AM
To: Tabitha Birchill
Re: Check-in
Dear Mother,
I apologize not only for my horrendous spelling, but also for writing to you intoxicated last night. I really shouldn’t have done that. Things are much better than Drunk Fawn likes to claim they are. The man down the block is harmless and won’t last. I have a feeling about it. Being in the business for so long, you get a sense of who will last and who is just a passing fad.
I will tell you more about the event in February when I get a chance, but for now just know that it will be very exciting.
Talk to you soon!
Fawn
P.S. I will reach out to Florence.
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Jan 31, 2019 at 11:21 AM
To: Florence Eakins
Subject: Sorry
Hi Florence,
I am sorry about Christmas and my complaints about the microwave. I was stressed and took it out on you.
Best,
Fawn
Fawn Birchill/CuriousCatBooks/5m
Fawn here! Dress as Your Favorite #Book #Character Day at #CCBE Feb 1! Fawn (owner) will be #Caddy Compson!
Fawn Birchill/CuriousCatBooks/2m
(Continued from post above) Guess the #book and get a 10% discount on #book!
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Jan 31, 2019 at 9:18 PM
To: Staff
Subject: Favorite Book Character Day!
Sam, Angela, Kyle,
I am sorry to write to you after hours when you are home, but I came up with the most splendid idea! If you look at the Parrot feed, you will see what I mean. Tomorrow, your wardrobe will be quite important, as it will be the first annual Dress as Your Favorite Book Character Day! (I know, the title is rather verbose, and I am trying to amend that.)
To help with ideas, I shall be Caddy Compson from William Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury. Butterscotch will dress as Miss Havisham from Great Expectations. If you catch him biting, fighting, or otherwise getting caught up in his little dress, please let me know. I shall be using old lace curtains that are of no value; however, I’d rather he didn’t make a giant spectacle, so please alert me if he starts trying to undress himself.
Do let me know if you need assistance with ideas! This will be SUCH fun!
Fawn, Owner
From: Angela Washington
Sent: Thu, Jan 31, 2019 at 9:24 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Favorite Book Character Day!
Bella from the Twilight books.
—A
From: Sam Asimov
Sent: Thu, Jan 31, 2019 at 9:30 PM
To: Fawn Birchill, Staff
Re: Favorite Book Character Day!
Great idea. I’ll be Kostya from The Seagull, my favorite play.
Sam
From: Fawn Birchill
Sent: Thu, Jan 31, 2019 at 9:48 PM
To: Staff
Re: Favorite Book Character Day!
Sam, Angela,
Angela, I believe Bella would be a bit of a cheat. Sorry to be harsh, but I looked this person up and not only do we not sell the Twilight series, but Bella dresses as you already dress: flannel shirts and jeans. What, may I ask, would be the difference?
Sam, I like your idea to dress as Kostya, especially since we do carry that play; however, you already dress like Kostya every day. Often you wear a ridiculous train conductor’s cap, no doubt an attempt to give the impression of worldliness and antiquity. Often you wear vests over your button-down shirts and faded jeans (something Kostya definitely didn’t wear), so I fail to see a great difference. Sorry to be so detailed, but I fear that Kyle and I will be the only ones actually looking any different tomorrow.