Still The One

by Joan Reeves

  Ally felt her knees turn to rubber at his touch and her pulse accelerate. Oh, dear! She had made a huge error in judgment. Just his hand touching her made her want to fling herself into his arms. She must have developed temporary insanity. She resisted the urge and tried to shake his hand loose. "Quit mauling me," she grumbled. "Let go."

  He ignored her and continued gripping her arm, not allowing any escape. "I wouldn't dare release you. I know how much you love to vanish when my back is turned!"

  Ally swallowed hard. Now she was in for it. She should have slipped out with Tiffany's entourage. With dragging feet, and feeling as if she were a five year-old who was being sentenced to the naughty chair, she allowed Burke to lead her down the aisle. A loud buzz of conversation followed them up the aisle.

  The walk from the altar to the double doors at the back of the sanctuary seemed interminable. Ally lifted her head proudly as if she were accustomed to appearing at social events looking as if she had swum a raging river to get there. She couldn't help the telltale spots of color that bloomed a deeper red in her mud-streaked cheeks.

  After she and Burke walked through the big doors at the back, she shook her arm free of his grip. "That's enough. I'm perfectly capable of walking without your assistance."

  "I just want to make sure you don't disappear the way you did six years ago."

  Ally had no defense against the truth so she attacked, "Would you just chill?"

  "Chill?" Burke's voice rose several decibels. "You've got nerve! You bust in here looking like. . . like. . . ." He waved his hands up and down in front of her, seemingly at a loss for words. "Like this!" He finally exclaimed. "And break up my wedding. And I'm supposed to chill?"

  He shook his head side to side. "What did you do? Crawl in the rain all the way from Dallas?"

  "No, I flew, but I stopped off for a few quick bouts of mud wrestling," she quipped, refusing to allow him to see how his words hurt her. So much for her foolish notion that she would impress him with how sophisticated and mature she was. "What does my appearance have to do with anything anyway?" she sputtered, pulling the hardened, hairspray-soaked strands of hair from her right cheek. She winced.

  He looked her over again from head to toe. "If you were mud wrestling, it looks as if the mud won." Then the corners of his mouth tilted.

  Ally sputtered, "For your information, Mr. Burke Winslow,"

  His laughter interrupted her. "Don't you dare laugh at me," Ally stormed.

  "I can't help it. If you could see how you look. I can't begin to imagine how you ended up looking like a drowned rat."

  "A drowned rat?" she asked between clenched teeth. Score a big fat zero for her effort to make him desire her! "Why, I did it purposely so I'd have something in common with the dirty rat I came to see."

  "Uh, uh, uh, Ally. Sticks and stones," he taunted.

  Ally seized the ragged edges of her composure. "Look, let's forget my appearance. It has nothing to do with this anyway."

  "It has a lot to do with it. It shows how irresponsible and impulsive you still are. You barge in here looking like a homeless woman, and you break up my wedding on some jealous whim. I'd say I have a right to be upset."

  "Well, maybe I have a right to be upset too!" Ally countered, seething anew. "And I have a news flash for you, you pompous, arrogant ass. I did not break up your wedding on a jealous whim."

  He cocked an eyebrow at her. "Are you sure about that? The way I see it, you just can't get over me."

  His words incensed Ally. "You're crazy if you think I've been pining away for you for the last six years. Why, I've hardly thought of you in all that time because of all the other men in my life," she lied. A thought struck her. "How did you know I lived in Dallas anyway?"

  "What do you mean?" Burke looked discomfited.

  "In the church, you accused me of hiding in Dallas."

  He shrugged. "Somebody must have mentioned it to me."

  "For the record, I wasn't hiding in Dallas, and I wasn't carrying the torch for you either." Why couldn't he see that she had become all the things he'd wanted in a woman? She was intelligent, sophisticated, mature, and successful, or so her friends assured her each time they badgered her into allowing them to fix her up with the current "catch of the week."

  Ally rubbed her arm where his hand had touched her. She swore she could feel the impression of his palm on her skin. It tingled in a way that speeded up her pulse. That had never happened with any of the men she'd dated.

  "So tell me, why did you ruin my wedding if it wasn't because of unrequited love?"

  "It's certainly not because I like making a fool of myself." She closed her eyes, determined to put an end to this fruitless bickering. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Look, this mutual needling isn't doing either of us any good." She gestured toward the double doors. "Those doors are going to open any minute now, and we'll be surrounded by all those curious friends and relatives of yours. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being the star attraction of this evening's entertainment."

  "Yeah." Burke looked around. "You're right. Come on. We won't be disturbed in the church parlor." He bowed slightly and gestured with his right hand. "After you."

  Ally directed a withering glare at him. He'd better not burst into laughter again. She whirled and lifted her head regally. "I remember the way to the parlor."

  During the short walk from the sanctuary to the big room that served as a kitchen and social meeting room, Ally tried hard to restore her equilibrium. Now was her chance to show Burke how different she was. She'd do that. Even if it killed her.

  Actually, she was amazed that Burke had accepted her reasonable suggestion. The Burke she'd known would have protested and continued arguing.

  Moments later, Burke pushed open the parlor door. Ally entered the dark room and stopped, unable to see anything. Burke reached out and touched her shoulder. She shivered. Oh, if only he still didn't have this effect on her!

  "Stay here and let me get the lights." He walked away, leaving her to wonder at the reaction of her nerve endings to a simple touch from him.

  She moistened her lips. How would it feel if he touched her with more than casual interest? Ally was glad he had not noticed her reaction. She'd have to watch herself. Just being around him called up patterned behaviors. That must be what her problem was, she reasoned. In the past, she'd always melted when he'd touched her. It was like some kind of muscle memory. Inconvenient but she could handle it.

  Fluorescent lights flickered then flooded the room. "Come on," Burke said as he walked to the restaurant-equipped kitchen at the end of the room.

  Now composed and wanting to put an end to what had been a less than brilliant plan, Ally walked to the seating arrangement at the opposite end of the room.

  The large room that served as a gathering place for church members had changed little since she'd last been here. An upright piano still occupied one corner and a red-brick fireplace the other one. Two long olive green couches separated by a rectangular oak coffee table were arranged perpendicular to the fireplace. A pair of large, over-stuffed, rust red club chairs faced the fireplace.

  Ally realized suddenly how tired she was. "I think I'll just curl up in one of these chairs and try to pretend the last few hours didn't happen," she said. Forgetting the day's ordeal and the embarrassment of the evening would take some doing though.

  "No offense, but I think you should go to the rest room around the corner and, shall we say, freshen up?" Burke said, his eyes glinting with amusement as they swept her from her straggling hair to her muddy shoes.

  Looking down at herself, Ally had to agree. She was too filthy to even perch on the edge of the chair's seat.

  "Good idea. Would you excuse me please?"

  "Of course." Burke bowed from the waist. "How could I refuse such a formal request?"

  Ally refused to spar with him anymore. "Jerk," she muttered beneath her breath as she smiled at him.

  In the ladies' room, Ally caught sight
of herself in the mirror and nearly shrieked. It was worse than she had imagined. Sophisticated and desirable? Ha! No wonder he wasn't impressed!

  Her sleek, shining dark hair had been replaced by a dull, mud-colored mess hanging from the side of her head. Gravity seemed a certain winner over the single hairpin that precariously held it. Her best dress was a disaster.

  With lots of water and all the paper towels in the dispenser, she tried to improve her appearance. When she turned her attention to her hair, she realized that her comb was in her purse. In the rental car. Oh, goodness. She remembered she hadn't even locked the darn piece of automotive junk. In fact, she'd left the keys in the ignition too.

  "That blasted car!" She wailed. She'd completely forgotten that crumpled blue problem. As soon as she finished talking to Burke, she had to locate the guest who owned the Jag. Ally said a quick prayer that the rental car would start so she could get back to the airport before her flight left tonight. That is, assuming Burke didn't do her bodily harm after she told her little tale.

  "That will have to do," she told her reflection. Why couldn't she look like the woman she'd worked so hard to become? She might not be the model-thin girl she'd been when Burke had married her, but she looked good.

  More importantly, she'd made peace with herself. She no longer saw the chubby, unhappy teen who'd dieted and exercised herself to thinness just to get into a bikini the summer after her high school graduation. Once thin though, she'd never looked at her reflection without seeing a fat girl looking back. Eventually, that had changed.

  Poor Burke! When she'd met him that summer day, he'd had no idea that her first bikini hid more than the vital parts of her anatomy. It also hid the insecurity of the transformed chubby teen. That insecurity had given birth to the worst kind of jealousy. It had eat at her like acid whenever Burke had come in contact with another woman. That was really what had destroyed her marriage. At least she'd gained something from losing the only man she'd ever loved. She had discovered herself. She was a few pounds heavier now, but she was comfortable with that fact and with herself.

  Ally frowned, remembering the vision of beauty that Tiffany had presented at the altar. She stuck her tongue out at her reflection. Feeling drab next to Tiffany was as ridiculous as her supposed motivation in coming here, she decided, leaving the restroom.

  Burke had made himself at home in the kitchen. He was intent on his task and didn't notice her. She soaked up every detail of his appearance from his thick, sandy hair to his polished shoes. His face had matured attractively. Faint lines fanned out from his intoxicating eyes and added character to his face which now revealed a tough strength.

  His body had matured too. She felt her heartbeat accelerate as she looked at him. Gone was the lean young college boy. He was well-muscled and filled his clothes in a way that made her wonder what he looked like without them. Burke wasn't the twenty-two year old she'd fallen in love with. He had become a man. A very desirable man. Tuxedos were unfair weapons in the war between the sexes. No man should have such an advantage over a woman. To her discomfort, he looked drop dead sexy in the severe black suit. And she could only wonder what he looked like out of it.

  The scent of his musky aftershave teased her. She watched silently as he measured water for the coffee maker. She found her gaze fixed on his hands, large and tanned, as they completed the simple task. A shiver coursed down her spine. She remembered a time when his hands had touched her and made her insane with longing. No. She had to stop this. She shook her head and roused herself from her reverie.

  "Want me to do that?" she offered. When they'd been married, Burke had been in charge of the kitchen. She couldn't even boil water. "Your coffee is memorable, but not because it was good."

  "You know how to make coffee?" he asked, looking as surprised as he sounded.

  Ally laughed. "It's not exactly rocket science. Is it really so surprising that I can make coffee?" The laughter eased some of the tension from her.

  He grinned. "When we were married, you burned everything. Even the coffee."

  She felt his gaze on her freshly-scrubbed face. She remembered how he used to rain kisses on her. How he'd tease the little dimple at the right corner of her mouth with the tip of his tongue. She shivered. "Well, that was six years ago," she replied. "Times change."

  "You look different," Burke said. "You're not as thin as before but that's not a bad thing. You look good. Strong. Healthy."

  "Like my tan?" she quipped, trying not to sound as breathless as she felt.

  Burke didn't answer. She felt his gaze on her arms, and she knew he'd find them muscled, not skinny. She looked up and noticed he was studying her breasts.

  She blushed and pretended not to notice yet she did notice that he was staring as intently as if he were trying to guess her new bra size. She'd chosen the sleeveless dress because her best friend told her it revealed a body that would make a man take a second look, and a third.

  "Uh, yeah. Nice tan. So you grew muscles in all the right places during the last six years," he murmured.

  Ally wondered if he found the differences in her appearance appealing. She knew her body was riper, not that of a teen any longer. She'd looked great when they'd been married, but she'd felt fat and ugly. To her consternation, she noticed that his gaze had returned to her breasts. She blushed and felt the heat rise, streaking from where his eyes stared up to her face. She could feel the blush all the way to her hairline.

  Burke cleared his throat and turned away abruptly. "You were completely inept in the kitchen," he grumbled.

  "I'm a lot more ept now." Ally chuckled.

  "I would hope so," Burke mumbled.

  Ally was glad that Burke had turned away. His gaze made her want crazy, unattainable things. He belonged to another woman now. That thought filled her with despair. There was no use torturing herself.

  "Look, I need to get back to the airport as soon as possible, and there's a little problem with my transportation." She waved her hands as if to dismiss her words. "But never mind. That's my problem, not yours. In any event, my return flight to Dallas leaves in a couple of hours. So why don't we get to it?"

  Get to it? Burke had an instant mental picture of what he'd like to get to. He didn't trust himself to reply. He'd love to get to it with her. But not the conversation she had in mind. He clicked the coffee maker on and proceeded to open the cabinet door. On the pretext of selecting coffee mugs, he took time to corral his wayward thoughts and will the blood to reverse its flow and head back to his brain.

  After a moment, Ally said, "Burke?" She frowned. He knew she'd always hated it when she thought he was ignoring her. So what if he acted like the Burke that she'd always complained about. If he irritated her enough, she'd react like the Ally of old.

  "Burke, if we hurry and finish, maybe you can catch your cute little bride before she hops the plane for the coast," Ally said.

  Burke swung around to look at her and found her looking discomfited. He grinned, glad she was off-balance. Plus the idea of Tiffany being described that way struck Burke as hilarious. "Tiffany? Cute?"

  Ally bristled. "What's so funny?"

  "I don't think I've ever heard Tiffany described quite that way before."

  Ally couldn't seem to keep her mouth shut. "Well, she's just the cutest little thing I've ever seen. Just the way you like your women, right?" As soon as the words left her mouth, Ally wished she could call them back. How could she convince him she’d changed with impulsive comments like that? Her jealous words called up all the hurt from the past.

  "I guess you should know. After all, you're an expert on the kind of women I like. Right?" After a moment, Burke said quietly, "I don't play those games any more, Ally."

  Ally looked away. "I know how that sounded." She took a deep breath and apologized. "I'm sorry. Let's just forget I said that." Her eyes entreated him. "It was just a bad joke," she said lamely.

  "Okay," he agreed, looking surprised by her apology. "Let’s just forget it."
>
  Ally knew he wasn't convinced that she was any different, and she wanted more than anything for him to know she really had changed. With all her heart, she regretted that her jealousy and possessiveness had destroyed them. She'd regretted all those days when he had worked so hard to make Ally believe in him and in his love.

  "After all," Burke said, "I'm not married to you any more." He frowned. "Or am I?"

  "Don’t worry about it, Burke. This awkward situation can be easily remedied. Then you’ll be free to marry Tiffany." Sadness filled Ally. She'd been wrong to come here. She should have called. Why hadn't she?

  Ally's soft comment again surprised Burke. He had to fight the urge to tell her that his wedding was just a business arrangement. What was it about the woman that made him want to explain? Made him want her to believe him? Hadn't he learned anything? He bet if he pushed the right buttons, Ally's control would shatter easily. Maybe she'd throw a tantrum the way she had when they were married? Then he'd get over this . . . this desire to pull her into his arms.

  "Tiffany is everything a man could want." Burke said, knowing that once those would have been fighting words to Ally who seemed to view every female between the age of sixteen and sixty as a threat.

  Ally clamped down on the green monster which suddenly reared its ugly head. She just bet the blond bimbo was exactly what men wanted. But she wasn't going to let him see that his words incited her to jealousy.

  "Then you must feel very lucky," she said calmly, and walked away. Glancing back at him, she caught him staring at her as if thunder-struck. Good, she thought. Let him see that she was confident and unaffected by petty emotions. "I'm sure if I got to know Tiffany that I'd like her very much." She added for good measure.

  Burke felt an odd emotion at her words. He couldn't figure out why he suddenly felt so depressed. Shaking his head in confusion, he filled their coffee mugs, adding milk and sugar to Ally's. Suddenly, it dawned on him why her words upset him. Ally couldn't still care for him if she was so calm and placid about Tiffany. And, perversely, that bothered him. Shaken by that insight, he stood holding the steaming mugs of coffee and stared at her as she strolled around the room. He didn’t want her to be unaffected, damn it.