Harrowing Hats

by Joyce; Jim Lavene

  I could hear people speaking in the front showroom and found a place to get behind the black velvet walls so I could listen. This was even creepier and made me wonder if it was worth being there or not. What could he have found that would matter?

  “We specifically told you that we didn’t want to meet with you here,” Rene said in a voice that reminded me of Mr. Smith from The Matrix.

  “You were only to contact us by phone and we would meet you off premises,” Renee added.

  Not enough sleep and too much imagination made me wonder if we’d find the private detective in a trash can later, shot by the twins for his ineptitude.

  “I knew you’d want to see this right away,” he defended himself. He obviously pulled something out to show them, and there was silence except for some paper-rustling sounds.

  “A hat pin?” Rene queried, no expression in his voice.

  “A handmade hat pin,” he explained. “Just like the one they found in your mother. I’ll take it and have it analyzed—”

  Renee corrected him, “Andre Hariot has thousands of hat pins. He probably made hundreds of them himself. That hat pin is in a lockup somewhere inside the LA police crime lab. The hat pin that killed Cesar Rizzo is also in police custody. What did you hope to gain by this?”

  I didn’t know what the private detective had hoped to gain, but I learned something important—Kathleen Hariot was the mother of the evil twins! That’s why Renee had said that Andre was getting away with murder again. They knew all about what had happened—without the Internet.

  Already images of Captain Jack Russell lying dead at the bottom of Mirror Lake came to mind. The evil twins had killed him and taken over his gem shop to be close to Andre so they could kill him, too. They probably set this whole thing up to make Andre look guilty for killing Cesar. Then they could kill him and make it look like suicide. Or put him in the lake with Captain Jack—although it could get crowded down there pretty quickly. But at least the whole thing made perfect sense.

  My hand itched for my cell phone, but it was back at Andre’s with my stuff. I took a deep breath, trying to be patient and very quiet. I didn’t want to end up on the evil twins to-do list.

  “How many people have handmade hat pins?” The hapless, clueless PI persisted. “This means something.”

  Rene (I think) sighed quite heavily. “You said you knew about this case. You said you were an ace detective. You said you could help us privately. All hatmakers have hat pins, sir. Please find another angle.”

  This was all said in a completely flat monotone. I would’ve been yelling at the idiot. I hoped they weren’t paying him much money. What was his problem?

  “I understand.” He got it at last (about time). “I made a mistake. No reason to get personal about it. I’ll still solve this and prove Andre killed your mother. I just need more time.”

  “Time is all we have at this point,” Renee said. “Please don’t come here again. You have our phone number. We will only meet you again off-site. It wouldn’t be good for people to know who we are.”

  He mumbled something, then left the shop, slamming the door behind him. I wished I’d known he was going to leave so quickly. I was trapped here without a diversion to get away. What was I supposed to do now?

  “He’s no help at all,” Rene said.

  “Patience, brother. We’re in the right place at the right time. We’ll find justice, one way or the other, for what the hatmaker did.”

  “We should have paid Jessie Morton to snoop around. At least she seems intelligent and has a reputation for finding out what’s going on in the Village.”

  “Lucky for us that she’s distracted by the loss of her lover.”

  I really expected to hear evil, maniacal laughter and maybe a little pipe organ music. Clearly the twins were even more evil than I thought. It wasn’t a figment of my imagination.

  Now I had to get out of the gem shop—preferably while still alive—and find Chase.

  Lucky for me, the front door to the shop opened and the twins greeted a customer. It was the diversion I needed to get out of there.

  I made it to the back door before the black velvet curtain parted and Rene saw me. “Lady Jessie? May I serve you? We don’t allow people in our work area.” He paused, and his evil little eyes stared at me. I could see he was figuring the whole thing out. “Let me call my sister so we can sort this out. No reason to panic.”

  My hand was on the doorknob. “Thanks, Rene, but I think I can sort this out by myself.”

  Twenty-one

  He yelled for his sister at the same moment that I jerked open the door and ran outside. There were lots of visitors and Ren folk to blend in with, but I didn’t want to risk the evil twins catching up with me anyway. I ran as fast as my long legs and size twelve feet would take me. The world around me was a blur. I kept running until I ran headlong into the proverbial immovable object—Chase Manhattan.

  We both fell on the ground, realized what had happened, then grabbed each other.

  “I’ve been looking for you everywhere, Jessie. Where the hell have you been?”

  I clung to him like a sea urchin. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you. I’m sorry I cared if you were sneaking around. I’m sorry for anything in the future that keeps us apart ever again.”

  “Oh, God, Jessie, I’m the one who’s sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, not telling you the truth right away. They asked me to keep it a secret—very hush-hush—and I thought I could do it but that’s just not me.”

  “They?” I moved away from him a little.

  “It’s a long story.” He kissed me, and that made any story better. “But no matter what happens again between us, promise you won’t leave. The Dungeon is your home, too. Okay?”

  “I’ll never leave again,” I promised. “Who are they?”

  But there wasn’t time for him to explain. The evil twins were coming our way like Frankenstein or the Green Slime. They didn’t have to move fast. I knew they’d catch up with us.

  There wasn’t time for me to explain about them either. “Get up!” I urged him. “We have to run.”

  “What are you talking about?” Chase looked up at Rene and Renee. “What’s wrong?”

  Like all evil entities, they reached us before we could get ourselves together and get away from them. They looked like vampires in the bright sunlight—pale skin and hungry eyes.

  “Don’t worry,” Rene said. “We won’t press charges against you, Lady Jessie. We understand that your circumstances are desperate.”

  “Yes. We all know how hard it’s been for you after your breakup with the bailiff,” Renee added in a sympathetic voice.

  “Press charges?” I yelled, not caring if it drew a crowd. “For what? Eavesdropping on your plans to kill Andre?”

  “What?” Chase got up, taking me with him. “I think we should all go inside before this gets any bigger.”

  “Not in the gemstone shop.” I shuddered. “We can go in the bakery or in the privies, but not in their shop.”

  “That’s fine,” Rene agreed. “As I was saying, if Lady Jessie will return the diamond she took from the back of the shop—no charges. But it is quite valuable and we have to insist on getting it back.”

  “Seriously?” I glanced at Chase to see if he was as outraged as me. “They’re accusing me of stealing from them?”

  The crowd I’d foreseen was growing—visitors and residents. I should’ve realized good theater when I heard it. Both evil twins were almost shouting when they called me a thief. They knew everyone would want to get involved. I couldn’t believe they outsmarted me in my own Village.

  Everyone knew Chase and I had had a fight. They probably knew I’d spent the night outside. They didn’t have time to find out that we were back together. The grapevine was good but not that good.

  Now Rene and Renee were accusing me of stealing. Like they said, I was desperate. As far as real-life drama went in the Village, it was pretty tasty.

  “
We demand justice!” Rene managed to sound loud and convincing as he turned to face the crowd. It turned out he was as much an actor as the rest of us, especially to save his own skin. “We demand justice at the stocks!”

  This was suddenly bigger than all of us. The crowd sensed blood, even though the best they could get at the stocks was tomato juice.

  Chase couldn’t deny Rene’s right to present his case, according to Village rules. Cameras flashed, and the crowd roared its approval as he nodded. “All right. Let’s take this to trial.”

  I knew I couldn’t ask him not to do it. He had no choice. I couldn’t imagine what the evil twins would gain by this except the barest reprieve from me telling everyone about them and their relationship to Andre.

  Despite not wanting to be labeled a thief (a little late for that), I knew I had to go along with the justice system. It would look bad for Chase if he let his girlfriend go. The twins couldn’t prove I took anything any more than I could prove I didn’t. It could still mean a turn in the stocks for vegetable justice, since an accusation was almost as good as proof in this kingdom.

  It didn’t even have to be a real accusation to cause fun for the audience. That’s why if someone doesn’t accuse their friend, sister, or cousin of a crime to see them put in the stocks, Chase grabs residents and makes something up. Most of the time, it’s fun and exciting—at least for the visitors. It gave them something to talk about when they left the Village.

  It was a brilliant plan. I had to admit it as we all walked down the cobblestones toward the Dungeon. The twins looked mysterious and angry. Camera flashes continued to go off like sunspots. Chase held my hand as we approached the stocks, their wood frames stained from squishy tomatoes and other vegetables thrown at perpetrators.

  “I have to get my wig and robe,” Chase whispered. “Will you be okay out here for a minute?”

  “I will. Go ahead. Believe me, when this is over, I have something major to tell you and Detective Almond.”

  “That’s why they’re doing this?” He threw the evil twins an angry look, left brow raised. “Don’t worry. It will be over quickly.”

  I knew better. Already, King Harold and Queen Olivia, attended by most of their court, were out in carriages to see the spectacle. There had to be four or five hundred people gathered around to watch—which is why we usually do resident justice before the Village opens.

  “What’s going on?” Lord Dunstable called out from his place behind the king and queen in the carriage. It was his job to announce events at the King’s Feast and to ask questions that Livy and Harry didn’t want to ask. It might sound vulgar coming from the king and queen.

  “Lady Jessie Morton stands accused of stealing,” someone from the crowd yelled out. It sounded like Fred the Red Dragon, though I couldn’t see him to be sure.

  “She took some diamonds from the gem shop,” someone else yelled out. That sounded suspiciously like Bawdy Betty from the bagel shop. If anyone belonged in the stocks it was her. She was always hitting on Chase, right in front of me. Of course, I’d have to start a list for that offense.

  “Impossible!” King Harold actually stood up and roared back. “We do not believe Lady Jessie is a thief. We demand she be released as a member of the nobility. We shall handle this problem ourselves.”

  I appreciated the sentiment and was surprised by it. Of course it drove the common people in the crowd crazy. I suppose that’s what happened in the French Revolution. At least we didn’t have a guillotine in the Village.

  “She was sleeping on the cobblestones this morning,” one of the Lovely Laundry Ladies added. “She was alone. Nowhere to stay. Not a crust of bread to eat. Desperate, she was. Have mercy on her, Sir Bailiff.”

  “Wait!” Brother Carl called out from behind me. “This is not true. The Lady Jessie was with us. She was neither desperate nor alone. I do not believe she has committed the crime she stands accused of.”

  “Thanks,” I whispered as he put his arm around my shoulders.

  Chase appeared at the Dungeon door to loud cries for justice from the crowd. Even the little kids were yelling for me to be put in the stocks. He looked stern and very un-Chase-like in his big white wig and long black robe. “Justice will be done this day, I vow!” Again loud cheers went up from the crowd.

  “I would speak on behalf of the Lady Jessie,” Roger from the Glass Gryphon said. “I have known her well for a long time. She was my apprentice at the glass-making shop, where all our blown glass figures are half off for today only. She is a good woman. If anyone belongs in the stocks, it is her lover, Bailiff Chase Manhattan, who abandoned her to this fate. And there is free gift wrapping for all purchases before closing time today.”

  The crowd seemed unsure if they should yell huzzah or repeat the cry for justice after that infomercial. Of course, Roger thought Chase should be in the stocks. He’d disliked Chase since Adventure Land decided he should be bailiff instead of Roger. It was nice for Roger to speak up anyway—even if it was only to take advantage of the crowd.

  Chase finally held up his hand for silence. The crowd fell quiet, waiting to see what would happen next. “The plaintiff—speak your piece, and mind you tell the truth or face our justice yourselves.”

  Rene and Renee made their way to the front of the crowd. “We request a moment alone with the bailiff and the accused.”

  Chase nodded and the four of us stood by the Dungeon door. I hoped we could wrap this up before the crowd got restless. There were three large bushels of ripe tomatoes within hands’ reach of too many people. They were as likely to pelt Chase and the evil twins as me if they had to wait too long.

  “Let’s settle this quickly,” Chase echoed my sentiments. “You made this a sideshow, Rene. What do you want?”

  “I want Jessie’s word that she’ll keep her mouth shut about what she may have overheard today in the shop. In return, we’ll pretend we found the diamond and everything will go back to normal.”

  “You must be crazy.” I glared at both the evil twins. “For one thing, this crowd isn’t leaving without seeing someone get hit with tomatoes. They won’t care who it is. Ask Chase if you don’t believe me. You haven’t been here long enough to know about these things. You should’ve considered it before you dragged all of us into it.”

  Rene started to speak and I stopped him. “Besides all of which, this, in case you haven’t noticed, isn’t real. The worst that would happen is we all get covered in tomatoes and I go upstairs and take a shower. You two hired someone to ransack Andre’s shop, possibly set him up to take the blame for Cesar’s murder, and who knows what else. Not to mention that you believe he killed your mother, Kathleen Hariot. He’s your stepfather.”

  Rene’s upper lip showed a sheen of perspiration. He looked very put out. “And while we’re talking about real-life events, Jessie, what will happen when we call the Myrtle Beach police and Adventure Land to accuse you of this theft? We might never successfully prove it in court, but your time here would be at an end. Your reputation would be ruined. Is it worth all that to tell everyone that Hariot is our stepfather and we hate him? That, after all, is all you have. The private detective came here on his own, as he would testify. Consider your choices carefully.”

  I knew he was right. He could make my life bad, both here and at the university. In the meantime, all I had was the basic information that he wanted to blame his stepfather for his mother’s murder. I wasn’t sure if it was worth it. But I was too angry to let it go. At that moment, I didn’t care what happened after everyone knew the truth about them.

  “I’ve heard enough,” Chase decided. “Let me tell you what’s going to happen here. Because someone is going to end up being pelted with tomatoes no matter what any of us say, we’re going to go forward with the idea that Jessie was homeless and desperate. Rene, you’ll tell everyone—right now—that she’s given the diamond back to you.”

  Rene and Renee looked incredibly smug. I knew Chase had to do something to appease the crowd. I w
asn’t sure I was happy about it. Forget it—I wasn’t happy about it. But there was no way around it.

  “But let me add that I’m going to recommend that Detective Almond question the two of you in regard to Cesar Rizzo’s death. You better be ready to come forth with the man’s name that you hired and I hope for your sakes that he tells the same story. That’s my judgment. Any questions?”

  The evil twins knew they were bested. They shook their heads, then we all turned to face the crowd. I was glad I wasn’t wearing my own clothes. Tomato stains are hard to get out. Even Portia couldn’t fault me for what was about to happen.

  “Good people of Renaissance Faire Village!” Chase got everyone’s attention, his hands held high. “We have reached a verdict.”

  The crowd had swelled again while we were talking. They cheered loudly, then waited to hear Rene tell them that I had returned the diamond to him. “My sister and I hold Lady Jessie in the greatest respect. For us, this trial is over.”

  The evil twins pushed their way back through the crowd. In the meantime, the large group was beginning to sense that they might be cheated of their diversion. I didn’t want to think about the stampede for tomatoes that could ensue. I started to step forward and let them know that vegetable justice was coming. The sooner it was over, the better, as far as I was concerned. I’d been in the stocks several times. It wasn’t really that bad. The hardest part was getting the tomato smell out of my hair.

  But before I could take my place in the wooden frame, Chase removed his wig and robe. “Good people,” he called out. “Lady Jessie is not to blame for losing her home. I am the culprit behind this situation. I was the one who put her out on the cobblestones. As such, I reserve the right to take her place in the stocks.”

  I don’t know where Diego and Lorenzo, the Tornado Twins, came from, but they were up there with us, telling everyone that they would dispense vegetable justice. Roger put Chase in the stocks before I could raise a word of protest. The crowd shifted position to avoid any tomato residue, then waited for the end of this drama.