Robert rolled his chair almost to the lip of the stage. He knew that with what he was about to reveal, he needed to see all the faces that filled the room. Monique opened her eyes and looked at her husband. And finally, for the first time since he had started to speak, he saw his wife. But his new bad habits instantly came back and he quickly looked to the floor and turned away from her. Then, with all the shedding that this day had brought, another deeper instinct took over and suddenly he lifted his hand and reached towards her. It was a slight movement. No one would have noticed. His hand barely came off the chair’s handle. But she saw it. She felt his hand reach out to her. And so Monique opened her hand to him, as if to say, “It’s okay, I’m here. I’ll catch you if you fall.”
Robert took in a good strong breath and spoke. “You see, I dug so deep and it got so dark...well...I bought a gun.”
Robert could feel everyone in The Leaning Tower of Pisa almost collectively gasp. Amir actually stood up from behind his table. Greg put his hand to his mouth. Jenny bit her lip and pulled both her mother and Kyle even closer.
“Oh, in my deep denial of facing my mountain, I had excuses why I bought it...There had been these break-ins around our neighbourhood. I even convinced myself I got that gun because, well, like I told my wife, I felt I couldn’t protect my family without my legs now. But I hate guns. Really, I do! And even when I brought it home, I was scared to death of what I had done. I hid it under my mattress and never looked at it again until, well, there was this one day—a real dark day down there in my hole...” Robert glanced at Monique. He saw her hand open up to him.
“They had been trying these new artificial legs on me that morning—and they didn’t work. I put them on and the pain was greater than anything I could imagine. And it was like—this was my last hope of ever standing again—and now it was vanishing. And when I got home that day, I dug a little deeper, further from all reasonable, rational thoughts...and I held that gun, sitting in my wheelchair—with no light on and I know...I know I was filled with some pretty dark thoughts down there in my hole. And I sat there, I was asking this question, and I was hoping the gun had an answer to it...But then, as miracles happen, one I didn’t really recognize at the time—my wife came home...she saw me...she saw the gun...but I had dug so far from her, she didn’t know what to say to me anymore, But luckily, she found something to save me. She told me our daughter was coming to visit and I should put that thing away.”
The audience felt relief and laughed slightly at his wife’s odd reaction.
“But it wasn’t that she didn’t care that I had a gun. It was all my fault. I did the one thing that is guaranteed to destroy the chance for any change to succeed.”
Robert looked at his wife for a brief second. She knew that look. She had seen that look so many times before. The one that simply said, “I get it, I understand now.”
“I stopped talking! I shut down all communication between us. You can’t blame her. She was so afraid. Inside of me I had this...well, I had this sniper hiding in me. And he would just shoot down and kill off all conversations before they could even get started. But here it was—there was no hiding now. I had a gun...I was sitting in my living room without any lights on...I was caught...I could have come clean...I could have shown her, how I felt, who I was now. I could have admitted how lost I was. I mean, how many times in my life had this woman gone through changes with me? She’s my best friend, always there...She’s always helped me...Why was I not giving her the chance to help me now, to lead me out of this?”
He paused to rub his face and shake his head as if to admonish himself.
“It’s amazing! I can’t tell you how many times I stood on a stage like this and talked about leadership, telling everyone how the best leaders know when it’s time to follow...but I failed. I absolutely, categorically FAILED. I failed to allow anyone to lead me when I was lost. But, when you’re lost, isn’t that the time to follow someone else?”
Robert then looked over at Monique again, his eyes widening in surprise as now he also saw Jenny. He then spoke the next line directly to his wife and daughter.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t simply ask, ‘Help me...talk to me!’” Robert turned back to the crowd.
“You want to face change? You want to lead? Well, don’t do what I did! Take every chance you can...open the door to start changing...and do that real difficult thing: TALK. ABOUT. IT!”
The crowd clapped loud and hard as Robert repeated and punctuated the words. “Talk about it!” And as those words came rushing out, he couldn’t help but think of that window—the window in Seema’s office, where the two of them had watched that big yellow kite flying. He smiled to himself. He felt such a happy urge—a real excitement—to talk to her. Tell her that he was wrong; he wasn’t the kite. Talk to her about what Aaron had shown him.
“But I didn’t talk and I didn’t share it because I thought it was my own problem.” Robert cocked his head a little as he felt another concept become clear to him. His face was now radiant and he sat so tall and straight in his chair.
“But it wasn’t only mine, this problem of losing my legs...This change was no longer just my problem! It was now my family’s, my friends’ problem. All the people I worked with...every life I touched or that touched mine was affected by it. But I was too busy digging my hole to face the fact that my change affected everyone else too. Just like every change does...like yours will today. The change your companies are going through is also affecting every single person in this room. Look around—you’re not alone!”
Greg slapped his hands together and started applauding. There were a couple of others that joined in, but they soon stopped, realizing Robert had not yet made his point. Robert looked at Greg.
“Thanks. I guess Mr. Wong knows what I’m trying to say. That, no matter what we do—we will always go through a lot in life, and there will always be lots of losses! But my failure was...I didn’t let my family share in my loss. If we only share the victories together but suffer the losses alone, then how does anyone really know what we’re worth? How can they understand and feel it? You are a company facing a challenge—a great change—so talk to each other, share the losses and gains. Don’t go through it alone. Don’t dig holes by yourself...climb that mountain together. A company is a team as much as a family is; the strongest teams are the ones that feel and know their own worth—and they will always make sure that everyone on that team knows that they have worth!”
48. SIX MONTHS AGO – MT. EVEREST
I’m writing this as we wait for help to come from base camp...Mr. Sanchez said we should try to write when we don’t want to ‘cause that’s when you will probably write the real stuff. I guess I really don’t want to write now...and it’s hard writing now, knowing he’s down there. We think he’s alive...Good thing Phil’s such a freak with all that computer stuff...We’re all just sitting here, looking at that light on Phil’s coat and waiting. Every couple of minutes, we tell him to switch it on and then we wait to see if he responds...and when a light comes on, we all cheer. And suddenly, we all get quiet again...hoping! Man, don’t know what we would do without that hope.
I was supposed to write a ‘thank you’ to this mountain last night but all I can think is angry thoughts now. I guess now’s the time, if there’s ever a time, to do what he taught me: ‘what we think will usually determine how we act’...but I don’t want to be angry now. I gotta think positive, but I can’t help thinking about how cold he probably is down there...Okay, but he knows we know he’s down there, he must know we are going to help him...So, okay then...I’m praying he doesn’t give up, like how he never gave up on me...even though I know I was pretty mean to him so many times...And now...a million thoughts come to me...how he tried to talk to me when my brother was shot...and I told him to shut it. Guess that’s all I ever did...shut everything up...but he kept my book. He never gave up wondering where I was...Then in prison, when he tried to give me back my book and I ripped it up...and still he never gave up...and
then when me and that little baby got shot...and even then, he never gave up on me, not even then...
Phil just switched the light again...and he switched his on...so I hope he knows we ain’t giving up on him.
Not sure anyone ever thought I was worth anything but him...Somehow he saw worth in me...and so...I don’t know any more words to think...Just don’t give up, Roberto Sanchez...’cause we’re not giving up on you!
Troy
49. PRESENT DAY – AT THE HOTEL
“Do you know there are two goals in climbing a mountain? One is optional and the other one is not. The optional goal is getting to the top. But the other goal that is not optional, do you know what it is? The goal that is completely non-negotiable? Well, the most important goal when climbing any mountain is this: you have to get back down! And...” Robert then turned to look at Monique and Jenny, “You have to get back home!”
He quickly faced the front of the room and questioned, “But who ever really talks about that? Who tells that story? That’s only for kids, isn’t it? Getting back home? That’s just in fairy tales mostly, right? Really, who wants to hear that story? How interesting is that? Oh, today we are going to hear about someone climbing down Everest and getting back home.”
The room smiled.
“You know, we live in a world that seems to be so focused on getting to the top—all our success stories are about those people who made it to the top. We constantly celebrate that climb to the top, don’t we? Everyone’s telling us to listen to them, follow their example and look at what they achieved! And don’t get me wrong, we should...BUT, whoever talks about getting back down, getting back home? I never did. I never spoke about the most important part! The one thing you absolutely have to do if you are going to climb a mountain! Me, of all people, someone who knows that goal better than anyone...And today I realize why I didn’t. Do you know why?”
Robert extended his arm and pointed to the ceiling.
“Because...I never did get back down...I’m still up there!!! Yeah, it’s true. My moment of change was when I was caught in that avalanche and that mountain snatched away my legs. Ever since that happened, I’ve done nothing but curse that mountain. A change happened to me but...I haven’t changed to live with it! I’m still up there, cursing that mountain with all my being. I’m still stuck up there, bemoaning my fate. So, I didn’t complete the ONE non-negotiable goal. Although I was here in this, this half-body, the most important parts of me—my mind, my heart, my spirit—were still up there...I didn’t come home. That’s right! Ever since this happened to me...ever since this great change happened...I’ve been stuck on the top of that mountain. So how do I complete my goal? How do I get back down? How do I get home?”
He looked at Jenny and Monique then held out his hand to acknowledge them.
“And oh, don’t think I haven’t been offered help! Right after that accident, there were so many people trying to help me down, so many trying to guide me home. On the mountain, you never go alone. It’s not a good idea. Not safe. When you climb a mountain like Everest, you have these Sherpas. Do you know who they are? Well, they’re these amazing guides—they’re your lifeline on your way up...and down! And you better listen to them if you want to live...if you want to get back down...if you want to get back home...listen to them!
“And now, me being stuck on the top...with this most difficult change I was facing, did I listen to any of the Sherpas in my life? No, I pushed away every Sherpa trying to guide me back down...I probably couldn’t see or hear them with all my cursing and digging!”
Once again, the room enthusiastically applauded Robert’s self-effacement.
“Think about it. All those Sherpas in your life: who are they? At home or at work, who are your Sherpas—those people who are guiding you, supporting you; Sherpas, like your family, your friends, co-workers...those people that just stop by each day and ask you—‘Hey, how are you doing?’ Who are your Sherpas and how much do you listen and thank them? Look around right now. In this room, how many Sherpas do you have? And how often do you show them what they are worth?”
The room started to come alive with the sound of many whispering to one another, trying to acknowledge some of the Sherpas in their daily life at work.
“And for me...I pushed away every single Sherpa who attempted to help guide me through this change. I pushed away my wife...my daughter...I went to a rehabilitation centre where I proceeded to push away every Sherpa that was trying to help me down—the ones that were trying to help me deal with this change...I ignored the very Sherpas that were trying to give me my new legs—a new life! I just pushed them all away! Of course, I didn’t know why then, but I see now that I did it...I did it because I thought that getting help—or asking for it—was an admission of my weakness. I was hiding away from my failure in protecting who I thought I was—the Mighty Oak.”
A quick hearty applause danced throughout the room.
“But today, something happened. I met a brand new Sherpa—one that I didn’t ignore...and he showed me some things. Showed me some things I better start doing if I’m going to achieve that goal. And one of the things I learned is: if I’m going to get down, well...I better start following my main Sherpa: my wife.”
Robert looked down towards Monique and then slowly placed his hand over his heart. The audience cheered as Robert opened his arms for Monique to join him on the stage.
Jenny leaned over and kissed her mother’s cheek. “Go, Mom...Come on, Mom, go.”
Greg held out his hand to guide her up the steps. Amir stood up behind his table and pounded his hands together. Lou then shot up and was soon joined by all the employees of Elevation. It did not take long for the entire Leaning Tower of Pisa audience to rise up and applaud Monique. So many things had happened in these last forty-five minutes. Robert had touched on so many questions that now echoed inside Monique. She felt dazed. And later that day, she told everyone she could not remember Greg taking her hand and walking her up on the stage. She couldn’t recall how Robert and Greg both thanked her for all the work she had done for this event. Jenny would tease her for years to come about how she stood beside Robert as stiff as a mannequin, with one hand up near her chest and the other poised like a runner at the starting line, getting ready to run the hundred yard dash. Jenny would sometimes lovingly imitate how her mother stood, frozen for the whole last part of Robert’s speech.
After thanking his wife, Robert turned to Aaron again. Aaron now stood closer to the foot of the stage.
“Yes...yes, of course losing my legs has been the most difficult change I have ever come up against! But when it all happened, I lost something even more vital...and the loss of that was what made it most difficult for me to deal with the change. I lost my perspective! And without any perspective to balance out my loss, I couldn’t move forward! Of course, it would be cruel to say to someone in my position, ‘Hey, don’t get so down—you only lost your legs, look at it in perspective...you’re still alive!’ That’s incredibly difficult to hear. Yet, it’s absolutely true...I didn’t lose my life, did I? But nothing is as dangerous as losing that—there doesn’t seem to be any greater loss—worse than when we lose our perspective.”
As the audience cheered, Aaron looked at Robert and pointed at the screen. The picture had now changed. Amir had put a photograph of Robert in one of his workshops at a high school. Robert was standing in the middle of a circle of students who were all connected, shoulder-to-shoulder, listening to him.
Robert looked at the screen and back to Aaron, who smiled and winked. “The one thing I learned today about change is this: that the best way you can ever support anyone through change and guide them to accept it is to first help them with their perspective. You see, for me, I became more and more miserable...I sunk into the loss...but why? I mean, look who I was. I have helped hundreds upon hundreds of people deal with change. You would think all that experience would have helped me...but it didn’t! I couldn’t rely on all my past experience of helping
others. Why? Because I lost all perspective! That’s what change can do! If you want to help anyone having difficulty dealing with change, look at their perspective! Then, help change their perspective...or give them some perspective that will help them handle the change.”
Kyle was now standing behind Jenny and hugging her closely. He snuggled in next to her ear and whispered, “Are you feeling better now, Jen?” Jenny gently pulled Kyle’s head next to hers. Robert looked at Greg, who was standing near the table with Amir. He pointed at his wrist, wanting to know how much time he had left to speak. Greg just waved him on to speak as long as he needed.
“Well, thanks for letting me speak today. I hope this was...well, helpful and gave you some perspective.”
The room gave Robert a quick approving cheer.
“I can tell you—this day...it helped me to...ah, to finally stop digging and face that mountain. And mostly, I know I needed to stop being afraid of all those questions I was facing. Because what is any mountain we are about to climb? What is it, really? It’s just a bunch of questions that have to be answered, right? Think about it—every challenge, each obstacle we face, presents a question and how far you get up the mountain will depend on how you answer each of those questions.”
Robert stopped and smiled at his own thought.
“It really is all about the questions we live, isn’t it? The ones that we are willing or brave enough to ask ourselves...and then to be able to live with how we answered it. Like this one: who do I want to become?”
Robert looked directly at Aaron and smiled. And for the very first time since standing on that ladder over the crevasse in the Khumbu Icefall, Robert smiled...and felt it.
“A wise man once told me...well, by once I mean about forty-five minutes ago!”
Light laughter filled the room,
“He told me something I’m not sure I ever knew...I thought I did, but from my behaviour in the last six months, I obviously wasn’t living it. He said that when we are little children, everyone always asks us, ‘What do you want to become when you grow up?’ But as we get older, no one really asks us that question anymore...and so, many of us stop living the answer to that question! In a way, this question—who do I want to become—is more vital the older we get. Because as long as we are BEING, we are still becoming, aren’t we? So ask yourself today...sitting here, facing this new change in your life, who do you want to become? A content employee—a better friend...happier to work with...less confrontational?” Robert turned to Monique. “A better husband?”
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