The audience applauded.
Robert then looked at Jenny, “Or maybe a more attentive father.”
Jenny raised her hand and gave her father that same wave the little girl hiding in the car from the monsters outside had always given him.
“Or, how about a better listener...or easier to be with? Ask yourself: who in this room, right now—a person you see every day at work—who is that one human being that every day always makes you feel welcomed? Always makes you feel worth something? And then ask yourself: can I become like them? Can I make others feel like they are always welcome? Feel like they belong? Look around the room. Look at all the people you are sitting next to—all of you, three companies—and now all these new faces coming into your life. So how are you going to make that stranger you might be working with next week feel welcomed and feel like they belong? Well, why not start now?!”
Robert stopped and waited. At first, nothing happened. But then Lou got up and shook someone’s hand, then Kalinda and Dee stood up. Suddenly the room was buzzing and came alive with people saying hi to one another. Greg came to shake Robert’s hand. The doorman looked at Robert and gave him a wave.
As soon as it was quiet enough to speak, Robert started again. “And look, three companies now are becoming something new...We are always becoming—and there are definitely going to be those who are going to struggle with this becoming. And maybe they’ll act out...Maybe they won’t react or behave like you might hope...so, what do you do then? Well, I got another wise person that might help. She is a lady that has to welcome thirty-three eight-year-olds every day! And she has to try to make each of those little people feel welcomed, feel like they belong.
“You see, she teaches grade three and she has this poster on her classroom wall with all the kids’ pictures in a big circle around this one equation...It’s not a math equation, not a science one either. It’s the human equation. A human equation of how to make someone feel welcomed. And it’s real simple. It says this: Believe plus belong equals behave! You want someone to get along? You want everyone to work at their best, be open and good listeners? You want them to behave in a way that makes your experience at work the best it can be? Well then, help them to believe that they belong...and that’s usually how they will behave! Try it, it might work!”
Robert rolled his chair as close to Monique as he could get. He took a long moment to look in her eyes before he turned to the audience. “You see, I can tell you the greatest problem I had dealing with the loss of my legs was...it was when I stopped asking myself any questions that dealt with moving forward. But I only found that out today. That it is all about...asking questions. That’s what makes us who we are. It’s those questions that create us—our empathy, integrity, our values. You want to find out who someone is? Look at the questions they ask themselves!”
A thunderous applause shook the room.
“And finally, here is one question I have been asked so many times in my life. Almost every climber in the world has this question asked of them: Why do you climb? The timeless question, asked of every mountaineer: Why...Why do you climb?”
Robert paused and looked at his wife again. Monique had asked Robert this same question numerous times. He always had different answers to it each time, but the way he looked at her now told her that maybe...maybe...he had finally figured it out.
“Why do I climb? I think that question comes from the same thing we ask ourselves every single day throughout our whole lives. What can I do? We’re always asking that. Yet, every single ‘Can I’ question we ask will never be answered until we do something about it...right? Nothing happens until we start living that question! I guess that’s what we call choice. Simple questions like: Can I wear something like this? So you choose something, right? How can I start this task? You choose where to begin, right? And complex ones, like: Can I feel safe here? Can I belong here? Can I feel worth here? So then you have to choose how to live the answers to those questions. And whether it works...whether it helps you or hurts you...you always have the choice, don’t you? Just like any mountain climber, all of us are always constantly asking ourselves: Can I do it? For us climbers we ask: Can I make it up there? Can I endure the cold? Can I take one more step? So to answer the question of why do I climb: it always comes back to ‘can I,’...doesn’t it?”
Robert waited a beat to let his thought sink in. This was so simple, he thought, so why was this the first time I ever thought this out? he wondered.
“Wow, I never thought of it, but our lives are quite often the sum of how we answer all those ‘can I’ questions, don’t you think? Even simple ones like: Can I pass this test? Can I learn to be patient? Can I get over this loss? Can I deal with this change? Because every question of ‘can I’ is totally up to you to choose and how to live the answer to it...right?”
Robert stopped and comically hit his forehead. “ Oh, I’m so sorry. You see, I’ve just been piecing this together myself! But, then that would mean that every time we ask ourselves ‘Can I,’ then we’re also asking...‘Who do I want to become?’”
Monique put a hand on his shoulder and leaned to whisper something. Robert looked at her and mouthed, ‘I know.’ Then finished his thought.
“It’s like one of the first questions we ask ourselves when we are just little babies crawling around: Can I take that first step? If we didn’t ask that and answer it, then we’d all still be crawling around!”
Lou said something to the effect that sometimes he still felt he hadn’t mastered it yet, which brought the room down. And then, Robert laughed—completely and with an abandon that felt so...so brand new.
“We are always asking so many ‘can I’s?’, aren’t we? It’s like this...this great merry-go-round with each question—the answer always tells us who we are. AND who we are comes from what we do, and what we do comes from answering that question of ‘can I?’ And the absolutely greatest thing is we always get to choose who we become! We always get to choose the things we believe and stand for!”
Robert got more and more excited as the thoughts came tumbling out of him. “And look at the answer to the question of ‘can I?’...if you just turn the words around, what do you have? ‘I can!!!’ And that’s probably what we all want to become...Whether it’s climbing to the top of some mountain or taking those first steps into our mother’s arms, the answer we all strive for is: ‘Yes, I can!...I can!’”
The audience clapped vigorously. Greg came and stood beside Robert and joined in the applause. Robert put up his hand and whispered to Greg, “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry. Please—can I just do this one thing? I have to do this. I really have to do this.”
Greg took a step back and nodded graciously. Robert looked at Monique and then down to Jenny. He waited till the room got silent.
“Thank you...Thank you very much. But speaking of can I...well, I spoke of how I’m still on the top of that mountain and it’s time I start going home. So after we finish here today, I’d like to start one of the many can I’s that I have ahead of me.”
Robert opened his arm to Aaron. The audience watched intently as Aaron took a couple of steps to the front of the stage and laid a large green duffel bag in front of Robert. Robert reached out and shook Aaron’s hand. The bag made a little sound as it landed.
“Well, folks, don’t worry, it’s not filled with rocks.” Robert reached down and quickly unzipped the bag and pulled out one of the artificial legs that were inside.
“You see, we can’t perform our jobs with any efficiency if we are not given the right tools. And like any good mountaineer, I need my tools...and to get down off the top of this mountain, I will need mine. It won’t be crampons or any ice picks this time...it will be these.”
Robert lifted the artificial leg high above his head.
“And when I finish today, I’d like to put these on and start my way down. And that first step,” Robert then turned to Monique, “it will be to you, love...to you!”
The crowd jumped to its f
eet. Robert stretched out his hand towards his wife. Monique’s fingers entwined in his. Hands held. The audience cheered.
Jenny leaned into Kyle and whispered, “Look, Kyle, look! He’s home. My daddy’s home.”
EPILOGUE
ON P.K. PHOENIX’S FACEBOOK WALL
Hi, I’m back!
For all those that I haven’t been able to connect with for the last two months, I’m sorry. I was gone climbing to the base camp of Mt. Everest. That’s right, Mt. Everest! And I was standing on it—not the top of it, but pretty close to it!
Three of us were chosen to go there for a leadership program. It was somewhere I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would be. Me on Mt. Everest? And what I learned was that I don’t want to live any “if only’s” anymore! I don’t want to grow up and think, if only I did this or that...Those two words “if only,” they are just too sad to live with!
Sometimes I think I was spending too much time living in my own head—with only my own thoughts and my own fears. How boring I must have been! But this journey has helped me see more of who I want to be!
I have to tell you, I was afraid and I really didn’t want to go there. I had so many reasons, but then someone told me about what it is like when you live with regrets and I guess that scared me more, so I went! But now I do have this one regret I have to do something about: Our leader had asked us before we left Everest to write a thank you to the mountain and we were supposed to leave it with the mountain. But we were caught in an avalanche (I’ll talk about that some other time) and so I didn’t have time to write one and leave it there.
Also I guess I was too upset at the time. And since I don’t think I’ll be going back to Everest anytime soon, I’d like to leave the mountain a virtual message right here. And so that is why I’m posting a picture of Mt. Everest on my wall today and I would like to leave my thank you right here!
Dear Chomolungma or Sagarmatha or Mt. Everest—the mountain with many names!
On my journey to you, my friends and I had met many others that were coming to you as well. And since you’re not that easy to get to, that meant the people coming to you must have really had good reasons to be there. What we found was that everyone had so many different reasons why they were coming to you. Some obviously wanted to climb you. But even when we asked them why they climbed, they still all had so many other reasons...so many! And, when I thought about it, I found that I had a lot of reasons to be there as well. So here are all my reasons I’d like to thank you for.
First, thanks for helping us (all the climbers and everyone that comes to you). Thanks for helping us discover those reasons—because without reasons to do anything, we wouldn’t have much to live for, would we? So thanks for giving so many of us some purpose in our lives. Thanks for being such a great accomplishment for all of us. Thanks for giving us a reason to believe we are doing something amazing by just coming to you. Thanks for giving us a reason to be courageous and face some fears. And thanks for letting some of us live a dream we never even thought we would dream about. Thanks for all the memories created—memories that will stay with me forever. Thanks for the new people I have met and the friends that I hope will stay with me forever.
I must admit, Dear Mountain, it was hard to think of anything positive after what happened on our last day there. That avalanche! Why did you do that? You know, when you let go of all that snow and ice on top of us and almost killed our leader (and me!), I couldn’t really understand it at the time. And yet, I do know because of that happening, you helped a young man be a hero and save a life. So thanks for letting Satya scale down that rope to rescue our leader. That was quite incredible because only a short time before, this same Satya was hanging from another rope when he had tried to take his own life and now this time, he hung from a rope to save a life! Thanks a lot for that!
And Mountain, what I’d most like to thank you for is—is for showing me more of who I want to be. Because now I know. I really want to be a lot like you! I want to be able to give people hopes and dreams, purposes and reasons to do things. I really can’t think of anything more awesome to do!
And I guess like you, I have also had lots of names that people know me as. But I think from now on, I want to go with only one.
...because my name is Philip Kong and that’s who I want to be!
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
ac•knowl•edg•ment
acceptance of the truth or existence of something.
the action of expressing or displaying gratitude or appreciation for something.
an author's or publisher's statement of indebtedness to others, typically one printed in a book.
Okay, great! Here is where I can make my statement of indebtedness to others. Here is where I will express and display my gratitude and appreciation for something. Here is where I will accept the truth and show the existence of something. And that something is this: without these people in my life this book could not exist.
And I really want to thank them because—Ah, I love that word because: It's a word we use multiple times daily and yet, sometimes I don't think I always see the weight of its meaning. We use because to answer almost everything. Why do I climb a mountain? Why do I write? Why do I love? There's always a ‘because’, isn't there? Why are you doing something? Because of this or because of that. I guess when we say because, we are really saying: That is my cause to be.
All right, so let me start with my cause to be. I want to thank:
Yvonne and Rich, because you opened the door to show me all the great things I could become. (Good Morning Starshine)
Greg, because you helped me reach somewhere I never thought I could. (We are the Champions)
Elia, because you always showed me inspiration lies in the doing. (The Impossible Dream)
Gabe, because you trusted me enough to take your life's journey as a climber and help you find purpose in telling your story to others. (Born to Run)
Linda, because you teach me so many things—things I sometimes forget and things I would never know if you were not my sister and friend. (I am Woman)
Vera, because you climbed all the mountains first so you could show us how to do it. (Do You Believe in Magic)
Jim, because you held onto my hand and didn't let me fall. (Redemption Song)
Pamela, because you let me into your world and become a part of the care you show and give your students—that world is more awesome beyond any stories ever written. (Imagine)
Linton, because you helped me create, by letting me experiment over and over again without doubt. (Man in the Mirror)
Monica, because you brought me hope that I should continue becoming. (Both Sides Now)
Sandy, because of your care to make a difference. (Beautiful World)
Peter, because you always made me feel I was living the dream. (Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For)
Brenda, because your perspective and honesty and willingness to learn raise me up. (Bridge over Troubled Waters)
Morgan, because you helped a blank screen look better. (Respect)
Shawn, because your teaching and caring inspire me to believe that teaching is such a noble profession. (How to Save a Life)
Celestine, because you always make me feel and see my worth. (In My Life)
Ashley, because you helped this story grow into a healthy tree of words. (Changes)
Willow, because of your inspired thoughts. (Calling All Angels)
Jessica, because your belief in me instills a perseverance that keeps me growing and learning. (Stand By Me)
Michel, because your creative spirit inspires me to always keep creating. (Firework)
Starr, because you helped me take a step when I didn't see the path. (Jump)
Christina, Bridget, Marilyn, Barry and Maureen, because of your openness to read something new and different. (Help)
Loraine, because your eyes helped my words smile. (Won’t Get Fooled Again)
All the teachers and students who allowed me to be in their lives
, because without you, I wouldn't have found this incredible purpose. (All My Life's a Circle)
And last but not least...
My parents, because you always held hands. (Spanish Eyes)
My family, because without the feeling that I belonged to something, many of the wonders that have happened in my life would never have had a chance to exist. (Que Sera, Sera – Whatever Will Be Will Be)
Candace, because watching you become teaches me constantly. (Carry On)
Virginia, because you smile and share everything with me, and because you give me more causes to be than I could ever wish for, and mostly because of you, I love who I'm becoming. (If)
And...
To anyone who listened, because we all really need that. (Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head)
To everyone who made me feel I belonged, because that's where love begins! (Every Song I Love)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jack Langedijk is a passionate storyteller with contagious optimism and original ideas. He has delivered many ground-breaking workshops in leadership and listening to diverse audiences including elementary school children, families and corporations.
Jack founded QUEST-I’m-ON, a not-for-profit organization with a mission to create and foster healthy relationships within schools, workplaces and homes. He received his BFA in Montreal at Concordia University and his MFA at York University in Toronto. Jack had also taught acting and directing at Concordia University and Ryerson University in Toronto.
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