Bound Hearts 01-12

by Lora Leigh

  And she had always thought it a game, a challenge, whenever she saw him, to draw a smile to his lips, to his odd light green eyes.

  She moved to the desk, downloaded the pictures on auto pilot, and frowned at those memories.

  Cam had joined the army when she was still a young girl, but each time he returned home on leave, he had made it a point to check up on her; he managed to be wherever she was, and she had always dropped whatever she was doing to make Cam smile.

  Whatever happened had happened there in Oklahoma.

  She licked her lips nervously. Her father's best friend, Sheriff Bridges, had made a point after she turned sixteen to warn her about Cam. It was a warning she had informed him she didn't need.

  Sheriff Bridges was retired now, but he was still a close friend—of hers, as well as her father's. But would he tell her what she needed to know?

  She pulled her cell phone from the clip at her side and laid it on the desk beside her, staring at it. Did she want to know?

  "You look like a woman with a lot on her mind."

  She lifted her head and stared back at Chase. He didn't know what had happened to his brother, either.

  The argument she had glimpsed the week before proved that he was as much in the dark as she was when it came to Cam.

  "Quite a bit," she finally admitted, watching as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

  He leaned against the heavy wood panel, a scowl working at his face as he watched her. His gaze dropped to the cell phone, then moved back to her face.

  "I've run more than a dozen investigations into our past," he said quietly. "I've personally questioned everyone I could think of in that fucking town, had every pedophile and every filthy molesting son of a bitch I can think of questioned, and I don't know any more now than I did when we were kids, when he disappeared from the house."

  She stared at the phone again. Did either of them have the right to steal the secrets he was fighting so hard to hide?

  "Do you like sleeping on the couch, Jaci?" he asked her then, his voice hard, filled with anger. "Do you like having nothing but your feet held between his, rather than his arms around you?"

  "Stop, Chase!" She jumped from the chair and pushed her fingers through her hair, fighting her own fears and the need to have Cam hold her through the night.

  "Do you know why he shares his women?"

  She stared back at him, her chest aching as her heart clenched at the pain in his face. She shook her head slowly. She didn't have the right to give Chase answers that Cam wouldn't. But, God, she wanted to. She wanted to know why her lover hurt so desperately that he couldn't even bear to share a bed with her.

  "He shares them because he can't hold them. Because he can't bring himself to give them more than the pleasure of his body. It's my job to hold them through the night, while he finds a couch to sleep on," he snapped out. "Is that what you want? Do you want me holding you while he sleeps on that fucking couch?"

  "If that was what I wanted, then I would have come to your bed, rather than the damned couch he shares with me," she retorted. "For God's sake, Chase, what do you want from me? He hasn't told me anything, and if he had, do you think I could tell you? Do you think I'd betray him like that?"

  She pushed her fingers through her hair again, and this time she clenched the strands furiously as she turned away from him.

  He looked so much like Cam. There were no scars, the haunted shadows weren't the same, but in his expression, in his eyes, she could see his pain and his worry.

  "When we were fifteen years old, he began disappearing at night," Chase bit out. "Until that summer, I could always feel him, knew when he was hurting, when he had nightmares. We always shared our nightmares, Jaci. After that, it was as though my brother, my twin who I had shared space with since conception, was dead. He walked and he talked, but I couldn't feel him. I couldn't talk to him. By God, I couldn't reach him. Now I'm asking for your help."

  Her help? Jaci stared back at him in disbelief, wondering how the hell she was supposed to help him when she couldn't even help herself where Cam was concerned.

  "You're asking me to betray him." She dropped her hands from her hair and stared back at him miserably. "Even if I knew anything, Chase, how could you ask me to do that?"

  "Because he's my brother and I need to know who to fucking kill for what happened to him."

  Her lips parted as she fought to drag in air. He wasn't joking. Just as Cam hadn't been joking seven years before when he threatened to kill for her.

  "You and Cam just seem to have this thing about killing people," she exclaimed. "Tell me, Chase, where do you hide all the bodies?"

  The grimace of disgust that twisted his face would have been amusing, if the conversation were a different one. He breathed in roughly, obviously gritting his teeth as she crossed her arms over her breasts and stared back at him, sorrow building inside her.

  She could see the fear in his brother's eyes, and she hated knowing that fear was for the man she loved.

  "Cam's still alive," she finally whispered. "Whatever happened to him, he survived."

  "Do you call that surviving?" He straightened from the door and shot her a furious glare, then paced across the room before turning back to her. "Is that what you call it?"

  "He walks, he talks, he smiles, and he laughs," she whispered. "He's fighting his demons the only way he knows how. And he's trying to love me. Do I have the right to ask for anything more?"

  She had left him. She realized that she walked away from any right she had to call his demons her own, but that didn't stop her from doing it, and it didn't stop her from aching at the loss she sensed inside Cam. And Chase.

  "Is that enough for you?" He propped his hands on his hips and stared back at her knowingly.

  No, it wasn't enough for her, but it was that or leave. And she wasn't going anywhere. Not yet. Not as long as Cam could tolerate her laying at his feet.

  "For now," she finally answered him.

  "You're not even going to fight for him, are you?" Chase shook his head as though in disbelief.

  "Chase, what do you think I'm doing now?" She held her hands out demandingly, before they dropped to her side. "Do you think I liked having him walk away from me five minutes after he thought I was asleep? Do you think I enjoy seeing the hunger that's building inside him, knowing what he wants and what he needs, and being unable to give it to him? Do you think I enjoy seeing his pain?"

  "Then do something, Jaci."

  "Like what?" She almost yelled the words back at him. "What the hell do you want me to do? Hurt him worse? Blackmail him? 'Sorry, Cam, but you spill your secrets or do without me'? Damn you, Chase, what the hell do you want from me?"

  "I want you to fight for him this time." He was suddenly in front of her, his hands gripping her shoulders as he gave them a little shake, shocking her with the depth of his anger. "Damn you, stop fucking letting him take the easy way out, like you did the last time. If you're going to let him get away with this macho, closed-mouth bullshit, then you may as well just fucking leave the same way you got here."

  He pushed her away, stomped across the room, then turned back, his eyes blazing in accusation as the office door slammed open.

  Jaci flinched as the panel slammed into the wall and Cam strode in, fury lining every strong, sharp contour in his face as his gaze found and pinned Chase.

  "Cam." She moved for him.

  "Stay put!" His finger stabbed in her direction, drawing her to an abrupt halt, shock rocking her on her feet as the two brothers faced off.

  Both were furious. She watched their bodies tense, watched as they glared back at each other.

  "Did you forget about the cameras in the office, Chase?" Cam asked him, his voice silky, dangerous, as he glanced up at the darkened glass of the security monitors.

  Chase smiled, all teeth, all fury. "I didn't forget, little brother. Just as I didn't forget that you were suppose
d to be in a meeting with Ian, not spying on your girlfriend."

  "Jaci, are you ready to leave?" Cam didn't turn his gaze from his brother, didn't so much as slide his gaze away as he asked the question.

  "The two of you here alone?" She wasn't that stupid. "I don't think so, Cam."

  "Get whatever you need and we'll leave together then. Now." His voice grew darker, softer.

  Jaci almost shivered at the fury she could feel in the very stillness of the tone.

  She wasn't the only one that watched him warily. She watched Chase's expression. He was studying his brother like a scientist would examine a curious specimen. Something unknown. Something potentially fatal. There was almost a calculation in his gaze, as though he had meant to push Cam to this point, and now he was wondering how to push him further.

  She was terrified to see if he could actually do it.

  She moved quickly back to her desk, shoved her phone into her purse, and grabbed it up. She wasn't permitted to take the design pad or the pictures with her.

  "I'm never going to get this job finished, at this rate," she muttered. "I have to work sometime, you two, not just when your testosterone allows it."

  She slung her purse over her shoulder and moved from the desk. She strode to Cam, laid her hand on his arm, and stared into his face.

  "Are you going to fight, or what? Not that a lot of testosterone and blood would do anything to turn me on right now. It really wouldn't. But all this posturing has to be for something, right?"

  His gaze finally slid from Chase's and Jaci found her knees weakening. She wanted to go to the floor and wail, to cry for the bleak sorrow, the agony and rage she saw in his eyes.

  She felt her breath catch in her throat, and had to forcibly still her lips from trembling. How did he bear whatever raged inside him? How did he contain the pain, the desperation she could see tearing him apart?

  He turned back to Chase. "If I see ever you handle her again like I saw on that monitor, I'll take you apart," he told his brother. "And I'll make certain you never so much as breathe the same air she does."

  Chase's lips curled in sarcastic anger. "Will you now? And tell me, brother, who will you share her with?" He glanced at Jaci again. "I don't think she's going to allow just any man to take that beautiful ass of hers, just because it's what you need."

  Jaci nearly blanched at the dare in his voice. Fury raced over her.

  "Enough!" Her voice cracked into the sudden tense stillness of the room. Her nails dug into Cam's arm as he tensed to pull away from her. "The first one of you to raise your fists to the other will deal with me."

  They turned the combined power of their furious gazes on her.

  "I mean it, Cameron Falladay." She stared into his eyes, the twisting pain, the rage, the obvious disbelief that she would threaten either one of them. "And you"—she turned to Chase—"if you want to antagonize your brother, I'll be damned if you'll use me to do it."

  "And he's not using you?" he growled furiously. "Come on, Jaci, get a grip here. What is it, if he's not using you to forget something he doesn't want to remember? Too bad it's not working, is it, Cam?"

  At that, Jaci loosened her hold on Cam. She looked from one brother to the other and realized she was only adding fuel to the fire Chase was attempting to feed.

  "When you two are finished acting like children, could you let me know? I'll be upstairs with Courtney and a bottle of wine." She stepped away from Cam.

  He caught her arm, halting her before she could move an inch. "No, you'll be with me. Chase can play his games with someone else."

  He turned and pulled her from the room.

  "Running away, Cam?" Chase snapped. "Why doesn't that surprise me?"

  Cam stopped in the doorway as Jaci glanced up in time to see the regret, the loss that flashed across his face.

  "It shouldn't surprise you in the least," he finally said, his voice bleak. "After all, I think I've gotten damned good at it in the past years. Almost as good as you have."

  21

  Jaci managed to hold onto her temper, barely, as Cam drove back to the apartment. She kept her lips pressed tightly together and warned herself repeatedly that this wasn't any of her business. Not yet. Not until her and Cam's relationship was more established. She didn't have the right to make certain demands, she reminded herself. She didn't have the right to tell him what unacceptable assholes both of them were being.

  And perhaps that was the point where she lost control of the temper she swore she wouldn't lose.

  Because it was her business.

  It seemed as though she had waited all her life to be with one man. She had pushed herself away from him, she had fought her battles on her own, and she was still doing so. And she still managed to find a way to love. Cam refused to risk himself that far, even for his own brother. If he wouldn't risk brotherly love, what the hell made her think he was going to risk loving her?

  "This situation between me and Chase has nothing to do with you." Cam finally spoke as he drove, his body rigid and corded with tension. "This won't happen again, I promise."

  "Then it's a promise you'll break," she forced out, staring out the window of the Jaguar. "He's your brother; he'll do whatever it takes to find out what happened."

  She could feel the tension thicken in the car.

  "Nothing happened." Hard, cold, his voice had the bite of winter, freezing to the bone.

  She turned to him then. Slowly. That last thread of anger was fraying, and God knows, she didn't want to lose her grip on it.

  "You couldn't convince a five-year-old of that, so don't lie to me."

  His hands tightened on the steering wheel and the gear shift, his knuckles turning white from the force.

  "This is none of his business," he said quietly when she clamped her lips shut and turned away from him again.

  She couldn't stand to see that ragged sorrow on his face. He was hurting inside, and sometimes she wondered if she didn't make the pain worse. Because whatever drove him was eating into him now, tearing at him, and she could see it, feel it.

  "I have to disagree with you, Cam. He's your brother, your twin."

  "That doesn't make him my keeper," he snapped out. "I've dealt with my life and my own mistakes, and he's going to have to deal with the fact that he doesn't need to know every corner of my life."

  She turned back to him, that pain-filled anger building inside her as she watched his jaw tighten in fury.

  "No, he just has to watch that demon inside you, twisting you in agony, whenever he stares into your eyes. Excuse me, Cam, but it does make it his business. His and mine. Because whatever tears at you is going to rip us apart."

  He stared back at her in disbelief before jerking his eyes back to the road, then shifting the gears with a rough hand.

  "No one asked him to stick the fuck around," he bit out.

  "No, but you asked me to," she reminded him, her voice almost breaking. "I sleep at the bottom of that couch, rather than against you, and I accept it, because at least I'm with you. And I keep praying that need I see and feel burning inside you will ease, but it never does."

  "Son of a bitch! I'm not a kid, Jaci." He cast her a confused, incredulous look. "Fine, I hate beds. I know men who are terrified of frogs. What the hell does that matter?"

  "If it doesn't matter, then why are you so pissed off?" Jaci shot back. "For God's sake, Cam, something happened! Chase knows it. I know it. Don't you think it hurts us worse to have to continually guess at it?"

  "Guessing doesn't hurt you near as bad as knowing the truth would hurt me." The car screamed into the underground garage, tires locked, the vehicle sliding until it rocked to a stop. His fist struck the steering wheel. "Let it fucking go."

  Cam slammed out of the vehicle as Jaci followed more slowly, watching as he paced around the car for long minutes before he breathed out roughly and leaned against the side of the car.

  "I can't let it go," she finally
whispered, moving alongside the car, her hand running over the cooling hood of the car.

  Cam wiped his hand over his face and bit back the curses that hovered at his lips. Damn the two of them.

  Chase for waiting until he was weak, when his need for Jaci was driving him crazy, to start digging. And Jaci . . . He looked at her, her pale face, her worried eyes. Damn her for being the one woman he couldn't walk away from.

  "I can't," she whispered.

  "Why? For God's sake it doesn't concern or affect you, Jaci."

  She smiled, a sad, bittersweet smile that ripped at the fragments of his heart. A brutal reminder that she could affect him as no other woman could.

  "But it does," she said softly. "I love you, Cam. And I can't understand or accept the things you want from me, not like this. Not without the truth between us."

  "And you're being so honest with me? What about your honesty Jaci? You and Congressman Roberts?"

  She shook her head. "Richard and Annalee have nothing to do with us. I need to stand on my own two feet, Cam, and that's what I'm doing with them. It's that simple. Whatever's going on inside you does affect us, though. It affects us because you hold yourself back; there's always something between us."

  "It doesn't affect us, and there's nothing between us but too many clothes."

  She stared back at him silently for long moments, forcing him to turn his head to look at her, to hold back the growl of rage at the pain in her eyes.

  "You don't even hold me, Cam," she said then. "You leave me as fast as you can, and the closest you come to holding me is keeping my feet warm at night on that damned couch. Do you realize that? Do you realize that unless you're fucking me, your arms aren't around me? You hold yourself so distant from me that it hurts. And I allow it. Because leaving you now would hurt worse."