MMB_kdp

by Lauren Wood

  “I only want to help. People like you who serve for the right to protect our freedoms deserve our respect. You honor us with your duty to country and to the flag and we are responsible for all of you when you come back damaged. I’ve been meaning to throw myself into a volunteer capacity, but I’ve never had enough time with my own busy practice.” Cali Burk was a bigger girl with the kind of curves that had a lot of men salivating for the chance to see what kind of stamina she had underneath the sheets. Her dirty blond hair was shoulder length with slight curls that gave her an innocent quality. “I wish that I could be truthful with him, but that is not how this works. I’ve been sworn to an oath and made to sign a nondisclosure agreement. I won’t betray the confidence of the man that gave me a task that others have failed at miserably. I’ve read his file and Sebastian comes here every day to sit with those that have lost a limb or are suffering needlessly because of painful reminders of their past.”

  “I do have to ask you why you would consider doing this now. Everybody has their reasons and there’s always that stressor that pushes you into doing something that you’ve never been totally comfortable with. For me, it was losing my family because of nightmares that had me waking at all hours of the night screaming bloody murder. My wife at the time tried to be there for me, but I don’t blame her for wanting to start over with someone that didn’t have that much baggage.” What Randy wasn’t saying was that he wanted to kill his wife many times. It was as if the enemy was seen in her eyes and the last straw was putting his hands around his wife’s throat. It took his two young children to beg him to stop and then he knew it was over.

  Cali could see that Randy was hurting, but doing this had alleviated some of the stress of what he had seen and endured in his time with the navy. She wanted to help on her oath to do no harm and to heal those that could be healed. “I do have one caveat for me to come here on a volunteer basis. I need to pick and choose those that I want to get more in depth with. I think it would be a good idea, as I usually have a good eye for those that are suffering more than others. I’m looking for a challenge and someone is out there waiting for me to take them by the hand and bring them into the light. They’ve lived in darkness long enough and it’s time that they finally find their way back home.” “My mission is clear and Sebastian Nicholas is my assignment of choice. I need to treat this very gently and not bulldoze my way into his life. Not even Randy knows my true purpose for being here. It was stressed to me with vehemence by a man that had so many medals that it was almost blinding to be in his presence.

  “I have a few that say that they don’t need any help, but I know differently. It’s those that you should concentrate your efforts on. They won’t be very forthcoming and those missions that keep them up at night are for eyes only. Only those personnel given that kind of clearance can know what they’ve gone through.” Randy couldn’t help, but to look at this young woman in the prime of her life. She was wearing her heart on your sleeve and that kind of bleeding heart could get her into trouble. He had seen them come and go. Some left on their own accord and others had to be forced to find a different line of work. They couldn’t handle the horror stories and their minds would literally shut down after envisioning some of the things that these soldiers had to see.

  “Those are the ones I’m looking for. I respect every man and woman that comes through that door looking for somebody to help. It shows that they have the strength of character and a willingness to look past their pride. They know that something has been broken, but it’s those that think that they are able to deal with it on their own that are truly this close to losing it all.” Cali watched this dark haired gentleman with caring eyes and a smile that made you feel at ease from the moment that he sat down in front of her.

  Cali had her glasses on. It was a nondescript pair that made her look more matronly or maybe something of a naughty librarian. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail, but it gave her that educational feel. That was not what these people needed. They needed someone that was going to be on their level and not treat them like they were numbers on a chart. She needed to personalize her approach and not make it seem like therapy. It had to look more natural. That wasn’t going to be easy.

  Randy rummaged through the files and came up with five distinct names that would fit the criteria of what Dr. Burk was looking for. He glanced over his shoulder to see that she was looking out the window and there was a bead of sweat between her bountiful bosom. It made him lick his lips like a starving dog, but he also knew that he had someone special waiting for him back home. It’s just that he had always had a fantasy of making it with a woman with that kind of obvious endowment. It seemed almost cruel to end up with someone that was a bit less than what he was hoping for. She was the love his life, but she did not hold a candle to those that were busting out all over the place.

  Cali was not blind and she knew what kind of effect that she had on those that were around her. Their careful and subtle glances or leering gaze was a good indication that she had more than the average girl, but this was something that was a sought after commodity by many. “I think that I will take a look at these and see if anything strikes my fancy. To be honest, I would like nobody to know that I’m a therapist. I find that it’s easier to consume their thoughts by becoming one of them. I have made myself a file and what I’m suffering from is a former PTSD. According to those records, I’m an infantry grunt that has troubles following orders. I have fits of rage and I tend to lash out at any authority figure. I’m going to weasel my way into one of these men’s lives. It might not be conventional therapy, but I do not believe in failure.” “I don’t want to be this secretive, but they told me that this was a matter of National Security. Sebastian Nicholas is a sharpshooter for a secret branch of the military. For all intents and purposes, he is known to be a navy sharpshooter, but his true purpose is more clandestine. They showed me a redacted file and I could tell from what I was reading that this man had skills that went beyond the Normal Range of military practices.”

  “That’s highly unusual and I really don’t condone this kind of trickery. I’m not going to tell you how to do your job, Dr. Burk. By all means, take all the time that you need. I’m just going to do my rounds and I have a young man that is working through some issues concerning his family. He lost both of his legs in Afghanistan trying to defuse a mine in the middle of the road. He’s despondent and I know he’s this close to wanting to end it all. Maybe if you had the time, you can see what you can’t do about helping him.” Randy was dressed impeccably, but there was almost something casual about his approach. He was wearing dark black jeans, a white shirt with no tie and a vest that made him look professional, but also someone that you could talk to about your problems. He stood at the door not wanting to leave.

  She made a spectacle of looking through the files, but she knew exactly who she was looking for. Sebastian Nichols was the second from the last in the pile of five. His file was very light, but that was by design by the government. His missions were highly classified and ones that had left a lasting impact on his psyche. They called him in when only the most deadly of all could be the answer to what they were looking for. He could blend into any surroundings and become a sort of chameleon. He would infiltrate not unlike what she was going to do with his life and then burn it down from the inside out.

  Cali took off her glasses replacing them with contacts and slowly taking on the guise of a wounded animal. She shifted nervously in your seat, wringing her hands and darting her eyes from one corner of the room to the other. This was common practice amongst those in the military. They were taught to have eyes in the back of their head. She had purposely gone through a three month program to get into the mindset of this mission. She needed all the information going forward and coming up with mannerisms that would come with the territory of PTSD was not easy by any means.

  Cali did not consider herself to be fat and for the most part she was just a bigger boned girl and she knew how to take car
e of herself. She had learned hand in hand combat, how to fire weapons and was quite surprised to find out that she had a kind of marksmen status that others needed to work diligently to accomplish. They considered her an idiot savant and it was if the weapon in her hand was an extension of the rest of her body. Her boot camp trainer tried to get her to sign up for advanced courses.

  “I’m not only going to have to immerse myself into every facet of their life, but I’m also going to have to play the part that’s been given to me. I need to get into character. The next time you see me, I don’t think that you’re going to recognize me.” Cali saw that Randy really didn’t believe that, but she was about to make him a believer.

  “I don’t know how you expect to get away with anything with these people. They are practically human lie detectors and they will see any kind of bull shit coming their way. It’s going to be very interesting to see you work.” He couldn’t help looking at her chest. He tried to be nonchalant about it, but his eyes mirrored that of a young boy getting his first peek of a woman’s body. “With any of those five guys, I’m going to assume that you know what you’re doing and are not getting in over your head. If you need me for anything or if you feel that you’re drowning then all you need to do is ask for a lifeline.” He closed the door behind him envisioning her naked splayed out across his desk with legs spread and arms out asking for his type of loving.

  Randy could easily get lost between her legs and never come up for air for hours. He was a consummate lover of women and the one that captured his heart was a diminutive young ad executive. She could easily wrap her small frame around his waist. The sex was phenomenal and the only thing really missing was more up top. It was a compromise that he was willing to make for the sake of his own happiness. He had his idea of an ideal woman in his head, but to find her and everything that went along with her was an impossible task for him and for anybody else that was trying to do the same thing.

  Cali got up and picked up her bag and went through it to start the transformation. The black jeans were slowly pulled down over her ample posterior, until they were at her ankles. She replaced them with a threadbare pair of very faded jeans. The comfortable blouse was replaced with a pullover sweater. She wore no belt and replaced her high heels with that of combat boots. She had a compact and she placed it in front of her, so that she could see what she was doing to her hair. Those women that she had seen coming through the door were either not wearing any makeup at all or wearing very little.

  She could still hear the commander’s voice ringing in her ears. He was quite intimidating with salt and pepper hair and a huge Caterpillar mustache underneath his nose. “Dr. Burk, I don’t know how you’re going to make this work, but this needs to be done before the hearing in less than six months.” Cali felt a little inexperienced and requested to be taken underneath the wing of a hard ass trainer. She was sent to boot camp and at first she floundered, but then she slowly got the meaning of discipline. It was a difficult transition and being a woman didn’t make it any easier.

  Chapter 2

  Following orders to the letter and not deviating from them was what made a good soldier. Cali took about 20 minutes to get ready and to familiarize herself once again with the file of one Sebastian Nichols. According to all accounts, he was a hard nut and felt like he was untouchable. Those higher up were worried that he was going to crack and what he had in his head could seriously bring trouble. The missions that he had completed were not for the faint of heart.

  Cali stepped out of the office mumbling something underneath her breath and rubbing their hands like she couldn’t get rid of the blood staining not only her soul, but metaphorically her skin. “I don’t need this. They can’t help me. They can’t even help themselves.” She sat down in the common room her hair covering her eyes and every so often looking up expecting to see a shadow about to attack her.

  Sebastian was watching the weather network. He had his hand poised on the remote and sitting beside him was a young man with brain damage. He was talking in slurs, but at least his words were clear and concise.

  “I know that technically I wasn’t a part of your platoon, Sebastian. I do have to say that I’m very grateful that you were able to pull yourself away from whatever you were doing to come see me. I know that you’re a busy man and that people have high demands on you to get things done. I didn’t know enough to know what you actually did, but I was there during the aftermath. You have always been a one man wrecking crew and I only wish that I was half the man that you are.” This man was shaved bald with an ugly black T shirt with stains of food making a very distinct pattern in the material.

  “Michael, you know that you’ve always been important to me. My brother died doing something he loved and I adopted you from the moment you came into camp. The medication has been helping you and I’ve seen a real improvement. Every time I come here, there’s always this new bit of light in your eyes.” Sebastian was only telling him what he needed to hear. He had already heard from his doctors that the damage was quite extensive and each day was going to be a struggle for him to do things on his own. “You know that I will always come and see you. It’s the least that I can do for a man that served his country with distinction. You’ll always have a soft spot in my heart, Michael.” He remembered the day that a ricochet had penetrated Michael’s cranium.

  “I’m really feeling…tired. Would you mind that we cut this short?” What Michael didn’t realize was that his days were numbered. He was slipping away slowly and it wouldn’t be more than a few days before he finally let the enemy of any soldier come for him. Death was that constant reminder knocking on your door waiting for you to answer the cold clammy hand that rapped on it incessantly.

  Sebastian got up and put his hands on the wheelchair arms. He pushed him past a new member of this halfway house. She looked like she was dealing with something weighing down heavily on her shoulders. There was something strangely erotic about her size. It always called upon the sword in his pants. Sex was something that he needed on an otherwise daily basis. It was a good way to lose himself in the arms of some woman that was only there to please him. He found that most couldn’t see past the dead shot of his eyes. He didn’t understand why somebody would call him that, but his commanding officer was very good at coming up with names that suited those under his command. Dead shot was something that stuck with him after a particularly grueling session in the Philippines.

  He was specifically sent in to take care of a warlord and take him out from a long range distance. One clean shot between the eyes with an actual hurricane bearing down on them was what had made his commanding officer stand up and take notice.

  Cali waited for the right time and then struck out like a cobra after its prey. Her hand gripped his and made him look into her downtrodden eyes. The desperation that she conveyed was of a woman that needed a helping hand. “Tell me that you hear that.” Her words were rushed and her hand was taken away too soon. Sebastian looked at this hardened woman, but there was something soft that he couldn’t recognize. “I don’t know what I’m doing here. I feel that everybody is judging me and looking at me.” She didn’t come out and say that she needed a friend, but Sebastian could see the signs like they were written across the wall.

  For some reason, Cali decided to go with a wounded bird persona. It was perfect to make Sebastian think that she was the one in need of saving. She was giving him the chance to come to the rescue on his metaphorical white steed. If she could convince him that he was her saving grace, then maybe they had a chance to get to the meat of the matter of his own problems. “I feel almost sick for trying to fool him like this, but it’s better in the long run. He can’t know the truth. He needs to think that I am that bird with a broken wing. He needs to be the one to mend me and to give me a reason to go on. I’ve done my best to sow those feelings into him with one look, but how can I really be sure that it’s working.”

  Sebastian looked at this woman and then a fleeting thought of d
esire crept down the left side of his pants. He had no problem getting excited and a woman with no clothes did that to him in spades. The only thing that was truly missing was a connection and not just two writhing bodies getting to know each other intimately on no more of a level than physical. He had even resorted to paying for it. It was easier that way and there was no entanglement or drama. It was a transaction of a business variety that took place for 1 hour of his day. He would get those feelings under control for that 1 hour and then he would sit and stew over how stupid he had been.

  Sebastian wheeled his friend back to his room and then literally had to turn his back. He couldn’t let Michael see any kind of weakness or the terrifying expression on his face of the prospect of losing him. He swallowed hard outside the door and then stood tall with a defiance to not let his emotions get the best of him.

  He was half expecting to see that woman gone upon entering into the common area. He was surprised to see that she was curled up in the Lotus position rocking back and forth and watching nothing particular on television. “I don’t know about you, but this place is fucking depressing. If I had to stay here all the live long day, I would probably hang myself from the highest part of the building. I only come in here to see a friend and to make sure that these people are getting what they deserve. You look like you have a story to tell and maybe a walk in the fresh air will clear up some of those cobwebs.” He didn’t offer his hand, but his obvious invitation was put out there.

  Cali watched him go back out the door and down the stairs to the street level. She followed like that of a trance or maybe of a pied piper luring the rafts from the sinking ship. His brisk pace would be more than most could take. She had discipline and stamina and didn’t mind showing it. She had found that boot camp was an eye opening experience. She had felt slightly overwhelmed and there were those that thought that she couldn’t measure up. It was there disinterest that had fueled her into fulfilling the most demanding task. She had toned and hardened with more muscle.