Romantic Comedy Box Set (Helen Grey Series Books 1 & 2)

by Hodge, Sibel

  ‘Yes! Why were the nuts in my mini-bar? I could’ve opened them by accident and died!’ I slapped a hand on the reception desk for emphasis.

  She had the good grace to look horrified. ‘I’m so very sorry about that, madam. We at the Plaza had no idea. I’d be very happy to get our Housekeeping Manager to come and talk to you about it straight away.’

  ‘No!’ Kalem shouted.

  She flinched. ‘Is there another problem as well, sir?’

  ‘Yes. And it’s a very delicate matter. I’d rather not talk to a woman about it, if you don’t mind. I really need to speak to Mr. Kaya about it personally.’ Kalem dropped his voice again, looking around the reception area as if it was a top military secret he was talking about.

  ‘Well, can you give me some sort of idea please?’ She smiled again.

  ‘The condoms in the mini-bar,’ he whispered to her.

  She wrote condoms down next to the nuts she already had on her piece of paper. ‘And what’s wrong with the condoms, sir? Have they been near the nuts? Is that why you’re worried?’

  ‘No, they’re too cold. I nearly…’ Kalem coughed, as if he were highly embarrassed. ‘Look, I really can’t discuss our condoms with a woman.’

  ‘Or our nuts,’ I interjected.

  ‘I really need to speak to Mr. Kaya himself,’ Kalem said.

  ‘Right away, sir. I would be very happy to call Mr. Kaya and ask him to speak with you.’

  About bloody time.

  She dialled a number and repeated our request to Mr. Kaya. She nodded a few times, still smiling, then replaced the receiver. ‘Mr. Kaya will be down in fifteen minutes to speak with you. In the meantime, please have a complimentary drink at one of the bars while you wait.’ More smiling. ‘Please be careful though, madam, as there may be nuts on the bar. And they do contain nuts.’

  ‘I’ll make sure I look out for them. Thank you.’ I smiled at her.

  ‘Thanks very much for your help,’ Kalem said.

  We edged away from reception.

  ‘I want to get a look at the Queen Cleopatra sculpture while we’re here. I have to see it. It could be the only chance I ever get to actually look at it in real life,’ Kalem whispered to me.

  ‘Is it already on display? Or are they just putting it out on the opening night?’

  Kalem shrugged. ‘I have no idea. The article didn’t say. But I have to try and get a glimpse of it if it’s already here.’

  ‘Are you really sure you want to look at it? It’s cursed. You might die if you look at it.’ I sighed. All this talk about nuts and statues was wearing me out. I felt a hopeless fatigue settle over me. Maybe I was just weak from hunger and needed something to eat.

  ‘It’s not cursed.’ He shook his head at me.

  ‘Hmm,’ I said in a disbelieving tone.

  We peered into the bar areas. No ugly statue. Good.

  ‘How about the restaurants?’ Kalem said.

  Nope, we peeked in all of them. Lots of party-frocked and poshly-suited people, but no sculpture. We covered the ground floor and couldn’t see it. What a shame. Not!

  ‘What about the lower ground floor?’ Kalem suggested. ‘Maybe it’s down there somewhere.’

  We descended the stairs to the lower ground floor. Wow! The hotel was huge. Classy – and obviously very expensive – boutiques lined either side of a large walkway. As the boutiques came to an end, the spa and fitness centre loomed in front of us. We didn’t bother looking in there. Unless Cleopatra was finally getting an upper lip wax, it seemed an unlikely place to show it.

  We had a choice of going to the casino, or taking another walkway off to the pool, beach, and the hotel’s own port.

  Hmm, probably not enough time to go traipsing around the pool. ‘Let’s look in the casino then.’

  ‘OK.’

  I felt like I’d stepped into a scene from Oceans 11. Lots of ching ching and bling bling going on.

  We eased our way around the poker tables, roulette wheels, and various slot machines, and came across a free merchandise stand. I ignored it. Why would I want a baseball cap or T-shirt with Plaza Casino on it? Instead, something much more interesting caught my eye: A free buffet area. My stomach growled at me. I hadn’t eaten anything since lunchtime. God, I was starving. Yes, that was definitely what I needed. Food.

  I grabbed a plate and hastily piled it high with food: some warm, fresh Turkish bread topped with toasted sesame seeds and aniseed, garlicky humus, some spicy Turkish meatballs, and salad.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Kalem raised an eyebrow at me.

  ‘I’m starving,’ I said, in between shovelling food in my mouth. ‘I’ll be two minutes. You go and look for it while I eat this. I don’t really want to clap eyes on the ugly sculpture anyway. It might give us an even bigger curse.’

  Kalem disappeared on his mission while I stood at the buffet, scoffing. My eyes wandered around the room, taking in the high-rollers betting thousands of pounds on the flick of a chip. I was just studying the sombre expression of a business-suited elderly guy with a woman hanging on his arm who looked about twelve, when I stopped eating mid-bite.

  It was Ferret Face. Here! In the casino. With us!

  His black beady eyes darted around, as if casing the joint; getting the lie of the land, so to speak (think I’d heard those expressions in a crime movie once).

  An icy chill slammed through my veins.

  Where the hell was Kalem? And what if Ferret Face saw him?

  I craned my neck, searching for Kalem. Where are you? God, where the bloody hell are you? (Oops, sorry to blaspheme – very stressed, you know.)

  I slammed the plate down on the buffet table, keeping my eyes firmly locked on Ferret Face’s position, and went in search of Kalem.

  I darted around the tables. No Kalem. Up and down the rows and rows of chiming slot machines. No Kalem. Back to the buffet. No sodding Kalem.

  By this point Ferret Face was making his way out the casino door.

  I clutched my heaving chest. Hurrah!

  I stood there without blinking, eyes glued to the door, until they started watering. And then…

  ‘Agh!’ I felt a tap on my shoulder and must’ve jumped half a mile in the air.

  I swung around.

  ‘Only me.’ Kalem observed my distraught face. ‘What have you done now?’ He grinned.

  ‘Ferret Face was in here,’ I hissed. ‘Where did you go? I was trying to make sure he didn’t see you.’

  ‘I couldn’t find the statue, so I went to the toilet.’ He jerked his head towards the toilets in the corner of the casino. ‘Come on, we need to go and meet Mr. Kaya.’

  ‘Yes, but what if Ferret Face is still out there?’

  ‘OK, if I keep my head down, hopefully he won’t recognize me. But just to be on the safe side, you can go in front and I’ll loiter behind you. If you see him, scratch your head. Then I’ll know he’s there and I can hide somewhere.’

  ‘Good plan.’ I nodded and crept back to reception. Well, it wasn’t a particularly good plan, but in the absence of something better it would just have to do.

  ‘May I help you, madam?’ Different receptionist, same helpful smile.

  ‘Mr. Kaya was coming down to deal with my complaint.’ I fanned at my face. All this action was giving me a hot flush.

  ‘Oh, I think I just saw him leaving. If you’re quick, you might be able to catch him.’ She pointed out to the car park. ‘His white Hummer limousine may still be out there.’

  ‘Oh, no!’ I yelled and swung around to see where Kalem was. I spied him hiding behind a pillar near the reception desk and, trying not to draw attention to the fact he was there, I casually strolled over to him. ‘OK, you carry on waiting here behind this pillar until I know the coast is clear,’ I said to the pillar and then flew out the entrance and into the car park.

  My head sprang from side to side like I was watching a tennis match.

  No Kaya. I spotted his limo cruising up the driveway and ran after him. R
ealizing I wasn’t going to catch him, I finally gave up, out of breath.

  ‘Damn!’ I walked back down the driveway towards the entrance and, as there was no Ferret Face around, I caught Kalem’s eye, peering around the pillar, and gestured to him that it was safe to come out.

  Kalem surreptitiously sneaked out the entrance to the hotel, turning his head one way and then the other to check that the coast really was clear.

  Then my jaw dropped as I saw Ferret Face appear from the balcony of one the bars on the first floor overlooking the entrance. He stared down at Kalem, and a look of recognition flashed across his ugly mug. He slammed his drink down on a table and disappeared from view sharpish.

  ‘Run, Kalem!’ I screamed.

  Kalem furrowed his brow. ‘Why?’

  ‘Ferret Face is coming!’ I sprang towards the Land Rover with Kalem following behind at rocket launching speed.

  I slid through the door and Kalem jumped in, shoving the key in the ignition.

  He turned the key. Nothing. Not even a click.

  I banged on the dashboard. ‘Hurry! He’s probably on his way down here now. We don’t have much time.’

  Another turn.

  Slight click.

  I craned my neck around, looking back at the entrance to the hotel. Ferret Face emerged into view, running through the long lobby inside.

  ‘He’s coming!’ I grabbed my camera and snapped a picture of Ferret Face, just in case we needed it for identification. ‘I knew we shouldn’t have hired a Land Rover!’ I yelled. ‘Quick!’

  Ferret Face was half way across the car park when Kalem turned the key again.

  The engine sprang to life.

  We sped up the driveway as Ferret Face ran to a nearby black Mercedes and climbed in.

  I heard a loud banging noise in my ears from the engine, then realized it was actually my heartbeat.

  Kalem took a left at the top of the driveway and turned onto the main road we’d followed earlier out of town earlier.

  ‘Faster!’ I cried. ‘He’s gaining on us.’

  ‘I’m trying!’ Kalem slammed his foot flat to the floor. ‘Land Rovers aren’t exactly known for their speed.’

  ‘We’re going to die. We’re going to die. And we haven’t even had sex since we’ve been here!’ Strange, the things that come into your mind when your life is in jeopardy.

  Dust scattered in the air behind us as we sped along with Ferret Face barely inches away.

  We turned off onto the coast road that we’d taken earlier in the day to Deniz and Yasmin’s house.

  ‘We’re never going to lose him in this.’ I made a mental note to take the Land Rover back and hire a Ferrari or a Porsche.

  Ferret Face took the turning too.

  Kalem pushed the Land Rover to top speed. ‘Look for a track that leads off this main road. The only way we’re going to lose him is if we take one of the tracks that lead towards the mountains.’

  My eyes darted around in front, looking for some kind of escape route that we could take. ‘We’re going to die. We’re going to die,’ I whispered.

  ‘There!’ Kalem suddenly swerved the Land Rover to the right onto a narrow dirt track lined with trees that led off the main road.

  Ferret Face swerved onto it too.

  We bounced up and down, over rocks and bumpy dips, the branches of bushes and trees scraping against the side of the Land Rover like nails on a blackboard.

  I shivered inwardly.

  In the distance, I could see the dark silhouette of the mountains, lit up by the full moon. Agh! A full moon. That couldn’t possibly be a good sign, could it? There might be werewolves up there or some of those scary demons.

  Kalem manoeuvred the Land Rover across a deep, dried up riverbed with all the expertise of an experienced off-roader.

  The Mercedes slowed down, trying to get up the other side of it. His wheels caught on the sandy ground, spinning and churning up more dust.

  We gained a couple of metres advantage.

  The track climbed higher here and was lined with bigger rocks and boulders fallen from the mountain side.

  The Land Rover creaked and groaned on the rugged terrain.

  ‘We’re going to die!’ I yelled.

  We turned a corner on a particularly hairy bend with a steep drop down the mountain side.

  My stomach fell to my feet and bounced back up again.

  Kalem steered the Land Rover past a large rock and shortly afterwards there was a loud crunching sound behind us.

  I whipped my head around and saw that the Mercedes had ended up wedged on top of the rock, smoke billowing up into the night air.

  As we disappeared around the corner, I heard Ferret Face revving his engine hard.

  I kept my eyes on the rear window, waiting for him to appear again. It wasn’t until the revving sounds faded into the distance that I allowed myself to finally breathe.

  ‘We lost him,’ Kalem said. ‘I know I said I wanted to take you off-roading, but this wasn’t exactly what I meant. Now we just have to work out how to get off this mountain in the dark.’

  Uh-oh. What about the demons?

  Chapter 8

  Surprisingly, I fell into a coma-like sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

  The previous forty-eight hours had really taken it out of me. When I woke up at 9 a.m. to a loud banging on our hotel room door, I felt like I’d been run over by a bus. I ached. My head hurt. My throat felt scratchy and dry. I guess that’s what stress overload did to a person.

  I heard the shower going full blast in the bathroom.

  Putting on Kalem’s T-shirt, I padded to the door.

  ‘Room service,’ Charlie sing-songed on the other side.

  ‘I love you.’ I grinned at him when he wheeled in a trolley stacked high with breakfast.

  Ayshe and Atila kissed me as they wandered in behind.

  ‘Morning.’ Kalem appeared from the bathroom with a towel around his waist, his hair still damp from the shower, and his chest glistening with beads of water.

  Yummy. If we didn’t have an audience, I would’ve pounced on him there and then.

  After Kalem and I had tucked into a hearty breakfast, it was time to get down to some serious business. The capture of a crazed jewellery thief and sniper for starters. The wedding dress – or lack of it – for seconds.

  I had four days to go to the wedding, and if I didn’t get my lucky dress back, I didn’t really want to go down the aisle wearing a French Fancy. Four days to go, and I was thinking about curses, murderers, and queens with moustaches, instead of thinking nice happy thoughts like floaty wedding dresses, Kalem looking sexy in his wedding suit, dancing, drinking, and laughing at the wedding party. And lots of slow, sensual love making at the after-wedding party.

  ‘Right. First things first.’ I clapped my hands together. ‘How are Yasmin and Deniz?’ I asked Ayshe.

  ‘Dad’s acting a bit funny, actually,’ Ayshe said.

  ‘Yes, but that’s normal,’ I said.

  ‘I think he’s going through a mid-life crisis,’ she went on. ‘I’m getting a bit worried about him.’

  ‘He’s seventy. He’s leaving it a bit late.’ I giggled.

  Atila nodded. ‘He’s had three packets of condoms off me already from our mini-bar. What the hell is he doing with them?’

  ‘I haven’t got a clue. They’re a seventy-year old married couple! It’s not like Yasmin is going to get pregnant, is it?’ I shook my head.

  ‘They’ll have an injury at this rate.’ Kalem wrinkled up his nose. ‘They’ve got food poisoning. How can they even be considering doing…you know? God, it just doesn’t bear thinking about.’

  ‘I’ve given Dad some magazines, so hopefully he won’t be quite as bored, and it might take his mind off any…’ Ayshe winced, ‘condom activity.’

  ‘OK, we’ll stop off and see them later,’ Kalem said.

  ‘But what about you, Helen? I feel so bad that I haven’t been around to help you with anything
. I want Sunday to be the happiest day of your life.’ Ayshe glanced at Kalem and smiled. ‘And yours too, of course. Especially as it was my fourteen-day life challenge that got you both together in the first place.’

  ‘As long as I’ve got Helen it will be the happiest day of my life.’ Kalem beamed back at me.

  ‘What am I going to do without you when we all go back to the UK and leave you here?’ Ayshe asked, sniffing back tears. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I keep doing this. I don’t want to spoil your wedding preparations with depressing talk.’

  ‘I’d rather have it spoiled by you than Ferret Face.’ My face crumpled. ‘Anyway, you’ll have to come out and see us. Lots. And we’ll come back to see you. I couldn’t stand it if we hardly ever saw each other.’

  ‘Yes, but I’m used to seeing you every day. And Atila can’t just up and leave his restaurant. He’s such a perfectionist – he wants to be there all the time, even though he’s got a fantastic manager.’

  ‘Yes, I am here,’ Atila pointed out. ‘I can hear you. You don’t have to talk about me as if I’m not.’

  She wiped at her eyes. ‘Oh, look at me. It must be all the baby hormones flying around.’

  ‘Actually…maybe there is a way.’ Atila suddenly sat forward with an excited look on his face.

  ‘What?’ Ayshe asked. ‘A way for what?’

  Atila pushed his floppy fringe off his forehead and leaped up. ‘Just an idea.’ He gave us all a vague smile. ‘Do you need me for anything? Want me to come with you when you go to the apricot festival? Wedding dress shopping? Anything like that? If not, I want to strike while the shish kebab is hot.’

  ‘Pardon?’ I frowned. Maybe the heat was getting to him, because he didn’t seem to be making any sense.

  ‘I have to organize a wedding present for you,’ Atila said.

  ‘We’ve already got them a wedding present. Are you OK?’ Ayshe looked up at him, worried. ‘Do you think it’s the heat? Maybe we should turn on the air conditioning.’

  ‘I’m perfectly fine, thanks.’ Atila grinned.

  ‘No, we don’t need you.’ I gave Atila a puzzled look. What was he up to?