All He Desires – Nate & Eliza (Crossroads Book 12)

by Melanie Shawn

  And as hard as he tried to change it, deny it or avoid it, he was beginning to see that Nana had been right. It wasn’t a choice. When he looked into Eliza’s eyes his heart found its home, and apparently he did not have the power to evict it.

  “You know you don’t have to do this for my benefit,” Bailey commented as she leaned back slightly so she could see his face.

  “You don’t want to dance?” Nate didn’t care if they danced or not, he liked dancing but he was getting absolutely zero enjoyment out of anything tonight.

  She grinned and shook her head slightly. “I’m not talking about dancing.”

  “What are you talking about?” Part of what he liked about Bailey was that she always said what she meant and meant what she said. She didn’t play games. She never expected him to read her mind.

  It was refreshing.

  “I’m talking about the reason that you’ve been distracted all night. Just go talk to her. Don’t be chivalrous on my account.”

  It didn’t surprise him that Bailey had picked up on the fact that he’d been distracted. She was very perceptive and in tune to what people were feeling. It was part of what made her so good at what she did. Her bedside manners were unparalleled. She not only made her patients comfortable, she also put their families at ease during one of the most stressful, scary times of their lives. On the whole, surgeons were cold and detached. They had to be to do their job. From what he’d observed the truly great ones were distant and impersonal. But somehow Bailey managed to keep the human aspect of what she did and be brilliant in the operating room. It was truly impressive.

  “It’s not just you,” he answered honestly. There was no reason to get into all of it with her. He and Bailey had grown close, but he wouldn’t be admitting that to anyone.

  “Okay. If you say so.” Her eyes narrowed slightly but she once again rested her head on his shoulder as they glided across the floor to Frank Sinatra’s “The Way You Look Tonight.”

  He watched as Eliza made her way back to her table and she smiled at someone who waved at her and a warmth spread through him. It was like this song was a soundtrack to his life. He knew that the memory of her in that dress, her soft pink lips, the chestnut waves of hair that fell around her face would be forever etched in his mind. He would always remember the way she looked tonight and no matter how cold the world was it would make him feel warm.

  “I think we should go to Whisper Lake separately,” Bailey stated calmly but with finality as they swayed to the music.

  They’d planned on heading up there Friday morning and coming back Sunday. Nate was going to drive so Bailey could catch up on sleep because she had a surgery scheduled the day before. “Did you need to leave later? We can go Saturday morning. I won’t be back in town until Friday morning anyway. I could use a day to catch up on things before heading up there.”

  Nate had finally finished wrapping up the cyber security assignment that he’d been working on and his next assignment was as part of a three-man team guarding an informant that had been in WITSEC but his location and identity had been compromised. He would be out of town starting tomorrow morning and not arrive back until the day before the wedding.

  While Nate had appreciated being included in Brian’s wedding party, he didn’t feel like his presence would be missed, especially since it was so large. On Friday night they were having a rehearsal dinner and then the next morning the guys were going out on the lake while the girls got ready, but he was sure Brian would understand if he was unable to go to those activities as long as he made it in time for the ceremony.

  “No, it’s not that. I just think it would be better if we go there separately. As single people. This, us, has been great. But I think it’s time that we were really just friends. No benefits.”

  Nate didn’t want Bailey to get the wrong idea. It was true that he had feelings for Eliza, but there was no future there. They weren’t going to be together. “It’s not what you think. There’s nothing going on between us.”

  Unless you count unrequited love.

  Her full lips pulled up in a knowing smile. “Maybe not physically. But that’s just a technicality. You, my friend, are not single anymore. I mean you’ve always been unavailable, emotionally at least. Which honestly was part of what attracted me to you. I knew there was no chance of you wanting something I couldn’t give you. We had fun and we had great chemistry.” She smiled and there was a spark in her eye. Things had always been fun between them in the bedroom. “And it never bothered me that even when we were together your heart was somewhere else since that was never the part of your anatomy I was interested in. I deal with enough hearts in the operating room, the last thing I wanted was to deal with yours. But…” she sighed. “Now that I have a face to put to where it’s been, I can’t do this. It’s not fair to her, to you or to me.”

  Bailey was an extraordinary woman. Not only was she one of the most beautiful people he’d ever seen and could put any model walking the runway to shame, she was also brilliant, articulate, talented, funny, honest and caring. But all of that paled in comparison to what he believed was her most incredible trait, her insight. Most people looked at things through a filter of their own experience, whether they wanted to or not. Somehow, Bailey just saw things for how they were in a non-personal way. Not like she was a robot or anything, she had feelings, she just didn’t make anyone else responsible for them.

  She truly was amazing and he’d always be grateful for not only the time they’d spent together, but also just the opportunity to know her.

  She leaned back into him, resting against his shoulder and he kissed the top of her head as he tightened his arms around her for their last dance. Literally and metaphorically. “Do you know how much easier my life would be if I was in love with you?”

  “Right?!” She sighed in commiseration. “If you were the one for me, life would be so much easier.”

  The way she’d said it made him think there was someone that was right for her. Not in theory, but in reality. A man that she knew she should be with, but for some reason wasn’t. Nate wasn’t going to push her to talk about it. If she wanted to tell him, he knew that she would. They may not be everything to each other, but she knew he would always be there for her, and he had the same confidence about her.

  As they moved together to the music, his eyes did a scan of the room and slowed in the area of Eliza’s table, just like he’d been doing all night. But unlike every other time, he didn’t see her there. Mrs. Lewis’ seat was empty as well.

  His heart sank. She was gone and he hadn’t even said goodbye, or hello for that matter. It was a conscious choice but that didn’t make it any easier. And now he was going to be out of town for the next two weeks. He most likely wouldn’t see her until the wedding.

  Before Monday, he hadn’t seen her in ten years, but now the thought of not seeing her for two weeks seemed unbearable. Bailey had been right. He wasn’t single or available…and he didn’t know what to do about it.

  Chapter 11

  Procrastination wasn’t normally Eliza’s style so she didn’t immediately recognize that that’s exactly what her behavior was as she sat outside Bella. On the way over, she’d taken a detour by her childhood home. There were no lights on inside, no cars in the front, and from the street it looked vacant. But the lawn was well manicured and there was a fresh coat of paint on it and the wooden steps that led up to the wrap around porch look like they’d been restained.

  She’d sat, parked out in front of it for almost fifteen minutes before driving to the boutique. And now, for the last ten minutes, she’d scrolled through Instagram as she kept an eye on the time. She was due at her second and final fitting in exactly two minutes. Amber had asked everyone to stop by between six and seven for their final fittings. It was 6:58. She didn’t plan on being late, but she didn’t want to spend any more time there than necessary.

  Her reluctance had nothing to do with Amber. It had to do with Bailey. She’d seen the other woma
n walk in just as she pulled into the parking lot. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Bailey, it was actually quite the opposite. It was just like Julia Roberts said in My Best Friend’s Wedding about Cameron Diaz’s character, if she didn’t love her she’d hate her.

  The last time she’d seen Bailey, and Nate for that matter, he was kissing her…or um—kissing the top of Bailey’s head as he hugged her tightly against him while they were slow dancing under twinkle lights. After seeing them together the night of the fundraiser, it was obvious that whether or not he classified them as a couple, that’s exactly what they were. They’d looked so happy. So comfortable with each other. They looked like the toppers of a wedding cake.

  Not that any of that should matter to her anyway. She was single and staying that way. She’d already put two notches in her marriage belt and she had no plans on putting a third. Even if she was, there was the small, but rather vital problem that Nate had no interest in notching her. So whether he was with Bailey, or alone or with someone else really didn’t matter.

  Logically, she knew that. Unfortunately, the rest of her had missed or ignored the memo. It wasn’t just this fitting that she was trying to put off. Tomorrow morning, she was leaving for Whisper Lake and the thought of spending three days watching the two of them together made her sick to her stomach.

  The digital numbers on her phone indicated that if she didn’t go in now, she would be late, something that as an adult she’d prided herself on never being. As she grabbed her purse, which was beside her on the passenger seat, she gave herself a little pep talk. She just needed to get through the next few days and then she could get back to her normal, well, new-normal routine, which was surprisingly Nate-free.

  After seeing him three times her first week back, she’d thought for sure that Nate sightings would be a regular occurrence. She’d thought wrong.

  It had been two weeks since she’d seen him at the fundraiser and since then nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. They parked in the same back parking lot. Worked two doors down from each other. And frequented the same coffee shop and she had not even caught a glimpse of the man. Unless you counted seeing Neil, who’d stopped by every day to ask her to lunch, dinner, or a movie. She’d turned him down every time but he kept coming back which somehow just made her miss Nate more.

  Maybe not seeing him was actually for the best. Yes, she’d missed Nate more than she thought it was even humanly possible to miss someone. But what purpose would seeing him serve?

  Why flaunt what she couldn’t have in front of her heart? That would be like waving a steak in front of a starving man, just cruel. Yet, every time she entered or left her office she’d find herself scanning the street, the parking lot and the front and back entrances of Elite Security. Her fruitless Nate-watch should’ve been a good thing. The right thing. The best thing for her. So why did it feel bad, wrong, and like the worst thing ever?

  With a deep inhale, she took a cleansing breath and focused on the fact that the next three days weren’t about her. She was here for Becca. Everything that was going on with her could wait until Monday.

  She stepped out of her car just as the sun was setting behind the trees that lined the shopping center. She took a moment to appreciate the view. In her opinion, sunrises and sunsets weren’t only beautiful to witness, they were also reassuring and renewing. Every sunset signifying that you made it through another day and every sunrise representing a new start, like Mother Nature’s reset button.

  Today had been tough. In the back of her mind she’d been dreading this weekend. But the sun would rise tomorrow, and Saturday, and Sunday and the world would keep spinning. Keep handing out fresh starts. Do-overs.

  Which was exactly where her life was at right now. A very big do-over. She needed to look forward and not back. It was like they said: you can’t start a new chapter if you’re still re-reading the last.

  Renewed determination flowed through her as she pushed open the door of the boutique. A soft ding sounded, alerting her entrance and the girls that were congregated around the dressing rooms all turned and greeted her.

  She hugged Becca’s sisters Jessie, Haley and Krista and a few of Becca’s cousins’ wives also. She’d known Katie, Chelle and Sophie fairly well because they’d grown up in Harper’s Crossing. She waved at Bailey and Brian’s sister who were sitting together on a wing-backed loveseat. She was then introduced to Jamie, Alex Sloan’s wife. Out of all the Sloan brothers, it was Alex settling down that had shocked Eliza the most. He’d been quite the ladies’ man. But after meeting Jamie, she could see why the mighty had fallen. She was a doll.

  The room was packed but after thirty minutes it started to clear out. Katie’s Aunt Wendy was Becca’s wedding planner and was running the show like a pro you’d see on one of those bridal reality shows. The bridesmaids that had kids at home went first and then others that had needed minimal alterations went after them. A few of the girls were still in dressing rooms and Amber was fluttering between them like a butterfly seamstress while Aunt Wendy checked in with everyone, making sure they had the correct undergarments and didn’t need any help with zippers.

  Somehow, someway, it ended up with only she and Bailey left in the small lounge area. Eliza wanted to make sure that the conversation steered far away from Nate so she turned towards her and said, “I’d love to hear more abou—”

  At exactly the same time Bailey said, “I hope you don’t min—”

  “Oh, sorry. Go ahead,” they chorused.

  After laughing Bailey said, “Jinx, you owe me a soda.”

  Eliza nodded as she chuckled, “What were you saying?”

  “Oh, right. I was just saying…” Bailey scooted closer to her, so that they were inches apart as she lowered her voice.

  It took Eliza a second to pay attention because as Bailey got closer her beauty wasn’t just undeniable, it was flawless. She’d sat and had dinner with the woman but seeing her so close, her high jawbones, perfectly arched brows, long dark lashes and not a single pore to speak of all combined into a shockingly beautiful package.

  She must be an alien…she really is Superwoman.

  When Bailey stopped speaking it snapped Eliza out of her distracted haze. The expectant look in Superwoman, or…er, Bailey’s eyes was Eliza’s clue that she’d missed something important.

  “I’m so sorry.” Eliza shook her head and blinked. “I zoned out for a second. What did you say?”

  “I said that I hope you don’t mind that I asked Becca to switch the lineup.”

  Eliza was still as lost as she’d ever been. “The lineup?”

  “Of the bridal party. I asked if we could switch groomsmen.”

  “Switch groomsmen?” Eliza realized that she was just repeating what Bailey was saying, but she really did need the clarification. None of this was making any sense to her.

  “Yes. So now you will be walking with Nate and I will be walking with Josh.”

  Eliza felt herself recoil back in shock. “Why? I thought you and Nate wer—”

  “Friends.” Bailey interrupted her. “We are.”

  Still confused, Eliza asked, “Then why don’t you want to walk with him?”

  Amber appeared in the hallway, a tape measure in one hand and a red tomato cushion filled with pins in the other. “Alright, who’s my next victim?”

  “That would be Bailey!” Aunt Wendy shouted from inside one of the dressing rooms.

  Bailey stood and disappeared with Amber.

  As Eliza sat in the lounge, Bailey’s words played in her mind on repeat, “So now you will be walking with Nate and I will be walking with Josh.”

  In less than forty-eight hours she was going to be walking down the aisle with Nate Holmes.

  Oh boy.

  Chapter 12

  “I thought you were driving up with Bailey?”

  Nate looked at the time on his dash. Forty-five minutes. That had taken much longer than he’d expected it to.

  When his grandma had called this morning to see i
f she could catch a ride up to the wedding with him, he knew that she knew he and Bailey weren’t driving together anymore. She liked Bailey, but she would have never “imposed” unless she’d been tipped off that he was going to be making the trip alone.

  “I was, Nana. But, she decided that it would be better if we drove separately,” he told her something that he knew she was already well aware of.

  “Trouble in paradise?” Nana asked.

  “No. No trouble. Bailey and I are friends.”

  “Friends? I thought you said that the two of you were dating?” Her tone was infused with faux-innocence.

  Instead of once again answering a question that she already held the answer to, he kept his stare ahead at the road in front of him and said, “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

  “Enjoying what?” Her faux-innocence morphed into faux-indignation. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  He just grinned and continued driving. Nana was nothing if not entertaining.

  “On a totally unrelated subject…” Now she sounded like the cat that ate the canary. “I saw our lovely new dentist this morning.”

  Nana hadn’t even said Eliza’s name, yet his entire body came to life at just the vague mention of her. He’d tried to use these past two weeks as a sort of detox from her. He’d hoped that taking a step back would give him some perspective on the situation and he’d realize that although he may love Eliza, he didn’t even know her. At least not the new version of her. She was an adult woman, who’d earned her DDS, owned her own business and had been married. Twice.

  But none of those things really defined who she was. She was still the girl that rubbed her thumbs along the pads of her fingers. She was still the girl that cursed when she forgot things. She was still the girl that instead of running from uncomfortable situations, she put on a forced smile and faced them. She was still the girl that made his heart expand so big it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. She was still the girl that could level him with one look.