All He Desires – Nate & Eliza (Crossroads Book 12)

by Melanie Shawn

  This wasn’t where she’d wanted to have this talk, but Neil seemed subdued and she didn’t think he’d cause a scene.

  “I’m sorry,” his voice wavered as if he was nervous.

  “You’re sorry?”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry,” he parroted.

  “For what?”

  What could he possibly be sorry for?

  “For leaving after our fight at the bonfire. I should have gone back to the cabins with you. It was your birthday and I should have spent it with you. Not Laura Morton.”

  Eliza stopped dancing and dropped her hands to her side as a cold numbness enveloped her. “What are you talking about?”

  “You want me to say it out loud?” he asked.

  Eliza nodded emphatically. “Yes.”

  “After you went back to the cabins…” Neil dropped his head, looking down at the ground. “Laura and I took my truck and went to a spot in the woods that some of the locals told me about. We spent the night together.” He looked her in the eye. “I’m sorry. I was stupid and horny and I was mad that you and I weren’t…you know…doing it. I even told Nate that I was going to break up with you because of it. That’s why I picked the fight with you that night. I didn’t have the balls to break up with you so I thought if I could make you break up with me, then I would be free to do…well, Laura.”

  Eliza was glad that she hadn’t drank tonight because if she had, she would have thought she was just drunk and that’s why this wasn’t making sense. However, she was sober as could be and she knew this wasn’t making sense. She held up her hands. “Wait. You didn’t go back to the cabins? Are you sure?”

  Neil ran his hands through his hair. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’ve felt like a total dick about it ever since. I know that’s why you left and never talked to me again. All these years I felt like such a loser. Like you were the only good thing to ever happen to me and I fucked it up.

  “That’s why I’ve been trying to make it right since you’ve been back. I wanted to make it up to you. I thought this time, I wouldn’t fuck up. I’ve been trying to show you that I could be different this time. But, last night I hooked up with Maggie Parsons. You went out of town for one night and I fucked up.”

  Eliza was speechless. If Neil hadn’t been the one in the cabin then…

  “When I saw you walking down the aisle, you looked so hot I almost wasn’t going to tell you that I hooked up with her. But I want to do the right thing this time, so maybe we can at least be friends.”

  “So you weren’t at the cabin the night of my birthday?” She just needed to hear him say it one more time.

  “No. And I’m sorry, Eliza. For everything. Can you please forgive me? Can we be friends? I really hope we can be friends,” the raw sincerity in Neil’s voice pulled her back from falling off Freak-Out Cliff.

  “Yeah, we can…we are. Friends.” Eliza barely felt the hug that Neil pulled her into as her eyes frantically scanned the room for Nate.

  She needed to talk to him. Now.

  Chapter 20

  Nate threw his tux jacket onto the bed and then collapsed in the armchair that sat in the corner of his room. He tried to take in a breath as he unfastened the top button of his dress shirt and loosened his tie. He wasn’t a huge fan of formal wear, but he’d never felt like he was suffocating from it like he did now.

  In fairness, it wasn’t the suit that had sent him up to his room because he’d felt like he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move and couldn’t think. It was because he’d been watching Eliza dance. With his brother. And not just one dance. He’d finally given into the walls closing in on him after they’d started their fourth dance.

  He’d kept his distance from her tonight because he hadn’t wanted to make a scene at Becca and Brian’s wedding. And since he hadn’t had a chance to talk to Neil, he thought that was a very real possibility. From what his mom told him, Neil had been pursuing Eliza fairly hard since she’d moved home. Apparently, the three weeks he’d been in Montana Neil had asked her out almost every day.

  Once again, Neil had swooped in while Nate hung back. His brother had gone after what he wanted and just like in high school, he had hesitated and it had cost him.

  If she came to his room tonight then he’d address it. If not, tomorrow when they got home Nate was going to tell Eliza everything he’d kept bottled up. He was going to lay it all out for her, tell her that he was the man she deserved. Yes, he’d kept something from her, something important, but he’d make it up to her. Every day for the rest of her life, if she’d let him.

  Leaning back on the chair, he closed his eyes. Since he hadn’t slept the night before, he drifted off. He wasn’t sure how long he was out for but the next thing he was aware of was a pounding on the door. He scrubbed his face as he crossed the room and opened the door. His heart felt like it stopped beating when he saw Eliza standing in front of him.

  Without a word, she pushed past him and he shut the door. When he turned around he saw that she was pacing, visibly upset.

  “Ellie. What’s wrong?”

  She lifted her arms and started moving them before the first word had come out of her mouth and he knew it was bad. “I just had a very interesting conversation with Neil about the night of my eighteenth birthday.”

  Oh shit.

  “Let me explain…” He started to move towards her, but she moved away and he immediately stopped.

  “It was you,” she said in disbelief.

  He wasn’t sure if she was asking a question, or just needed to say it out loud, but he answered it anyway. “Yes, but please let me—”

  “You knew, all this time, and you didn’t say anything.”

  His heart broke at the vulnerability in her voice.

  “Just listen to me, please” he begged. “That was my finals week, that’s why I didn’t fly home for your graduation. And I’d only gotten an hour of sleep every night. But, when Neil told me he was going to break up with you, on your birthday, I got in my car and drove straight through to Whisper Lake—”

  Her brow was furrowed. “That’s, like, sixteen hours.”

  “It was twenty. And when I got there, I couldn’t find you. I couldn’t find Neil. I looked by the lake, the picnic area, everywhere, but by the time I circled back to the cabins I was so tired. And when the janitor let me into the room, because he thought I was Neil, I took a shower and laid down on the bed.

  “The next thing I knew, I woke up and you were on top of me. But, I thought I was dreaming. I was so groggy and the only light in the room was coming from the moon shining between the slats of the blinds. You were so…beautiful. I thought it was a dream. I didn’t really come to until…well until I came, and then when I recovered from that you were running out of the room. Crying.

  “I got dressed and I ran out and looked for you. I looked everywhere. I had to find you and tell you how sorry I was. I looked by the lake, the bonfire, all the cabins, the general store, the gas station. When I couldn’t find you by the next morning I drove straight to your parents’ house and they said that you were gone and they didn’t know where you were.

  “All these years it’s killed me not being able to tell you how sorry I am. I tracked you down, after I got done with basic, but when you finally joined social media, you were married. And then you were married to a different guy. Then you were back in town and I just didn’t know how to say it. And then last night happened and I knew that that would only make it worse. That’s why I told you I had to talk to you tonight. I’m so sorry.”

  Nate felt like both a huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders and like he’d been kneed in the balls as he waited for Eliza to say something, anything. She was just standing still, staring at him, silent.

  His mind started racing with what could happen next. Would she cry? Would she yell? Would she slap him? He deserved all of it.

  To his complete shock and surprise, she burst out laughing. Of all the reactions that he had predicted her having every time that he had thought
about confessing this huge secret over the years, laughter was probably the only one he never considered. She always surprised him.

  “Oh, my gosh!” she cried, doubling over and wiping her eyes in between bouts of hilarity, “It’s just…all these years…you’ve felt so guilty, and I’ve felt so guilty…and now…”

  “Wait.” He stepped forward. “You felt guilty?”

  She nodded as her laughter continued. “Yeah! I felt guilty.”

  He waited for her to continue, but it took a minute.

  Between fits of laughter she asked, “Do you even know the reason that I ran out of the room crying?”

  Nate had never thought about that before. He’d been so wracked with guilt he’d never even considered what had upset her. “No.”

  She held up her hand while she attempted to pull herself together. When she managed to take a deep breath she straightened and wiped the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. Looking him straight in the eyes she said, “I left the room crying because I said your name.”

  The way she said it made him think she thought it was some big reveal, but he had no idea what she was talking about. “What?”

  “When I…you know…finished, I said your name. I freaked out because I thought I was losing my virginity to your brother and I said your name. All these years, I’ve felt so guilty because I said your name but I was actually with you. And you felt guilty because you thought you’d taken advantage of me, but I said your name. Isn’t that funny? That’s hilarious!”

  Maybe someday he’d find the humor in it, but right now everything inside him zeroed in on one thing and one thing only. His voice was hoarse as he asked, “You were a virgin?”

  Her eyes widened and the flush that he loved so much rushed up her chest. “Yes. I was a virgin. You were…” She took in a shaky breath. “You were my first.”

  Chapter 21

  From an early age, Nate had guarded himself, never showing his emotions. But hearing Eliza tell him that he was her first obliterated any and all protective shields that he’d ever put up. It crumbled all of the walls he’d built, leaving him raw and exposed. He didn’t want to hide any of what he was feeling from her. He wanted her to see, to feel what that meant to him, what she meant to him.

  As he stared in her eyes the energy in the room intensified. He felt time slowing down and his blood heating up. Needing to touch her, he stepped forward, eliminating the space that she’d put between them and placed his hand on her cheek. She smiled tenderly and tilted her head, leaning into his touch.

  “I’m so happy…” she whispered as moisture filled her bottom lids.

  With his thumb he wiped a tear as it fell down her cheek.

  “I’m so happy,” she sniffed, “that you were my first.”

  Not able to wait one more second to show her how he felt, he cupped her face with both hands and captured her pillow soft lips with his. His movements were gentle and slow as he explored the velvet warmth of her kiss. This was nothing like the manic frenzy that engulfed them in the coat closet. This was gentle and tender, but even more intense, somehow, than the visceral chaos they’d experienced before.

  Her arms wrapped around him and her fingers threaded through the hair at the nape of his neck. Her nails scraped against his scalp and the sensation shot like an archery master’s arrow straight to his groin causing his shaft to grow even harder and throb heavily. Desire to feel her skin against his overwhelmed him as need and arousal built to an almost painful level.

  He didn’t allow his intense need to drive him to rush. He reached behind her and slowly, patiently unzipped the back of her dress. When the zipper reached the bottom he ran his fingers up the bare skin of her back over her shoulders. His fingers hooked in the straps of her dress and he slid them down her arms. When the material pooled at her feet, she stepped out of the dress.

  He continued their slow, drugging kiss as his hands roamed her body. Her skin felt like satin beneath his touch. Her hands continued gripping his hair as she held him in place, anchoring him to the moment, to her. His fingers traced the outline of her bra that crisscrossed over her shoulder blades, then down her spine and along the edge of her panties.

  Wanting to see what he was feeling, he broke their kiss and stepped back. What he saw almost took him down to his knees. She was wearing the white lace bra and panty set that he’d held in his own hands, high heels and nothing else.

  She was exquisite. She was beauty personified. She was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. And, at least in this moment, she was his.

  Mine.

  Taking his time so that he could marvel at each new body part he uncovered, he let his fingers run over the fabric before he removed it. Her nipples hardened beneath his fingers as they grazed her lace covered mounds. When he had finally removed every piece of clothing from her body and she stood before him completely naked, he stood back and let his eyes roam over her from head to toe, feasting on the sight before him as if it were a delicious meal. In a way, it was. It was sustenance for his soul instead of fuel for his body.

  He stepped back and began removing his tie. She followed and reached out to assist him but he grabbed her wrist, halting her efforts.

  “No.” His fingers tightened as the command left his lips.

  He lowered her hand back to her side and saw the fire of arousal that his action and his authority flared in her. He’d always taken charge in the bedroom and he’d never had any complaints. Her lips opened on a gasp and her eyes grew heavy lidded. Urgency surged in him at her enticed response and his already-throbbing dick pulsed with wild, animalistic need.

  As he undressed, he never tore his eyes from her gorgeous curves. The gentle flare of her hips. The delicate tuck of her waist. The feminine curve of her breasts. The elegant grace of her long neck. Every part more seductive, more sensual than the last.

  When he stood there just as naked as she was, he reached his hand out and led her over to the bed, where he laid her down and brushed her hair back onto the pillow as he hovered above her. His arms framed her face and his fingers trailed along her jaw, marveling at how soft her skin felt against his work roughened palms.

  He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers once again, but he did not linger long at her mouth. Rather, he moved his gentle kisses further down her body, first over the creamy flesh of her neck, then the hot and flushed skin of her chest. When he reached her breasts, he cupped them in his hands and flicked her nipples with his tongue, making the tip a hard edge that he could use to send brilliant sensations through her body. That’s all he wanted—to make her feel good. If that was all he ever accomplished in his life, that would be enough. He felt it was his purpose, what he was made for. And, like he did in every other aspect of his life, he was going to do it to the best of his ability.

  He continued his oral exploration down her body by planting small, open-mouthed kisses over the expanse of her now-quivering belly. He loved how her skin trembled under the pressure of his lips. It was the sweetest torture, feeling those small erotic vibrations through his lips.

  He’d never played an instrument, but this is what he imagined it would be like. Every action causing a reaction. And he wanted to learn every note, every nuance that brought her pleasure, and he was more than willing to devote his life’s work to it. When it came to the pursuit of satisfying Eliza, he would never settle to just perform at apprentice level. He was planning on achieving master status.

  She moaned quietly as he pushed her legs apart and trailed his fingers up and down the soft skin of her inner thighs. Her skin was hot to the touch and he loved having the knowledge that she was as fevered with passion as he was.

  He stared at her exposed sex, which was glistening with arousal. A whimper of need sounded as she let him spread her legs open even farther than they were. A flush of male pride rushed through him at her provocative invitation. He was the one that had turned her on so much that she now lay before him, wet and aching, squirming from the sheer desire for him to touch he
r sex.

  Giving her what she wanted, he ran his fingertips up and down her glistening seam, spreading her juices over the expanse of her pulsing mound. She was even hotter there than her skin had been. She was burning up—burning for him. Just like he was for her.

  Suddenly, he was seized with an overwhelming urge to taste her. It wasn’t enough just to touch her, he had to devour her. Claim her. Making her his, and no one else’s. That’s what he wanted her to be from now on. He couldn’t say that in so many words, but he was going to use his body to send that message, to show her what it was that he wanted—for her to belong to him.

  Acting on his possessive impulse, he lowered his mouth and covered her mound. Her hips bucked as he lapped at her greedily. She tasted so sweet. Not that he was surprised. Everything about her was sweet, from her smile, to the way her hair smelled, right down to her soul. Why should her arousal be any different?

  She writhed beneath his tongue, pressing her sex more firmly into his mouth. Taking what her body wanted as she whispered words of encouragement. Telling him how good his tongue and lips felt. Telling him not to stop, to lick harder. Faster. He loved it that she was so passionate, so feisty. He loved how vocal she was, that he knew exactly how much pleasure she was feeling. That he was making her feel.

  Sensing her body getting closer to release, he slipped one finger and then a second into her tight channel. He pushed them in and pulled out, crooking the tips to reach her internal pleasure button as his tongue worked her external one.

  “Oh, yes,” she growled as her body clenched and exploded at the same time. “Just like that. Yes, yes, yes.” She squeezed her muscles against the movement of his fingers, like her inner walls were clutching him as she tangled her hands in his hair and arched her back upward.

  He stayed with her as her body milked his fingers and shook with unrestrained release. Only stopping when her limbs fell with a thud on the mattress. He moved so that he was beside her and ran his fingers through her hair, brushing the strands that had fallen over her beautiful face, giving her the time to come back to her body as gently as possible. He wanted her to know that she was safe with him. That he would take care of her. He didn’t say it with words because he was afraid that might break the spell. It would have to be enough to show her with his touch, with his mouth and with his body.