by Tessa Walton
“But at the expense of others? Maybe I am selfish. Maybe that’s why it hurt me so much.”
“I’m sorry. I should’ve been more understanding. You’re in a really scary situation. You deserve grace.”
“No one deserves grace,” Dove pointed out. “That’s why we give it to everyone.” Dove hoped that maybe someday she really could give it to everyone. She knew she was nowhere close to that now.
“Well, I’d like it if you came back.”
“Nah, I don’t want to impose. Maybe it would be better if we didn’t live together. I’d like to come pick up my clothes, though.”
“Of course! And I can make you some food to take over there. I know you can’t afford to have every meal out on a teacher’s salary.”
“Especially when I’m trying to avoid you at the diner,” Dove said.
“Oh no! That is absolutely unacceptable. You need to have diner food sooner rather than later. I’m going there now. Meet me there. It’s on the house.”
“Okay, I’ll take you up on that. See you there.” Dove jumped in her car and drove to the diner. She knew Teressa would be working—it was almost time for dinner rush—but Teressa was good at talking and working at the same time, at least when she was up front. She sometimes cooked, sometimes didn’t. Dove had a feeling she wouldn’t today if she was hoping to be able to talk to her.
Dove got to the diner only a few minutes later and sat at the bar, waiting to see Teressa. The other walked in the door and ran over to hug her. It lasted longer than Dove wanted.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she said.
“Of course I’m okay.”
“Well, sometimes people aren’t. You never know.”
“The police are checking on me all the time. And the stalker has yet to try to make any contact.”
“Maybe he’s just waiting for the right moment. The police are checking on you all the time.”
“That’s not what I want to talk about,” Dove said.
“Oh, you have something you want to talk about?”
“Hey, Teressa, can you get me some more coffee?” a man called from across the diner.
“Duty calls,” Teressa said, and walked away.
Dove realized that maybe here wasn’t the place to talk about it. Maybe there wasn’t a place to talk about it at all. She wanted desperately to figure out what she was meant to do, but maybe the answer wasn’t even meant to come from Teressa. Maybe she needed to be her own person. And her own person didn’t like the idea of being someone’s rebound.
Teressa came over a few minutes later. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
“I think I got it all figured out,” she answered.
“What did you get all figured out?”
“I’m not interested in him.”
“What? Why?”
“He’s still hung up on some girl. I’m his rebound.”
“Everyone is everyone’s rebound,” Teressa answered. “People are always hung up on someone. You’re still hung up on Harold, aren’t you?”
“That’s different. Harold is a real person.”
“What? And he’s hung up on an actor or something?”
“No, a girl he never dated. He didn’t get to see all the problems with her. In his mind, she was perfect, and he didn’t have to see any wrong she could do. I can never live up to that.”
“You’re just worried you’re not good enough,” Teressa said.
“No, I don’t think so,” Dove responded. But was that it? Did she really have such a problem that he still had a bit of a crush on a girl he’d never see again? Or did she just think she had no chance of catching up to her? Wouldn’t not dating someone always leave them in a rose-colored light she couldn’t meet? Who knew?
“Well, maybe not. But there’s worse things in the world than being a rebound. Besides, after Harold, you need a rebound too. You could fulfill the role for each other. And if it doesn’t work out, whatever. Move on to someone else.”
“I didn’t expect you to support serial dating.”
“It’s not exactly serial dating,” she responded, “although it makes sense you may have to try a few people out before finding the right one.”
“How do you know Harold wasn’t my right one?”
“Who says there’s only one right one? Besides, he cheated on you, remember? That’s not exactly an easily forgivable sin.”
“I could’ve forgiven him.”
“But he chose to walk away. You can’t forgive that, because there’s no one to forgive.”
“Yeah, I know,” she said. It seemed stupid that she still liked him. It was clear from the beginning that it wasn’t going to work, or at least it wasn’t going to work well. It had only been a matter of time until he found someone else. Dove was loyal through it all, but she supposed she couldn’t expect that from him. It didn’t mean it didn’t suck, just that it was inevitable.
“So maybe you need a rebound, just like he does. Maybe you could both use the chance to try someone new.”
“But what if one of us wants something more and the other doesn’t?”
“Every relationship has risks. That’s just the risk of this one.”
“You really want me to date, don’t you?”
“I just don’t like the idea of you being alone forever. See, you have a lot of love to give. You deserve to be able to give it whenever you’d like, to whoever you’d like. But I think you’d be happier if you had a man your own age to give it to, and not always just spending all your love on children.”
“Children are pretty great,” Dove said.
“Don’t you want some of your own?” Teressa asked.
Dove paused. She had never let them talk about this. It seemed too big to be talked about. Teressa didn’t understand. She didn’t know what it was like to have a psychotic mother, to worry about having a psychotic child. She knew there was nothing wrong with having a mentally ill child, but she wondered if perhaps it was irresponsible to have her own children when they might not have a chance in the world to be healthy. She had considered adopting or fostering, but it wasn’t an easy thing to do on one’s own. She needed someone else. But she didn’t want to find a guy just to have kids. That seemed irresponsible in its own right.
“What is it?” Teressa asked.
“Nothing.”
“No, I know when it’s nothing, and this certainly isn’t nothing. What is it?”
“My mother.”
“Oh,” Teressa said. “I wondered.”
“You did?”
“Well, yeah, you’re worried about having a mentally ill child. It makes sense. I know how much you worried about being mentally ill yourself. But see, your mother is still happy. A mentally ill child could still be happy. You don’t need to give it so much worry. And if you decide it’s not a risk you want to take, you can still adopt. I have no problem thinking that you’d see them as one of your own.”
“It’s stupid to find a man just to have a child.”
“There’s stupider reasons to find men.”
“Like a rebound?”
“Touché.”
Dove didn’t feel as if she won at all, though. She just wanted to find a chance to be happy. She had been happy with Harold, at least before marriage, but she didn’t know if she could be happy now, whether with Nate or someone else. Maybe she was happier alone.
“Teressa, coffee,” the man called again. Dove frowned. She needed to let Teressa do her job. It was more important than deciding who Dove was going to end up with right now. She needed some time to think about her options anyway.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter
“You really like her, don’t you?” Leslie asked as she and Nate ate breakfast together the next Sunday morning.
“Jess seems to think so.”
“Well, what do you think?”
“I know I can’t stop thinking about her. Mainly if she’s safe, though, so maybe I’m just doing my job.”
“You can’t do your job if you worry if every pretty lady is okay. But I don’t think that’s what this is anyway.”
“Aren’t you going to remind me again that I can’t do anything right now?”
“You know that. I don’t need to spell it out for you all the time. I think it would be better to focus on what’s going to happen after. There’s going to be an after, you know.”
“Are you sure? She hasn’t seen him in a few days, at least from what I understand.”
“Well, she’s not at home. She has to go back eventually.”
“I haven’t seen anyone around her home either.”
“They probably figured out she wasn’t there. After all, her car is gone now.”
“We need to draw him out somehow,” Nate said. He wanted to find him more than ever. Maybe there was hope of something between him and Dove. Besides, if he could find the guy, wouldn’t he be a hero? Isn’t that what girls wanted, a hero? She had mentioned it more than once. He thought really that was what everyone wanted, though some people wanted to be the heroes and other people just wanted to know them. He hadn’t cracked any big cases himself yet. Maybe he’d stop being seen as the rookie if he did.
“You’re getting plans, aren’t you?” Leslie said.
“What’s wrong with a little planning?”
“Nothing, as long as you remember to keep it safe and not get any big ideas. What do you want to do?”
“Well, she’s not scared. What if I bring her home, then stay there with her until he comes back and then catch him?”
“Are you sure you’re not just looking for excuses to stay in her home?” Leslie asked.
“If I was, wouldn’t I have suggested this before now?”
“Maybe you’re slow at coming up with ideas. Besides, how do you know this is safe? Maybe he’s got a weapon. If we can avoid a gunfight, particularly with a civilian involved, we have to try to do that.”
“So maybe she doesn’t come home. Maybe I just go, in her car, make some sounds, turn on and off some lights. Maybe he won’t even notice I’m not her. I can stay away from the windows.”
“Then how will you see him?”
“I can have one of you guys waiting outside somewhere. Maybe at the neighbors’. There’s less space for him to run around her home.”
“You know, this isn’t entirely unreasonable. Maybe you can make a good officer yet.”
“I already am a good officer.”
“I’d hardly go that far,” Leslie said.
Nate appreciated Leslie’s sarcasm. It seemed only to further serve to make him a better detective. He finished his breakfast and stood up. “Time for church,” he said.
“Try to focus on God and not Dove, okay?”
“I thought you didn’t believe in any of that.”
“I still understand how it works.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter
Nate found he didn’t do that very easily. Service passed in a blur, and he focused on Dove after the service. As soon as the final song finished, he strode towards her, barely taking the time to set his guitar on the stand. “Hey, Dove,” he said.
“Hey, Nate,” she said with a grin.
“I had an idea for your case. I was thinking maybe I could go to your house, turn on some lights, and bang around until he thinks you’re home. Then some officers in civilian clothes across the street will get him. Sound good?”
“Nate, you’re a genius.” She threw her arms around his neck, and he couldn’t help but grin.
“Lots of people are around, Dove,” he whispered, lips brushing her ear. She pushed back with a laugh.
“I can’t hug someone saving my life?”
“I’d hardly say I’m saving your life,” he said, with a happy blush.
“I would,” she said, stroking his arm. “When are you going to come get the car?”
“Well, I don’t work till tomorrow. Maybe bright and early tomorrow morning.”
“I won’t see you till tomorrow?” she asked.
“I mean, if you showed up at the diner at six, there might be someone you know there at the bar that you just happen to sit next to,” he said.
“Hmm, we’ll see what I do tonight,” she said, grinning. She turned and walked away.
He grabbed her arm before she could get too far, and whispered in her ear once more. “Maybe keep the dress on?” he said. She patted his hand, then removed it from her arm before walking away.
He watched her walk. She was beautiful from every angle. He wanted to follow after her, to take her in her arms and kiss her. He saw her stop at Pastor Felix for a moment, then walk out the door. He wondered what they had talked about. What she was thinking. What made her flirt so openly. He realized, after a moment, that he had one access to point to Dove’s brain. “Ms. Orolv,” he said, looking at the woman. “Do you think we can talk for a moment?”
“Of course,” she answered.
“Uhm.” He looked around. There were people everywhere.
“I think I have something I need a police officer to look at in my car,” she said, then turned and walked away. Nate felt like this all was so unceasingly obvious to everyone else, but he didn’t know a way out of that. He wanted to get to know Dove, and this seemed like the best way to do it. He watched Teressa jump in a car, then walked up slowly and knocked on the passenger side door. She reached over and threw open the door. He climbed in.
“What do you want to know about Dove?” she asked as he was closing the door.
“Just … Is it working? Is she interested?”
“Is she interested?” Teressa laughed. “I haven’t seen her go after anyone this hard since Harold. Certainly you’ve noticed she’s been flirting.”
“I wasn’t sure if that was just her.”
“Dove doesn’t go after people unless she’s sure, but then she goes after people hard. That’s just the way she is. It’s true of friendships too. She sat at my lunch table every day until I decided I might as well give in and talk to her.”
“What can I do to keep her interested?”
“Exactly what you’ve been doing. She is interested, Nate. Don’t overthink this. You’re doing just fine. Just hurry up and solve the case. You can’t expect her to wait forever.”
“I really am doing my best,” Nate said. “Didn’t you hear about my plan for tomorrow?”
“I think it’s something worth trying. Whatever makes her safer.”
“I should go. I need to get ready for tonight.” He grinned. “I’ll take good care of your friend, don’t worry.”
“If you don’t, you’ll have me to reckon with,” she answered. Nate left the car.
As Nate was preparing for dinner that night, he got a call. A call he had spent nights waiting for months before, but who he had hardly even thought of in the last few days. The name Sarah lit up on his screen, and his heart skipped a beat.
“Hello?” he said, holding the phone to his ear.
“Nate,” she said, “it’s Sarah.” As if somehow he didn’t know.
“Hi, Sarah.”
“I saw on the news that you were involved in an accident. I’ve been meaning to call for a while, but I never really got around to it. I wanted to call and make sure you were okay.”
“Well, they said on the news it was just whiplash, I’m sure.” He couldn’t figure out why she had chosen now to call. He had expected their first phone call to be this glorious event that changed everything, but in reality it was just a phone call, awkward and grainy and filled with pauses.
“Right, but, you know. You can never trust the news. It made more sense to check up on you.”
“Well, it was just whiplash. Is that the only reason why you called?” He realized he was being short with her, but he didn’t know how to stop. He just wished it was someone else’s voice on the line.
“I wanted to apologize for not calling sooner. And I wanted to ask you out for dinner.”
Nate gave a longer pause at this o
ne. He wanted to say yes. He had been looking forward to this moment for months. He had literally dreamed about it. But he couldn’t get his mind off Dove. “I think I’m going to have to pass,” he said. “Not because you’re not great, or I didn’t really want this at some point, but because—well, because there’s sort of someone else now.”
“I understand,” she said, but he could hear the break in her voice, and he knew she didn’t. As if she got to be the one upset after not contacting him for months at a time. He wanted to call her selfish for expecting him to wait, but he remembered how the word had hurt Dove.
“Well, thanks for the call, Sarah. Talk to you later,” he said, and hung up.
Dove knew he must already like her look since he had complimented her dress and her hair recently, but that didn’t stop her from trying to clean up her look a bit, make sure her makeup was perfect and her curls looked full. She hadn’t been on a date since Harold. She was practically giddy. A nice man—a cop, no less—wanted to take her on a date. True, it wasn’t officially a date, but they had made plans to eat dinner together, at a restaurant and everything.
She wanted to get there early so that she could spend some time with Teressa, making sure she felt ready, but as she brushed her teeth again and again, wishing she had bought whitening strips, she ran out of time to see Teressa. She jumped in her car with fifteen minutes to make it to the diner. A couple extra minutes, but not enough to have any deep conversation with Teressa.
When she walked in, she was surprised to find him already there, nursing a cup of coffee. She sat next to him, and waved over Teressa. “Can I have coffee, and extra cream and sugar?”
“I know how you take your coffee,” Teressa said with a grin. She looked from one to the other, and Dove half-expected girlish giggles.
Dove turned and acted as if she saw him for the first time. “Oh, Nate, what are you doing here?”
“Eating dinner. Isn’t that what everyone is doing here?”
“Well, isn’t someone smart?” she said.
Teressa came back with Dove’s coffee and set it in front of her. “Well, guys, I’m going to go in the back now, but if you need anything, just holler. Danielle can take care of you.”
