Out

by Cara Dee

  He was the epitome of a man, and I wanted to inhale him. Swallow him whole, consume him.

  “Oh God…” I threw my head back as he nipped at my jaw. I wanted to feel him at my neck and my throat. “More, Henry. Please…”

  He hummed and pushed up my shirt. “Let me see this perfect body of yours. It’s been haunting me since you walked into my life.”

  I shuddered and grabbed at the hem, quick to yank it over my head. He had to be next. Our mouths collided with lips, teeth, and tongues, and I started unbuttoning his shirt. When I got my hands on his chest, my knees about gave out. I was pretty sure another desperate sound escaped me.

  “I’ll take care of you,” he murmured, breathing heavily. I moaned the second his hand covered my dick, and pleasure exploded behind my closed eyelids. “Let me suck you off, sweet boy. I’ll make it good for you. So good.” He spoke in between dizzying kisses, and I could only groan in response. “Use your words, Zachary. Do you want me to swallow your cock and suck the come from you?” He cupped my junk firmly, the tips of his fingers gentler on my balls. Oh Christ, I heard myself breathe out, though I could’ve imagined it. “Tell me. I have to hear you say it.”

  “I want it.” Shit, did I just whine like a goddamn kid? I unzipped my pants, fumbling like a fool, and pushed them past my hips. “I want you. I want it all. Just take me.”

  He cursed and sank to his knees, and a beat later I felt his fingers wrapping around my cock. I was fucking leaking at this point. He didn’t wait, not even for an extra breath. My cock was engulfed in warm, wet heat. I cried out hoarsely and collapsed against the wall. My hips bucked into him, and he swallowed me on every thrust.

  I worked my hands into his hair. It was soft to my touch, silky and perfect. He encouraged me to fuck his face, and I did it without thinking twice. There was no thinking whatsoever, only feelings and desires, and I preferred it. Perhaps I would regret the amount of alcohol tomorrow, but I didn’t think so. The only thing that could make me regret this was if I didn’t remember it. That’d be a crying shame. For now, this was everything. There were no inhibitions, effectively turning my first sexual experience with a man into a glorious one.

  “Fuck…amazing…” I moaned and forced myself to open my eyes. I had to see him. The way he worked my cock, his mouth taking me in so greedily. Teeth grazing gently, teasingly, and his tongue… “Shit,” I choked. One shudder set off another. “Suck my cock. Suck it.”

  He hummed around me.

  He stole my breath when he cupped my balls and rolled them in his hand. His touch was warm and comfortable, but I wasn’t fooled. I wasn’t too drunk to feel the dark promise behind every action. He had more in him. He was doing this for me, making sure my first blow job by a dude was mind-blowing. The way I wanted it. If he—and I—got another chance, and fuck, I hoped we did, then I had no doubt he’d go by his own rules and show me what was up.

  Henry swirled his tongue around me and sucked hard at the slit, then took me deep, down his throat where his muscles contracted around me. Again, he made my knees buckle. I could only take it—accept it. I stared hungrily through hooded eyes how he left my cock glistening with his spit. He sucked cock like he loved it. Maybe he did.

  “I wanna try.” I was struggling to withhold my orgasm. “I wanna suck you too.”

  Other than a smirk while he kissed the tip of my cock, there was no response. He went back to deep-throating me, and I was losing it. Fast. The pleasure built up. My muscles tensed, I trembled and shuddered, my breathing got choppy.

  It was only then I noticed he was stroking his cock. Those sexy charcoal dress pants unzipped, belt unfastened, a hint of a V that pointed to his long, hard, thick cock. My mouth watered, a bead of pre-come trickled down his shaft, and I was done for.

  “Oh, fuuuck.” I fisted his hair and fucked his throat hard once, twice, and a third time. I screwed my eyes shut, and then I shot in several ropes down his throat. He didn’t miss a drop.

  I lost my strength. While riding the high of the most intense climax I could remember, my legs gave out. I sagged against the wall, needing to sit down. His mouth had disappeared from my dick, but I felt it against my lips instead. His drinks mixed with my come, and it sparked a second’s worth of hunger for me. I kissed him deeply and passionately, for the first time tasting myself on another person.

  The fucker managed to steal my air once again, because a heartbeat later, he covered my spent dick with his load. Hot spurts of come splattered against my softening junk, and I did what any horny guy with a newfound love for men would do. I rubbed the fluid over my cock, down my balls, as he kissed the breath out of me.

  “You have no idea how mouthwateringly sexy you are.” He breathed heavily into the sloppy kiss and collapsed against me until we were a heap of listless limbs on the stairs. “I can’t think near you.”

  “If this is the result of that, I don’t mind.” I crawled into his embrace, unable to stop kissing him. “I want to sleep with you. Wake up next to you.”

  He exhaled a lazy chuckle, his voice scratchy and husky. “I don’t think I’m capable of saying no to you.”

  “Good. Fuck.” I swallowed dryly, still needy. The hard-on was gone, as was the ache to come, but the cravings for him were hanging on in the best ways. I brought two wet fingers to his lips and coated them with his orgasm before I dove for a hard kiss. “Oh my God…tonight just went from amazing to out of this motherfucking world.” I closed my lips over his and licked up the saltiness with one swipe of my tongue.

  “Jesus, Zachary,” he whispered into the kiss. “Let me drag you to bed before you pass out on me. And before I take advantage again.”

  “Tempting.” I grinned, seeing two of him for a second as I lost my focus.

  I was a stumbling mess while he got us upright. He managed to straighten our clothes. In the meantime, I was groping him and telling him more about my night.

  “We have to go again.” I didn’t bother correcting my slurred speech. My body was powering down. “You have to dance with me and get glitter on your face, because this is what life is about. I missed out on it, I guess. Sitting behind that damn register after school and doing inventory on the weekends…burying my mother. That part sucked the most, but I’ve waited long enough now. I need to live. I need glitter nights and purple drinks and more of you.”

  Henry held me close for the last steps up the stairs, and he pressed a lingering kiss to my temple. Then we were in his bathroom. I was glad he didn’t turn on the light, ’cause I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle it. He cleaned us up a bit and offered me a glass of water and two painkillers.

  I gulped them down.

  Next thing I knew was my face landing on a pillow.

  I woke up tangled in Henry and the biggest fucking hangover the day after.

  It was the first time I felt miserable and ecstatic at once.

  He was still asleep, though I could tell it wouldn’t be long before he rose. He shifted and seemed half aware of my hand on his chest and my leg between his. When he frowned in his sleep, I reached up to smooth it out with a finger.

  Don’t regret it, don’t regret it. If he regretted last night, I’d be the puppy he kicked. It hurt to move, yet I couldn’t quit touching him. It was an amazing feeling. His chest hair underneath my fingers, the hard planes of his torso, his warm skin. I’d open my mouth and say something—or kiss him—if it wasn’t so dry I feared it’d been pasted shut. The taste wasn’t awesome either.

  Henry grunted and stretched his arm over his head. “Did…” That didn’t work, so he tried again. “Did last night happen?”

  “Um-hum.” I pressed a closemouthed kiss to his shoulder before my bladder demanded I leave the bed. “Don’t regret it, please. I’ll be right back.” Now more than ever, I needed a shower and my beloved toothbrush.

  “We need to talk about it later, though,” he murmured drowsily.

  As I scooted down, I bit his hipbone gently. “Did you just ask to join me in the sh
ower? I think you did.”

  His sleepy smile relaxed me this fine, brutal morning.

  I escaped as quickly as I could manage, and I relieved myself and brought my toothbrush with me into the shower. Henry walked in as the water was turning hot, and I…well, I gawked. Toothpaste foaming and dribbling down my chin, I stared as he dropped his boxer briefs and gave me a glimpse of his fuckable ass.

  “It’s not polite to stare, my dear,” he drawled, flipping up the lid to the toilet.

  “How can I not?” I, for one, was thankful the glass in the shower hadn’t fogged up yet. “Your ass is incredible. And your thighs…” I spat toothpaste down the drain, and he flushed the toilet, temporarily turning the water colder. It was almost refreshing.

  He shook his head, amused, and looked at me in the mirror while he grabbed his own toothbrush. “Where the hell did you come from, Zach?” He didn’t sound like he expected an answer, so I just lifted a shoulder and stole some of his body wash.

  He joined me shortly after, and he replaced my toothbrush with his mouth in a tentative kiss. Screw tentative; I locked my arms around his neck and went all in. He shuddered under the hot spray and pressed me closer to him, one of his hands sliding down to squeeze my ass. My turn to shudder.

  It was a lazy shower. I wasn’t sure we could manage any other pace. In between slow kisses and languid gropes, we washed each other and exchanged murmured words about last night.

  “You still have some glitter here.” He cupped my cheek and brushed a soapy thumb over the streak of sparkles. “I watched you last night. You were amazing out there on the dance floor. Carefree and so alive.”

  That’s what it’d felt like. Hell, I was still riding that wave. It started with those lobster rolls, when I fessed up about what I wanted.

  “It’s freeing. Like something’s been unlocked.” I squinted up at him, the water beating down on us. “I guess I always figured coming out was something you did for friends and family, and maybe it is, but it’s personal too, you know? The person I was last night is new. I wanna get to know him.”

  He smiled and kissed me softly.

  The silence that stretched between us was comfortable, yet filled with words left unsaid.

  I was getting to know him a little by now, through him and through Martin, and I could guess some of his answers to my questions. Will you explore with me, I wanted to ask. You’ll find many to explore with, he’d probably say. Henry Bennington had all the hotness and none of the confidence. Not about his own appeal, anyway.

  No worries. You didn’t live the life I’d lived and quit as soon as the going got rough.

  Martin had bought me shorts. Two pairs. One pair of trunks or board shorts and one pair of slightly baggy cargo shorts. The latter came with a matching belt, both beige, and I picked a simple white T-shirt. It wouldn’t attract the sun as much.

  Um. “I guess Martin does nothing simple,” I muttered. In a glance in the mirror, I’d caught the print on the back of my shirt. In subtle gold, it said, “Let Me Be Perfectly Queer.”

  I burst out a laugh, which caused a headache from hell, and Henry walked out of the bathroom, fully dressed and with a curious expression. I showed him the back of my tee, and he chuckled.

  “Return pile?” he guessed.

  “Nah.” I kinda dug it.

  Henry seemed to dig my response.

  I pocketed my phone and wallet, then stuck my feet into my Chucks.

  “We’ll have to get you some flip-flops,” he said. “Paradise Cove is on the beach.”

  “Paradise Cove?” Bending over to where the bags were next to the bed, I rummaged through them, and would ya look at that, Martin had bought me a pair of shoes. They weren’t flip-flops, but Vans were easier to get in and out of.

  “The brunch place we’re going to.” Henry came up behind me, a sharp jolt of shock and lust shooting through me as he grabbed my hips and pressed his crotch to my ass. Sweet Jesus. “You can’t bend over like this and expect me to stay away.”

  “Aye-aye, Captain,” I choked out. Fuck, could he continue? The biggest surprise was him taking initiative like that—kinda bold, wasn’t it?—and the second biggest thing would be his cock. “You might wanna step back, though. I’m getting hard.”

  He gave my ass a thorough groping, and he groaned under his breath before backing away.

  Then, Henry was gonna be Henry. As soon as I had straightened, he looked half embarrassed, and he started apologizing.

  “Dude.” I shook my head at him. “I liked it, okay?”

  “Even so…” He made a gesture, all Martin-like. “I apologize. You fluster me, and it’s been a long time since I felt so—” He stopped and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m incredibly attracted to you, and it’s difficult to remember you’re new to this.”

  “Don’t treat me like I’m new.” Maybe I was naïve, but I wanted this. “If I can explore myself and this—” I gestured between us “—with you and not some random stranger, I’m all in. I feel safe with you.”

  “I’m flattered,” he murmured and dipped down for a quick kiss. “You truly don’t regret anything from last night?”

  “The opposite. I want a repeat as soon as possible.” I smirked at the obvious direction of his thoughts, and I grabbed my shades. “Let’s go to brunch.”

  Seven

  Hashtag brunch

  This life was a bit dangerous. Henry and Martin were clearly well-off, and I was acquiring a taste for their lifestyle. As I sat next to Henry in his fancy Lexus while he drove along the coastline toward the restaurant, I warred between feeling guilty and wondering if it was superficial of me to want more. I’d worked hard all my life, never got squat for free, and I valued my high morals.

  Being some kept boy held zero appeal for me, and I remained uncomfortable with the purchases Martin had made. I guess the notion was new to me too. It wasn’t only uncomfortable, it was also foreign. The concept of gifts and indulgences hadn’t really existed in my life. They were reserved for birthdays and Christmas and were always modest. But now… There was envy. What I wanted was to be able to afford this on my own, and I didn’t see that happening ever.

  The convenience store supported my brother and me, and I had cut some things out in favor of setting a little bit of money aside every month. In short, I had enough to live like Henry and Martin for perhaps a month. Then my years of meager savings would be gone. While I wouldn’t necessarily regret giving myself this gift, it wasn’t real. I would prefer to spend it on something lasting, or something that would give more in return, no matter how much I would cherish the memory of my time in LA.

  I’d considered investing in myself—possibly a higher education—but I had no ambitions or career goals. Couldn’t say I wanted to go to school again either. The option hadn’t existed for me. When Mattie was grown and on his own, maybe.

  I shook the thoughts for now and looked out over the mountains to my right. These mountains had nothing on the ranges we had at home, but they were pretty nonetheless.

  “Tell me about Paradise Cove?” I asked. “Sounds all secretive and private.”

  Henry smirked faintly, looking sexy in his own sunglasses. His Ray-Bans were probably not rip-offs. “I don’t think any place with valet is secret, but it’s certainly beautiful—right on the beach, cliffs all around. It’s a popular place. Martin and I go every Sunday.” Of course they did. “You’ll have to try their Bloody Mary. I’ve never had a hangover it couldn’t cure.”

  I made a face and side-eyed him. The last thing I wanted to cure a hangover was the poison that’d gotten me in that state.

  Henry slowed down and eventually turned left, leaving the main road for a narrower one that went down the mountainside.

  “Do you go out often?” I wondered. “I’m curious about your and Martin’s social life.”

  He hummed. “Martin goes out more than I do, perhaps once or twice a month. I tag along sometimes. I suppose I prefer quieter evenings more often than not.”
>
  I liked that. I wanted a truckload more of yesterdays, but in the end, I knew in my gut I was always gonna prefer my small-town life.

  “Do you ever miss Camassia?” I asked next.

  His smile was gentler this time, almost wistful. Before answering, we came to a stop as we neared the end of the road, and he pushed down his window to grab a ticket. He explained that there were still available self-parking spaces; if we’d arrived later, it’d be all valet. It was such an LA thing. Or a major city thing.

  He cleared his throat, and I watched his forearms flex as he steered the wheel and circled the parking lot. “I do miss Camassia Cove—especially lately. For years and years, I had this vision of buying a cabin up in Westslope.” He spoke of one of our northern districts, where it was all forest and rivers and wilderness. “At the same time, I’ve grown to love my life here. Did Martin tell you how we met?”

  “No.”

  He grinned, pulling into a spot. “I should let him tell the story. He uses it as a conversation starter or icebreaker sometimes.”

  “Who made a fool of himself?” I chuckled. “That’s usually how it goes.”

  “Oh, it was me. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be so quick to share it.” He killed the engine, and we stepped out where there was no central air. Jesus. “We went to college together at Columbia. He was pre-law and a lot different from the man you met this week.” That was hard to imagine. Going from pre-law to decorating cupcakes? Jeesh. “He was still very much out and proud, whereas I couldn’t have been shoved farther into the back of the closet. Being who he was—and is—he vowed to take me under his wing and get me to come out. I actually denied being homosexual. He didn’t believe me for a second.”

  I wondered what had given Henry away.

  Looking around the parking lot, I followed Henry toward a glorified beach hut. Of course, it was a hell of a lot bigger than a hut, but the flip-flop certainly fit. It was decorated to be a diver’s hangout.

  “Did Martin start college later?” I asked. I remembered he was a few years older than Henry.