Marionette

by T. B. Markinson

  “Tell me about it. It was a relief not to have to explain where I spend my weekends.”

  “To make matters worse, Nick and I broke up.”

  “Oh Tom, I’m so sorry.”

  He seemed relieved that I didn’t ask why. I had a feeling, and I felt guilty about it.

  An idea struck me. “Hey, why don’t you come to Jess’s this weekend? Jess and I have to work tomorrow, but you can hang out at Julia’s or borrow my car while we work. It looks like you need a break. And we can tell our roommates you’re going home with me to meet the parents!” I slammed my hand down on the table victoriously.

  Tom straightened up in his chair. “Are you sure? I won’t be in the way?”

  “Nonsense. Jess would love to have you there. Of course, she may grill you about our dates—‌she figured it out.” I looked shyly down at my sandwich before taking a huge bite.

  I still felt guilty about Nick.

  Tom slurped his soda as if he were forcing the thought of Nick down into a hidden reservoir inside. A few moments passed before he said, “Seriously, you wouldn’t mind? I would love it! I hate going to frat parties every weekend.”

  “Come on, some of the guys are cute.” I winked at him.

  “What about the girls? They’re all dolled up to get free drinks.” He pushed his sleeves up, and then hoisted the sandwich to his mouth. One bite and a third of it was gone.

  “That doesn’t do it for me. I hate all the fakeness. It seems like everyone here is lying or hiding something. I can’t stand that.”

  Tom chortled. “That includes us!”

  “Right, I didn’t think of it that way,” I said sheepishly.

  His face grew serious. “But I know what you mean. There’s a lot of hate towards gays boiling under the surface here. Something bad is going to happen.”

  The two of us hammered down our sandwiches and made plans to meet in my room so Karen would see us leave for the weekend together.

  It didn’t take me long to pack. I had a supply of toiletries at Jess’s, so all I needed was a change of clothes. Karen wandered into the room.

  “There you are. I was looking for you earlier. My brother came up for lunch.” She beamed.

  “Yeah, Tom told me. I’m sorry I missed him.”

  “Are you going away again?” She gestured to my bag.

  Before I could answer, there was a knock at the door. Karen answered it. I rolled my eyes.

  Tom came in all smiles, strolled up to me, and planted a kiss on my forehead. “Are you ready?”

  Karen got a jealous look in her eyes. “Are you two going away for the weekend? Together?”

  I laughed. The plan was working beautifully. “Yep. Tom is coming home with me for the weekend.”

  “Really?” Karen couldn’t control her excitement.

  Minnie sauntered in and looked about quizzically.

  “Paige is introducing Tom to her family!” Karen exclaimed.

  Minnie dropped her bag to the floor, looked at Tom with his arm around me and then looked back at Karen. “Really?”

  It wasn’t until that moment that I realized Tom wasn’t wearing his Broncos hat. He looked respectable. Combed hair. Clean shirt. And khaki trousers. He looked like he was actually meeting my parents.

  I patted his cheek “Really,” I said. “Tom, dear, we better go. We have dinner plans.” I tapped my watch.

  Tom scooped up both of our bags and held my hand as we exited the room. When we reached the stairwell, we both exploded into laughter.

  “Did you see the look on Minnie’s face?” asked Tom as he gasped for air.

  “Ha! You said Minnie.” I leaned against the wall and cackled till my sides burned.

  Minutes later, we approached my car and Tom dropped the bags by the trunk. “Whoa! Minnie said you had a nice car, but are you serious?” He stood back from my car. “This is legit—‌a Jaguar XJS—‌how old is it?”

  “Less than a year. Got it for graduation.” Embarrassed about my car, I pulled the keys out of my pocket. “Care to drive?”

  “Seriously?” His falsetto voice informed me I had just made his day.

  What’s with men and cars? Even gay men go gaga over them.

  By the time we reached Jess’s apartment, she had finished work. I didn’t bother calling her to tell her Tom was coming. I knew I didn’t have to. As soon as Tom walked in, Jess threw her arms around him and welcomed him to her place. Actually, she said our place.

  Over a beer, we explained how our plan worked with Minnie and Karen.

  Jess laughed. “I bet they are still talking about it.”

  “Those two won’t stop talking about it until we return from our trip.” I smiled at Jess.

  Jess turned to Tom. “What kind of food are you in the mood for, Tom?”

  “Can we go to Julia’s? That’s the best sandwich I’ve ever had.”

  Since it wasn’t that cold out and all of us hoped to drink, we walked to Julia’s.

  The restaurant was slow for a change, so Julia sat with us at a booth. While Tom was in the bathroom, I explained his situation with Aaron, and told them about Nick. Both Jess’s and Julia’s nurturing impulse kicked in.

  When Tom returned to the table, Julia asked him what he was doing the next day while Jess and I worked.

  Tom shrugged. “Don’t know. Maybe just hang out.”

  Julia waved her hand. “Fiddlesticks. How ’bout I teach you how to make my secret sauce? What do you think? Would you like a job?”

  Tom’s eyes grew big with excitement. “Cool!”

  Jess turned to me. “We should get a bigger apartment so Tom can have his own room. He’ll need a place to stay so he can work.”

  And that was it: Tom was included in the inner circle—‌like family. The thought of moving to a new place was appealing. Now if I could only convince Jess not to tell anyone the address, not even Mel. Then maybe I wouldn’t have to worry so much about Davie or others lurking out there. How many were there?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Weeks later, the phone in my dorm room rang. Karen answered it, and then tried to hand the receiver to me.

  “Who is it?” I asked, refusing to grab it.

  “Don’t know. Some dude.”

  I was annoyed. I had a French final the next day, and I didn’t want any interruptions.

  Karen waved the phone in my face. “Paige, don’t be rude.”

  I muttered, “Hello,” into the receiver and tried to mask my annoyance.

  “Don’t say anything, just hang up and come to my room. Now.” Tom sounded scared.

  “Uh, he must have hung up.” Casually, I replaced the receiver and stretched. “I think I’ll head to the library to study. Fewer interruptions.”

  Karen shrugged. She was sitting at my desk, cramming for her chemistry final.

  Taking the back stairs, I ran most of the way to Tom’s.

  Before I had a chance to knock on the door, he yanked it open.

  “Get in here.”

  “Tom, what’s going on?”

  “It’s awful. Just awful.” He was almost in tears.

  “What happened?”

  “Yeah. Something happened, Paige. Something bad.”

  I sat on his bed. “Tom, you’re freaking me out. What’s going on?”

  “The police came and took Aaron.”

  “Aaron! Why?” Even to me, my voice sounded like it was coming from across the room.

  “There was an…‌incident.”

  He was trying to protect me. But from what?

  “Why don’t you start at the beginning?”

  Tom walked to his mini fridge and grabbed a Keystone Light. He popped the top and poured a generous amount into his mouth. Then he removed his Broncos hat and frantically rubbed the top of his head. His hair was matted down with sweat.

  “I knew he was a douche, but this?” Tom’s eyes bored into mine.

  “What did he do?” I sensed I wasn’t going to like the news.

  “He an
d a couple of his buddies beat up this guy.”

  Tom took another swig of beer.

  “Who? Why?

  “It…‌he…‌was a gay guy.”

  “What?” I blinked several times trying to erase the image from my mind.

  “They ambushed him outside of the student union.”

  “Why?”

  Tom’s glare told me the reason.

  “Just because he was gay?” I clarified.

  Tom nodded once and then finished off his beer. He went back to the fridge and grabbed another, and one for me.

  At first, I was numb. I barely even registered I was holding the beer. Seconds later, I set the beer down, unopened. “I don’t want to be here. Let’s get away.”

  “Where?” Tom stared into his beer can, searching for answers.

  “Jess. She’ll know what to do, what to say. Tom, you can’t stay here. Not with Aar…‌Him.” I couldn’t utter his name. I tried, but the name died in the back of my throat.

  We sat silently for several minutes. When Tom went to the bathroom, I looked over at Aaron’s desk. He had photos of his family and friends. Smiling. Full of life. Young. How could someone hate another person for such a stupid reason?

  Holding his jacket and backpack, Tom walked back into the room. “Do you need to go back to your room for anything?”

  I shook my head. Tom threw a few beers into his bag. “I’m ready.”

  The drive to Jess’s felt like hours. Neither of us spoke. Not once did I break the speed limit, swerve into a different lane, or tailgate. Tom was drinking, and the thought of us getting arrested steadied my foot on the gas pedal and made me control my impulses.

  Finally, I asked, “How bad was it?”

  “Bad.”

  “Hospital bad or dead bad?” I peeked out of the corner of my eye to see his reaction.

  “Hospital. The guy will never be the same again, though.” Tom didn’t flinch. Didn’t react. He was robot-like.

  I sighed and gripped the steering wheel tighter. I needed something firm to hold onto, something I could understand.

  Tom leaned forward in his seat and clutched his knees. “Attempted murder. That’s what he was arrested for—‌and he was the ringleader.”

  The words hit me hard. My chest constricted. I was able to choke out, “My God,” as I stared absently at the road in front of me.

  Jess didn’t speak when we walked in. She just got up and gave Tom a hug—‌no, not a hug, an embrace. She held onto him and Tom broke down. Despite the heavy sobs escaping from him, he made no sound, and Jess’s petite frame didn’t give way. Slowly, she maneuvered Tom to the couch and sat down next to him.

  I stood awkwardly, watching Tom as he hid his face in both hands.

  “It was on the news,” Jess told me. She motioned to the TV, and for the first time I noticed that it was on.

  I hit the off button to silence the clamor, but they had already moved on to another story anyway. A sixth grader had won the local spelling bee. Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.

  Motioning to Jess to meet me in the kitchen, I slipped out of the room. She joined me and gave me a hug. “It’s worse than you think,” I said, nestling my head on her shoulder.

  She pulled away to study my face.

  “Tom’s roommate was one of the guys arrested.”

  Jess glanced towards the room where Tom was sitting.

  “Shit!” She turned to me. “He can’t go back. Even if his roommate isn’t there, he can’t go back.”

  “I know. But what can he say? He won’t want to admit anything. Not now. How will he explain that he needs a new room? A new roommate? They already turned him down last week.”

  “What do you mean?” She pinned me with a stare.

  “Tom tried getting his own room. They got along, but Aar—‌” I still couldn’t say it. “Well, let’s just say that he would make comments that made Tom uncomfortable. The administration said no. They don’t have any rooms for him or for anybody.”

  “Bullshit. They probably think they’re helping him build character.” I could tell she was angry. Swearing was not her thing normally.

  Slogans from the posters hanging in the dorm hallways suddenly popped into my mind:

  “We are all one.”

  “Once a terrier, always a terrier.”

  “Minds and friends connecting forever.”

  Yeah. Only if we were just like everyone else. I swallowed, and it felt like I was forcing a pill down my throat.

  “Let me think about this. But we should go back out there.” Jess gestured for me to go first.

  Tom looked up when we entered the room. “I’m sorry.”

  Jess flitted over to him. “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you’re here.” She nestled on the couch next to him and pulled his head down onto her shoulder. “And thanks for bringing Paige to me. I was worried about her.”

  For some reason, this statement brought tears to my eyes. Jess noticed and flashed me a sad, fleeting smile.

  “Have you two had dinner?”

  We shook our heads.

  “I know you probably don’t want to eat, but I have an idea. Santi’s is having an all-you-can-eat tamale night for a charity, and Tom, you look like you need some tequila. I will warn you, the last time I took Paige there, she lost her clothes before the night was over.” Jess brushed my arm lovingly.

  Tom let out a snort that was half laughter, half blubber. He wiped his nose on his sleeve. “Sure, why not? But, Paige, I would appreciate it if you kept your clothes on tonight.”

  I marveled at Jess’s ability to calm him. And me.

  As soon as we entered the restaurant, the smell of tamales and mole sauce hit my nostrils. When Jess had proposed coming here, I’d been certain I wouldn’t have an appetite. Now, I couldn’t wait to pile tamale upon tamale on my plate. Tom eyed me guiltily, and I knew he felt the same way.

  “Grab that table over there, Paige.” Jess motioned to a table in the back. “I’m going to say hi to Santi.”

  I nodded. Like dancers, Tom and I wove through the buffet line to take the last available table. Santi sure knew how to pack in a crowd. It wasn’t even five in the afternoon, yet people were lined up for food. The rest were half-sloshed on tequila and wiggling their butts on the dance floor, even though there was no mariachi band playing this time.

  Jess appeared a few minutes later with plates for all three of us. “All paid up. Now, I’m counting on you two to get our money’s worth.” She winked at me and led us to the buffet line.

  Tom and I didn’t want to disappoint her, so we overloaded our plates.

  Santi chuckled when he saw how many tamales I had on my plate. “Señorita, if you finish all of those, I’ll give you as much tequila as you can handle.”

  “It’s a deal.” I tried shaking his hand to seal the deal, but almost upset my entire plate.

  As Santi steadied the plate, he said, “Hurry up if you want more. The buffet line closes at six.” He playfully patted my back, not in the least concerned that he’d lose the bet.

  “If she goes back for more, Santi, I’ll buy you all the tequila you can drink,” said Jess.

  “Careful, Jess. I can drink a lot.” Santi patted his belly and grinned.

  “Oh, I know.”

  I wondered how often Jess and Santi had gotten drunk and danced together.

  “Paige, how much food can you actually eat?” Mel said, as she walked up to us, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

  Before I could respond, Jess asked, “Santi, can you add another plate to my tab?”

  “Sure thing.” He gave a half wave and waddled off to greet other customers. Even from the other side of the room, I could hear Santi’s booming laugh, which matched his imposing presence.

  “I wasn’t expecting to see you, Mel. Did you leave work early just for this?” I asked, sitting down and following my question with my first bite. Exquisite. I rubbed my belly and then dug in. “Jesus, these are good.”

  Tom nodded, but he was too bus
y shoveling in bite after bite to speak.

  Mel looked at me and then at Tom and shuddered. “Jess, we may need to get separate tables.” She crinkled her face in disgust as she watched us eat. Then she finally answered my question with, “I had the day off, and Jess was kind enough to invite me.”

  “Wow, I can’t remember the last time you took a day off,” I mumbled through a mouthful of tamale.

  Mel caught Jess’s attention and they both joined the tamale queue.

  As Tom and I continued eating, I watched Mel’s expression as she spoke to Jess. She was animated, and Jess was doing her best to quiet her. What in the world where they talking about now? Finally, Mel stood still—‌completely still—‌and listened to every word Jess said. I couldn’t hear the conversation, but it looked serious. Mel glanced over her shoulder at me and then turned away quickly. Jess continued to talk rapidly. Once Mel had finished gathering a measly four tamales, they returned to the table.

  “Four, that’s all? I ate four while you were in line.”

  “Not sure you should be bragging about that, Paige.” Jess smiled and turned to Tom. “I had a feeling you’d find your appetite here.” She nudged his arm.

  Tom remained silent. He took his tamale-eating seriously. He never stopped chewing or shoving more in, and I sensed that as long as he focused on eating, Aaron and everything else was pushed from his mind.

  “Paige, Jess was filling me in on your day.” Mel set her fork down. “I’m really sorry.” She peeked in Tom’s direction.

  He glanced up from his plate and then looked away, resuming his eating.

  Mel and Jess exchanged a look, the meaning of which completely escaped me until I saw Mel quickly glance at my wrists. Were they worried I would try to off myself again? Would that fear ever dissipate, or would everyone panic every time I had to deal with life?

  “Where’s Weasel?” I steered the conversation away.

  “Working. He’s been working nights lately.” She laughed. “And I have to admit, it’s been wonderful having him gone while I’m home. How long are you in town?”

  “Just the night, I think. I have a French final tomorrow.” I caught Jess’s eye to see if she had any solutions for Tom’s situation yet.

  She looked away.

  Nope.

  “Can’t you postpone the test, considering?” Mel offered.