Looking for a Miracle

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  Nadine opened her mouth to comment, but Mom rushed over to the front door and pulled it open. She stepped onto the porch, grabbed the handles of Rebekah’s wheelchair, and pushed it into the living room. “Have you ever tried to put yourself in your sister’s place, imagining what it would be like to be stuck in this chair, unable to walk normally or do all the fun things you’re able to do?”

  Nadine shook her head.

  Mom grabbed a blanket off the sofa and threw it over the wheelchair, which Nadine knew must be cold from setting outside all this time. “Have a seat, Nadine.”

  “Huh?”

  “I said have a seat.”

  Nadine hesitated a moment but finally did as Mom asked. “Now what?”

  “I want you to pretend that you can’t use your legs and that you’re stuck in that chair. Imagine that a group of young people are having a skating party on one of the frozen ponds in the area, and you want to go with them. Would you be able to go ice-skating from your wheelchair?”

  Nadine shook her head.

  “And how about if I asked you to go into the kitchen and get the jar of cookies sitting on top of the refrigerator? Could you do it?”

  “No, Mom.”

  “Now do you understand a little of what your sister goes through?”

  “I—I think I do.”

  “Would you like to be in her place, unable to do so many things that you take for granted?”

  “No, I wouldn’t like it at all.” Nadine’s voice faltered, and she drew in a shaky breath. “I guess if I had to pick between gettin’ more attention and bein’ able to do everything I can do, I’d choose bein’ me.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.” Mom smiled. “So do you think you can try a little harder to get along with Rebekah?”

  “I guess it’s my fault that Rebekah gets so annoyed. If I was a better sister, she might not get so exasperated with me.” Nadine released a little sob. “If somethin’ bad happens out there in the storm, I’ll never forgive myself for not makin’ things right with her before it was too late.”

  Aunt Mim stepped up to the window then, and motioned Nadine to join her.

  Nadine looked to her mother for approval, and when Mom nodded, Nadine left the wheelchair and went to stand beside her aunt.

  Aunt Mim slipped her arm around Nadine’s waist. “Did Rebekah ever tell you that I used to blame myself for her handicap?”

  Nadine’s mouth dropped open. “How come?”

  “Because I allowed her to wait outside for me while I cleaned up the schoolhouse. If I’d made Rebekah stay inside with me, she wouldn’t have been standing beneath that tree branch when it broke.”

  “But you had no way of knowin’ the branch would break and fall on Rebekah. It’s not right that you should have blamed yourself for something that was nothing more than an accident.”

  “You’re right about that, and I finally came to the same conclusion.” Aunt Mim gave Nadine’s waist a gentle squeeze. “I’m sure Rebekah and the others will be fine, but it will do you no good to blame yourself for not making things right with her before she left. The important thing now is for us all to pray, and when Rebekah gets back home, you need to talk things out between you.”

  Nadine nodded. “I know.”

  “Both of you need to show more patience and understanding with one another, but blaming yourself, or even your sister, will do neither of you any good at all.”

  “Guess I need to ask God to help me be a better sister,” Nadine said tearfully. “Jah, with His help, I’ll do my best.”

  ***

  All the way home from the Beachys’ place, Rebekah thought about Daniel and how she had agreed to let him court her. She was pleased that he was still willing, but she had a few misgivings yet. Would they find enough things to do together—things that Rebekah was capable of doing? Would Daniel eventually become bored with her and find someone else to court? And what if he wanted something she couldn’t give him—marriage and children?

  Psalm 34:4, which she had committed to memory, popped into her mind: “I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Then she thought of Psalm 37:5: “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him: and he shall bring it to pass.” She’d found that passage in Grandma’s Bible and had quoted it often as a reminder that she should trust the Lord in all things, while she committed her way unto Him.

  She leaned her head against the seat and closed her eyes, resolving to have more faith and allow God to work things out between her and Daniel.

  ***

  Winter had definitely come to Lancaster County, as the thick blanket of pristine snow lying on the ground proved. All the trees were dressed in gleaming white gowns, and every pond in the area was frozen solid. Many Amish families exchanged their buggies for sleighs in order to accommodate the dangerously slick roads.

  Rebekah loved riding in an open sleigh, especially when it was with Daniel. At least that was something she could do, since she sure couldn’t join the other young people in their area who had gone sledding and ice-skating a few times already. Now that she and Daniel were courting and had found some things they could do together, she didn’t feel so left out and didn’t miss many of the things others her age were able to do that she couldn’t.

  In spite of the wintry weather, Daniel and Rebekah had managed to go to several more singings, and Daniel called on Rebekah at her home as often as he could. They played board games, worked on puzzles, or just sat by the fire eating popcorn, drinking hot chocolate, and talking for hours on end.

  Sometimes in the late afternoons, Daniel would come over to the greenhouse with his sister, Sarah Jane, who had taken over the job as schoolteacher right after Mary Ellen had gotten married. The three of them would repot plants, take cuttings off larger ones, or start flowers from seeds.

  Rebekah and Daniel seemed to be drawing closer, and she had gotten to know Sarah Jane better, too. She was tempted to write something in her column for The Budget about the times she spent with Daniel, but she didn’t feel it would be appropriate. The readers wanted to know about significant events such as births, deaths, and birthday celebrations, as well as community events, visitors from other states, hospitalizations, accidents, illnesses, and weather conditions.

  One evening in late February, Daniel stopped by Rebekah’s house for a visit. Everyone else in her family had already gone to bed, so he and Rebekah sat in the kitchen, looking through a stack of nursery catalogs that had recently come in the mail and discussing what she might order for her greenhouse in the months ahead.

  After they’d been sitting there awhile, Rebekah looked up from her studies and saw Daniel looking intently at her. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “You’re looking so thoughtful all of a sudden.”

  “Nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you as mei aldi,” he answered with a smile. “My girlfriend,” he repeated. “You’re so kind and sweet.”

  “Me, sweet?” She averted her gaze as heat flooded her face. “I never thought anyone would think of me as sweet.”

  Daniel reached out and took hold of her hand, sending a warm sensation traveling all the way up her arm. “Why not? You have a most generous spirit, and your expression is always so sincere. I find everything about you to my liking, Rebekah.”

  “Even my stiff, crippled legs?” She hated to spoil the moment by bringing up her disability, but she felt the question needed to be asked.

  “Your legs only serve to remind me that you haven’t allowed your handicap to stop you from doin’ good things with your life.” Daniel stroked the back of her hand gently with his thumb. The light of the lantern hanging above the table lit his dark eyes. “I want to spend the rest of my days with you, Rebekah,” he whispered. “I want you to be my wife.”

  Rebekah stared at the table, thinking she must have misunderstood what he’d said and wondering if he might have been joking.

  Daniel lifted her chin, so she was looking directly at him. Such a serious
expression she saw on his face. It let her know that she hadn’t misunderstood, and she felt sure he wasn’t joking. “Would ya be interested in marryin’ me come fall?”

  Rebekah felt like all the air had been squeezed out of her lungs—like when she was little and had taken a tumble from the hayloft. She had known she and Daniel were getting closer, but a proposal was the last thing she’d expected to hear tonight.

  When she opened her mouth to reply, nothing came out but a little squeak.

  “So what’s your answer?” Daniel prompted. “Will you agree to be my wife?”

  Tears sprang to Rebekah’s eyes, clouding her vision and stinging her nose. She had never known such joy before Daniel came along. He made her feel whole and alive—so much so that she couldn’t think clearly when he was looking at her in such a sweet way. Maybe that was the reason she was able to find her voice and didn’t hesitate to answer, “Jah, Daniel, I would be honored to be your wife.”

  Daniel leaned his face close to hers until their lips nearly touched. Rebekah closed her eyes and waited expectantly for the kiss she felt was forthcoming. She had never been kissed by a man before. Not in the real sense of the word, anyway. Hugs and quick pecks on the cheeks didn’t count, and those had only come from family and close friends.

  The gentle kiss Daniel placed on her lips didn’t last long, but it took Rebekah’s breath away. When Daniel pulled back a few seconds later he was grinning from ear to ear. Rebekah suppressed a giggle, and without a word, she picked up the seed catalog they had been looking at. Except for the gentle hissing of the gas lantern above the table, all was quiet, and Rebekah felt more at peace than she’d ever thought possible.

  CHAPTER 22

  Winter melted into spring, and spring blossomed into summer. Everyone’s life was busy as usual, and the new season was full of changes. Aunt Grace had given birth to a baby boy toward the end of March. About the same time, Mary Ellen announced that she, too, was expecting a baby, due in November.

  Rebekah was happy for her cousin, but hearing the news put an ache in her heart for a child of her own. It also caused her to have second thoughts about whether marriage for her was such a good idea. What if she didn’t make Daniel happy? What if she could never conceive? What if she got pregnant but couldn’t take care of their baby? She determined to keep those nagging doubts hidden from Daniel, who seemed to be anxiously awaiting their wedding day set to occur on the third Thursday of November.

  “How would you two young women like to drive over to Lewis and Grace’s place with me later this morning?” Mom asked as Rebekah and Nadine helped to clean up the kitchen after breakfast.

  “I’d like to go,” Nadine said in an excited tone. “Last Sunday after church was over, Uncle Lewis told me that one of his rabbits had given birth to ten little haaslin. It will give me a chance to see ’em.”

  Mom clicked her tongue. “We’re not going over to see the baby bunnies, Nadine. We’ll be making the trip to see Aunt Grace and Uncle Lewis’s growing boppli.” She smiled. “Wouldn’t you like to spend some time holding your little second cousin?”

  Nadine wrinkled her nose. “I’d much rather hold a haasli. At least they don’t wet their windles and spit up all over the place.”

  Rebekah, who had been drying the dishes, spoke up for the first time. “Baby bunnies may not spit up on you, but since they don’t have the protection of a diaper, they can sure make a mess.”

  “Jah, well,” Nadine said, grabbing a broom from the closet, “I’ll take my chances holding a haasli any old time.”

  ***

  As Rebekah sat in Grace’s living room, with baby Timothy nestled in her arms, her eyes stung with tears. He was such a beautiful baby—dark hair, like his mother’s, and a turned up nose like his father’s.

  If Daniel and I could have children, I wonder what they would look like. Would their hair be light brown like mine or dark like Daniel’s? Would their eyes be blue, brown, or a mixture of the two?

  “Would you like to hold the boppli for a while?” Aunt Grace asked, looking over at Nadine, who sat next to their mother on the sofa.

  “I don’t think so. He might spit up on me or somethin’.”

  “I have a burp cloth you can drape over your shoulder.”

  “He’s a bundle of sweetness,” Rebekah said, smiling down at the baby.

  Nadine shook her head. “No, thanks.” Then she looked over at Mom and said, “Can I go out to the barn to see the haaslin now?”

  “I suppose if you don’t get to hold one of those bunnies today, we’ll have to hear about it all the way home.”

  “Danki, Mom.” Nadine stood and rushed out the door.

  Aunt Grace smiled at Rebekah. “How are things with you these days?”

  Rebekah shifted the baby from her lap up to her shoulder. “Okay.”

  “Things are going well in Rebekah’s greenhouse,” Mom spoke up. “Word of mouth and a few newspaper ads have helped her business, and she’s getting more customers all the time.”

  “That’s good to hear.”

  “As I’m sure you know, she and Daniel will be getting married this fall, so Rebekah has a lot to do between now and then to get her dress made and do everything she wants done before the wedding.”

  “I can imagine how excited you must be, Rebekah,” Aunt Grace said. “I remember when Lewis and I were betrothed—I was just counting the days until we got married.”

  Rebekah nodded as a rush of heat covered her face and neck. “I am excited,” she admitted. “And a whole lot naerfich, too.”

  “There’s no reason to be nervous,” Aunt Grace said with a wave of her hand. “It’ll all be over with sooner than you thought, and then you’ll settle into the routine of being a hausfraa and probably a mudder soon after that.”

  “I’m not so sure about me being a mother,” Rebekah mumbled. “The doctor said I may never be able to have any bopplin.”

  “Doctors have been known to be wrong,” Mom interjected. “After they said you’d always be in a wheelchair and would probably never be able to stand on your legs, who’d have guessed that you could walk again?”

  “Walk?” Rebekah looked down at her crippled legs and frowned. “What I’m able to do with those rigid leg braces and crutches isn’t really walking, Mom.”

  “It’s more than we could have hoped for, and it does get you out of that wheelchair for a time.”

  Rebekah shrugged. Walking with the leg braces was a chore, but rather than say anything, she thought it best to keep her opinion to herself. “Is it okay if I write something about little Timothy in my next article for The Budget?” she asked her aunt.

  “Jah, sure. That’d be real nice.”

  The three women sat awhile. Mom and Aunt Grace sipped from their glasses of iced tea, and Rebekah snuggled the baby in her arms. The warmth of his soft skin and his sweet baby smell made her long all the more for a boppli of her own.

  ***

  It was already mid-August, which left only three short months until the wedding, and Rebekah knew if she didn’t do something about her doubts and apprehensions soon, she might not be able to go through with her marriage to Daniel. She still loved him—probably more with each passing day. However, fear of the unknown was paralyzing her soul, causing more discomfort than the partial paralysis of her lower body.

  What’s wrong with me? Rebekah silently moaned as she sat in her wheelchair, repotting a spider plant that had grown too large for its container. I thought I had all this settled in my mind. I believed I could take the step of faith necessary for love and marriage. When I agreed to marry Daniel, I thought it was God’s will. I’d decided that He had brought the two of us together, yet now I’m not so sure.

  She patted some fresh potting soil around the roots of the plant, feeling downright jittery inside. “I need to stay busy, that’s all. If I keep my mind occupied, I won’t have time for second thoughts.”

  Rebekah’s self-talk was cut short when a customer rang the bell and entered
the greenhouse. She wheeled herself out to the front section of the building and was greeted by Johnny Yoder. As a married man, he now sported a full beard, and for the first time since they had become adults, she thought he actually looked mature.

  “Guder mariye,” she said.

  “Good morning, Rebekah.” Johnny took off his straw hat and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “Ach, my! It’s hot out there. Only ten o’clock and already it’s over eighty degrees.”

  Rebekah nodded. “Another hot and humid summer, that’s for sure.”

  “I think the only critters who like this kind of weather are the lightning bugs,” Johnny said with a deep chuckle.

  Rebekah nodded and smiled. “So what brings you here today?”

  “I thought I’d get a nice plant for Mary Ellen. It might make her feel better.”

  “She’s still not feeling well?”

  “It’s that awful morning sickness. Doc Manney says it should go away soon, but she’s already in her sixth month, and still she fights it.” Johnny shook his head. “Her back hurts somethin’ awful, too, and the poor thing can’t stand or sit long, neither.”

  Rebekah clicked her tongue. “That must be hard. I’ll try to get over and see her soon.”

  Johnny nodded “You’re Mary Ellen’s best friend, and I’m sure a visit would do her some good.”

  “What kind of plant did you have in mind?” Rebekah asked, bringing the subject back to the reason for Johnny’s visit. “Something for the flower garden or an indoor plant?”

  He scratched the back of his head and squinted. “I’m not sure. Maybe something for the porch. Mary Ellen spends a lot of time outdoors in the shade there, since it’s been so hot inside.”

  Rebekah smiled. Johnny did seem to care about Mary Ellen’s needs. She was glad he had made her cousin so happy. “Let’s go on back to where my plants are kept. I think I have a nice pot of mixed pansies she might like.”