Fallen from Grace

by Merry Farmer

  “I won’t let him hurt you ever again.” He kissed the side of her head again, rubbing her arm. “I never should have let him hurt you in the first place. But that’s behind us now. I claim this boy as my own, as ours, yours and mine.”

  She shook her head. “What if I never…what if I never love him? What if I can never look at him without remembering how he was conceived?”

  “Shh.” Danny silenced her. “Our son the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, after you. We’ll be all right. The three of us will be all right.”

  She continued to shake her head, ending by turning her face away from both of them. The baby stopped suckling to take a breath. Danny rested his hand on the side of the boy’s head.

  “I’m sorry.” Grace’s voice was filled with grief.

  “It’s all right,” he repeated.

  She glanced up to meet his eyes. “I’m so sorry I ran off. I was so hurt. Everything I believed was a lie. I wanted to hurt you for what you’d done.”

  “It’s all over.” He closed his hand over hers as she cradled the baby.

  “Carrie always told me that you were dangerous. Sean warned me over and over to stay away from you. But I didn’t listen to them. I thought I knew you better than they did. But I didn’t. I was wrong.”

  “No, Grace, you know me better than any of them. You know who I should be.”

  “I never thought you could have been involved in anything that would take lives. People died because of you.”

  Her words stung but the regrets were old, played out. “I trusted the wrong people. They lied to me as well. But you’re right. I could have stopped things.”

  “It wouldn’t have made a difference,” she sighed. She burrowed closer to him and folded the ends of the coat around the baby as he fell off into sleep again. “Kutrosky would never have seen reason. I don’t know why I tried. He is as much to blame as you or Carrie.”

  The wind whistled past ES5’s entrance. A blur of movement passed by the door, Scruffy. It was a comfort to know the cat was just outside, still protecting Grace. Like he should have.

  “I should have gone after you,” he said in the painful silence between them. “I knew you were angry with me, but I knew you would have come around eventually. I never lied to you, Grace, but I regret all of the things I failed to tell you. I should have damned Kinn and marched across that bridge after you to bring you back, talk sense into you.”

  “I wanted to come back,” she confessed, voice hollow. “I knew I’d made a horrible mistake the moment I lost sight of the bridge. I turned around to come back. Kinn wouldn’t let me. He dragged me to his village and kept me locked in his cabin for days, had his men guard me to keep me from escaping. I tried to escape so many times. He refused to believe that I wanted to go home. He told me nobody missed me, nobody even mentioned me when his men went to build cabins for you.”

  “That was a lie.” Old rage built in Danny’s chest. He focused on the sleeping baby to diffuse it.

  “I knew it was a lie.” She shifted to sit so that she could see him better, looking him in the eyes. “I knew that you wouldn’t just forget about me. But I felt so alone when you didn’t even send me a message.”

  He could have laid all of the blame at Kinn’s feet but the truth was that he was as guilty as anyone.

  “I’m so sorry.” He stroked a hand across her cheek, cradling the side of her face in his hand. “I’m sorry for every stupid, horrible thing that I’ve done. I didn’t know Kutrosky was going to blow up the ship, kill all those people. I just thought he was going to disable it. And I never once, in all of my academic career, stopped to think of the consequences of what the Consistory hoped to accomplish. Until I met you. And then all I wanted was you. But I was the one who had made it impossible for me to have you. I did everything I could to undo it, but every move I made was the wrong one. I don’t ever want to make a move without you again.”

  Her tears flowed freely during his confession. She gulped as he finished, laying a hand on the side of his face. “I love you, Danny. I don’t care what you’ve done, I know that now. All I care about is that I love you.”

  For so long he’d waited for her to say that. He drew in a shuddering breath, tears coming to his eyes, and bent to kiss her. She kissed him back with all the tangled passion of birth and death, separation and salvation.

  A low growl sounded from ES5’s entrance.

  “Grace!” Kinn’s booming voice called from outside. “Get down, you mutt! Grace!”

  He burst through the door of the ship, stumbling on the uneven floor. When he saw Danny and Grace huddled together, embracing, kissing, his eyes flew wide with fury, then narrowed with hatred.

  “You goddamn piece of shit,” he seethed. He could have been speaking to either of them.

  Danny pushed away from Grace, untangling from her and reaching for the gun at his waist. Kinn grabbed for his crossbow over his shoulder.

  “Kinn, don’t,” Grace screamed, clambering to her knees. Danny’s coat fell away revealing the baby in her arms.

  Kinn saw the baby, jaw dropping. “Is it….”

  Danny had just enough time to push himself to stand and draw his gun, aiming it at the indistinct form of Kinn. “Drop the crossbow and get away.”

  Kinn heaved his crossbow up and aimed at Danny. “No, you get the hell out of here! I’m taking Grace and my kid home.”

  “I’m going home with Danny.” Grace struggled to her feet, leaning against the wall for support and glaring at Kinn.

  Kinn shifted to stare at her, crossbow still pointed at Danny. “Grace, if I hear one more word out of you—”

  “I love Danny.” She held her ground, eyes fierce and proud. “I always have. I’ve loved him almost from the moment I met him. You think you took me away from him, but you never did.”

  “Grace.” Kinn’s voice wavered, threatening.

  Danny tightened his grip on his gun, aimed at Kinn. As long as Kinn held still, he would be able to shoot him, sight or no sight. If he made a sudden movement, any shot that was fired could ricochet.

  “How do you think I was able to make it through all of your assaults?” Grace went on, months of rage building and exploding. “By imagining you were Danny. I can’t stand you. I felt sick every time you touched me, every time you made me touch you. It disgusts me that I had to carry your child inside of me for so long, reminding me that you forced me to betray the only love I’ve ever known. I love Danny. He had me long before you ever forced me into your bed.”

  Kinn roared as her words sank in. His eyes burned with the madness of betrayal and hate. He turned the crossbow to Grace.

  Danny fired. The sound was ear-splitting. The baby wailed and Grace screamed. Kinn dropped, his crossbow going off. The bolt hit the wall and bounced off into the corner.

  The bullet didn’t do its job. Kinn bellowed with pain, writhing on the floor, clutching at his shoulder as a dark stain formed on his parka and red pooled on the floor.

  “You bastard! I’m gonna kill you,” Kinn roared, twisting to look for his crossbow.

  Danny jerked away from the wall and kicked the crossbow well out of Kinn’s reach. He raced to stand over him, gun still pointed at Kinn’s head.

  “Give it up, Kinn,” he shouted, planting a booted foot on Kinn’s chest. “It’s over.”

  “No!”

  Kinn grabbed his ankle and twisted. Danny toppled, crashing to the floor. He managed to keep his hold on the gun. Kinn swiped at it, his wild growl echoing in the hollow ship. Danny thrust his hands above his head to keep it out of his reach. He scrambled to get away, but Kinn rolled his bulk onto Danny’s legs, pinning him.

  “You’re dead,” he hissed. He grabbed for the gun a second time, and when that failed, he clamped his hands over Danny’s throat. Danny kicked for all he was worth, bucking in an attempt to throw Kinn off. Blackness formed at the corner of his vision and his lungs burned. Kinn’s hands squeezed tighter. With a last burst of effort, Danny slammed the butt
of the gun down on the dark spot on Kinn’s parka.

  Kinn bellowed in pain. His chokehold loosened just enough for Danny to suck in a breath. He bashed the gun against Kinn’s head. Kinn slumped to the side, giving Danny enough time to scramble away. Moments later, Kinn swung around for another attack. He lunged and both he and Danny sprawled across the floor. Danny kicked, aiming for Kinn’s crotch and hitting his thigh instead. He couldn’t hold out against Kinn’s power.

  At his first chance, Danny punched Kinn’s injured shoulder. Kinn cried out in pain, his struggles faltering. They flipped across the floor. Between loss of blood and exhaustion, Kinn’s efforts to attack were growing weaker and weaker. Danny took his chance and tackled him, clamping a hand around Kinn’s throat. He held the gun to Kinn’s head. Kinn stared up at him with furious terror in his eyes.

  “Danny, stop!” Grace shouted from the far side of the room.

  He froze, gun to Kinn’s head, heart pounding. Kinn stopped struggling.

  “You can’t kill him,” Grace shouted. “No one can die.”

  “He deserves it.” Danny kept his eyes fixed on Kinn’s. “For what he did to you, he deserves it.”

  “No.” Grace spoke more evenly, coming to stand behind him. She rested a hand on his shoulder. The baby wailed in her arms. “Not even for that. You have always said that in order for a population to survive in the long term every last person’s genes were needed.”

  Kinn’s eyes flashed to Grace, seeing his one hope of salvation. “You can’t let him kill me, Grace. Don’t let him kill me,” he pleaded with her.

  “We’ll figure out something.” Grace looked away, hid her face from Kinn’s manic stare. “We’ll banish him, stop him from coming back over the river. We’ll never have to see him again.”

  “What about my kid?” Kinn shouted, ferocity fading as he lost blood. “That’s my kid.”

  “He’s my son now.” Danny jerked his hand away from Kinn’s throat but continued to hold the gun to his head. He knew full well Kinn wouldn’t take banishment peacefully. He would break the rules and be back over the river to steal Grace and his son within a week. One bullet would end all that and leave him three bullets to spare.

  “Please.”

  One word from Grace destroyed Danny’s resolve. There was nothing else he could do. Grace wanted him to live. He pulled the gun away, rocking back on his knees.

  Kinn surged up as soon as the gun was away from his head. He grabbed for Danny, trying to topple him and punch him. Danny smashed the handle of the gun across Kinn’s head. Kinn went limp.

  With stabbing, frantic breaths, Danny stood and backed toward Grace. His head swam as he moved until Kinn was just a blur on the floor.

  “He’ll still try to kill me,” he panted, “and possibly you too.”

  “I know.” Grace nodded, face pale, patting the baby in her arms to calm him without looking at him. “But we can’t let him die.”

  Danny’s frustration was short-lived. He dropped his shoulders and threw his arms around her, so relieved that she was safe and unharmed that he trembled. She hugged him back until her breath steadied.

  “Come on.” Danny peeled himself away from her. “He’s got a bullet in his shoulder still. I may have spared his life, but if it doesn’t come out and if I don’t treat that wound, infection might not be so merciful.” He hated the thought of having to work to save Kinn’s miserable life. Everything in him wanted to leave Kinn where he was to die. “We have to get him back to our settlement.”

  “Danny!” Grace’s eyes snapped wide. “Kutrosky and his men are on their way there. They think I’m hiding the transmitter somewhere.”

  “I know.” He searched the corners of the ship, anything that hadn’t been stripped months ago, for something he could use to carry or tow Kinn’s limp body, and to tie him up. “We came across Stacey and Heather and Jonah this morning.”

  “We?”

  He turned to her, a taste of the warlord he’d been for five minutes returning. “There was a battle. Sean and I and about thirty of Kinn’s soldiers attacked the remnant of Kutrosky’s forces at their old camp.”

  “Sean?”

  “He and Gil left to look for us when we didn’t return home.” There was no time to explain the whole turn of events. “Gil and a squad of Kinn’s men headed down to the settlement this morning. Sean and another squad are on their way to fight or intercept what is left of Kutrosky’s army right now.”

  “Oh, thank God!” Grace held a hand to her chest in relief. In spite of her weakness, she turned to gather the few things she had with her. She straightened, putting her parka on as she held the baby. “Do you have the transmitter?”

  “No.” He crossed the ship and took the baby from her arms. While she tied the fastenings of her parka, he dumped everything out of the sack he’d brought with him and tucked the baby in it.

  “It has to be somewhere,” she said, voice tight with pain.

  “Grace, you shouldn’t strain yourself so soon after giving birth.” He slipped the sack holding the baby over his shoulders, nestling him against his chest.

  “I don’t have a choice,” she replied. “We have to find that transmitter before Kutrosky does. He’ll tear our home apart to find it. He won’t stop killing anyone who gets in his way. I can’t let him do that.”

  “I know.” He scooped a hand around her waist and helped her up the slope of the ship’s floor and around Kinn’s body to the entrance. Scruffy was waiting for them, pacing restlessly.

  “The transmitter could be anywhere. Carrie must have known where it is. If you don’t have it, she would have been the only one in a position to take it.” She dragged herself to lean against Scruffy’s broad side. The big cat adjusted to support her, sniffing at her and purring.

  “Did Carrie ever say anything about where she put it?” he asked.

  “No. I thought she would tell you. You said you knew where it was.”

  “I don’t. It’s got to be near. We never talked—”

  Like lightning, the truth hit him hard. His pulse quickened and he twisted to stare off into the forest in the direction of their original camp. She had told him. She’d told Grace too. They hadn’t noticed.

  “What is it?” Grace asked. “Do you know where it is? Do you have it?”

  “No,” he answered. “You do.”

  Chapter Twelve – Transmission

  The forest was unforgiving. Snow that had been solid with ice for months now gave way in odd spots under them as they pushed on. The wind had died down, letting warm sunlight hit the melting snow and raise a cloud of fog across the ground. With his vision already limited, the fog gave Danny the sense of walking through a dream. He had to rely on Grace to guide the way. Grace, who was still bleeding from childbirth, who leaned heavily against Scruffy as they took one step at a time.

  Grace wasn’t the only thing slowing them down. He’d wrenched a piece of paneling from ES5’s wall and tied Kinn to it with strands of wire yanked from the cockpit. Scruffy still wore the leather harness Grace had made for the sled, so he fastened the panel to the harness to let the cat bear the load. The process had sapped his energy and wasted time, but succeeded in immobilizing Kinn while still carrying him with them. Kinn remained passed out, blood congealing around his shoulder, as they trudged through the forest.

  “We have to move faster,” Grace panted. She tried to pick up speed, but fell back again with a wince.

  “You shouldn’t be moving at all. When we get to the cave you and the baby should stay. Keep warm and out of harm.”

  “No.” Her refusal was firm. “I have responsibilities.”

  “To your child,” he countered her.

  “No,” she said, fainter.

  The baby wriggled in his sack against Danny’s chest. Danny loosened the neck of his parka to give the boy as much air as he could. At least the boy was warm and had the company of a heartbeat, even if it wasn’t his mother’s.

  “I don’t have the transmitter,”
Grace said, deliberately not looking at him.

  “Yes you do,” Danny reassured her. He dropped behind by a few steps to check on Kinn, then widened his strides to march by her side.

  “I don’t, I swear.”

  “You’ve always had it.”

  “I didn’t even know the beacon existed until that day last summer. How can I have the transmitter?”

  “Something Carrie said to me.”

  Grace turned to look at him, pale, worried.

  “Just before she passed out after giving birth, Carrie tried to tell me. She said ‘Kutrosky was wrong’ and she mentioned the beacon. Kutrosky was wrong about Vengeance being able to find us. Carrie knew that because she knows you have the transmitter. She asked me to go get you and bring you to her.”

  “She asked for me?” Grace’s voice grew higher and her eyes swam with tears.

  “She did.” Danny nodded. “She misses you so much, Grace. You wouldn’t believe how she’s changed. She’s become quiet, withdrawn. She’s spent every day since you left doing penance for joining Kutrosky’s movement.” So had he for that matter, but his days of self-flagellation seemed like a distant memory. “Sean has really stepped up to take care of her. He feels responsible. He—” He couldn’t bring himself to go on, to express his doubts about the undercurrent of guilt and repentance that defined their new lives.

  “Carrie expressed her doubts about Kutrosky to me when we were still on the ship,” he went on, reluctant to revisit the past he wanted to forget. “She was upset about something the night before the explosion.”

  “You spoke to her then?”

  He winced. “She was my go-between with Kutrosky, my handler I guess you’d call her.”

  “Oh.”

  “We were looking out for you,” he insisted, twisting his head to look at her. The conversation was heading to the one place he didn’t want it to go. Yes, they still needed to work out the wrongs of the past, but not when lives were at stake. “Carrie knew more about Vengeance than she was willing to tell me. She was afraid of the people following us. She didn’t want them to catch us. I think she might have taken the transmitter in an attempt to stop them.”