Falling for Love

by Addison M. Conley

  “I don’t dislike gays, but I don’t understand why they have to flaunt their lifestyle in people’s faces. There are TV commercials now that normalize their behavior. Like that graham cracker one. Why can’t they just keep their life private?”

  Gerry didn’t miss the opportunity. He rose and banged his fist on the table. “It’s because they’re sick. Most are fornicators, pedophiles, and just plain vile people.” Shaking his finger at everyone, he continued. “Mark my word, it won’t be long before bestiality and incest are legalized next. We’ve got to do something about this.”

  Dave sprang out of his chair and bellowed in an irritated voice, “Hold on, son. Your mother just told you to stop. This conversation is disrespectful and disruptive. I won’t allow this behavior.”

  “It’s my God-given right to speak the truth and protect my family!” Gerry glared at Dave.

  “Enough, son. Sit down and shut up.”

  Gerry was on an ugly roll. “I love my family, but we lose if we do nothing. Our country loses. Jordan, I know you’re busy, and you never get involved in anything political, but I’m pleading for your help. It would mean so much if your restaurant sponsored our march. Just this time, please. It’s a critical moment for our country.”

  Jordan caught a glance of Grammy out of the corner of her eye, looking straight at her and nodding. Now was the time to speak. Her chest felt constricted. Breathing was hard, and her stomach lurched. She thought she might pass out but knew this had to happen. All eyes were on her. She swallowed hard and hoped that Gerry would not see and hear the fear that still hid within her.

  “I can’t do that, Gerry. I don’t believe in the ugly hatred you spew. Everyone deserves freedom and the right to love whomever they choose. Civil rights should be for every citizen of this country.” Weakness was creeping into her body with every second. She fought back the tears and hoped no one caught her voice trembling. “Besides, I don’t think your church would be overjoyed taking support from me.” Her muscles tensed, and her tight shoulders ached. “I am a lesbian and always have been.”

  The wife of her cousin dropped her fork. Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh, dear God.” Another cousin said, “Wow. Don’t hear that every day.”

  “Love is love. I am not a horrible person, and neither is any other queer person I know. People who are ignorant or who spread fear and lies are the ones doing a disservice to our country. Turning to hate instead of love is what dishonors God.” She swallowed. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest. “And speaking of love,” she glanced around the room before her eyes rested on Emmy. “You all should know that Emmy is my girlfriend.”

  Gerry’s jaw tightened, and his face grew redder. “Your lesbian lifestyle is sick.”

  Dave pointed his finger. “Son—”

  Poppa entered the room and shouted, “You’re opening a Lebanese restaurant? Isn’t one enough to keep you runnin’ like a chicken with its head chopped off? And why is everyone hollerin’? I could hear you all sittin’ on the commode. Good thing I got my hearin’ aid turned down.”

  Gerry had a self-satisfied smirk on his face as Poppa sat down. He loudly spoke in Poppa’s good ear. “She’s a lesbian, and she’s carryin’ on with that woman.” He pointed at Emmy with a scowl on his face.

  Poppa looked twisted in thought, and Jordan’s stomach dropped. Then Poppa turned to Gerry. “What’s it any business of yours? Seems like Emmy’s a fine young woman.” He sipped his coffee and Jordan wasn’t sure if the shaking of his hand meant he was having a bad day with his tremors or if Gerry got under his skin.

  “She’s a homosexual, Poppa!”

  “Gerry, shut your trap and sit down! I heard you the first time.” The room stilled. Poppa Lange rarely spoke in an angry voice. He leaned back and rested his arm on Grammy’s shoulder. “I said sit. I’ve got more to say.” This time, Gerry plopped into the chair.

  Everyone waited for Poppa, who now looked sad. “I haven’t spoken about this for years. In fact, I’ve never told you kids.” He took time to nod at Gwyneth, Elizabeth, and Sam. “My brother was a homosexual. I didn’t like it, but I loved him. Years after he died, I realized I wasted so much time trying to convince him to change. Had myself convinced I was frettin’ over his soul. But the truth be told, I was selfish and stupid because I was worryin’ about what others would think of me.” Poppa waved his hand at Jordan and Emmy. “Go about your business. God only gives you one life to live. Don’t waste it letting others control you. Now, what about the presents? Gotta have presents at a birthday.”

  Before anyone could recuperate from Poppa’s bold announcement, Gerry jerked Anne out of the chair by her arm. “Get the kids. We’re leaving.”

  Anne grimaced. “That hurts. Don’t touch me like that.” Her eyes softened when she focused on Jordan. “The Lord says to love the sinner and loathe the sin. I don’t understand why people are gay, but I don’t hate them. I don’t hate you. Gerry chose poor words and screaming and name-calling never solves anything.” Gerry hissed at her and looked like he was going to explode. She didn’t back down. “I’ll get the children while you apologize for expressing your views in a harsh manner.”

  As Anne headed to get the kids, Gerry’s face contorted.

  Poppa glared at him. “Open that pie hole only to apologize.”

  Gerry stared at Poppa before facing their mother. His facial muscles twitched, and his eyes were dark pools of nothingness. When he spoke, the words sounded mechanical, insincere, and bitter. “I’m sorry for banging my fist on the table and shouting, but I’m not sorry for my beliefs.” He gave Jordan and Emmy a look. “You disgust me.” Grabbing his coat, he stormed over to the door and mumbled over his shoulder, “Tell Anne I’ll be in the car.” He slammed the kitchen door rattling the windows to make his final point.

  Gwyneth, who was clearly stunned, didn’t move for several seconds. She finally came around the table and kissed the top of Jordan’s head. “I love you. I’m going to help with coats, and I’ll be right back.”

  “Mom, I’m sorry it came out like this,” Jordan whispered.

  “There’s nothing to be sorry about, honey.” She let out a laugh. “And Poppa, you amaze me every day.” He nodded.

  Everyone was silent as Gwyneth walked Anne and the kids to the car, but Dave winked, and Robby gave her a thumbs up. The cousins and their spouses sat like bumps on a log before one got up. He was Aunt Elizabeth’s son. “We should be going too.”

  Elizabeth shot him a sour look. “What are you in such a hurry for? Your cousin hasn’t opened her presents. Sit down.” He reluctantly retook his seat.

  Jordan was relieved that a burden had been lifted from her soul. She would deal with her relatives’ mixed reactions later. Hopefully, they would be respectful enough to allow her to tell others her story on her terms. Yet she was certain Gerry’s big mouth would hit the town in no time.

  “More coffee or tea?” Carter’s wife, Angie, had picked up the pot and was refilling everyone’s cup. “By the way, Emmy, I think that is the loveliest sweater and jacket combo. And your shoes, so stylish. Jordan prefers simple, but I hope you can spice up her wardrobe now that you’re dating.”

  The words shook Jordan out of her shock and calmed her nerves. Angie sat back down and continued as if nothing had happened. “Emmy, you should come shopping with us. The kids are a handful, even when Jordan is helping me.”

  “We’ve got more excitement in Alaska than shopping. You two should come visit us. Jordan and I can teach you to fish. Nothing like fresh sockeye salmon over the fire.”

  Gwyneth stepped back into the house to a lighter mood. “Now, I believe we were talking about presents before I left. Shall we?” She smiled at them but was clearly fighting back the tears.

  ****

  With fingers intertwined, Jordan and Emmy walked quietly to the SUV.

  “I’m proud of you, sweetie.”

  “Overall, it went better than I expected. I’m still in a daze about Poppa’s brother
and no one knowing.”

  “Families are full of surprises.”

  “I’ll ask again. Still want to be my girlfriend?”

  Emmy wrapped her arms around Jordan. “Yep. I don’t scare that easy. I know it was hard but you handled it well. Besides, I love your grandparents and mum. And Carter’s so sweet. Forget about Gerry. Right now, I’m freezing my bloody arse off. Let’s go.”

  At home, Jordan was rolling her neck and rubbing the back of it with one hand. Emmy had come to know that was one of Jordan’s habits when things bothered her.

  “Start us a fire. I’m going to change and get this makeup off. Be right back.”

  When Emmy returned, Jordan was leaning against the mantel staring down at the shimmering flames and deep in thought with a half-empty glass of merlot in her hand. Candles had been lit and the scent of vanilla wafted through the room. Emmy sat on the sofa and sipped from the glass Jordan had poured for her. Jordan didn’t move and hadn’t noticed Emmy was present.

  “The fire’s going now. Come here and lay back. I’ll give you a short massage.”

  Jordan obeyed and Emmy lightly rubbed her temples then moved to her shoulders. She could feel Jordan beginning to relax.

  “Oh, that’s amazing.”

  “Relax. Give yourself and the wine some time to breathe.”

  After vigorously kneading Jordan’s shoulders, she lightened her touch along Jordan’s neck and scalp with gentle circles. Soon, she heard the sound of Jordan deep in slumber. Emmy smoothed her hair. Jordan had been through a lot, and Emmy loved the strong woman who was beginning to show through more often.

  Emmy had meant to ask Jordan about a conversation with Aunt Betty Jean the other day but that would have to wait. Jordan needed a good rest tonight and some time to process the events. There was no rush. She was worth the wait.

  It was hard to believe Jordan’s family had once been more reserved, yet that’s what Auntie had indicated when they spoke. She also revealed that Gwyneth had expressed regret for letting Jordan move to Spain and blamed herself for the distant relationship. When pressed on the details, the conversation ended with Auntie saying, “I’m not sure why, but that’s something for you and Jordan to discuss at some point. I’m guessin’ that’s why she moved away.”

  Emmy delicately reached for her wineglass. Taking slow slips, she watched Jordan sleep. In a whisper, she said, “We have so much to talk about because I’m crazy in love with you.” Jordan’s eyelashes fluttered but she didn’t wake. She looked peaceful.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Today was Jordan’s actual birthday, but it seemed no different from any other day of the year. Just a dreary Wednesday. Since she had already taken two days off, she insisted on working. She had talked with her mom over the phone a couple of times but had not seen any other family members since the party at her mom’s house. In the middle of lunch hour, Robby and the entire staff pulled her out into the dining room and sang “Happy Birthday.” Her mom and Dave, Elizabeth, Sam and Gina, and Betty Jean and Emmy sat around a cake. Everyone was singing. She felt blessed.

  After many years of grappling with her inner turmoil, the feelings of relief and freedom began to wash over her. Yet, later in the day, she felt a bittersweet twist and the lump in the back of her throat. There was one more secret left to be told. She had come so far and wasn’t going to let the past or Darrell hold her down. Pushing back the sadness, she smiled knowing she was going home to a beautiful woman she loved. Tonight, she’d get it all out in the open.

  Leaving early, she stepped out into a crisp cold night. Halfway to her SUV, she stopped, breathed in the air, and looked up at the stars. So many shined, even with the dim lighting from the buildings.

  “Good evening.”

  She jumped as Darrell stood at the end of her SUV. Her muscles stiffened. What is he doing here?

  “I mean you no harm. I’m disappointed we couldn’t talk last week.”

  His gun was on his hip in plain sight. I don’t want to die like this. She stood ready to make a run for it when he laughed. A chill came over her. A heavy wave of sickness and remorse rolled through her as she recalled the last time she heard his maniacal laugh.

  When he finally stopped, the muscle in his jaw tightened. Even several feet away, she could see the change in his demeanor. Words wanted to come out, but her mouth was instantly dry and sticky. Heart palpitations racked her chest; the thumping noise drowned out the sounds around her. She felt woozy and grabbed hold of a nearby parking sign to steady herself. Her brain was screaming at her, but her legs felt leaden.

  “I’m sorry to have startled you, Jordan. It’s haunted me all these years. I’d change it if I could.”

  She knew this time would come but she didn’t want to remember the graphic details. And she sure as hell didn’t want to discuss it in the back parking lot.

  His voice changed to more sympathetic. “We were kids. Stupid kids. None of it was our fault. It was an accident.”

  While that was the truth, she could never think about that day without guilt and pain ripping through her. Like her sexuality, she had tried to bury the trauma, but it lurked within the deepest confines of her mind. She did get help in Spain. It had taken many sessions and several years to accept that she had done all she could under the circumstances. Yet, she had never fully forgiven herself.

  “It was so hard to take. It almost destroyed my life. I was lucky to have made it out of high school.” Her words were barely above a whisper.

  Darrell scowled at her and wasted little time in blurting out, “You? I ran away. If those cops caught me boozed and doped up, they would have blamed me. I would have gone to prison. I wasn’t from a privileged family like you. Do you even have a clue what it was like trying to live on my own at seventeen?”

  The feeling of wanting to throw up subsided as she looked at Darrell and felt empathy. Years ago, she had wanted to blame him, but like the guilt she held, nothing was going to bring Karen or Tommy back. It was a pain that refused to leave her heart. The best she could do was go on because Karen would never have wanted her to give up.

  “I’m sorry, Darrell. I never thought of how it affected you.”

  His mood immediately darkened and his face contorted in a menacing look. He had tightened his hands into fists, clenched his jaw again, and the tone of his voice was now threatening.

  “From what I can see, you pulled yourself through and seem to be living it up. Your restaurant is raking in the dough.”

  She recoiled.

  “Oh, don’t worry. I’m not going to physically hurt you, but you owe me for moving out of town and becoming a ghost. A little money thrown my way would even the score. After all, it spared you from having to reveal your little secret lesbo romantic rendezvous.”

  The sinister sneer on his face, like that day years ago, revealed his true intentions. Her body shook. Her blood pulsated through her veins.

  “You’re blackmailing me?” she mumbled.

  His body relaxed, and the intimidating laugh was back until broken by his eerie voice.

  “Let’s see. Everyone thought Tommy and Karen had made up and the awful tragedy happened because the rejoined love birds were drinking.” His hand gestures made a sickening theatrical display, painting the horrific day as humorous. “I hear Tommy boy had twice the legal alcohol blood level. And let’s not forget the weed. Just two underage kids getting in a little over their heads. Pardon, the pun.”

  His laughter was now wild as he stepped toward her with a sardonic expression. He’s crazy. She had come close to passing out before. Now she slumped on the ground. He seemed pleased with the results and didn’t let up.

  “Sure convenient for you that everyone thought it was Tommy’s fault. I wonder what Karen’s parents would have done if they knew you were fucking their daughter.” His angry words spilled through his gritted teeth. “How long had you two been getting it on anyway? You both looked pretty cozy that day. By the way, does anyone in this town know you’re a
lesbo?”

  He looked triumphant as he watched the terror his threats evoked. “A good ten thousand dollars ought to keep your secrets safe.”

  “Darrell,” she mouthed by sheer determination, “this is insane. I’m not going to pay you any money. It was an accident.”

  He closed the gap between them, towering over her. His cold, muscular hand squeezed and held her shoulder as his angry eyes stared through her. She was helpless. His chilling words ripped her apart.

  “Yes. You will pay. We both left the scene of an accident and never told anyone. Only, you’ve got the little lesbo secret going on. How many people are going to visit your lovely establishment when they find out the details of your sinful intimate life?” He let the words sink in as he continued to glare. He leaned closer, inches from her face. His final words punctured her heart. “And let’s face it, it’s your fault. The accident would never have happened if you hadn’t taken her out there to fuck her. Think about it. I’ll be in touch.”

  He walked away, whistling to the tune of “Chattahoochee.” His steps were in time to the beat as he shouted over his shoulder. “Brings back such memories.”

  The playful, upbeat song was on the local station’s classic country playlist, and she remembered the video. Now, that song would only bring sorrow to her. She lay on the ground, curled up, and could no longer hold back the tears. Darrell’s threats brought it all vividly rolling back. Her stomach heaved again, and she didn’t have the strength to raise her head. The contents splattered on her clothes and dribbled down her face.

  Emmy. Oh, God. I was going to tell her. Mother, why did I never tell you? It was an accident. It was no one’s fault. Control. Got to breathe and calm down. I can do this.

  Time was elusive, yet she did not pass out. As she lay in the putrid smell of her vomit, the back door opened. She didn’t want to face anyone right now, but she needed help.