by Kim Bowman
Too embarrassed to speak as we broke camp, I began saddling the three horses. I had instructed Amelia to bathe, remaining in the shallower waters, and I kept a careful ear out in the event she ran into trouble ¯ I could here her splashing as I saddled her horse. We’d all be uncomfortable in our damp clothing, but at least we would be clean. Blessed cleanliness. I had used a piece of cloth to clean my teeth, and though it wasn’t as good as tooth powder, it was better than nothing.
Grayson removed the leftover biscuits from his saddle bag and handed me my share. I thanked him, never once meeting his gaze.
“Olivia.” He wrapped a large hand around my forearm as I ate my meager breakfast. I looked up at him questioningly. “We need to talk.”
I had no idea what to say so I just nodded. Amelia came bounding up the path leading from the creek. I could see indecision reflected on his face, and realized that he didn’t want the child to hear our discussion. He frowned and told me we would speak later and I was grateful for the reprieve.
Amelia mounted Sally, ready for the day’s adventure. For a moment I envied her, so young and carefree, without all the necessary worries that plagued those of adult years. I finished tightening the cinch around my dear Fran ¯ who had been so gentle with me ¯ and was looking for something to step up on to make it easier to mount. The soldier must have noticed for he came up behind me and lifted me into the saddle. He surprised me so much I dropped the reins. His hands lingered and I could feel the scorching heat through my damp clothing. He tightened his grip and I gasped and stared at him. He smiled then pulled back, saluting me as he did so.
Oh! He was so smug! Were all men like that, or just this one? I pulled Fran around, jerking too hard on the reins. I quietly apologized, bending near the piebald ear. She flicked her ears and whickered at me, voicing her agreement that males were such a bane.
I refused to speak to him ¯ pride and embarrassment kept me at a distance. We rode for several hours, the sound of Amelia’s chattering with the soldier eating at my rapidly dwindling temper. He was ignoring me ¯ after lifting me onto my horse when we’d first mounted, he hadn’t acknowledged me even once.
I pondered his behavior, and mine ¯ oblivious to the beauty of our surroundings. My riding companions were engaged in a lively debate concerning the antlers of the beautiful white-tailed deer we had disturbed as they grazed. Listening to my sister as she countered Grayson’s arguments, I was taken aback. I hadn’t realized she possessed such a scientific bent. She spoke with clear intelligence on the varied wildlife we encountered, and pride filled me.
We stopped for lunch after the noon hour. Amelia and Grayson had a wonderful time fishing for sunfish in a narrow stream. I listened to his deep laughter and fumed. How dare he ignore me?
I prepared yet more biscuits as well as some wild greens I had found. I had a small cooking fire started and the biscuits finished when the soldier handed me six perfectly cut fish fillets. He still hadn’t spoken to me since earlier in the day, and I was certain it was deliberate ¯ he must have known his silence grated at my nerves.
I held my tongue until we finished our meal. The soldier had fashioned us some rather crude plates from thin flat rocks. I had scrubbed and scored them vigorously in the creek then seared them in the fire to clean them before we used them. They were better than nothing.
After the meal, Amelia was put in charge of washing the pan while Grayson and I saddled the horses. I waited until I could see that Amelia’s attention was focused on her chore as she sat near the small stream. Grayson’s back was turned to me as he hefted the weighty saddle onto his horse’s back. I grabbed his sleeve, fingers tightening on the worn fabric. The shirt was faded and soft from so many washings. I whispered his name, then realized it was the first time I had ever said it aloud.
He turned, surprised, and leaned his head closer to me. Nearly a foot separated our heights. I felt small, overwhelmed and vulnerable and I didn’t like it.
“What did you want to talk about?” I leaned close to him, tilting my head up, determined he was not to know of the power he held.
“We’ll talk later, after she’s asleep.” His breath tickled the hair by my ear and I shivered. It took a moment for his words to register. When they did, I objected, for my curiosity was getting the better of me. Resolve was firm on his face and I realized he would not give in. I glared at him, straightening my spine. He hooked an arm around my back, drawing me even nearer. My lips nearly touched his and I knew he had done it with deliberation. I would not give him the satisfaction of reacting, although he most certainly felt my heart beating against my ribs. My breath caught in my throat and I trembled.
“At least tell me where we’re going.” I murmured the words, knowing he could feel them against his lips. The stubble above his mouth tickled my own lips, and I parted them slightly. I wanted to feel the peculiar sensation again so I arched my feet, getting ever closer. He didn’t back away; instead, he laced his fingers behind my back and pulled me flush against his chest. I had never been held so firmly against a man and could not organize my thoughts to object. His body felt different from mine, hard and strong, and I was so curious.
My nose bumped his and I pulled back, filling with molten embarrassment. He refused to let me go ¯ tightening his arms and pulling me even closer. I tried to speak, stuttering a weak objection, but the sound was muffled against his mouth.
It wasn’t as if I had never been kissed before; Mark had kissed me once behind the barn before he had started paying court to Beatrice. That was nothing like this; that had been awkward and embarrassing. Though it had hurt me when he switched his affections to my cousin, a part of me was relieved he would not want to be doing that again.
This was warm, soft. His lips rubbed against mine, and mine tingled in response. I closed my eyes, wanting to escape the intensity of his as they stared into mine from so close a vantage point.
His lips widened and I felt the edge of his teeth against my bottom lip. He nipped at me, shocking me, and I gasped into his mouth ¯ widening my own even more.
He tightened his hands, fisting them in my dress; he pulled my lower body tight against his and a peculiar sensation heated my belly. He leaned into me, and I tilted back, just a bit. This allowed him even greater access and his tongue rubbed against my upper lip.
Mark hadn’t done that and I couldn’t imagine how I would have reacted if he had. I didn’t think to protest now, though. I had never felt anything like it before and I wanted it to continue. Forever. Or at least until I figured out what it meant.
His tongue flicked against my teeth and retreated, almost coaxing me, teasing me much like he did by the stream when he had found me close to naked. I widened my mouth just a little more and his tongue stroked mine. I trembled even more fiercely and was certain he could feel it.
“Olivia.” I could feel his lips as they formed my name and my stomach clenched. He pulled back some and I tried to follow, not wanting this ¯ my first real kiss ¯ to end. He obliged me, tilting his head to the left and rubbing his tongue against the entirety of my lips. He pulled back then, shocking me at the sudden movement, and I stared up at him in stupefaction.
The flames of mortification licked my cheeks and I looked away, unable to meet his direct gaze. He was not the least flustered by what had just transpired; in fact, he let out a soft chuckle, jerking my gaze back to his face.
Why was he laughing? Had I done something wrong?
I turned, determined to get away from him, and he laughed again¯a cocky little chuckle that infuriated me. Just what game was he playing at? I stepped away from him, nearly tripping in my haste.
Amelia was rising, finished with her chore, and I prayed she hadn’t seen me so brazenly held in his arms. That wouldn’t do ¯ how would I explain my actions?
I could feel him following closely behind me, could almost feel his warm breath tickling my neck. Without speaking, he directed Amelia to her horse and she re-saddled the mare. I made my way to Fran, feeling the brush of his g
aze as I moved.
I finished saddling the horse, feeling Grayson’s eyes on me the whole while. Shivers shook me so badly I couldn't grasp the saddle horn long enough to mount. Once again, Grayson wrapped those large hands around my waist. He lifted me with little effort despite his injuries, and I felt the breath stall in my throat at the strength he possessed.
“We will talk later,” he whispered and I shivered.
“Um.” I replied, and felt like an utter fool. What was it about this man that flustered me so? I felt like I existed in a constant state of shame, a state he exacerbated most deliberately.
“Yes. Um.” He mocked and I tightened my lips, still tasting him upon them. I straightened my spine and glared at him. Did he think one little kiss gave him the right to touch me whenever he pleased? He was possessed of a bold and brazen manner ¯ practiced even, and I wondered whether he had any commitments ¯ a wife or sweetheart ¯ wherever it was he came from. If he did ¯ would he have kissed me the way he had?
He stepped away from my horse, his lips quirked slightly. I blushed when I recalled what those lips had done, how they had made me feel. He mounted his own horse, his lithe body steady and assured. Though he had to be hurting, his movements did not betray any pain or stiffness.
We rode for several hours until we came to a small town near the creek. I didn’t know why we had stopped and I glanced at Grayson with puzzlement on my face. He smiled, shaking his head in my sister’s direction.
I asked him why we had stopped and he told me that it looked like rain; he hoped to find us a hotel room. Amelia slid off her horse’s back and I could sense that she was eager to explore this new place.
“Amelia.” Grayson said, a serious tone coloring his voice. My sister turned toward him, awaiting his instructions. “Be careful, and reveal little about yourself. Don’t forget your uncle could be after us. Meet us back here in two hours.”
My sister nodded and scampered off, leaving the reins to her horse with the soldier.
“Why a hotel tonight and not last night?” I asked before I slid off my mount.
“I don’t like the looks of those clouds. I don’t want us out in the woods during a storm.” He tied Fran and Sally’s reins together, and began leading all the horses toward a large stable. “We’ll find a room at an inn, if there is one to be found in this town.”
“With what money?” If he had had money why would he have traded his uniform buttons?
“I have some coin, not much, but enough for a room for a night,” he stated, as we entered the busy stable. I watched as he spoke with the stable master and paid the man his asking rate. After the man led our horses away, Grayson and I headed in the direction of the inn the man had recommended.
“Why did you not use the money before, when buying the rifle?” It made little sense to me.
“The man was open to bartering and I wanted to hold on to the coin.” He took my hand and for a moment I resisted. He looked at me with a warning look and I realized he was trying to portray the appearance of a married couple, as if we belonged together. I was uneasy with the risk we were taking, being in a town.
Of course, I had experienced Indiana’s spring thunderstorms and I did not want to be caught out in the woods with only trees as cover. That could be deadly. My uncle had lost a farmhand just last April when he and his horse were struck by lightning.
We knocked on the door of the inn, a large newer home with beautiful butter yellow sides and green shutters. It looked so comfortable and inviting, I suddenly longed for a tub of hot water and a nice soft bed. The thought brought with it a mix of uncertainty and eagerness. I wanted desperately to rest within the walls of an actual house after traveling for so many hours, but the intimacy associated with sharing a room with Grayson ¯ even with my sister around as a chaperone¯tightened my stomach.
Being on the trail and sleeping beside a dying fire was one thing, under the open sky there was little expectation of privacy¯a hotel room was bound to be different.
Grayson showed no hesitation as he informed the landlady of our needs. She looked at him, a suspicious glint in her hard eyes, and then at me. I knew what she was thinking as her eyes took in the bruising on both Grayson’s face and mine. Her gaze lingered on my hand, and for a moment I wondered why. Then it occurred to me¯I wore no wedding ring. I tried to hide my hand behind my back, sudden shame filling me. Grayson must have sensed what I was thinking for he laced those strong fingers of his through mine.
Grayson spoke firmly to the woman, drawing her derisive stare away from me, telling her that my sister would also be with us in the room and that we would be needing bathing water as well as meals. I was shaking as the woman humphed, and motioned for us to follow her down a long hallway. It had a thick carpet of red and ochre running the length of the beautiful planked floors; it was so luxurious under my feet that I felt horrible violating its cleanliness. Grayson paid our surroundings no mind as he trailed behind the woman, still clutching my hand in his.
The lady opened the last door on the right and I peered around Grayson’s shoulder into its cool blue interior. Of a soft robin’s egg blue, the walls were gorgeous and I had seen nothing like them since arriving in Indiana years ago. The bed, large enough for two, was obviously new and just as obviously hand-made. The wooden posts, close to my height, were smooth to the touch, with the slight smell of varnish lingering on the air. The coverlets were done in blues, mauves, and whites. It looked so soft and inviting a slight gasp passed my lips. Grayson turned toward me, a question on his face, and I wanted to look away.
What I was feeling must have shown in my eyes for he laughed and turned toward the lady to request fresh bathwater be brought up for me. I hadn’t seen a tub, my eyes had immediately focused upon the bed, but now my gaze landed on a metal bin tucked into a corner. It was larger than the tub that my sisters and I used in our room at my uncle’s and I knew that in this bath, at least, I would not be cramped and uncomfortable. The thought of that tub filled with hot steaming water made me weepy and I turned toward my companion, tears in my eyes and a hesitant smile upon my lips.
He laughed again, and told me to be patient, that I could rest soon enough. The proprietress looked at him with shock and suspicion in her expression and I could just imagine what she was thinking. I wanted to tell her quite smartly that I was not that kind of woman¯that my mother had raised me right. Though it was difficult, I managed to contain myself. I mustn’t betray our true relationship to this woman. Grayson and I must appear as he intended, must not give anyone in the town any reason to remark on us if by some chance my uncle managed to track us this far.
Grayson pulled me into his arms as the woman closed the door slowly behind herself. I got the impression she wanted to prolong watching us, as if she did not quite believe our story. Grayson kissed me upon my brow, a casual caress one would expect of a long married couple. Luckily the woman closed the door at the same moment and missed seeing me startle and gasp.
Then I was alone with him and the room seemed so much smaller than it had upon entering. I sank into the only chair in the room, a freshly built rocker that had another beautiful blue blanket thrown over its back and stared at him in stupefied silence. Thoughts of what I should say ran through my mind as he stretched like a cat, pulling his long arms over his head. His shirt pulled tight over his chest and I thought back to the moment I had picked it out of my uncle’s laundry. It had been the color that made me choose it¯the soft green an echo of his eyes. I had foolishly thought my uncle’s clothing would be too large for him, for my uncle had quite a stomach paunch. I had not taken into account Grayson’s wide shoulders and they pulled the faded material indecently taut. His was a strong body and I felt my cheeks heat remembering how closely I had felt that strength.
He must have sensed my inhibitions, for he straightened and told me he would return in an hour or longer and that he would send my sister to me shortly so that she and I may bathe with some privacy. I wondered once more if I would see
him again.
As he opened the door to leave, the serving girl arrived, carrying with her the first of many carafes filled with hot water for my bath. Grayson motioned her in and she went about her duties. She was a young girl, no older than my sister, and I wondered if perhaps she too was a poor relation, forced to serve in a relative’s house. I asked her something to this effect and she laughed, saying the proprietress had been kind, allowing her a way to earn a wage to help support her mother and four brothers. I thought that was unlikely for the woman had seemed quite nosy to me, and not the least of the kindly spirit. The girl was most likely afraid for her job and I let the subject drop as she finished filling the basin.
I quickly disrobed, sinking thankfully into the tub and letting the heat soak into my body. It felt wonderful, the warmth seeping into my aching limbs. I sat there for what must have been twenty minutes at least, before even beginning to bathe myself. I finished as the water was beginning to cool and I wanted to wash my garments before Grayson returned. I washed all but my shift, preferring to keep it as a covering while my other items dried. If it had just been Amelia and I sharing the room I would have wrapped a blanket around myself ¯ with the soldier I didn’t dare. I already felt he had gotten the wrong impression of me and that thought tormented me.
Amelia arrived as I was laying my dress over the back of the rocker to dry. The rocker was placed next to a small fireplace where the serving girl had started a blaze. The air had gotten quite cool, typical during a spring storm and the fire was needed. Distractedly, I instructed her to bathe as I listened to her chatter about what she had seen in this new town. She was quite excited, and appeared to be enjoying our trip. I rocked in the chair as she spoke, being lulled to sleep by the sound of its rocking against the planked floors.
I awoke sometime later to hear Grayson telling Amelia he would be out for several hours, and that she and I should head on to bed. Too drowsy to question where he was going, I stumbled over to the bed, having no thought of my state of undress. Crawling beneath the covers, I drifted back to sleep as I heard the bedroom door close.
