The Road to Winter

by Mark Smith

  ‘I can see the head! I can see the head!’

  But Rose slumps forwards, her head hitting the bedend. Kas holds her by the hips and lifts her off her stomach.

  ‘Rose,’ she urges, ‘you’re nearly there. When the next contraction comes, push with everything you’ve got.’

  Rose’s voice is low, drained. ‘I can’t.’

  ‘You can. I know you can,’ Kas says. ‘It’ll be over soon. I promise.’

  Kas looks at Ray and me and mouths Help.

  ‘Come round here,’ Ray says, taking my arm. He gets me to kneel on the bed in front of Rose so she can put her arms over my shoulders for support. She pushes her forehead hard into my chest. When she looks up I can see her eyes rolling around, as though she’s struggling to stay conscious. When the next contraction grips her, she digs her hands into my back and screams.

  ‘That’s good, Rose. Good. The head is coming,’ Kas says. I can hear the control in her voice. ‘Push. Push.’

  But Rose has gone limp in my arms. Her breath is coming in short bursts. Her whole weight is falling into me. I take her face in my hands and bring it close to mine.

  ‘Come on, Rose, one more push,’ I say.

  Her eyes flicker open. Then she draws herself up and her body tenses again before she bears down and all her remaining energy goes into a scream that’s so close I can feel it.

  ‘One more, one more.’ Kas is shouting now.

  But Rose’s arms have fallen off my shoulders and her head rolls away to the side. I turn her face towards me and gently slap her cheek.

  ‘Stay with us, Rose,’ I say. ‘Stay with us. Please…’

  I put my face against hers. My tears mix with the saltiness of her sweat.

  ‘I think she’s unconscious,’ I hear myself say.

  ‘Gravity,’ Ray says. ‘We’ve gotta use gravity.’ He pulls Rose around to the side of the bed, kneels down and takes her weight on his shoulders. ‘When I lift,’ he tells Kas, ‘you’re going to have to pull. We’ve gotta get the baby out. Finn, help me lift her.’

  I slip in under him and take some of the weight in my arms.

  ‘Now,’ he says. ‘Now!’

  I see the head between Rose’s legs. Kas is pulling and turning. I see the shoulders and then the whole body slips out into her hands.

  Ray eases Rose back down onto the bed just as the baby cries.

  ‘It’s a girl,’ Kas says, tears streaming down her cheeks. ‘It’s a girl.’

  Ray has a piece of string, which he ties around the umbilical cord, then produces another piece and ties that around too. Kas has a pair of scissors and she cuts the cord. Then she wraps the baby in a towel.

  When we gently roll Rose over we see the blood. It’s falling in big drops onto the sheets.

  ‘She’s hemorrhaging,’ Ray says. He bundles up a towel and puts it between Rose’s legs. ‘I don’t know how to stop it.’

  Kas has the baby wrapped up and she kneels down next to Rose, nuzzling the baby’s face against Rose’s. I don’t know whether I imagine it, but I’m sure I see a smile on Rose’s lips. Her whole body is limp. I’m not sure she’s even breathing.

  Ray takes the baby and hands her to me, then he puts his head to Rose’s chest and listens. He tilts her head back and begins to give her mouth-to-mouth.

  Kas lifts her sister’s hand to her face, kisses it and whispers, ‘Don’t leave me, Rose. Don’t leave me.’

  Ray starts to press up and down on her chest, but her body is so small and wasted he’s afraid to push too hard. The towel between her legs is soaked with blood.

  After a few minutes Ray checks for breathing again. There’s nothing. He keeps trying, but eventually he has to stop.

  Kas climbs onto the bed and cradles Rose’s head in her lap. I hand her the baby and she holds her against her sister’s breast. Ray looks at me and nods towards the door.

  Back out in the kitchen, Willow is sitting with Rowdy in his basket, her eyes wide.

  ‘Is there a baby?’ she asks.

  I scoop her up in my arms because I just want someone to hug. ‘Yes. A little girl.’

  Ray sits at the table with his head resting on his arms. It’s been a long night.

  I feel numb. It’s like the world has overtaken me and I want to scream and yell at God or the sky. I want to say it’s not fair. I want to say we’re only kids and we shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff, that there should be more adults like Ray to help us.

  But all I can do is rock Willow in my arms. I can’t even cry anymore. I’ve been hollowed out and there’s nothing left. I think of Mum and Dad dying and of the hole they left in my life. It shouldn’t keep happening, I’ve had my fair share. It’s someone else’s turn.

  There’s a faint sound coming from the bedroom, a cooing, encouraging voice: Kas talking to the baby. I take Willow to the door. She wants to see the baby. But when I’m in the doorway, Ray’s voice cuts through the house, urgent.

  ‘Finn!’

  I turn back around to see light out through the kitchen window. It takes me a second to work out it’s a flaming torch. And not just one—there are four of them crossing the paddock towards the house. And then, a noise that starts like a buzzing in the back of my head. Slowly it increases until I realise what it is.

  A trailbike.

  Ray moves quickly. In the bedroom he pushes a bookshelf to one side revealing a cavity behind it.

  ‘Quick,’ he says. ‘Get in here. Take Willow.’

  He lifts Kas off the bed. She tries to push him away, not understanding what’s going on, but he takes the baby from her arms, guides her to the cavity and pushes her in after Willow.

  ‘You can’t do this on your own, Ray,’ I say. ‘I’m not hiding.’

  He takes me by the shoulders. ‘It’s you three they want,’ he says. ‘They won’t take the baby and Rose is…’ He stops and looks at her on the bed.

  ‘But what about you?’

  ‘I’m too old for them to worry about,’ he says, and points at the cavity. ‘Now get in there.’

  There’s just enough room for three. It’s musty and smells of rats. Most of the light is blocked when Ray pushes the bookshelf back into place, but if I flatten myself against the side wall I can see through a small gap into the room. Ray sits himself down on the bed, cradling the baby in his arms. Waiting.

  Slowly the room fills with light and large shadows. No one has said anything, but I can see Ray looking up at a man standing in the doorway. His large shape moves around to the other side of the bed and he drops to his knees.

  It’s Ramage.

  He reaches out and touches Rose on the cheek. When his voice comes, it’s thin and low.

  ‘Ah, Warda, my beautiful Warda. Why did you run? I could have looked after you.’

  Kas is pressed against me. She’s heard the voice and knows who it is.

  Ramage reaches out to Ray—to the baby.

  ‘This is Rose’s daughter,’ Ray says, shaking his head. ‘Rose’s.’

  ‘Warda is my Siley. The child is mine.’

  Ray looks to the door as someone else enters the room, someone smaller than Ramage. They come closer to Ray and reach for the baby.

  ‘It’s okay,’ a woman’s voice says, ‘I’ll look after her.’

  Through the gap, I can see her flaming red hair and I remember Rose’s description of the woman who saved her when she was caught at Swan’s Marsh. It must be the same woman.

  Her voice is gentle. ‘Has she fed?’ she asks.

  ‘No,’ Ray mumbles.

  Ramage leans over the bed and softly kisses Rose. Then stands to his full height and guides the woman out of the room. When he comes back, his voice is hard again, and angry.

  ‘The sister,’ he says, ‘and the boy. Where are they?’

  Ray is ready for the question. He answers without hesitating.

  ‘They were here,’ he says. ‘They’re gone now. Left a couple of hours ago.’

  ‘Gone?’ Ramage sounds unconvinced.
‘Gone where?’

  ‘Didn’t say.’

  ‘Don’t you lie to me, you old prick.’

  ‘Why would I lie?’ Ray speaks in an older, weary voice. ‘What’ve I got to gain from lying?’ He straightens and stands toe to toe with Ramage.

  ‘If I find you’ve lied to me,’ Ramage says, ‘I’ll burn ya fuckin’ house down.’ He turns and yells, ‘Search the place. Tear it apart. If she’s here, we’ll find her. And the boy. I’ll kill him.’

  I can feel Willow trembling beside me. I draw her in and hold her head against my chest. Kas’s arm loops over us both and we huddle together and wait.

  Heavy footsteps come through the back door and the room fills with light and the smell of burning pitch. Tables and chairs are being turned over, but above the ruckus I hear the woman’s voice, loud and clear.

  ‘Stop!’

  Ramage turns and I know she’s looking straight at him.

  ‘There’s no time for this,’ she says. ‘This baby’s premature. If you want her to survive we’ve got to get her back home as soon as we can. The mother’s dead. That’s enough tragedy for one day.’

  Ramage hesitates before stabbing his finger into Ray’s chest.

  ‘I know where to find you, old man. Any more trouble from down here and I’ll be back. And you tell that girl and boy that I don’t forget. Benny Ramage never forgets. They’ll never be safe. Not here. Not anywhere.’

  Ramage leans over the bed one more time and kisses Rose. Then he pushes past Ray, knocking him against the bookshelf. Footsteps thump out through the kitchen and onto the porch.

  Ray waits a good fifteen minutes before he pushes the bookshelf out of the way and we crawl out into the bedroom. He has his finger to his lips.

  ‘I don’t trust them,’ he says. ‘They’ll still be watching.’

  But there’s no sign of their torches in the grey light of the new day. Ray gathers us all in the kitchen.

  ‘You have to go now,’ he says, ‘before it gets proper light. Head down the valley to the coast and make your way back to Angowrie. Be careful.’

  ‘I’m not running,’ Kas says, her voice low but firm. ‘I’m not leaving Rose. What about her…her body?’

  ‘I’ll look after her, I promise,’ Ray says. ‘There’s nothing to be gained from you being caught by Ramage.’ He’s got his hand on Kas’s shoulder. ‘You’d best go in and say your goodbyes.’

  Kas looks bewildered, torn, raking a hand through her hair.

  ‘Ray’s right,’ I say, softly. ‘We have to go.’

  Kas takes my hand and leads me into the bedroom, to Rose. She leans over until her forehead rests on her sister’s. As she does, her mother’s ring slips out of her shirt and falls onto Rose’s chest.

  ‘I promise you,’ she whispers, ‘I promise you I’ll find your baby.’

  Kas straightens and turns to me. ‘The baby needs a name,’ she says.

  I don’t know why the answer comes so quickly, but it’s as though the name has been there, waiting to be spoken.

  ‘Hope,’ I say. ‘Let’s call her Hope.’

  Ray is standing at the door. ‘Come on, you have to go,’ he says, urgent again. ‘It’s getting lighter.’

  Kas kisses Rose a final time before backing away into the kitchen.

  I’m left alone with Rose. Her face is cold when I touch it. I kneel down by the bed and put my head on the pillow next to hers.

  ‘Hey,’ I say. ‘It’s me, dog boy. I’m sorry I couldn’t look after you better.’ My eyes cloud with tears. ‘But I promise I’ll look after Kas. And we’ll find Hope and bring her home so she can swim in the sea. And I’ll teach her to surf. But I’ve got to go now. I’ve got to go, Rose.’

  I roll her name around in my mouth like I did the night I met her.

  Kas has pulled an old coat around Willow’s shoulders and has hitched her onto her back. Ray hands me a small bag with some food.

  ‘When you reach Red Rocks Point, check the tide,’ he says. ‘If it’s low enough, follow the beach all the way back into town. You can’t risk the cliff tops track. They might be watching it. Leave the horse here, but take Rowdy with you. Wait for a week then come back to me. Catch me a couple of bunnies, if you can. I’ve been missing them.’

  I put my arms around him. He waits a couple of seconds before saying, gruff-like and embarrassed, ‘All right, enough of that now. You’ve got to get moving.’

  Kas hardly seems to realise what’s going on. She walks straight out the door and I have to grab her arm before she breaks cover.

  ‘Wait,’ I say. She turns and looks at me with blank eyes. ‘We’ve got to keep low, Kas. They could still be out there.’

  I take Willow off her back and hand her the bag. Rowdy is standing on the top step of the porch, sniffing the wind. He seems unconcerned; I take that as a good sign.

  We run across the home paddock to the shed. Even pulling Willow along, I’m faster than Kas, who is still limping. After we’ve cleared the fence, we walk through the bush in silence, all the way down to Red Rocks Point.

  By the time we reach the first of the big granite slabs, the sun has risen and is warming our backs. Rowdy is restless. He knows we’re going home, but the tide is too high for us to get all the way along the base of the cliffs to the river mouth. By the look of the wet sand further up the beach, the tide is dropping.

  We find a nook where we can’t be seen. Kas sits with her back to the rock. Her head is up, but her eyes are closed. I sit next to her. Little tremors run through her body and she swipes at her tears with the back of her hand.

  ‘It’s not fair, Finn,’ she says, finally. ‘It’s not fair. She didn’t do anything wrong. Everything she did was to protect me.’

  I kick at a loose stone. ‘Nothing’s fair,’ I mutter. ‘Nothing’s been fair since the virus. None of the old rules apply anymore.’

  She turns her head away and catches a tear before it falls.

  ‘It’s never been fair for Rose and me—not even before the virus.’

  She balls her hand into a fist and hits the granite again and again, until I grab her arm and pull her into me. Big sobs wrack her body and I feel every one of them against my chest.

  By mid-morning the tide has dropped, allowing us to make our way back along the beach to Angowrie. It’s a beautiful day, with the sun glistening off the water and a regular swell breaking on the sandbars.

  Looking at the waves shaping up and peeling left and right takes my mind off the pain I feel in my body. And the ache in the middle of my chest. Kas walks a few steps behind me.

  It takes us a couple of hours to reach the river mouth. The low tide means we can wade across, but we check for danger first. I scout upriver until I can see the road bridge, but there’s no sign of life. The Wilders’ camp on the other bank is deserted.

  Crossing the water, Willow on my back and Kas by my side, I try to remember how long ago it was that Rose and I waded over to escape from Ramage. However long it is, I wish I could go back and have that time again. I’d have done things differently; I’d have kept Rose safe.

  When we reach the other bank, Kas walks ahead, her wet clothes clinging to her body. In all the drama of the last few hours, I’d almost forgotten how close we’ve grown to each other, forgotten that we’ve kissed and kept each other warm through the night.

  But all that’s been buried under the weight of losing Rose. Just like when Dad died, and then Mum, it’ll take time for everything to sink in and for us to work out what to do next. Willow needs to be looked after and there’s still the matter of staying alive, finding food, keeping safe. Maybe it’ll be weeks, months even, but somewhere in all of that, Kas and me will find some space to talk about us.

  Winter is starting to push in, the first storm hitting Angowrie last night. I’d forgotten the noise the town makes in the wind, the gates left open to swing and creak, all the loose roofing iron banging where the screws have rusted out. In a way, we don’t mind the bad weather. It will push the Wilders
back to Longley and hopefully keep them there for the winter.

  Kas has spent the last few days moving in slow motion. I see small sparks in her when she’s playing with Willow, a smile that escapes without her realising, or the way she scoops her hair behind her ear and looks up at me sometimes. Every now and again she brushes past, maybe deliberately, maybe because we are so cramped in the house, but each time I reach out to hold her, she’s gone. I feel the loss of Rose too, but compared to Kas I hardly knew her.

  Kas sleeps with Willow and sometimes I hear her crying in the night. In the mornings she looks as though she’s hardly slept, her eyes red and her hair matted. Willow seems to have a way through to her that I don’t. She crawls onto Kas’s lap and snuggles into her chest. Sometimes I wish I could do the same, to feel her body against mine again, to hold her and make the pain go away, even just for a while.

  I started hunting the day after we got back from Ray’s. We needed fresh meat and fish but, if I’m honest, I wanted to get back into some sort of routine too. There’s comfort in it, doing what I know best without having to think about it.

  Whenever I head out, I ask Kas if she wants to join me. She never does. Willow has become my shadow, though; she likes getting out of the house, no matter how bad the weather. The ocean is too churned up for me to dive, but we can usually get some crabs out on the reef, and there are always rabbits to be caught.

  The traps were where I’d left them, hidden in the hollow log up by the fences. I brought them back home and greased them, making sure the plates and springs were easy to set. Then I fell back into my old pattern of laying the traps in the evenings and rising early to check them in the mornings. If it wasn’t for Willow padding along behind me, I could almost believe it was just Rowdy and me again, the two of us keeping each other company, skirting around the back of the golf course and climbing the ridge to the fence lines. But I know there will be no going back to that life—everything changed the day Rose arrived.

  The first rabbit stew I cook draws Kas out of her room. The smell fills the house. We haven’t had any fresh food since the abalone I caught before we went to Ray’s.