All of You

by Christina Lee

  But underneath the surface of my raw emotions were the underpinnings of truth.

  Of love. Of friendship. Of hope.

  As I lay awake in Bennett’s arms and listened to his soft breaths, my eyes focused in on his

  drawing across the room. I considered his bedtime confession and wondered if in fact we had weeded

  through all that baggage in our paths and finally found a way to each other.

  We both had class that morning, but agreed to meet back at my place in the afternoon. Neither of us

  was scheduled to work, and we wanted desperately to spend the day together.

  I called my supervisor to ask if she’d heard about any of the funeral arrangements for Mrs. Jackson

  and whether I could have the time off to attend. She assured me that I could.

  Before we hung up, she said, “You know, every one of us has had a Mrs. Jackson in our lives. A

  person we’ve grown close to, despite trying not to. And it’s a good thing. In fact, it’s a necessary part of

  life. It means we’re human, Avery.”

  Bennett and I went out for a late lunch and then tooled around the local art museum together. He

  showed me his favorite artists and helped me appreciate some of their earlier works.

  It was comforting to be with him. To do normal things with him. To start folding him in to my life.

  We made love that night on my terms. I was on top, and it was fast and frantic, soft and sexy, and

  everything in between. Afterward, we lay wrapped up in each other’s arms.

  “I’m not sure I’ll ever tire of this,” Bennett said, still winded. His hand skated over my breasts, to

  my stomach, to my thighs, making me quiver with need again.

  And for the first time in years, I felt a flicker of joy.

  Incandescent. Radiating inside me and through me.

  His fingers reached for my face, and he kissed me slow and melting, his tongue tangling with mine in a way that felt so private. So profound. So right.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Bennett and I were inseparable the following week. He attended Mrs. Jackson’s funeral service with me,

  politely introducing himself and shaking family members’ hands.

  Her daughter, Star, seemed to know more about me than I thought she had, which comforted me. It

  cemented the idea in place that Mrs. Jackson was as fond of me as I was of her.

  At the wake, she whispered, “Bennett seems like a good man. Momma would have liked him.”

  Bennett surprised me by bringing a bouquet of daisies to the cemetery. We stood with Mrs.

  Jackson’s family as everyone departed, throwing the long stems onto her casket, one by one.

  Work that week had been tough. A new resident had already taken Mrs. Jackson’s bed, as if trying

  to wipe clean the memory of her. But she’d always be with me.

  Her kind and wise words. Her confidence and biting humor.

  The new resident was a crotchety old man named Mr. Smith, and I snickered every time he barked

  an order as I crossed into the room. I figured Mrs. Jackson would get a kick out of it, too.

  You’re trying to make me miss you, aren’t you?

  And then Bennett drove with me to Mom’s court hearing. He asked if he could tag along, and at

  first I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. It was as if he were inserting himself into my past and all its

  ugly secrets.

  He had taken the morning off work and said he wanted to come to the courthouse for moral

  support—that he’d wait in the car or the lobby for me.

  He knew there was the possibility that Tim would be there. The defendant had the right to attend

  the hearing. If he didn’t show, he’d still be served the paperwork. As we pulled into my mother’s driveway, my palms became slick on the steering wheel. Adam was

  at school, Bennett would be meeting Mom for the first time, and my queasy stomach refused to

  cooperate.

  I’d already met Bennett’s family, and we definitely shared similar backgrounds. But I was afraid

  he’d uncover just how fucked-up my reality was once he met my mother.

  Mom was chain-smoking at the kitchen table when we stepped inside. Her fingers were shaking,

  and shadows had formed below her eyes, alerting me that this decision had taken its toll.

  “Mom, this is Bennett.” I refrained from saying that he was my boyfriend. I was just getting used

  that idea. But she knew the deal. I had never brought any guys around before.

  “It’s nice to finally meet you, Ms. Michaels.” Bennett cleared his throat and gave a small smile.

  “You, too.” I could see Mom checking him out, her gaze wandering up and down his body as I

  clenched my teeth.

  He was half her age and still she thought she could act that way. She needed to stop thinking I was

  her competition, and after today I’d damn well let her know it.

  But for now, before this hearing, I’d let it go.

  “Ready, Mom?”

  Bennett had been teetering in the doorway, hands deep in his front pockets, and he looked relieved

  that her scrutiny of him would be ending.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be.” As she stood up, I realized she was wearing a modest blue dress, and I

  was thankful that none of her cleavage was showing. “It’ll be hard to face him if he shows up.”

  “Hard for both of us, Mom.”

  Bennett squeezed my hand as we headed out the door.

  Bennett drove my car and dropped us off at the front entrance of the courthouse. Said he’d park and

  join us in the hall.

  Mom exited the backseat and started to head inside. She had retained one of her lawyer exes to help her through the proceedings and was meeting him before the hearing. She had been with Lance for a few

  months a couple of years ago, and even got a used car out of the deal. Too bad he’d been married at the

  time. I wondered how she’d be paying him this time.

  As my hand reached for the door handle, Bennett pulled me into a kiss. It was sweet and

  reassuring, but still warmed my belly, despite the enormity of the situation.

  “Good luck, baby,” he whispered in my ear. “You were strong back then, and you’re even tougher

  now.”

  My stomach flipped somersaults all the way up the stone courthouse stairs. It was an old historical

  building in the center of town, and I’d visited once with Gavin when he met his father there about

  excessive parking tickets. Gavin was always leaving his car at empty meters across town, and it had

  finally caught up to him. Like Tim, Gavin also had a little of that overconfidence gene in him, being the

  mayor’s son. I couldn’t totally blame him for it. It was just how he was raised.

  But from what I could gather about Tim, his boldness was all DNA, and being on the police force

  had only helped bolster that inflated opinion of himself.

  Mom had already checked in and was meeting with her lawyer friend, who was dressed sharply in a

  shiny black suit and red tie. I sat down beside her on the cold wooden bench and looked around, hoping

  not to lock eyes with Tim. I was dressed in simple black pants and a blouse, with flat shoes. If he

  showed up, I wanted him to know I was a grown-ass woman, not the scared teen he’d known four years

  ago.

  The place overflowed with people like us, waiting for their cases to go before the judge, and I

  figured we were in for a long morning.

  When it was finally our turn, I was thankful that we had gone to the police station and filed the

  report the day after Tim assaulted Mom. The pictures of her bruises were on file, and Lance assured us it

 
; would be a clear case in our favor.

  With my permission, Mom had also disclosed that Tim had assaulted me years ago, but Lance was confident that extraneous evidence to Mom’s case would probably be unnecessary.

  He had been right.

  The judge fairly quickly granted a permanent restraining order, good for five years.

  Bennett was waiting in the lobby as we exited the wooden doors, and I told him the news.

  His jaw remained locked. “Was he in there with you?”

  I shook my head. Tim had never shown his face, and I breathed a sigh of relief, despite the small

  part of me that wanted to see the bastard. Over the years, I had built him up in my mind to be a monster.

  I had only been sixteen, and I figured he might look quite different to me now.

  Mom had to wait at the courthouse for an official copy of the document to keep in her possession

  should she ever need to call the police. She assured me that Lance would drive her home after they had

  gone to lunch to celebrate.

  I bet they’d celebrate.

  “I wanted to make sure we called a locksmith before I left today, Mom.” Of course she hadn’t done

  it yet. How could she still be so oblivious about her own safety?

  She looked down, biting her lip. “Oh, um, Lance said he knew a good locksmith and would make

  the call for me.”

  I sighed. Here we go again. Eager for a man to call all the shots.

  But maybe I couldn’t blame her. Wasn’t she just hoping for someone to take care of her heart, too?

  I thought back to Bennett’s tattoo poem and the idea of disappearing for love. I just hope she got it right

  someday.

  Bennett had left to pull the car around, so I stepped outside and walked toward the side street to

  make the pickup easier for him. The turnaround in front of the courthouse was jam-packed with cars.

  As I stood on the corner waiting, I felt the hairs rise on the back of my neck. Maybe it was his

  heavy breaths or the way he cleared his throat, but I sensed him there before I even laid eyes on him.

  His voice was one forever etched in my nightmares. “You look the same as you always did.” My heart thundered in my chest as I turned around to face him. Tim looked smaller somehow, less

  imposing. His hair was graying and he had a heavier beard. I realized it was me who had grown up, and

  he was the one who’d stayed exactly the same.

  He stepped closer, and I could feel his emotions rolling off of him—excitement, arrogance, desire. I

  tried not to shudder.

  Instead I found my voice. “So do you, Tim. Like a child predator. An abuser of women. You disgust

  me.”

  His top lip curled, and I took a step back, not wanting him to see me flinch.

  “So what happened, you too much of a wimp-ass to show up at your own hearing?”

  “My lawyer advised me that it wouldn’t matter whether I showed or not. Your mother had a strong

  enough case against me.”

  “So then why are you here?”

  “On the off chance that you’d be here and I could finally lay my eyes on you.”

  My stomach rolled and lurched as his gaze became hooded.

  “I’ve missed you, Avery.”

  Had we not been on a crowded street corner I might have turned and fled. I was that certain he

  would have tried to take me down right then and there and finally have his way with me.

  But not before I put up a damn good fight. I balled my fists and stood my ground.

  “Your mother might have a restraining order against me,” he said, leaning over. So close. Too close.

  “But you don’t. No reason I can’t get as close to you as I want.”

  Holy fuck. He was threatening me. Saying he’d come after me. Find me.

  My mind drew a blank and all I saw were swirls of black and gray behind my eyelids as terror

  slowly consumed me.

  I heard a grunt and a car door slam. “Avery?”

  Tim backed away and then crossed the street in a rush. Bennett grabbed hold of my shoulders and lightly shook me. “Avery, look at me. Who was that?”

  “What?” My mind was hazy with fear and disbelief.

  “Who the fuck was that, Avery?”

  “T . . . Tim,” I mumbled. “That was Tim.”

  Bennett’s eyes widened right before he turned and raced across the street to follow him.

  What the hell was he doing?

  “Hey!” he yelled, and I spotted Tim, who was halfway down the block, freeze in place.

  I had never seen Bennett so full of rage. It scared the shit out of me. It was enough to get my legs

  moving again. I crossed the street to chase after him.

  Bennett was still yelling, his hands flying in the air, and Tim just stood there, a menacing smirk

  hanging from his lips.

  “You motherfucker.” Bennett inched closer to him. “You will never lay another hand on her, you

  hear me?”

  Then I saw Bennett’s fist clench and his arm fly forward as it crushed against Tim’s jaw.

  “Bennett, no! Wait!” I was terrified of what Tim would be capable of.

  Tim yanked Bennett’s legs out from under him, and suddenly they were both on the ground

  wrestling and landing punches. Bennett definitely had the height, weight, and raw emotion. But Tim

  thought he was cunning and invincible, and I knew that was a deadly combination.

  “Bennett, stop. Let him go. We can handle this another way.” In fact, I was marching straight back

  into that courthouse and filing my own restraining order.

  The sound of my voice momentarily immobilized Bennett, giving Tim the upper hand. He knelt

  over Bennett, his fist crashing into his stomach.

  Blood was smeared on Tim’s face and on Bennett’s shirt and hands. I couldn’t tell whether it was

  coming from Tim’s nose or Bennett’s cheek.

  Bennett looked so defenseless lying on the ground, and something snapped in the very center of me. This asshole was not going to hurt the person I loved.

  Using all the focus I could muster, I turned sideways and rotated my knee, making sure the upper

  part of my foot would make contact. A growl escaped my lips right before I landed a perfectly hard

  roundhouse kick to Tim’s back. I heard a crack and he went down, groaning.

  Kickboxing classes had finally paid off.

  “Get up, please.” I pulled Bennett to a sitting position and whispered to him, “Let Tim leave, trust

  me. I’ll handle this legally.”

  Tim was already on his knees, and Bennett and I backed away to allow him room. An audience had

  formed across the street, and I was sure the cops would be there any moment to arrest them both. No

  question Tim would file assault charges against Bennett and we’d be in a world of trouble.

  Tim stood up and limped a couple steps backward. I was hoping I’d cracked a rib or two. But he’d

  never give me the satisfaction of showing it.

  “Get the fuck out of my sight, Tim. Before the cops come,” I snarled. I wanted him to believe I was

  letting this go. Otherwise, he’d figure out a new way to hurt us. “He won’t touch you again.”

  His face was emotionless except for the tick in his jaw. We watched as he hobbled down the street and around the corner, only looking back once.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  My body sagged against Bennett and he folded me into his arms.

  “Oh my God, are you okay?” I asked. I was so relieved that he hadn’t come away limping. “You

  shouldn’t have gone after him like that.”

  “Avery, listen to me.” His breath was heavy as he held me close. “I recognize him.”

  I pulled ba
ck to look at him. “What do you mean?”

  “It was him,” he said, eyes wide. “He tried breaking into your window that night. I’m sure of it.”

  I stumbled as my legs gave way, and Bennett scooped me into his arms.

  Tim was going to rape me that night. And Bennett had saved me.

  Bennett deposited me in the passenger seat of my car as I panted for air. He used my phone to call

  my mom.

  She and Lance rushed outside and Bennett explained what had transpired. Mom sat down hard on

  the curb and put her head in her hands.

  Lance advised me to file a restraining order and police report immediately. I didn’t dispute him.

  Then he was on his cell phone, calling in a favor to the judge. He also called his contact at the

  police station.

  While he was on hold he flipped the phone away from his mouth. “Bennett, you were smart not to

  say anything in front of Tim about the break-in.”

  Bennett nodded. He had used good judgment even in a state of rage.

  “If he had known you recognized him, he might have fled. But I’m confident he’ll be picked up

  fairly quickly and charged. His case had already been flagged by the mayor,” Lance said, looking at me. I felt gratitude to Gavin for helping me in that small way, when he didn’t even have to.

  “As long as you’re willing to identify him in a lineup?” Lance asked.

  “Of course,” Bennett said.

  “How do we know he won’t run now?” Mom asked, her eyes laced with fear.

  “I guess there’s still that possibility,” I said finally. “But I made it seem like we didn’t want any

  more trouble. Just hope he bought it.”

  Mom knelt in front of me and grabbed my hands. “I’m so sorry, baby. About everything.”

  I had finally gotten my apology, on a street corner, in the middle of all of this chaos. The relief I felt

  overwhelmed my senses, and I couldn’t control the tears leaking from my eyes. Or stop my hands from

  shaking as my mother grasped them in hers. “I know you are, Mom.”

  Lance accompanied us to file the reports and used his contacts to expedite the order. The detective

  on the case said they had Tim’s home and work addresses and that he was bound to show up one place

  or the other today. Mom also provided the names of some local bars he frequented, which was helpful,