Knights Rising (Rumblin' Knights Book 1)

by Bella Jewel

  “He’s ...” My voice cracks. “Perfect.”

  “Yeah.” Nicolai nods. “He is. Give me your number, I’ll call you and we’ll work this out, okay? But the time isn’t tonight.”

  I give him my number, and then murmur, “Thank you, for hearing me out.”

  He nods, and gives me a small smile. “Thank you for finding him. Believe it or not, I want you in his life, Shania. Your demons. My demons. They’re not his. He shouldn’t have to live with them.”

  Dammit.

  I always thought Nicolai was the worst man I’d ever met.

  But maybe, just maybe ... I was wrong.

  Maybe, all along, I was simply broken.

  And he just didn’t know how to fix me.

  ~17~

  NOW – LINCOLN

  She has a kid.

  A fuckin’ kid.

  I’m not entirely sure what to make of that. I’ve thought of every scenario a thousand times over in my head. I’ve wondered what it is she was hiding. I’ve wondered if it was that she still loved that douche bag, but it turns out all along, she just wanted her son back. What doesn’t make sense, is why in the hell she didn’t tell me that she had a son?

  Did she think we’d judge her? Think she was a bad mom because things went wrong?

  Because fuck, we wouldn’t.

  I respect what she did, making the choice to give her son up. She knew she had no money, and the relationship with the father, at that point, was toxic. She wanted him to have the best life. And that takes a fuckin’ lot of balls, because most people...most people would fight it through, scrape together, make it work for their child. Sometimes though, fuck, sometimes that just makes the child grow up in a world that isn’t fair.

  Shania put her son first, gotta respect that.

  What I don’t respect, is how nice this jerk in front of me is being right now. He’s acting calm, too calm. As if he’s totally okay with Shania just showing up on his doorstep. When he tells her he’ll call her after he thinks about the best way to approach it, I feel uneasy. Not because I don’t think he’s telling the truth, I honestly don’t know if he is or if he isn’t, but just because I feel like he’s not telling all of the truth.

  What if he does a runner again?

  It’s highly possible he doesn’t want Shania to have anything to do with her son. After all, he’s made no effort to find her in the last couple of years. Why would he suddenly just accept she’s finally found him, and allow her back into their lives, no questions asked? It’s nice. Way too nice. And I don’t trust it. But at the same time, I don’t want to make things harder for Shania, because she’s so happy, so relieved. The way she’s cryin’... fuck, near on breaks my heart.

  And because of that, I’m not goin’ to let her become unhappy again.

  “Before we go,” I say, stepping forward just as Shania has finished giving her number over. “I have a few questions.”

  Nicolai, or whatever the fuck his real name is, looks at me. His green eyes lock onto mine in challenge. He’s a powerful man, it’s written all over his face. He’s also a giant dick. While I respect he wanted his son in his life, he had no fuckin’ right to disappear with him, leaving her empty and alone. Shania is being way too calm right now, because fuck knows she needs to get angry.

  She needs to make him fuckin’ understand how it felt for her.

  But she’s keepin’ the peace, for now.

  “What has any of this got to do with you?” Nicolai growls, his voice going from kind, to angry, in a matter of seconds.

  “First of fuckin’ all, watch your tone. Second of all, it doesn’t have anything to do with me. But she has somethin’ to do with me. I’m not watchin’ her go through hell and back, if you decide to change your mind, or disappear overnight with her son again. Now, I don’t know the whole situation, don’t fuckin’ claim to ... but you takin’ her baby away from her, was a dog act.”

  Nicolai’s nostrils flare, and he hisses, “She was going to take him from me.”

  “No, she was going to give him a better fuckin’ life! With two parents. And a stable home. She was thinking about him. You were thinking about yourself. And when you go to sleep tonight, close your fuckin’ eyes and imagine for one damned second what you put her through. Imagine her sitting in a bathroom, breasts full of milk, not knowing where her baby is. Her body still very raw from having him, and still thinkin’ he’s there. You just fuckin’ picture that.”

  Nicolai’s jaw tenses, his fists clench, and he glares at me.

  Shania’s eyes go even redder, and a tear rolls down her cheek. I hit her hard with my words, and while she’s never told me any of that, I can only imagine the pain she would have felt in the days following his birth. Alone. Empty. I’m a man, and I don’t claim to understand fuckin’ anything about having a baby, but I do know a woman like Shania, it would have nearly killed her. She would have felt so fuckin’ empty she wanted to die.

  She’s a strong woman, for managing to pull herself out of it, track Nicolai down, and stand here willing to put it all behind her just to see her baby.

  She’s a fuckin’ incredible human.

  “Lincoln, it’s okay,” Shania says softly, giving me a small smile.

  “No, sweetheart, it’s not okay. You need to be sure he’s goin’ to be here when you come back to see your boy. You need that, after everything.”

  “I’m not goin’ to fucking leave!” Nicolai snaps. “No matter what you might think, I wouldn’t hurt my son. He deserves to know her. I’m not going to run, but if you don’t back the fuck off, we’re goin’ to have issues.”

  I ignore that.

  “And Yana?”

  “What about Yana?” Nicolai growls.

  “That woman is untrustworthy, dangerous, and almost got Shania into some serious trouble just recently. You expect us to be okay with her hoverin’ around that boy?”

  “Yana is harmless,” Nicolai crosses his arms. Big fella, really. He’d do good in a fight. Which is what he’s going to find himself in if he doesn’t shut the fuck up soon.

  “She’s not, Nicolai,” Shania says, shaking her head. “I’m not trying to argue here, but she’s not safe. She told an old client from the club my name, and he found me and was inside my apartment when I came home one day. He was going to assault me, in more ways that you can think of, possibly worse. I don’t trust her. She’s an issue for me.”

  Nicolai stares at her, his jaw still tight. “We’ll discuss this later.”

  “Are you seeing her?” Shania asks, her eyes narrowing. “Because, honestly, that’s going to be a problem for me. That woman caused nothing but chaos in my life, I don’t want her around my son.”

  “Shania,” Nicolai growls. “I’ve raised that boy on my own, you can’t come in here and throw orders around.”

  “You raised him on your own because you gave me no fucking choice!” Shania cries, and then crosses her arms and stares at the ground, panting, trying to get it together.

  “Okay, look,” Lucy says, stepping in. “This is going to get heated, really quickly, and nobody wants that. Nicolai, Shania is going to call you. Don’t even think about doing a runner, because I swear, I’ll hunt you down myself. She has a right to her son. You know it, I know it, we all know it. As for Yana, you two can discuss her when you’re alone, and not surrounded with people. For now, we’re going to go. Okay?”

  I like Lucy.

  She’s a fuckin’ good one.

  “Atta girl,” Damon grins at her.

  She flushes, suddenly noticing him, and then turns back to Shania. “We all good?”

  “Yeah,” Shania says, her voice still a little shaky. She looks to Nicolai, “Is that okay?”

  He nods. “Yeah. Next time, we talk alone. I don’t need extra complications, Shania. This is between us, and us only.”

  He looks at me when he says that. I grin at him.

  He doesn’t seem to like that.

  Whatever.

  Fuck him.

>   “Let’s go,” I say, reaching out and taking Shania’s arm.

  She looks to Nicolai and whispers, “Please, give me a chance. Don’t run.”

  He nods. “I won’t.”

  And then, we all turn and pile into the truck. I look to Shania, and murmur, “You okay?”

  She nods.

  But her eyes, fuck, poor girl.

  She looks so broken, so confused, so damned unsure of anything.

  It kills me to see her like that.

  I want to help her.

  Fuck.

  I just want her.

  Period.

  ~*~*~*~

  NOW – LINCOLN

  I stay with Shania once everyone else has left. Lucy goes over to a friend’s house, clearly seeing that we want some time alone.

  Well, I want time alone.

  Don’t know what Shania wants.

  She doesn’t get a choice. I’m staying.

  Once we’re alone, I wait for Shania to shower and join me in her living room. She comes out, hair dripping, eyes still red and puffy, which tells me she spent her time in the shower crying. She walks over, sitting beside me. I can feel the warmth of her body, and smell the floral scent radiating off her.

  “You okay?” I ask her.

  “Honestly? No. I mean, this is what I’ve wanted for so long. This is the moment I’ve fought through so much pain for. But I’m scared. I’m scared about the idea of Yana being in the picture. I’m scared he won’t like me. I’m scared Nicolai will only give me a tiny amount of time. I’m so damned scared I can barely breathe, Lincoln.”

  I lean forward, taking her chin in my hand and lifting her head, until she’s looking me in the eye. “Firstly, I’m not goin’ to let Yana ruin your life again. I can promise you that. If Nicolai involves himself with her, that’s his choice, but I will not let her hurt you or your son. Secondly, your boy is going to love you. Because how can he not? He’s young. It’ll take time, but I promise you, it’ll happen. And thirdly, Nicolai will give you the time you want. He will because he owes you that, and you need to stand your ground with it. Know you want to keep the peace, and I think that’s a great idea, but don’t bend over and let him decide where to put it, if you know what I’m sayin’?”

  She smiles, shaking her head, “Only you could put it that way.”

  “Just bein’ honest with you, sweetheart. You deserve your son in your life. Not a couple of days here and there. Sure, might start like that. But don’t you back down. Don’t you let him call all the shots. You fight for that boy, the way you’ve been fighting for him the second you found out you were pregnant.”

  Her smile quivers, and she looks down at her hands, forcing me to release her.

  “Do you think I am awful for wanting to give him up for adoption?”

  “Fuck no,” I say, my voice stern, so she can see how serious I am. “Absolutely fuckin’ not. What you did, fuck...that took balls, Shania. You’re a good person, can see it in you. For you to make a choice like that, would have been hard, probably the hardest thing you have ever done.”

  “I just wanted him to have a good life,” she tells me, her voice shaky, “I grew up with parents that argued and hated each other. I didn’t want that for him. And at that time, Nicolai and I couldn’t agree on a single thing, let alone reasonably raise our child together. Plus, I was young, broke, and was stripping for a living. I had nothing to offer him. Not then.”

  “You don’t have to justify your actions, Shania. Fuck, you do not have to. Because everything you did, was out of the good of your heart. You kept it together back there, proud of you for that, but you are allowed to be angry. Fuck, I’d be angry.”

  “I am. But he was right, too. I wasn’t going to give him a choice, either. I wanted Tommy to be adopted out, and I wasn’t going to move on it.”

  “And did he agree to it?”

  She nods. “At first, yes.”

  “Then you didn’t do the wrong thing. You both discussed it. He changed his mind at the end. That ain’t on you.”

  “No, it isn’t, but he did have a right to change his mind. I mean, if I had changed my mind, it would have been my right, also.”

  “Fair enough, but to steal your son and fuckin’ leave you broken...that he didn’t have to do.”

  “No,” she whispers. “No, you’re right about that.”

  “It wasn’t fair, and while he has obviously taken care of him, you’re here now, and you get a say also.”

  She bites her lip, and then looks up at me, those eyes still glassy, “Do you think I have any chance here? Do you think he’s going to let me in without a fight?”

  “Honestly? I don’t fuckin’ know. He’s hard to read. Keeps a very calm appearance.”

  Shania nods. “Yeah, he’s always been like that. He can keep calm in the most chaotic situations, which makes it very hard for me to know when he’s lying.”

  “I’ll tell you somethin’, and it’ll probably make you feel better. He loves that boy. Could see it in his eyes. Loves him a fuckin’ lot. Because of that, I don’t think he’ll do anything to hurt him, which means he probably won’t do anything to hurt you. Could be wrong, but I can’t see it happening.”

  She nods, and swipes a random tear from her eye. “What you said back there tonight, about me being alone, full of milk, my body thinking I had a baby still...that hit me so hard. That was how it felt. I remember sitting in my bathroom, on the floor, my breasts just pouring milk out, overfull and needing to feed my baby. My body still sore from birth. Everything still soft and squishy from having him. But he wasn’t there. And it wasn’t like I knew he was in a loving home, with a loving family. I didn’t know where he was, and that made it hurt so much more. I thought I was going to die, Lincoln. I honestly thought I’d never make it through that pain.”

  I take her face in my hands again. “But you fuckin’ did. You did, and you came out stronger. And now, you’re goin’ to get him back. Everything is going to be okay.”

  She laughs croakily. “Would you look at us, getting along...”

  I snort. “It’s only because I feel sorry for you.”

  She chuckles. “Really? That’s it?”

  “Yeah, plus you’re really fuckin’ cute when you’re cryin’.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Mmmm,” I murmur, pulling her closer to me.

  “Lincoln,” she says, her voice breathy now.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you, for tonight. For everything, really.”

  “Welcome, sweetheart.”

  “And...there’s something else.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Will you make love to me?”

  Fuck yeah I will.

  ~18~

  NOW – SHANIA

  A knock at my door has me taking a long sip of my coffee, contemplating answering it.

  It has been a hard few days. The desperate need to see my son, knowing he’s so close, has been hard. I just want to take him in my arms, and breathe him in, and get some relief for this dull pain radiating through my chest. But, I’m giving Nicolai time. Only so much, though. I won’t push, but I won’t be dismissed either.

  It has been hard.

  But Lincoln has been amazing.

  He’s been my rock. Here for every step of it.

  I never thought it would be him. If you asked me a few months ago who I thought would be the man to step up for me, I would have never said Lincoln. I honestly didn’t think we’d ever be anything but fighting friends, and yet here we are, actually getting along. I have feelings for him, there is no doubt about it, the question is does he have feelings for me? I’m not sure, but I do know he’s been here for me. That has to mean something.

  I won’t look too much into what.

  I’ll just let it be what it needs to be, for now.

  But the last few nights with him, making love to me, has almost sent me over the edge. Then he stays with me, sleeping by my side, keeping my body warm, making me feel safe. He leave
s for work in the morning, and then comes over and does it all again. We talk, a lot. About everything, mostly Nicolai and I.

  It’s nice to have someone to just talk to.

  And he’s a surprisingly good listener.

  Back to the knock. I put my coffee down and walk towards the door, wondering who the hell is deciding to visit me at this time of the morning? Okay, that’s slightly dramatic, because it’s past seven ... but still. Most of the girls from the club call first, they’re good like that.

  Maybe a friend of Lucy’s.

  I reach the door and unlock it, opening it to find the last person I ever wanted to see again in my life.

  Yana.

  She’s standing there, looking exactly the same as the last time I saw her. Only now, her hair is cropped short, and she looks normal in a pair of jeans and a tank. I’ve only ever really seen her half naked, so it’s safe to say, seeing her normal...is rather weird.

  Still.

  I’d rather not have to see her at all. Ever.

  “What are you doing here, Yana?” I growl, my voice low, and extremely impatient.

  I’m not eighteen anymore.

  Okay, I’m only twenty-two, but still. I’ve learned a fucking lot in those years, and one of those things is that I’ll never allow myself to be pushed around by anyone, ever again. I won’t back down and take crap. I’m stronger now, fuck, I’m stronger than I’ve ever been before in my life. Yana is no longer a threat to me.

  And I have no time for her.

  “I want to talk,” she says, holding my eyes with determination.

  She’s not going to leave until I talk to her. I can see that rather clearly.

  “We can talk,” I say, “but nothing you have to say to me, is going to change anything that’s happening. So, whatever you’re here for...I don’t care.”

  “Nicolai is lying to you.”

  Her voice is smooth, and calm.

  Manipulative. Just like her.

  “How so?” I ask, keeping my voice calm too, even though her words do spark something inside of me.