I ended things with Knox because I didn’t want to risk the pain of always worrying about him being hurt on the field. The uncomfortable truth, though, is that what Franklin said was right. In trying to protect myself from something bad that might happen, I walked away from something good that was happening. I walked away from a man who loves me. And who, let’s be honest, I’m in love with.
Head over freaking heels.
As I sit there, the flashing screen illuminating my face, I start to cry again. But this time I’m not crying from sadness. I’m crying from hope.
I don’t want to protect myself from what might happen anymore, I realize. I want a life with Knox Harper in it.
I remember Franklin’s words: Love is always a risk. But it’s worth it.
29
knox
The night before our first official game of the season, I barely sleep a goddamn wink. I’m still too jacked up and angry at running into Ivy in front of my condo this afternoon.
When Franklin told me he was going out of town this weekend, I offered to take care of Zeus for him, but he said he had it covered. He said he was hiring some student from the college stay in his condo, though. Not Ivy.
Goddamn it, not Ivy.
Seeing her there, chatting it up with Chris and Jen, it was like I was having a nightmare. I’ve been dreaming about her, on and off for most of the past month. In every dream, she shows up in places I’d never expect her to: in the locker room. At the grocery store. That night, she even makes a cameo appearance as one of my teammates’ new girlfriend, and I spend the entire dream trying resist the urge to pound his goddamn head into the ground.
I wake up the morning of the game groggy as hell and out of sorts. Thankfully, having somewhere to be and the single goal of taking my aggressions out on the opposing team is just the distraction I need to get Ivy Kincaide out of my head.
I get to the stadium early, find my locker, and check all my equipment and uniform laying out in front of me. I feel the first stirrings of nerves, but they’re the good kind, the kind that amp you up and get you ready to kick ass. I’m one of the first ones there, so as I sit there some of the other guys start to trickle in. I take some deep breaths and engross myself in the game-day program sitting on my stool. Then, I grab a towel and head for the showers. It’s a pre-game ritual of mine to take a long, hot shower before the game to loosen up my muscles, followed by a last-minute blast of cold water to wake me up, and I stand under the water for a long time, taking comfort in the ritual.
From there, I wander into the training room. A few of the guys are already in there, getting last-minute pre-game treatments and massages. I forego the massage for today, but track down a staff member to tape me up. Since I’m new, I don’t have anyone in particular that knows how I like to be taped. So I walk the guy, whose name is Bruce, through the process, making sure that he doesn’t wrap me too tight.
Then it’s time to go stretch. By now, the place is filling with people, from my teammates to various members of the staff. It’s not too loud, though: most of the guys are in their own worlds, doing visualization, or whatever helps them get their heads in the game. This is the toughest part for me today. As I stretch out my tight muscles, my mind wanders to Ivy. How fucking great she looked yesterday. How nervous she seemed. How hurt she looked when I snapped at her. I keep trying to shove her out of my head the whole time I’m stretching, but she keeps working her way back in. I’m actually grateful when Davis, the team’s unofficial music man, starts playing prep songs to pump us up. He turns up the volume so loud it’s practically impossible to think about anything at all.
After the coach comes out and leads us in a team prayer, we head out onto the field. I’m awash in the cheers and shouts of the fans for my very first official game of the season as a Springville Rocket.
It’s an unseasonably warm day for early September, which makes it a slog running down the field in our full uniform and pads. But even so, I’m amped up enough that I have one of my best running games ever, one of my top five receiving yards per game of my career. Jake’s arm is on fire, fast and accurate, and we outperform our rival team, the Pacers to establish a ten-point lead coming out of the first half. At half-time, the mood in the locker room is jovial, confident. Coach Porter tells us not to get too goddamn cocky, and sends us out for the third quarter.
Our lead tightens in the second half, but we still end up beating the Pacers 35-28. It feels like a fucking awesome start to the season, and there’s plenty of back-slapping and high-fiving all around. The fact that Chris and Jen and their little boy are in the stadium watching it all, makes it feel even better. I know they have some family reunion or something to go to right after the game, so I’m not likely to see them later, but that doesn’t matter. Some of the guys are planning to go out and celebrate the win, and I’ll probably hook up with them at some point.
I take another long shower to wash all the sweat and dirt off. I stand under the heat and steam much longer than I need to, until most of the guys have grabbed their stuff and headed out. Finally, I shut off the water and towel off, enjoying the relative peace. I sit there in the mostly-quiet locker room for a while longer, then finally realize I’m just putting off going back home. So I pack up my shit and leave the facility in my street clothes, weaving through the lingering groups of staff member and fans.
The players’ lot where my car’s parked is about two blocks from the stadium. Today it’s being monitored by a security dude named Victor. Hr waves at me from his booth and gives me a thumbs up for the team’s win today. Most of the cars are gone at this point, but I still don’t notice the figure in the white sundress standing by my Tahoe until I’m only a few feet away from the car.
Ivy.
“Congratulations on the game,” she says.
I don’t know why I don’t just walk away. Probably I should.
“You saw the game?” I ask in disbelief.
She nods. “They still had some tickets left, luckily. I was pretty far up in the cheap seats. Not that they were all that cheap,” she says with a tiny laugh.
“Why are you here, Ivy?” I brush past her and open the back of my SUV to load my stuff.
“Knox, please.” She puts a hand on my arm and I freeze. It’s not a good idea for her to touch me right now. “I… I wanted to talk to you. And apologize.”
“No reason to apologize,” I say gruffly, pulling my arm away. “You can’t help feeling the way you do.”
“But that’s just it,” she murmurs. “You’re right. I can’t help feeling the way I do. Just not in the way you mean it.”
“Ivy,” I sigh. “Could you please stop talking in circles and tell me what the hell you’re doing here?”
“I was wrong,” she says in a small voice. “I was wrong about everything. About breaking up with you. I was trying to protect myself.” Her eyes meet mine, wide and intense. “But I don’t want to be protected. I want to stop living my life second-guessing every good thing, trying to find the bad thing behind it.”
“Okay. Still talking in circles,” I tell her.
“Knox.” Her voice is urgent, like she needs to say this. “One of the best days of my entire life was when you forced me to go bungee jumping.”
“For the millionth time, I didn’t force you, Ivy,” I frown. “I don’t want to force you into doing things. That’s fucked up. I would never have made you do it if you didn’t want to.”
“No, that’s not what I meant!” She shakes her head in frustration. “I’m trying to say it right, but it’s coming out all wrong.” She takes a deep breath, then lets it out noisily. “Okay. Let’s try this again. Hello, my name is Ivy Kincaide, and I’m a control freak.”
In spite of myself, one side of my mouth curves up. “Ya think?”
She sighs. “I know. I’ve lived my whole life in my head. In books. When I was a kid, books were a refuge. As I got older, books were how I learned about things. About the world. I like the safety in books. You can
learn all about something before you have to actually do it.” She arches an eyebrow at me. “Like, if I wanted to learn how to golf? Other people might go to a golf course and just start playing, or sign up for lessons. Me? I’d check out eighteen books on how to golf and read them all. And by the time I was done, I’d probably know all about the sport, and I’d never get around to actually playing it.”
I smirk at her. “Why eighteen?”
“What?” she asks, confused. When she realizes I’m teasing her, her skin flushes prettily. “I know, I’m ridiculous,” she murmurs, grimacing.
“You’re not ridiculous, Ivy,” I say gently.
She exhales, blowing a stray lock of hair away from her face. “So that day, when you made me go bungee jumping…“
“I didn’t —”
“Yes, you did,” she cuts me off. “And I’m glad you did. I never would have done that otherwise.” Her eyes soften. “I did something wonderful, something life-changing. And it was all because I took a risk. And I never would have taken the risk if you hadn’t talked me into it.” She takes a deep breath. “And now, I’m going to take another risk. I love you, Knox Harper.” Her voice cracks, but she keeps going. “You said you loved me once, and I hope you still do. Because I will hate myself forever if I lose this because I was too much of a coward to take a chance.”
Holy shit. My chest gets tight as I realize what she’s saying. If I still love her? Jesus Christ, I couldn’t not love Ivy Kincaide if both of our lives depended on it. But that’s beside the point right now.
“Ivy,” I groan. “I can’t believe I’m gonna say this. But I still play a dangerous contact sport. That’s not gonna change anytime soon.”
“I know.” She shakes her head. “And you shouldn’t. You were amazing out there today, Knox. It was really… I was so proud, watching you.” Her eyes are shining as she lets out an incredulous laugh. “I never thought I’d say something like this, but I’m totally fangirling over a football player right now.”
I frown in confusion. “I don’t get it. You actually liked the game?”
She gives me a funny little grin. “Yeah. I did. Weird, huh?” She takes a small step closer. “You were made to play football, Knox. I know that. And I promise you, I won’t ever ask you to stop doing what you love.”
“And you’re not gonna freak out every time I go out on the field?” I ask. I can’t quite believe what I’m hearing.
Ivy shrugs. “Well, I’m not going to say I won’t worry. And of course it’ll be tough to watch you get tackled. But Knox,” she continues, “I realized yesterday that the image I had of a perfect relationship was something out of a story book. Out of a fairy tale. Fairy tales never tell you what happens once Cinderella and the prince get together. They just say, ‘and they lived happily ever after.’ They don’t talk about paying bills, or someone getting sick, or even just arguing over who forgot to put a new roll of toilet paper in the holder.” She looks up at me. “But being in love doesn’t mean a life without risk. It’s taking the risks together. Knowing that you’re stronger with each other. That you can handle anything that comes your way.”
“Well, I’ll be damned,” I say. “Listen to you, bein’ all romantic and shit.”
Ivy bites her lip. “Do you want me to get down on one knee and beg? Because I’ll do it, Knox. Please forgive me for being such a coward. Please give us another chance.”
“Shit, Ivy,” I tell her. “I couldn’t resist you if I tried.”
Then she’s in my arms, her soft lips begging for my kiss. Ivy’s eyes flutter closed as my mouth comes down on hers. She tastes sweet, warm and inviting, just like I remembered. I pull her closer to me, and slide one hand up her leg.
“You’re not wearing any underwear,” I murmur in surprise.
Ivy pulls back and looks at me with a wicked expression. “That was gonna be my hail Mary pass,” she smirks. “In case I needed it.”
I throw back my head and laugh. “I can’t believe it.”
“You can’t believe I’d leave the house without underwear?” she grins shyly.
“That, and that you even know what a hail Mary pass is.” I shake my head in amazement. “Ivy Kincaide, what have I gotten myself into?”
Then I pull her toward me again, leaning her back against the SUV and cupping her ass to lift her against me. I’m already hard for her, and she moans and wriggles against me as her softness meets my hardness.
“Knox,” she whispers. “Oh, God, that feels so good. I’ve missed you so much.”
The look on her face is so hungry as she strains toward me. It’s enough to push me over the edge. It’s been too long, I want her too much. I can’t wait, and from the feel of her neither can she.
I reach around her and pull open the back door of the SUV. Before she realizes what I’m doing, we’re both inside and I’ve shut the door.
“What —“ Ivy begins, and then her eyes meet mine. “Oh!” She giggles shyly. “I’ve never done it in the back of a car before.”
“Hey, you said you liked that I broaden your horizons,” I growl. “Stick with me, cupcake. The world’s your oyster.”
I pull Ivy back on top of me and kiss her, hard. She straddles me and rolls her hips, her body taking over.
“Funny, this is kind of where we started,” I murmur into her hair. “On the couch of Franklin’s condo.”
Ivy blushes at the memory. “That was so embarrassing,” she admits. “But God, did it feel good!”
I reach down and caress her slick entrance with my finger. Ivy’s eyes close and she shudders. “Knox,” she whimpers. “Don’t make me wait very long.”
Before I can say anything, she’s reaching down to undo my fly. She draws me out, the full length of me, and caresses the hot flesh with soft fingers. I freeze, holding myself back as much as I can to let her take the lead. Ivy bites her lip and looks at me, eyes full of need, then lowers herself onto me, enveloping my shaft in her hot flesh.
“This is what I wanted to do that first time,” she says wantonly in my ear. “But I was too afraid to take what I wanted.”
“Fuck, Ivy,” I hiss.
“I want to fuck you,” she whispers. Her eyes close as her head rolls back. She sinks all the way down onto me. “I want to feel you come inside me, Knox. I need it.”
I watch her take me. I listen to her little cries of pleasure as my hands roam across her body. I can feel the tension in her, like a rubber band ready to snap. My hands go to her breasts, teasing the taut nipples, and it just about does me in to see how she tenses and arches as I play her. She rises up, angling her hips, then sinks down again, rocking against me, taking what she needs. I shudder as her tight pussy clenches my shaft. I want to throw her down onto the seat and fuck her, hard, but I know I’ll last longer like this so I wait, watching the beautiful show of my beautiful Ivy pulsing and climbing closer to the edge.
“Knox,” she begs, pushing down on me hard. She bounces frantically in my lap, and I raise my ass off the seat to thrust deep inside her. Her mouth opens with a silent cry of pleasure, and I know she’s close. My whole body is rigid as I try to hold myself back, but then she calls out and jerks in my lap, and I thrust one more time, hard, and come deep inside her, filling her as her body grips and convulses around me.
It’s so fucking good. God, it’s so fucking good.
“Ivy,” I murmur against her skin. “I love you.”
“Knox,” she pants. “God, I thought I’d lost you. I love you.”
We stay like that, locked together, our breathing in sync and covered in sweat. It’s more than I ever thought I’d have in my life. Ivy. My Ivy.
By the time we manage to compose ourselves and climb into the front seat, we’re the only car left in the lot. I have no idea whether anyone saw us or noticed the rocking and shaking of the white Tahoe, and I don’t care. Next to me, Ivy is trying to put some semblance of order in her mane of red hair, combing the sweaty tendrils back from her face with her fingers.
&nb
sp; Victor is still there in the security booth, probably waiting for us to leave. He gives me another thumbs up on the way out, but this one is accompanied by a knowing grin. I return the gesture with a laugh, and pull out of the lot into traffic.
“My car’s parked about five blocks away, on the street,” she says, pointing in the direction.
“Leave it, cupcake,” I growl. “I’m taking you home. I’ve got more than a month of lost time to make up for, and I’m not about to waste one more second.”
“Caveman,” she teases me.
“Yup,” I grin. “And you wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Epilogue
ivy
One year later
“Shit!” I cry in dismay as I look down at the floor.
“What’s up?” Knox calls from the living room.
“Oh, nothing,” I sigh. “Tucker just peed on the floor again.”
I stare down at the tiny ball of fur wagging his hopeful little tail at me. I shake my head and pick him up.
“You are lucky you’re so cute,” I croon as I bury my face in his belly. “When are you going to figure out this potty training thing?”
“It’s called housebreaking,” Knox corrects me as he comes into the kitchen. “Potty training is kids.”
“Whatever,” I say, rolling my eyes good-naturedly. “Either way, Tucker doesn’t seem to be getting it.”
“He’ll figure it out eventually.” Knox grabs a roll of paper towels and goes to the closet for a spray bottle of cleaner. “Don’t worry about this. I’ll clean it up, and then I’ll take Tucker out. See if I can get him to whiz outside. You go get ready.”
“Do you think it’s a good idea for us to leave him on his own for so long?” I fret. “He’s still so little.”
“It’s only a couple of hours,” Knox reassures me. “Besides, he likes his kennel. He’ll be just fine.”
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