Destiny

by Cindy Springsteen

  Cassidy,

  Even though I said asking a girl out in a note is not right, this is the only way I can do this. I was wondering if you would like to go the movies tonight to see Rollercoaster at Green Acres. I’ll call you between 4:00 and 7:00, so you can give me your answer.

  David

  P.S. Michele gave me your number.

  My heart stopped. Why? After all the time I’d been spending with Danny, and his brother asks me out? What was I going to do? I folded the note back up and sat on my front stoop. I had no idea how long I’d been sitting out there.

  “Are you okay?” Danny asked, his hands jammed into the front pockets of his pants.

  His voice startled me and I’m sure I looked flustered because I’d just been thinking about him. “Yeah, I’m okay, just thinking.”

  Danny didn’t look convinced as he sat down on the stoop beside me. “What were you thinking about? You look kind of sad.”

  “I’m not sad, it’s just—your brother left me a note.” I handed Danny the note and waited while he read it.

  After a while, he finally said, “Oh. Do you umm, want to go out with him?”

  “No. I mean, it’s not that I don’t like him, I just—I don’t know him very well.”

  “Well, maybe you could get to know him if you went on a date with him.”

  I gave him a look that held so much meaning. Did he really think I wanted to go on a date with his brother? Had I misread his signals this whole time?

  When Danny’s eyes met mine, he must have seen the doubt in my eyes. “I think I can fix this,” he said thoughtfully.

  Now, I knew he finally understood. “Fix it how? I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but—”

  “I have an idea. What was the name of your friend again? I know you told me Liz is away on vacation, but the other one who was at your house the other day?”

  “You mean Leslie?” I stared at him as if he’d grown two heads. Why did he want to know about my friend?

  “Right. Is she dating anyone right now?”

  “No.”

  “Well, maybe I can convince David to take her out on a date. Do you think she’d be interested?”

  “How on earth are you going to convince him to go out with one of my friends?”

  “Leave it to me! I can talk him into it,” he said convincingly with a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

  There was no mistaking his intent…he wanted his brother’s interest turned to someone else, away from me. This simple fact shot through my body with a trembling excitement and my mind came alive with the possible meaning of it. Yes! He cared about me, more than I had previously thought.

  For a moment, I considered his suggestion. Would David know why we were setting him up with my friend instead? I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t pretend there was anything more between us than there really was. “I guess I could ask her,” I told him, feeling slightly more optimistic.

  “There you go! Problem solved.”

  His smile was contagious, causing my own to spread across my lips in return. I couldn’t help it. There was something endearing about this boy. He had my heart from the moment we met. “You really think it will be that easy? Do you think he’ll know I didn’t want to go out with him?” I played with the hem of my shirt, my nerves getting the best of me.

  Danny shrugged. “I can try to make it sound like Leslie is better than you, but…she’s not.” He glanced up and our eyes met for a fleeting second, before he looked down again.

  My heart thrummed with the potential meaning of that look and his words.

  “We’ll go on a double date.”

  My stomach began to flutter excitedly. It felt like a million butterflies were swarming inside of me. A double date! This meant I was going to get to go with Danny, which was what I wanted all along. It seemed as if he wanted it too. “I’ll go give her a call and see if she’s free tomorrow night.” I felt really awful now, right on top of the happiness that bubbled inside of me. David was really nice and I liked him, but I felt a connection with Danny that I just couldn’t explain. My heart wanted Danny, and it seemed like he wanted me too.

  Later on, after I talked to Leslie on the phone about it and got her okay, Danny came back and said everything was fine. Somehow, he managed to convince David to go out with Leslie.

  I would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall during that conversation. I had my doubts it would work, but I was overjoyed about it. I felt so anxious and nervous at the same time about our first date. I wanted everything to be perfect. I spent hours that afternoon, trying to figure out what I was going to wear and even put on a little bit of makeup. I tried to eat before leaving, but just couldn’t.

  Leslie arrived early, so we could finish getting ready. We anxiously waited for the boys to pick us up. When they showed up, I didn’t know which one of us was more worried about the evening ahead. We walked to the bus stop—it wasn’t too far—and there was total silence on the walk. Leslie and David didn’t seem to be hitting it off exactly like we’d hoped, at least at that point. I hoped that it would get better as the night wore on.

  All I kept thinking was what I was going to do if Danny tried to hold my hand. Did I want him to? Also, after my first dating experience, I wasn’t sure if I was expected to pay for anything. So, I was preoccupied with that thought and I kept wondering if he liked the way I looked. Plus, a bunch of other stupid fears that was probably natural for a girl my age going on her first date. I kept hoping my palms wouldn’t be sweaty if and when he took my hand. Or, that he wouldn’t notice how anxious I was.

  Danny and his brother were perfect gentleman and paid for all our tickets. During the bus ride, my heart kept beating fast, anticipating what might happen next. Would he try to hold my hand in the theatre, since it would be dark? Even though I had spent many days talking to him, being out on this real date was something I had never experienced before. The boys stopped to get us snacks at the concession stand. I felt guilty for wanting something but by now, of course, I was getting hungry. The smell of the fresh-popped popcorn was going to make my stomach start growling if I didn’t get something.

  As I reached to pull my wallet out, Danny asked me, “What would you like?”

  I wanted everything by now but was afraid to order too much in case he was planning on paying. “I would like a small popcorn,” I replied in almost a whisper, as I reached to pull out the $20 my mom had given me earlier. She knew what happened last time and made sure I was prepared.

  “What are you doing?” Danny asked. “Put your money away, I got this.”

  “Are you sure?” I was in complete amazement here, thinking he must be really rich. It’s strange having someone other than my parents buying something for me.

  The theatre was crowded, but we found some empty seats in the back. Since there was that armrest that you have to share, we both avoided it. As the lights started to dim, my heart began to race again. He reached down to get his soda and his arm lightly touched my leg. Panic ran rampant through my thoughts. What if he tried to hold my hand soon? Should I keep it up on the armrest, so he could find it easily? It was so hard to concentrate on the movie because I was more worried about whether or not he would touch me. When the movie ended, I realized how we each seemed to stay in our own personal space. There was no handholding, but that was okay. I felt sure one day, he was going to and I hoped I would be ready by then.

  There was less tension on the way back home and since we all enjoyed the movie, there was plenty of conversation about it. My first real date was a true success, a night I would always remember.

  When we got back to my house, Danny walked me to the door. He didn’t kiss me, just said that he would see me tomorrow. I went to my room, put on the radio, and laid on my bed. I wasn’t tired at all. My mind was racing with too many thoughts of my evening. What was happening to me? Was it love at first sight? I kept seeing Danny’s smile in my head. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come.

  CHAPTER THREE

&n
bsp; Danny came over really early the next day. He decided he wanted to impress my dad, so while my parents were at work, he brought over his lawn mower. My dad hadn’t had time to cut the grass since we moved in and had to go back to work. Danny’s was only one of those push mowers, but it didn’t matter. My dad was going to love him when he got home from work and saw that he wouldn’t have to worry about the lawn.

  I sat nearby and watched Danny’s every move. He had shorts and a t-shirt on, nothing special, yet to me he was so good-looking, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I made him a cheeseburger for lunch and he took a break. We sat and ate together. In my mind, this was our second date, even though I knew that was a silly notion.

  Shortly after he finished, he went home to take a shower and said he would be back later.

  I started to pace, waiting for my dad to get home from work. As soon as I saw his car pull up, I went bursting outside. I couldn’t wait for him to see how Danny did the lawn for him. I was so proud of him and I was sure my dad would share in the excitement.

  “Who touched the lawn?” my father asked me, and not with the happy voice that I was expecting.

  “Danny!” I replied way too cheerfully. “He wanted to surprise you. The grass was so high and he knew you wouldn’t have time, so he brought over his mower.” I then waited for my dad to be as overjoyed as I was.

  One look at my dad’s face as he went to see the backyard told me he didn’t share in my joy. I had no idea what the problem could be. I knew my dad had a major obsessive-compulsive disorder, which I had been dealing with all my life. My dad had to have perfection. It was a very high standard to live with.

  “Well, don’t you think if you are going to mow the lawn, you should have scooped up all the dog crap from the yard first?” he asked in a stern tone.

  I knew that tone all too well. This wasn’t what I was hoping for. “Oh,” was the only word I could say, as my bubbles of happiness faded away.

  I then became afraid my dad was going to be nasty to Danny, but when Danny showed up later that night, my dad didn’t say a word to him about the lawn mowing. He thanked him politely and never said another word about it to him. Somehow, though I knew I would hear about it for a long time.

  ~* * * *~

  The morning of July 7th began like any other. I made Danny scrambled eggs…for some strange reason he loved my eggs. We went outside and sat on the front stoop, when out of nowhere he said, “Will you go out with me?”

  “What?” I replied, making him repeat it, so I could hear the words again. In my head, I was jumping up and down and screaming. My face must have looked like a Christmas tree all lit up. “Yes,” I answered as soon as my shock wore off and my smile was small enough to speak. I didn’t want him to leave, yet I wanted to call all my girlfriends to tell them. I had a boyfriend, and even that day’s date was special…magical, it was 7/7/77.

  I loved having a boyfriend. I also loved that there was no school and I could see him every day and every night. We spent endless hours talking together. There was a ninety-nine cents movie theatre in town. Since it was cheap, we could go again and again, to see the same movie. At the rate we were going, we would have seen Annie Hall twenty times by the end of the summer. Every morning, he came over and I cooked him breakfast. He said that my scrambled eggs were ‘legendary,’ as were my cheeseburgers.

  I didn’t know if it was my idea or his, but one night we decided to write questions to each other. He asked me the following questions:

  Question 1 – Do you want to get married? Y or N

  Question 2 – How many kids do you want? 1, 2, 3, 4

  Question 3 – Are we going to hold hands when we walk to high school? Y or N

  Question 4 – Do you want to kiss? Y or N

  Question 5 – Will we ever make out? Y or N

  I loved this! I could also ask him questions and not be embarrassed. I could ask him anything I wanted to, without having to say it out loud or see his face directly.

  Back then, we didn’t have computers, text messaging, or any of the technology that we do today. We would communicate all the time by paper, leaving letters in each other’s mailboxes. When one of us needed the other to know that there was a letter, we would ring the phone once. Think of it as the ding on your cell phone, telling you that you have a text message. This could have been the early stages of texting. Calling each other and communicating face to face didn’t come easy for us. Being young and in our first relationship, we were both extremely shy.

  One day, I was sitting in my room listening to my 45’s and albums. I really loved listening to my music. I’d just gotten a new record the day before and kept playing it over and over. I turned the volume up, and the bass from Wouldn’t It Be Nice, by the Beach Boys began to shake my room. I was startled when Danny came walking in.

  “I want you to come over and meet my mom and dad today,” he announced.

  I suddenly realized, he’d been at my house every day, so he had met my parents a long time ago. “Sure,” I said, but inside I wasn’t looking forward to it. What if his parents didn’t like me?

  I followed him to his house. It was so nice that he lived so close.

  Danny walked into the house first and headed to the kitchen.

  I walked slowly behind him, dreading this moment.

  “Mom, Dad,” Danny called quite loudly.

  “What?” Danny’s dad called back.

  I heard his footsteps getting closer and glanced up.

  There stood his dad in his underwear. “Umm, Daniel, do you think you could have told me that we had company?” His dad’s voice sounded stern as he quickly retreated back from where he had come.

  “I told you I was bringing Cassidy over today,” Danny said, his voice now quivering.

  If his dad was a cartoon character, I imagine steam would’ve been blowing out of his ears right about then.

  I didn’t know what to do or say, so I just looked around the room and tried to find something to stare at.

  His dad came back out with clothes on.

  Danny’s mom was right behind him, laughing hysterically at what had just transpired.

  “Hi, Cassidy, sorry about that,” he said in a jolly voice that reminded me of Santa Claus.

  “That’s okay,” was the cleverest thing I could think of to say. What do you say to someone you just met for the first time and they only had underwear on?

  His mom and dad made small talk. His dad told me that they owned Lynbrook Cold Beer & Beverage. Danny and his brothers all worked at their business.

  I had walked past it so many times but now, I knew that my boyfriend’s family owned it. My boyfriend—that still sounded funny to me.

  Danny and I left shortly after. It was hard to get past the awkwardness of the moment, but somehow we managed to. I got the feeling we would talk about this incident a lot in the days to come.

  Later that night, I got to meet Danny’s older brother Raymond, and he asked us if we wanted to go take a ride to Jack in the Box for some tacos. The boys told me that they were the best. His brother was the tallest of the three boys. He also had the same somewhat long, dark brown hair. Raymond popped in an eight-track of the Raspberries and off we went.

  When we pulled into Jack in the Box, Danny asked me what I wanted.

  I was still having a hard time with him paying for everything. Even though the food there smelled so good and I really did want a taco, the words, “nothing, thanks” came out of my mouth. I had to get past this or I was going to have a lot of hungry days and nights.

  Then, on the ride home, we saw a falling star. “What did you wish for?” I asked, dying to know if his wish included me.

  “I can’t tell you.”

  “Why not?”

  “You don’t tell wishes. If you do, then they don’t come true.”

  Maybe he wished for someone else? To have another girlfriend? So many negative thoughts were going through my mind. None of them made sense but to me that didn’t matter at the time. T
he rest of the car ride home, I didn’t say a word to him. I was furious by then. I wanted to know that wish. As soon as we got back to his house, I left.

  I couldn’t explain why knowing the wish was so important to me, but it was. Maybe I was wrong, but considering that he was my first boyfriend, I thought we would be sharing everything, even wishes on stars. I felt crushed. I quickly sat down, got out pen and paper, and wrote him a letter. All I could think was that if he didn’t want to share his wish, then it couldn’t be something good. I folded up the letter, ran to the corner of my street and across the way. I put it in his mailbox, ran home, and rang his phone once. I sat waiting patiently for his response. It seemed like hours but it was only minutes before my phone rang once. I nearly fell down the stairs racing to get my note back with his response. I quickly opened it and found the words:

  “I can’t tell you what I wished for. I already told you if I do, then it won’t come true. I am sorry, if you want to break up over this, there is nothing I can do.”

  Break up? I didn’t want to break up over this. I would get it out of him one day. I had to know what it was. For now, I needed to get over this, or I was going to lose him.

  I never did find out what he wished for that night. It was our first big fight and I will always remember it. How silly it seems to me now that I would make a mountain out of something so simple. At the time, it felt like the end of the world to not know what that wish was about. At fourteen, the simplest things seemed to be such huge dilemmas when they truly weren’t.

  ~* * * *~

  Danny and I went to town one day to walk around. While strolling, he extended out his hand to me.

  He wants to hold my hand?

  He then proceeded to ask me for a piece of gum.

  I couldn’t say anything to him about it at the time, but I was devastated. I couldn’t believe I actually wanted him to hold my hand. I promised myself that that night, I would talk to him about it. I wrote:

  Question – Did you know that I thought that you wanted to hold my hand today?