Being Jamie Baker

by Kelly Oram

  There was silence again, and I was terrified as I watched him stare at me. He wasn’t meaning to be rude, he was just trying to absorb everything I was saying. When he finally snapped out of his trance he spoke in a slightly more relaxed tone. “Let’s try to keep calm then, huh?”

  The corner of his mouth twitched like he was trying really hard to smile, even though he was totally overwhelmed. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep the electrical storms at bay for the time being. I nodded but could manage only a weak “I’ll try.”

  “Here.” Ryan dropped his backpack to the floor. “I’ve got something that might help.”

  I followed him into the kitchen and watched, intrigued, as he put a teakettle on the stove to boil. I didn’t say anything as he pulled some homemade concoction of leaves from the cupboard, but when he set out two pretty little teacups on tiny saucers, I finally cracked a smile.

  “You should have warned me we were having a tea party,” I teased. “I would have brought my Barbies.”

  I was really surprised when the always-confident Ryan Miller turned a deep shade of red, but he was so cute that I could no longer give him a hard time. “My parents are on this all-natural kick lately,” he explained nervously. “Like herbal remedies and stuff. This one is supposed to be stress relieving.”

  “Does it really work?”

  “I hope so,” Ryan said with a laugh as he poured steaming water over the dried leaves. “My mom uses those eco-friendly lightbulbs. They’re expensive, and I’ll have to work for a month in order to pay her back if you blow them all up.”

  I gave him a strange look but finally laughed, and for a second we were just two normal kids enjoying each other’s company, just like the other night when he tried on my crown. I couldn’t believe we were joking about my powers, but it was such a relief to have the tension broken. I think for him as much as me because once we finally laughed, he became that relaxed, happy Ryan that I’ve secretly come to crave.

  As I stood there watching Mr. Star Quarterback happily slurping tea from a tiny cup with flowers on it, as if drinking tea was something he did all the time, I finally realized that, aside from the football thing, I really knew nothing about him. I was suddenly curious to know every detail.

  “So your parents are hippies?”

  I loved the way he cringed. I know it’s probably mean to take pleasure in making Ryan blush, but I couldn’t help smiling at his obvious embarrassment. It was nice to have the upper hand on him for once.

  “Not exactly hippies. They’re more like super new age health nuts. My mom’s a yoga instructor, and my stepdad is a motivational speaker. So instead of tree hugger meetings and protest rallies, it’s self-help seminars and meditation.”

  “And relaxing herbal remedies,” I teased, holding up my teacup.

  “So the tea’s working?” Ryan’s voice sounded very hopeful. “You’re feeling better?”

  “Maybe a little.”

  “Enough to tell me what’s going on without blowing me up?”

  My heart jumped in my chest at his request, but he already knew I was different and was willing to joke about it, so I don’t know why it was so hard for me to explain it. Maybe because I’ve never said it out loud to anyone other than my parents before. Plus, he didn’t know the full extent of what we were talking about either.

  “I’m working up to it,” I finally replied, sipping the last of my tea.

  Ryan stared me down for a moment, debating whether or not to let my answer slide, then shrugged and led me through his house to the backyard. At first I thought he figured I would do less damage if I were outdoors, but when we walked into his backyard it was like stepping into a whole different world.

  I’ve never seen a yard more beautiful. There were so many flowers and trees, and even a koi pond with a nice little fountain in the middle. I was so surprised by my surroundings that I just stood there gawking until Ryan grabbed my hand and led me through the garden to a tiny gazebo.

  “Sorry there’s not really a place to sit,” he said as I took a seat on a thin mat. “This is where my mom does her yoga.”

  “I can see why. It’s beautiful out here.”

  “My stepdad calls it a Zen garden. I wasn’t kidding about the meditation thing.”

  I was a little amazed when Ryan lit some incense—again, as if he did that kind of thing often. “Your stepdad sounds like an interesting guy.”

  I knew I was in trouble when Ryan’s confidence returned, but I wasn’t sure yet why.

  “Yeah, he is kind of different,” he said, plopping down right next to me. “But then, I always seem to like people who are a little out of the ordinary.”

  So much for having the upper hand. Ryan actually winked at me, and just like that, he was back on top. He not only managed to bring the conversation back to my powers, he was able to hit on me while doing it. The worst part about it was, the way he said it sounded so sweet that it made me blush!

  What was it with him? If I wasn’t careful, I’d be kissing him within five minutes, and he’d be dead in six. I wasn’t ever going to go through the whole killing someone thing again, so I shook myself from his spell and whispered, “I shouldn’t be here.”

  I tried to get up to leave, but Ryan immediately pulled me back down. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry, all right? No more flirting. I promise. Please don’t leave.”

  Ryan gave me this look that was so sad and desperate…and cute. How anyone could ever resist such a pout is beyond me. No, really, I can’t say no to the guy.

  “I’m not a bad guy, you know,” he said when I made myself comfortable again. “You don’t have to be afraid of me.”

  I knew I would never get out of there without explaining everything to him. I also knew it was time to quit stalling, but I had no idea where to start. I let go a deep sigh and looked down at my feet, because there’s no way I’d be able to get through it while staring into his eyes.

  “I have to be afraid of everyone,” I whispered. “Even myself.”

  I managed to glance up briefly, and I could see that Ryan wanted to argue, but he didn’t dare interrupt me now that I was finally talking. “It’s not safe for people to know about me. And until I figure out how to control it all the time, it’s not even safe for people to be around me. You saw it yourself. It’s dangerous.”

  “What exactly is…it?”

  “I don’t really know for sure. I emit some kind of weird energy. And as you’ve noticed, sometimes I have a hard time holding it in.”

  “So you’re blowing stuff up with some kind of psychic mind powers?”

  He was one hundred percent serious. And I know I am the last person who should be talking, but psychic mind powers? Come on, it was funny. “No, it doesn’t work like that,” I said, managing one tiny laugh. “It’s like electricity.”

  “Electricity?”

  So far so good. Ryan didn’t seem freaked out at all anymore. If anything he looked really intrigued, so I took a chance and held my hand above his head. “Yeah.” I smiled again when all of his hair began to stand up. “Electricity.”

  When I pulled my hand away Ryan reached up to feel the static in his hair. He played with it for a minute before smoothing it back down, and then looked at me in complete awe. “That’s kind of cool,” he whispered.

  His admiration was so intense that it made me forget about everything around me. My heart started to flutter, and I wanted him to kiss me so badly it hurt. Of course, when he leaned toward me like he might actually do that, I clammed up again and said whatever I could that would keep me from throwing myself at him.

  “When I lose control, some kind of power surge explodes from me, and anything electrical in my vicinity gets cooked. That’s when it gets scary.”

  Ryan leaned back a little, disappointed, when it was clear that the moment was gone. “Makes sense,” he said. “But why are you so afraid of hurting me? It’s not like I run on batteries.”

  “You’re kidding, right?” Ryan just gave me a bl
ank look. “Yeah, I can’t zap you from across the room like the lights, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hurt you if you touch me when I’m all charged up. Didn’t you pay any attention in science class?”

  “I may have fallen asleep once or twice.” Ryan pouted as if my comment had offended him, but I knew better, and he grinned right on cue. “Hey, I can’t be good-looking and a genius. Wouldn’t want all the girls in school to fight over me or anything.”

  “Oh please! They all do that already, and you know you love it.”

  “Okay, fine, maybe I do.” Ryan chuckled. But then his face became completely serious. “But it’s really frustrating that the one girl in school who doesn’t need to fight for me won’t even get in the ring.”

  Okay, he did not just make me blush with a lame sports metaphor. What is wrong with me?

  Sweet-talking jerk.

  “Ryan.” I sighed. “You only say that because I’m the first girl who’s ever said no.”

  “I know you think that.” Ryan shook his head forcefully. “But it’s just not true.”

  “You mean you’ve actually been rejected before?” I didn’t hold back any of my doubt.

  “Well, no,” Ryan admitted, that cocky grin creeping into the corners of his mouth. “But you know that’s not what I meant.”

  “Either way it’s never going to happen, so you need to stop trying. Please!”

  “But why? I already know about you now, so what’s stopping you?”

  “Did you ever consider the possibility that I’m not interested? That maybe I just don’t like you that way?”

  Ryan looked at me like I’d just said the impossible. “What’s not to like?”

  I gave him a less than enthusiastic look, but he never once considered backing down. “How about I make you a deal,” he said, and I had to admit, this had me curious. “I’ll take you out this weekend on a proper date, anywhere you want. But you have to go with an open mind and give me an honest shot. If I can’t make you fall madly in love with me by the end of the night, I’ll never ask you out again.”

  And there he went again, breaking me down. Like he would need till the end of the night? He didn’t even need till the end of this conversation. I could feel my head starting to bob up and down, accepting the offer without my approval. “No!” I shouted, trying to stay strong. “We are never going to go out on a date. We can’t! Remember that part about me being dangerous?”

  “So you fry small electronics, big deal. I just won’t stand next to anything that can explode.”

  “You still conduct electricity!” I didn’t mean to yell, but I was just so desperate to make him see how serious I was. “All it would take is one touch. If you reach out to me when I’m really upset, or take me by surprise and startle me, I could roast you. Trust me, accidents happen, and if one ever did, I wouldn’t even be able to stop myself. I’d freak out, and it would only kill you quicker. I’m sorry, Ryan, but I just can’t risk it.”

  That seemed to do the trick. Ryan released a huge frustrated sigh. “Well, if we can’t ever be friends or anything else, then what are you doing here? Why did you come with me? Why are you telling me all this?”

  “I didn’t want to, but I didn’t have a choice.” The confusion in his eyes made me want to cry. I lowered my voice so that he wouldn’t notice how unsteady it was. “You knew I was in that accident. I was afraid that if I didn’t come, you’d get mad and tell everyone about me.”

  “Well, that’s one thing you don’t have to worry about. I’m not going to tell anyone. I promise.”

  I was surprised by how hurt he looked. Again! It seems like every time I talk to him I hurt his feelings in one way or another. I felt really bad about that, but I also felt just as deflated as he did at the moment. I barely managed an audible “Thanks.”

  He nodded, I shrugged, and then we just sat there.

  I looked at the garden around me again, and it really is true what they say about finding tranquility in beautiful places. The garden was so beautiful, and I had so much on my mind, that it was hard not to just let my thoughts run away with me. I don’t know how long Ryan let me sit there and think, but it felt like it had been an eternity when he finally spoke.

  “Jamie?” I pulled my eyes up to meet his. “How exactly were you in that accident? It doesn’t make any sense. Electricity can’t put you in two places at once. And how come you didn’t get hurt? Mike said that marquee landed on you.”

  I knew this was coming. In fact, I was surprised it took him so long to ask. But even though Ryan already knew I was different, and miraculously seemed to be okay with it, I was still scared of having to tell him everything.

  “Hurt is a relative term.”

  I felt the butterflies return to my stomach, so I took a deep breath before I shyly pulled my shirtsleeve as far off my shoulder as it would go, giving Ryan more than enough of a view of the bruises that covered it. “I should probably be dead right now, so I guess in a sense I didn’t get hurt, but I jammed my shoulder pretty good, and my head still feels like it’s being smashed against pavement repeatedly.”

  Ryan’s mouth was gaping open at this point. He couldn’t seem to tear his eyes from my black-and-blue shoulder, so I kept talking in order to avoid any more awkward silence. “Whatever this power inside me is, it makes me different. I wasn’t in two places at once. I just got from one to the other very fast.”

  “You ran?”

  I nodded, and he got quiet again. Then, though he was already stunned, something else occurred to him, something that had nothing to do with how fast I could move. “You ran underneath a giant falling sign?” he gasped.

  I nodded again.

  “Why?”

  This time I shrugged. I honestly didn’t know why I did it. At the time I didn’t even think, I just reacted. “The guy on the lawn mower was about to be toast. I guess I couldn’t watch him die. I would have been standing safely back at your side by the time the thing hit the ground if that guy hadn’t weighed more than Shamu.”

  “So you’re like Superman?”

  I smiled, but I don’t think Ryan was trying to be funny. I think he was still trying to grasp the concept. I can’t blame him. It is a lot to absorb, and I gotta tell ya, he handled it a lot better than I did. When I figured it out, I had a total breakdown that lasted for weeks. I’m glad Ryan is a lot more easygoing than me.

  “I’m pretty sure Superman doesn’t bruise,” I joked, wanting to keep the situation light, “and he probably wouldn’t have biffed it, but, yeah, I guess that’s one way of looking at it.”

  Ryan was quiet for a minute, but he eventually looked at me with those big curious eyes. “How did this happen to you?”

  That was the dreaded question of the hour. I didn’t want to have to explain this part. I didn’t even want to have to think about it, but I found myself telling the story anyway. “It was my accident.”

  My voice turned to a whisper, and then I fell into the story as if I were reliving the nightmare all over again. “It was the night of the pageant. I was so tired of all the congratulations, so Derek and I went for a drive someplace quiet. The car was parked on the side of the road, and this big tanker truck full of hazardous waste came barreling up the highway. The driver hit his brakes when he saw us, but he was moving too fast. The truck jackknifed and slid right off the road.

  “The side of the tank slammed into my car and pushed it nearly fifty feet, into an electrical tower. It was a nice night so we had the top down, and when everything smashed together the car ripped a hole in the side of the truck. This smelly green liquid started spraying all over the place. It burned, but I was pretty banged up and I couldn’t really move. The last thing I remember was the electrical tower falling on top of the car, frying everything, and the truck exploding.”

  Ryan’s gasp brought me back to the present, but he really startled me when he picked up my hand and squeezed it. I gave him a tiny shock, but he refused to let that stop him. I let him hold my hand for only a second
before pulling away to wipe away the tears that were escaping down my face.

  Ryan gave me a moment to pull myself together and then asked the only logical question. “How did you survive?”

  Unfortunately, there was no logical answer. I shrugged my shoulders and pulled my knees tightly against my chest. “I should be dead,” I croaked. “Just like the truck driver. Just like Derek.”

  Saying Derek’s name opened a floodgate for my tears, and I buried my face in my knees as I cried. Within seconds I felt Ryan’s arms around me. Being pulled tightly against him was probably the best feeling in the whole world, so I sank heavily into his embrace, forgetting all about the possible consequences of such an action.

  Right then I wasn’t a freak. I wasn’t an ice queen. I didn’t have powers. What I had was a friend comforting me when I needed it most. Right then I was just a normal girl, and Ryan was the superhero.

  I buried my face deep in his chest and wrapped my arms around him. He squeezed me tighter in return, and my tears came more forcefully, but the reason for their being there had now changed. You have no idea what a good feeling normal is until it’s taken away.

  I was quite prepared to stay right where I was forever, but it didn’t exactly work out like that. My bliss was interrupted by a faint noise. “Jamie?” It sounded like Ryan, but the voice was unsteady. “Jamie?” he said again, a little louder.

  I opened my eyes to see Ryan’s arms trembling around me. He was covered in goose bumps and every hair he had was sticking straight out from his body. I would have shrieked, but I was so terrified that my voice failed me. I scrambled a safe distance from him, my nerves completely shot, and energy began to pulse through my entire body again. “Ryan!” I choked as soon as my throat allowed.

  Ryan looked disoriented the same way he had after I kissed him. “It’s okay, Jamie… I’m fine… I promise…” He stumbled over his words as he spoke them. “Whatever you did, it didn’t hurt me. I’m just a little…um…overwhelmed? I think I need a minute.”

  I felt sick to my stomach, thinking about what could have just happened. I knew better, and I let it go too far. But more than that, I was horrified that I had done something to him. He said “overwhelmed,” but judging from the way he looked, he meant completely freaked out. “I am so sorry!” I pleaded while the tears returned with full force.