The Dollhouse (Paperdolls #1)

by Nicole Thorn

  Layla outright refused the meds, and Adalyn was thinking about it. Their parents were being kind enough to let them make the choice. I was told I had to take them because I wasn’t in my right mind and I couldn’t make the choice for myself.

  After I faked taking my pill, I took the world’s longest shower. It was really hard to find reasons to stay in the shower. My hair was a long pixie cut and took a grand total of a minute to wash. My body was another couple minutes. Times like this I almost wished I had to shave. Nope. Not at all. So I literally stood in the shower, blowing soap bubbles with my mouth. That was actually kind of fun.

  When I got out, I decided to air dry to buy more time. My music was playing, and I focused on that. Some poppy tune that I knew just because I’d been through all my music a dozen times over. I think I needed to expand a little bit.

  Eventually I got dressed. It was a purple and white-striped strapless dress. My dad was upset when my mom got it for me, but she said it was cute. So Mom won, I guess. I got over the cat watching me, but it was oddly uncomfortable.

  Welly was in school, so I was left without a playmate. Days like these were hard. My sisters were a million miles away, and they were on the shortlist of people who made me feel like I could relax in my own skin. I wasn’t scared to close my eyes in the company of my sisters.

  A knock sounded at my door.

  “Come in.”

  Seconds later, my day got a little less dull. Wilson looked down at me and cocked his head.

  “I can see you’re busy. Should I come back later?”

  I stuck my tongue out at him.

  He smiled. “Are you feeling any better?”

  I shook my head.

  “Why?”

  I pointed to the bottle on my nightstand.

  Wilson left my side to pick it up. I heard the pills rattle around again as he mumbled the complicated name of the drug. “What the fuck is this for?”

  “I’m suicidal and depressed. They want me to put chemicals in my body so that I don’t have natural reactions to my sister killing herself in front of me. Oh,” I said lazily. “And that pesky kidnapped thing.” I waved my hand in the air. “How is it possible that that feels so small to me right now?”

  Wilson put the bottle down and came back into my field of vision. “Please tell me you didn’t take any.”

  I scoffed. “Hell no.”

  Wilson smirked at me. “Oh, I like it when you use that kind of language with me.”

  I rolled my eyes and sat up as he began to sit beside me. “Why can’t people just let me deal with this as it comes? Everyone either wants to baby me or control me.”

  “Not me.”

  My eyes narrowed. “If that were true, you would be on your back right now.”

  His eyebrows shot up, and I actually gave him pause. “I see your point.”

  “Do you?” I deadpanned.

  Wilson looked forward. “Anyway… I came here because I have the day off and I thought you might let me take you out. You want to start doing things, and staying inside won’t cut it.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  He tapped his fingers on his knees. “I thought lunch and then ice cream.”

  I frowned involuntarily. When Wilson looked at me questioningly, I explained it to him. He did not approve of my parents’ methods. He compared it to people pretending they were taking their dog out for a walk and bringing it to the vet.

  “That won’t happen with me,” he promised. “I have no doctors I want to bring you to. Maybe we could just go back to my house.”

  I tried out waggling my eyebrows. “For?”

  Wilson sighed as if I did something wrong. “Maybe video games.”

  “Boo.”

  He took my hands and pulled me up from the bed. “Take it or leave it.”

  I did my best to bat my eyes at him. “I have so many ideas that would be much more fun. You just have to lie there and let me do all the work.” I pressed my lips to his throat.

  He hummed and pulled me away gently. “Lunch. We’ll do lunch.”

  I huffed. “Whatever.”

  With a smile, he started bringing me out of the room. “Aw, come on. Look alive, Cookie.”

  I could have hit him.

  I was promptly dragged out of my house and placed in a car. Not that he wasn’t gentlemanly about it. He opened doors for me and ignored when I glared at him and said I could do it myself. I guess chivalry wasn’t dead.

  We ended up at a restaurant down the street. One that my parents took my brother and me to a couple weeks ago. I liked it just fine.

  Wilson sat next to me in a booth, and I had a wild notion that it was to keep me from running. Silly boy. I wouldn’t run from him. Not when it was so much more fun to run with him.

  We ordered the same entrée, but different drinks. He went for grape soda, and I went for orange. I sipped mine while my elbows rested on the table, hands holding my head up.

  “I bet you’d like swimming,” Wilson mused. “When the warmer weather comes back, I can take you and the kids to the local pool.”

  I smiled. “Will you teach me how to doggy paddle?”

  He laughed and leaned back. “I don’t swim all that great, but I can probably do that. I used to like playing that game where you toss stuff in and dive to get it. My mom played with me.”

  When I felt the sadness start radiating out of Wilson, I knew that this was something that words couldn’t comfort. Like words couldn’t comfort me. Instead of talking, I put my arm around his middle and rested my head on his shoulder.

  “Tell me about her,” I requested.

  He didn’t hesitate, and a smile pulled on his lips. “She was stunning. In so many ways. I don’t look a thing like her. She turned gray at twenty, and no one knows why. But she never looked older than thirty to me. Like she was an angel. That’s what Dad used to tell me.”

  I smiled against his shoulder. “That’s sweet.”

  Wilson went on. “Yeah. I hate that Jude won’t get to know her. She was… I can’t make up a better mother than her. She did everything perfectly. Even when she fucked up, it was amazing. My dad was obsessed with her. He said he met her the day they graduated college. He was walking across the stage, and she was sitting and waiting to do the same. And then he tripped off of the stage because he wasn’t paying attention.”

  I giggled. “Oh gosh, that sounds adorable.”

  “Mom thought so. She was the first one to get to him. He limped for a month, but she brought him soup until he was all healed. They were married a year later. Had me another few years later. I had a pretty normal childhood. My parents played with me. They loved me. Never hit me. My dad is a very good man. So I don’t really know why I turned out like this.”

  My eyes narrowed with irritation. “And what is wrong with you?”

  It surprised me when he turned and pressed his lips to my forehead. “It’s beautiful that you can’t see it.”

  “Maybe we’re both broken.”

  “Maybe everyone is broken.”

  I ran my nails lightly against his side. “How do we fix ourselves?”

  Bitterly and peacefully, he said, “What makes you think we get to be fixed?”

  The words silenced me as we received our food. Was that just part of life? It ruins you and you just have to deal with it? Why do people even bother?

  I was picking at my fries when Wilson seemed to notice my demeanor. He poked my arm until I started laughing. His punishment was a fry to the face. Then Wilson started tickling my side until I laughed so loud that an older couple turned around to stare at us. We both froze in place, playing possum. They shook their heads.

  I laughed into Wilson’s arm until I settled back down again. “Now they think we’re a couple of weirdos.”

  “We are,” he said earnestly.

  Completely unromantically, I put my hand on his cheek and gave Wilson a peck on the lips. “Thank you for bringing me out.”

  He grinned. “Any time,
baby.”

  After we finished eating, he took my hand and walked me to the ice cream shop next door. There were too many people when we walked in. His hand tightened on mine, but I felt more comfortable hiding behind him. My hands held his shoulders, and I tiptoed behind him.

  The girl behind the counter had pretty orange hair, and she smiled at Wilson like… like she didn’t have the weight I did. Like she could be free to flirt and be flirted with.

  “What can I get you?” she asked.

  Wilson laid his hands on the counter. “A medium of the cookie mix one.”

  The girl hit a couple buttons and went back to smiling at him. “That all?”

  Wilson looked over his shoulder at me. “What do you like?”

  I was frightened into silence. The people made the room warm, and children laughed all around us. Playing. Too loud, too warm, and too many people. My tongue was dry in my mouth, and I couldn’t use it.

  The girl stared at me, not making it better. “We have cake batter, a bunch of fruit stuff. Chocolate…”

  When I swallowed what felt like dust, Wilson put his arm over my shoulders, forcing me from my hiding spot and to his side. He held me close.

  “Don’t you have a thing for cookies?” He laughed.

  I was looking at him when the girl gasped.

  “Oh my God.”

  She pointed at me, and I clung tighter to Wilson.

  “You’re one of those Paperdoll chicks, huh? My mom watched that interview thing with all of you. Did that stuff actually happen?” she asked, dubious.

  When I shrank into Wilson, he held me to his side. His body tensed and he gripped me almost too tight.

  “Really? You think you might be talking to someone who was put through that and your attitude is that cavalier?”

  “Sorry,” she muttered, eyes downcast like she’d been slapped. “She talked about it when the cameras were on her. How was I supposed to know she wouldn’t like it when someone asked?”

  Wilson shot her a death stare. “She’ll have the same thing I ordered.”

  He slapped down a ten-dollar bill, and the girl timidly took it, making out his change and handing it back before she started on the ice cream.

  Wilson pulled me aside, gripping the tops of my arms in one of the quieter placed in the shop. “Are you okay? Do you want to go home?”

  I shook my head. “I want to stay with you.”

  We were handed two cups of ice cream by a man that had a tag that said “manager” on it. He frowned as he handed us the ice cream, Wilson a ten-dollar bill, and me a stack of coupons.

  “I’m very sorry,” he said to me. “I hope you have a nice day, honey.”

  Wilson brought me out of the shop and put me back in his car. He stuck his ice cream in the cup holder so he could drive us home. I was halfway done with my ice cream when we pulled up to his house. Again, he took my hand, and he led me away. We went through his house and up to his room.

  “Um,” I said, eyeing the bed with hope. “What are we doing?”

  Wilson licked the part of his hand that ice cream had dripped onto. “We’re going to eat on the roof.”

  I laughed. “The roof?”

  “Of course. It’s a lovely day out. Why not?”

  I didn’t get a chance to answer.

  Wilson had a balcony outside of his bedroom. We went out to it, and I found a ladder resting against the house. My heart pounded at the thought of getting onto it. It could wobble and I would fall through the air and to the ground. I could die.

  Wilson’s hand went to my hip as he stood behind me. “I’ll catch you if you fall, baby. I promise.”

  I turned to him, handing over my ice cream so he could hold it. My foot went to the ladder, and it felt sturdy enough. With a few deep breaths, I started up.

  Once I was on the roof, it wasn’t so bad. I could see all around, and the surface was only slightly slanted. My gaze was on the openness around me. “This is amazing.”

  Wilson scaled the ladder with both ice cream cups. “Yeah, I like it just fine. Great place to read. I got about fifty pages into this one about this dude that goes around killing people.”

  “Oh… why?”

  Wilson crawled out next to me, handing over my ice cream and settling down. “He thinks they’re evil or something.”

  “Sounds real nice.”

  “It is,” he said with a full mouth.

  I smirked and stabbed at my dessert. I had a glob in my mouth when I felt a shiver on my neck as Wilson dragged an icy finger against my skin. I nearly shrieked as I tried to not convulse through my shudder.

  “Why?!” I shouted to the heavens and the boy beside me.

  He was on his back, laughing like there was no tomorrow. I guess that was why. I swatted at his arm, and it only made him laugh harder. Okay then, I could play meanie too.

  I scooped up a little spoonful of ice cream and lifted Wilson’s shirt up. I dripped the ice cream just under his belly button and all along his happy trail.

  He sat upright, very unhappy. “Hey!” He looked down, pulling his shirt up. “It’s dripping down to my boxers.”

  With a poorly hidden smirk, I took a bite of my ice cream. “Shame…”

  Wilson sighed, dropping his shirt. “I will get my revenge one day.”

  I shrugged, and my nose wrinkled. “Will you? You’re a big talker, but that’s it.”

  He gasped. “Big talker? How dare you, young lady.”

  “Oh,” I said, tilting my head up and narrowing my eyes. “I dare, sir. I dare.”

  His voice dropped low. “Please be careful, baby.”

  I knew he was warning me to not get too flirty with him. Fine then. He could take my affection any way he wanted to. I decided to just stop all together.

  I finished my ice cream, and then laid back on the roof, marveling at the sky. So clear at the moment. I wish it was always like that.

  “So they made you talk to a shrink?” Wilson asked.

  I frowned. “Yeah. But the guy was kind of nice to us. We didn’t figure we’d spilled our guts until we were walking out of the room.”

  “Are you going back?”

  I wasn’t sure, and I said as much. The girls and I decided that we would talk about it and make the choice together, since we were sure we didn’t want to do it alone. Alone never worked very well for us. It made us feel cornered and unsafe. It wasn’t an option.

  “Do you know what you’re doing next?” Wilson asked. “Layla wants to go to school and Adalyn wanted to write. What do you want to do?”

  I was scared to tell him because I wasn’t sure how he would feel about it. I didn’t have big dreams like Adalyn or Layla. All I really wanted was normalcy.

  He nudged me when I didn’t answer. “Come on, spill.”

  I smiled slightly. “I’d just like to do this. Spending my days doing things that make me happy. I don’t want to be a doctor or a scientist. I’d like to try and be myself for a while. Then maybe try my hand at being a mom. I hear that’s fulfilling.”

  Wilson nodded. “Yeah, I hear that too.”

  He lay beside me, and our sides touched. Peace came back to me when he took my hand, lacing our fingers and resting our hands on his stomach. He smiled to himself and it made me feel content. I could have laid there for hours.

  Wilson

  had to go see her. My body tried to pull me in her direction, and it was getting too hard to fight it now. I wasn’t sure why I was even bothering. This battle wouldn’t be won.

  Jude was with Dad in the living room, kicking his ass at Monopoly. Jude would laugh like an old school villain when Dad landed on his spaces with a hotel.

  “Hahaha!” Jude exclaimed, taking two grand from Dad.

  Dad frowned at him. “Why do I get a feeling that you like seeing me fail?”

  Jude was literally rolling around in fake money, so he didn’t get much of an answer. I shook my head at the boy, fearful for the man he would be one day.

  Dad looked at me w
ith a falsely disapproving expression. “And where are we going?”

  My hands were on the door. “Um, I was gonna go check on Riley.”

  “Ah, I bet. How is she?”

  “Sad. She’s really sad all the time. And for whatever reason, she thinks that I can make her happy.”

  “Why do you doubt that?”

  I scoffed. “Why should I believe that I’m the thing that can make her happy?”

  “Because she tells you that you are,” he stated like I was stupid. “You don’t get to decide if you make her happy or not.”

  I leaned on the door, casting away thoughts in my head. “She needs me to be careful with her. So I will be. I don’t want her happiness to depend on me.”

  Dad shook his head and went back to shuffling the stack of Chance cards in front of him. He set them in front of Jude. “All right, buddy. Let’s see what fate has in store for us.” He pulled a card as I walked out the door.

  Mrs. Cain greeted me, and her face was half-upset and half-relieved. I didn’t ask why as she let me in.

  “Hey, hon.” She smiled and closed the door. “How are you?”

  “I’m all right. Is Riley home?”

  She sighed and pointed upstairs, leaving me to join her husband in the kitchen. That odd expression was something I couldn’t shake.

  Before I even entered the room, the sound of crying filled my ears. It was the kind of sobbing that happened when someone couldn’t stop. The painful kind that made a person’s whole body ache with grief. My Riley was sobbing those tears.

  I didn’t bother knocking because it didn’t even cross my mind that I should. I just heard her crying, and my body took over. She was on the corner of her bed, sobbing into her hands and shaking. Her knees were bent in and she slumped over, wailing.

  I dropped to my knees in front of her so I could try and see her face. I still couldn’t. Not with it hiding in her hands. I put my hands on her knees, realizing I was shaking too.

  “Shh. It’s okay, baby,” I hushed her. “What happened?”