Brothers

by Yu Hua

  The boys ate the buns and heard Mama Su tell them, "There are no more buses coming in today, and the door of the station has already been shut. Run home now; you can come back tomorrow."

  The children trusted Mama Su. They nodded, eating their buns and wiping away their tears, and then went home. As they were leaving they heard Mama Su say with a sigh, "Poor children…"

  Song Gang stopped, turned to Mama Su, and said, "You will be rewarded in the next life."

  CHAPTER 18

  AT THE CRACK of dawn, Li Lan was waiting at the front gate of the hospital. Though in his letter Song Fanping had said that he would not reach Shanghai until noon, after two months’ absence the fierce wave of longing that Li Lan felt for him led her to wake up before dawn and sit on her bed, waiting for daybreak. A roommate, who had awakened in the middle of the night from postoperative pain, was so startled by the sight of the motionless, ghostlike Li Lan that she let out a scream that almost ripped open her new stitches. When she realized that it was Li Lan sitting on the bed, the patient resumed her moans of pain. Li Lan felt deeply sorry. After gently muttering a string of apologies, she picked up her travel bag, walked out of the room, and made her way to the hospitals front gate. The street was dark and empty, and the solitary Li Lan stood there with her solitary travel bag—two silent, dark shadows cast on the hospital gate. This time it was the guards turn to be startled. The old guard with the enlarged prostate gland had awakened needing to pee and walked outside. When he saw the two dark shadows, he shuddered and wet himself, hollering, "Who's there?"

  Li Lan told him who she was, what her room number was, that she was leaving today, and that her husband was coming to pick her up. Still unnerved, the old guard pointed at the other dark shadow and demanded, "Who's that?"

  Li Lan lifted her bag. "It's a travel bag."

  Only then did the old man relax. He circled behind the shack and pissed out the remaining urine, all the while complaining, "Scared me to death, made me fucking wet my pants…"

  When Li Lan heard his complaints, she remorsefully lifted her travel bag and walked through the gate and down the street to the corner. She stood next to a big wooden electrical pole and listened to the humming of the current while gazing back at the darkened gate. At this moment Li Lan suddenly felt at peace. While sitting on her bed in the room, she had felt she was waiting for daybreak; but now as she stood at the street corner she felt she was waiting for Song Fanping. In her imagination she could already see his tall, strong figure walking over, filled with passion.

  Li Lan—standing there the whole time, her small, frail figure motionless in the dark—was a frightful sight. A few men walking down the street didn't notice her until they were only a few yards away. Seeing her, they jumped in surprise and immediately crossed to the other side of the street, all the while casting backward glances at her. Another man bumped into her as he was rounding the corner and was so startled he trembled all over, but then he feigned calm as he walked around her. As he walked away his shoulders were still ashudder, leading Li Lan to let out a soft chuckle. It was this eerie sound, emanating as if from a female ghost, that thoroughly undid the man, who then took off in a wild sprint.

  Only when rays of sunlight illuminated the entire street did Li Lan stop resembling a ghost. She still stood at the street corner, but now she was becoming human. As the street grew busier Li Lan took up her bag and walked back to the hospitals front gate. Now her waiting had officially begun.

  The entire morning, Li Lans face was red with emotion. Along the street in front of her there was a sea of red flags and a din of slogans and chants. The parading crowds seemed interminable, heating up the already scorching summer day. The front-gate guard now recognized Li Lan and spent all the morning curiously observing this woman who had frightened him into wetting his pants. He saw that she sought out each member of the parading crowds—which is to say, every person who walked by—with a look of great anticipation. Li Lans excitement was like a little stream flowing into the river, her eyes anxiously searching for Song Fanping amid the crowds. The guard watched her as she stood there for a long, long time, examining the crowds and wondering why no one had come to pick her up yet. So he walked over to her and asked, "When is your husband coming?"

  Li Lan turned to answer. "At noon."

  When the guard heard this, he returned to his post in disbelief. Glancing up at the clock on his wall, he saw that it was not yet 10 A.M. He thought to himself, There really are all sorts of people in this world! This woman's been standing here waiting since before dawn for a man who is supposed to arrive at noon. The guard regarded Li Lan again curiously, thinking, So, how long has this woman gone without a man? He couldn't resist going up to her and asking, "How long have you been parted from your husband?" Li Lan told him that it had been more than two months. The guard chuckled to himself: So just two months and she's champing at the bit like this. She might look all frail and shriveled, but obviously in her bones she is quite the wanton hussy.

  By this time Li Lan had been waiting there for more than six hours. She had not had a drop to drink nor a bite to eat, but her face was still beaming with emotion. As noon approached, her excitement reached a fever pitch, her gaze like a nail piercing the bodies of each of the men walking by. Several times when she saw someone with a figure similar to Song Fanpings, she stood on her toes and waved as her eyes filled with tears. Though the joy was always short-lived, she remained undaunted.

  Noon came and went, and Song Fanping never appeared. But Song Fanpings sister hurried over. Drenched in sweat, she emerged from a crowded bus and rushed to the hospitals front gate. When she spotted Li Lan, she excitedly shouted, "Aiya, you're still here."

  Song Fanpings sister mopped her brow and prattled on. She said that all the way there she had been so worried she wouldn't make it in time that she had almost taken a bus directly to the depot, but it was a good thing she hadn't. As she spoke she handed Li Lan a bag of White Rabbit milk candies, saying that they were for the kids. Li Lan took the candy and placed it in her bag. She didn't say a single word, only smiled and nodded, all the while glancing out at the streams of people. Song Fanpings sister started watching the men on the street along with her but felt perplexed by her brother's absence and, pointing at her watch, said, "He should be here, it's almost one P.M."

  The two women stood at the front gate of the hospital for about half an hour. Song Fanpings sister said that she couldn't wait any longer and had to rush back to work. Before leaving, she comforted Li Lan, speculating that Song Fanping must have gotten stuck in traffic. She noted that it took three transfers from the bus depot to the hospital, and since the streets were filled with demonstrators, traffic was a mess. As a result, it was hard for a person to squeeze through, let alone an entire bus. Song Fanpings sister hurried away but immediately rushed back to tell Li Lan, "If you don't make the afternoon bus, just come stay at my place."

  Li Lan continued waiting at the hospital gate. She believed what Song Fanpings sister said, that Song Fanping was probably stuck in traffic, and she continued to watch the men on the street with passion and anticipation. She became increasingly fatigued. Faint with hunger, she sat down on the steps of the guardroom, her body leaning against the door frame; but her head was still held high, and her eyes were still watching intently. The old man in the guardroom glanced at the clock on the wall and said, "You've been here since before dawn, and now its already past two. I haven't seen you eat or drink anything all day. Won't you go get yourself something?"

  Li Lan smiled. "I'm fine."

  The old man continued, "Go buy something to eat. There's a snack shop about twenty yards from here, just down to the right."

  Li Lan shook her head. "What if he comes while I'm gone?"

  The old man said, "I'll keep an eye out for him. Tell me, what does he look like?"

  Li Lan thought for a bit, then shook her head. "I'd better stay here and wait for him myself."

  The two of them fell silent. The old man
returned to his post, where there was always someone at the window asking about something or other. Li Lan continued to sit on the steps, watching everyone who passed by. Finally, the old man got up and walked over to Li Lan, saying, "Let me get you something to eat."

  Li Lan started. The old man repeated himself and extended Li Lan his hand. She now understood and hurriedly reached into her pockets for money and grain coupons. The old man asked her, "What would you like? Steamed buns? With meat or bean filling? How about a bowl of wonton soup?"

  Li Lan handed over her money and grain coupons. "Two plain buns would be fine."

  The old man took the money. "You're so frugal."

  He walked away from the gate, then turned around. "Don't let anyone into the guardroom. Everything inside belongs to the nation."

  Li Lan nodded. "I know."

  At about half past three in the afternoon, Li Lan finally had something to eat. She slowly ripped off chunk after chunk of bun and placed them in her mouth, methodically chewing and swallowing. She hadn't had any water all day, so eating was difficult, like gulping down bitter medicine. When the old man saw this, he handed her his teacup. Li Lan raised the tea-stained cup and slowly sipped from it. She finished one bun, then wrapped up the other one and placed it in her travel bag. After having the bun, Li Lan felt herself regaining some of her strength. She stood up and said to the old man in the guardroom, "The bus he was taking would have arrived in Shanghai by eleven A.M. Even if he were walking, he should have been here by now."

  The old man agreed. "Even if he were crawling, he still should have gotten here by now."

  Li Lan surmised that Song Fanping must have taken the afternoon bus. She wondered if some important matter had delayed him. She felt that she should go to the bus depot herself, since the afternoon bus got into Shanghai at 5 P.M. Li Lan gave the old man a careful description of Song Fanping, adding that if Song did arrive, to please tell him that she had gone to the bus depot. The old man told her not to worry, that he would ask every tall man who came by whether he was Song Fanping.

  Li Lan took up her travel bag and walked out the hospital gate. She stood for a while at the bus stop, but then returned to the guard window. When the old man saw her, he asked, "How come you're back?"

  Li Lan replied, "I forgot to mention something."

  The old man asked, "What?"

  Li Lan looked into his eyes and said solemnly, "Thank you, you are a good man."

  Small and frail, Li Lan carried her heavy travel bag and squeezed onto the bus. She swayed along with the crowd inside and was dizzied by the foul stench of armpits and feet and mouths. Then she squeezed off the bus, only to squeeze onto another one, finally arriving at the depot after three bus transfers. By then it was almost five. She stood at the stations exit, rays of sunset bathing her in a reddish glow as she watched bus after bus pull into the station and group after group of travelers emerge from the platform. Her face was once again red with excitement and her spirits were high, because she knew that when one of the passengers emerged a head taller than the rest, that man would be Song Fanping. So she set her gaze at the tops of the travelers’ heads, still firmly believing that Song Fanping would walk out through the exit. The very possibility of an accident had not even crossed her mind.

  At this moment Baldy Li and Song Gang were waiting for her at the bus depot back in Liu Town. As the gates of the Liu Town bus depot were closing, the gates of the Shanghai depot were also shut. As Baldy Li and Song Gang made their way home, eating the buns that Mama Su had given them, Li Lan was still waiting by the exit at the Shanghai bus depot. The sky began to darken, but Li Lan still did not see Song Fanping's tall figure. When the heavy metal gates of the bus depot were shut, she felt as if her brain had been drained of all content, and she just stood there, barely conscious.

  Li Lan passed the night outside the door of the waiting room. She considered going to stay with Song Fanping s sister, but Song Fanping s sister hadn't given her the address, since neither of them expected that Song Fanping would fail to arrive in Shanghai. The sister assumed that as long as Song Fanping himself knew the address, that would be enough. Therefore Li Lan slept on the ground like a homeless beggar. Mosquitoes stung her throughout this summer night, but she did not notice as she drifted fitfully in and out of sleep.

  In the latter half of the night a crazy woman came to keep Li Lan company. First the woman sat by her side, carefully examining her, cackling all the while. Li Lan, wakened by her eerie laugh, let out a gasp when she made out the filthy face and figure of the crazy woman by the glow of the streetlight. In response, the crazy woman let out a shriller, louder cry, as if Li Lan had frightened her. Then she sat down as if nothing had happened and continued gazing at Li Lan, cackling.

  Li Lan was still recovering from her initial fright when the crazy woman started to hum a tune. As she hummed she also muttered, her voice popping like a machine gun. Li Lan was no longer scared. Though she could not make out what the crazy woman was saying, the continual din of a human voice actually put her at ease. With a faint smile, Li Lan fell back to sleep.

  After some time had passed, Li Lan in her dreams heard the sounds of palms slapping. She raised her sleep-heavy lids to see the crazy woman, sitting by her side, flapping her arms to shoo away the mosquitoes, and sometimes slapping at them. The crazy woman repeatedly slapped her hands together, then carefully scraped the mosquitoes from her palms and put them in her mouth, chuckling as she gulped them down. Her actions reminded Li Lan of the steamed bun in her bag, so she sat up, took out the bun, and broke off half for the crazy woman.

  Li Lan extended the bun almost directly to the woman's face, but she ignored it. She cackled as she slapped at the mosquitoes and placed them into her mouth. Her raised arm tiring, Li Lan was about to put it down when the woman suddenly snatched away the half bun. Then the woman immediately stood up and walked down the waiting room's steps, moaning and muttering and acting as if she was looking for something. She took a few steps south, then a few steps north, and finally raised the bun in her hand and proceeded east. As the crazy woman walked farther away, Li Lan was finally able to make out what she was saying: "Brother, brother …"

  Li Lan was now alone again under the dim streetlight. She sat and slowly ate her bun, feeling hollow inside. As she finished, the streetlight suddenly went out, and when she looked up, she saw the first rays of daybreak. It was at that moment that her tears finally gushed forth.

  Li Lan boarded the early bus. As the bus pulled out of the station she turned around, still scanning the streets outside in hopes of catching sight of Song Fanping. Only when the bus left Shanghai and the landscape outside her window had turned into fields did Li Lan close her eyes. She rested her head on the window frame and dozed off despite the bumpiness of the drive. During that three-hour journey, Li Lan repeatedly drifted in and out of sleep, and images of those envelopes floated into her mind. Why were the stamps always placed in different spots? Her earlier suspicions resurfaced and grew stronger and stronger. She knew that Song Fanping was a man of his word, and if he said that he would come pick her up in Shanghai, then he would do so at all costs. If he hadn't come, then something must have happened. This train of thought caused her heart to shudder. As the bus neared Liu Town and the landscape outside her window grew increasingly familiar, Li Lan's uneasy premonitions grew stronger and stronger. By now she was convinced that something terrible must have happened. Her whole body shook as she buried her face in her hands, and she didn't dare think more concretely. She felt that she was falling apart as tears streamed from her eyes.

  When the bus pulled into the Liu Town depot, Li Lan, carrying her gray travel bag with SHANGHAI printed on the side, was the last to emerge. She followed behind the crowds, her limbs feeling as heavy as lead. Every step took her closer to bad news. When she dragged herself outside of the station, only to be greeted by two wailing boys who were as filthy as if they had been fished from a garbage dump, Li Lan knew that her terrible premonitions h
ad proven true. Her eyes grew dark, and she dropped the travel bag to the ground. The two filthy boys were Baldy Li and Song Gang, and they were wailing, "Papa's dead!"

  CHAPTER 19

  LI LAN stood motionless as Baldy Li and Song Gang wailed over and over again, "Papas dead!" She stood planted on the spot, as if her soul had left her body. In this moment of brilliant noon sunshine, she could see only darkness. It was as if she suddenly became both blind and deaf. Li Lan stood there, rigid and corpselike, for more than ten minutes before everything finally came back into focus and she could again make out the two boys crying and wailing in front of her. She could now clearly see the bus depot, the men and women walking by, and Baldy Li and Song Gang. The boys’ faces were covered in snot and tears, and they tugged at her clothes, crying, "Papas dead."

  Li Lan nodded her head lightly. "I know."

  She looked down at her travel bag. When she bent to pick it up, she suddenly keeled over, bringing down with her Baldy Li and Song Gang. She helped the boys up and got up herself by leaning on the bag, but when she bent down once again to pick it up, her legs again gave out from under her and she knelt down on the ground, trembling all over. Baldy Li and Song Gang watched her, terrified, and reached down to nudge her, calling out over and over again, "Mama, Mama …"

  Li Lan got up by leaning on the boys’ shoulders. She let out a long sigh, then picked up her travel bag and stumbled forward. The noon sun was making her dizzy, making her wobble unsteadily. The empty lot in front of the bus depot was still streaked with Song Fanping's blood, and a few dozen dead flies dotted the blood-darkened earth. Song Gang pointed at the blood and told Li Lan, "This is where Papa died."

  The children had stopped weeping, but when Song Gang said this, he again burst into tears, and Baldy Li couldn't help but cry as well. Li Lan's travel bag again dropped to the ground. She looked down at the blood that had already turned dark, then looked around, and finally looked at the two boys, her gaze blurring as her eyes filled with tears. She knelt down, opened her bag, and took out a piece of clothing to spread on the ground. Then she carefully brushed off the flies and scooped up the dark crimson dirt into the shirt, kneeling there until she had gathered every last speck of dirt that had been stained by the blood. Even then she continued to kneel, sifting the dirt through her fingers as if she were searching for gold, still looking for the last traces of Song Fanpings blood.