Brothers

by Yu Hua

  The people of Liu all discussed these events avidly and agreed that the most interesting part of this afternoon's proceedings was not Baldy Li and Lin Hong but, rather, Baldy Li and that infatuated idiot, especially when the idiot punched Baldy Li, leaving him with a black eye the size of an apple. Everyone laughed uproariously at this and chattered nonstop about how they hadn't expected the idiots under Baldy Li's command to turn around and strike their own team, leaving Baldy Li with only one usable eye. As the old saying goes, For a friend one will take two daggers in the chest, but for a woman one will stab a friend twice—an irrefutable logic that applied perfectly to the situation. The crowd started speculating about how Baldy Li might have to wear an eye patch over his black eye and said, "Baldy Li is going to be a European pirate."

  Two days after laying siege at the outskirts of the city, Baldy Li, his left eye still very swollen, went to Lin Hong's house to execute the stratagem of penetrating behind enemy lines. This time he asked his brother to accompany him, arguing that he might need to call on Song Gang's advice at any moment. If he once again ran into unexpected difficulties, Song Gang should immediately come up with other clever stratagems to help him out. Baldy Li held up three fingers and asked that Song Gang contribute at least three stratagems for him to pick from. Then the two of them—one tall and the other short, one resembling a civil official and the other a military official—set off down the streets of Liu.

  Baldy Li couldn't stop chuckling the entire way. He felt that Song Gang's suggestion that he penetrate behind enemy lines and conquer Lin Hong's parents was a stroke of genius. All along the way Baldy Li kept giving Song Gang the thumbs-up sign, saying, "Your suggestion that in order to capture the thieves one must first capture their chief is truly wicked."

  With a literary journal under his arm, Song Gang walked anxiously at Baldy Li's side. Baldy Li's look of confidence and determination actually exacerbated Song Gong's doubts about their latest plan. Of the five stratagems he had suggested for Baldy Li, the first three had failed miserably, and he feared that this fourth one would not fare much better. When they arrived at the door to Lin Hong's home, Song Gang paused apprehensively and told Baldy Li that he would wait for him outside. Baldy Li protested, saying that since he had come all this way, how could he not go in? He tried to drag Song Gang in with him, but Song Gang resisted and said that he was simply too embarrassed.

  "What's there to be embarrassed about?" Baldy Li yelled on Lin Hong's doorstep. "It's not you who is courting her; all you need to do is stand by and observe."

  Song Gang blushed and said quietly, "Don't shout. It would make me embarrassed just to stand by and watch you court her."

  "You good-for-nothing." Baldy Li shook his head impatiently. "All you are good for is living vicariously as my advisor."

  Then Baldy Li proudly walked into Lin Hongs courtyard. Though several families shared this courtyard, no one was around. Crying out happily, "Uncle, Auntie, how are you?" Baldy Li picked at random one of the three doors that had been left open and found a young couple sitting at a table and staring at him in astonishment. He quickly waved and said with a laugh, "Wrong door!"

  He then went into another open door and found that this was indeed the correct one. Lin Hongs parents were both inside, but they didn't know Baldy Li, so when they caught sight of a short and swarthy young man calling them Uncle and Auntie, they simply stared at each other in astonishment, at a loss as to who this could possibly be. Baldy Li stood in the middle of the room looking around and asked with a laugh, "Has Lin Hong gone out?"

  Lin Hong's parents nodded, and her mother said, "She went shopping."

  Baldy Li nodded back, and with both hands stuffed in his pockets, he walked toward Lin Hong's kitchen and looked around. Lin Hong's parents wondered who this could be as they followed Baldy Li into the kitchen. He walked up to the coal stove, leaned over, opened the cardboard box in which the coal was stored, and saw that it was full. Baldy Li then stood up and asked Lin Hong's father, "Uncle, did you buy this coal yesterday?"

  Lin Hong's father, still in a bit of a daze, nodded, but then shook his head and said, "No, I bought it the day before yesterday."

  Baldy Li nodded, then walked over to the rice jar, lifted the wooden lid, and saw that it was full of rice. He then turned around and asked, "Uncle, did you buy this rice yesterday?"

  This time Lin Hong's father initially shook his head, but then nodded. "I bought the rice yesterday."

  Baldy Li then pulled his hand out of his pocket, rubbed his bald head, and informed Lin Hong's parents, "In the future, I'll take responsibility for buying all your coal and rice for you. You two needn't trouble yourselves with these tasks."

  Lin Hong's mother couldn't stand the suspense any longer. She asked Baldy Li, "Who are you?"

  "You don't know me?" Baldy Li asked in surprise. "I am the director of the Good Works Factory. My name is Li Guang, and my nickname is Baldy Li."

  Baldy Li had barely finished speaking before Lin Hongs parents faces darkened. Realizing that this was the Peeping Tom who, years earlier, had spied on their daughters bottom in the public toilet, and who more recently had repeatedly reduced her to tears, they were aghast that Liu Towns most infamous hooligan would dare come to their door. They roared with anger, "Out, out! Get out!"

  Lin Hongs father grabbed a broom from behind the door, his wife took the feather duster from the table, and together they began to strike Baldy Li's bald head. Shielding his head with his hand, Baldy Li sprinted out the door. When he emerged, all the other families were standing in the courtyard watching. Lin Hong's parents were shaking with fury while Baldy Li looked baffled, raising his hands as if in surrender and repeatedly explaining, "It was a misunderstanding, a complete misunderstanding. I taught those children to say to court, but there was a class enemy who messed things up…"

  Lin Hong's parents cried, "Get out, get out!"

  "It was really a misunderstanding," Baldy Li continued. "That infatuated idiot shot out from the middle of the road; there was nothing I could do…"

  As Baldy Li was saying this he turned to Lin Hong's neighbors and explained to some of the onlookers, "It is said that it is difficult for a hero to resist the wiles of a beautiful woman. Turns out it's true for idiots, too."

  Lin Hong's parents were still shouting, "Get out!"

  Lin Hong's father struck Baldy Li on the shoulder with the broomstick, and his wife repeatedly batted her feather duster at his nose. Baldy Li was dismayed. Ducking their blows, he pleaded with Lin Hong's mother, "Please don't be like this. After all, we're all going to be family. You will be my father-in-law and mother-in-law, and I will be your son-in-law. If you are like this now, how will we be able to get along when we become family?"

  "Bullshit!" Lin Hong's father roared as he beat Baldy Li's shoulders with the broom.

  "Stinky bullshit!" Lin Hong's mother cried as she pounded Baldy Li's head with the feather duster.

  Baldy Li quickly fled to the street, sprinting a dozen yards in a single bound. When he looked back and saw Lin Hongs parents still standing in the doorway, he stopped and was about to offer more explanations. At that point Lin Hongs father turned to the crowd in the streets and gestured at Baldy Li with his broomstick, saying, "You're the proverbial ugly toad who thinks he can have the swan."

  "I tell you"—Lin Hongs mother pointed at him with her feather duster as she shouted—"my flower of a daughter will never be planted in a pile of cow dung like yourself."

  Baldy Li looked at the people who had come to enjoy the spectacle; looked at Lin Hongs parents, who were beside themselves with fury; and then looked at Song Gang, standing there uneasily. Baldy Li waved Song Gang over, and the two of them walked together down the streets of Liu. Baldy Li had always felt that he was an important personage, and even if he couldn't be considered one in a million, he was at the very least one in a hundred. He had never expected that Lin Hong's parents would regard him as an ugly toad or a pile of cow dung. He felt a great sense of
loss and cursed incessantly: "Motherfucker!" he said to Song Gang. "Heroes too can suffer setbacks."

  The ugly-toad-and-cow-dung humiliation that Baldy Li had suffered at the hands of Lin Hong's parents left him annoyed for an entire week. But after a week had passed, his determination to court Lin Hong revived, and he once again began to pursue her with great enthusiasm. He decided to employ Song Gang's final stratagem of beating his opponent to a pulp. Therefore, he began to pursue Lin Hong through the streets, always asking Song Gang to accompany him whenever he went out. Wherever Lin Hong was in public, Baldy Li would assume the role of both lover and bodyguard, escorting her around. When she shed tears of humiliation and bit her lips in anger, Baldy Li would chatter warmly with her. He would even play the role of a fiancé and introduce Song Gang to her, saying, "This is my brother, Song Gang, and when we get married, Song Gang will be my best man."

  If Baldy Li, acting as both lover and bodyguard, so much as glimpsed another man taking a look at Lin Hong, he would shake his fist and say fiercely, "What are you looking at? If you look again, I'll punch your lights out."

  CHAPTER 31

  EACH TIME Lin Hong returned home after being trailed around town by Baldy Li, she would lie in bed, hug her pillow, and weep. Ten times she did this, but then she decided it was time to wipe her tears. She realized it did no good for her to hide out and cry— she must instead figure out a way to deal with that shameless Baldy Li. His beating to a pulp stratagem encouraged Lin Hong to hurry up and find a boyfriend. This was a common solution sought by many young women back then, and Lin Hong was no exception. She felt that as long as she had a boyfriend, she would be able to extricate herself from Baldy Li's attentions. She went through each of the Liu Town bachelors in her head and came up with several potential candidates. Then she put on makeup, wrapped a beige silk scarf around her neck, and went out.

  Lin Hong, who previously very rarely went out, now became Liu Towns street angel, on whom all the men would feast their eyes. Sometimes she would walk with her mother and sometimes with the other women workers at her factory. Almost every day at dusk she would stroll around in the evening light, and after sunset she would continue walking in the moonlight. She was aware that her reputation as a beauty had already spread far and wide, and she also knew that many of the men of Liu had crushes on her—but what she didn't know was where she would find the man she would love. In the past she had counted on her parents to make decisions for her, but her parents were too easily satisfied, immediately falling for any man who came knocking who was the slightest bit acceptable and saying that at least he was better than that Baldy Li. However, these young men all failed to make an impression on Lin Hong, much less find their way into her heart. As a result, she had no choice but to take the matter into her own hands and pick out a satisfactory husband for herself. She walked back and forth with a pretty smile on her pretty face. Every now and then she would encounter a handsome young man and gaze at him intently. Then she would walk away five paces, turn around, and shoot him another glance, at which point she would invariably see an infatuated face staring back at her.

  Altogether there were twenty young men at whom Lin Hong looked more than once, nineteen of whom were infatuated with her. The only one who didn't respond at all was Song Gang. The nineteen who were infatuated with her felt that she clearly meant something when she looked at them. That backward glance, as she was walking away— a glance as rich as a garden overflowing with sensory delights—made their hearts flutter and kept them up at night.

  Of those nineteen, eight were married, and they would sigh in disappointment, complaining bitterly that they had made their momentous decision too early in life without having taken the opportunity to sow their wild oats. Of those eight, there were two whose wives were quite ugly, and these two were even more frustrated, waking in the middle of the night completely furious and unable to resist pinching their wives in anger. When their wives woke up from the pain, the husbands would start snoring deeply, pretending to be asleep. One of these men always pinched his wife's thighs, the other her bottom. Both wives were in such pain that they didn't know what to do. When they examined their bruises, they concluded that their husbands must be suffering from a sort of narco-sadism, never suspecting the truth. The women complained incessantly all day, and at night steadfastly refused to sleep in the same bed with their spouses, explaining that it gave them the creeps.

  Of the twenty men Lin Hong looked at twice, nine already had girlfriends, and these nine would also sigh incessantly, regretting their own impatience to get a free taste of cow's milk and lamenting that drinking early was not nearly as important as drinking well. They started considering the idea of dumping their girlfriends and running off in pursuit of Lin Hong. Of those nine, eight were swayed by considerations of profits and losses and decided that, although it was true that their girlfriends were not as beautiful and captivating as Lin Hong, they had gone to considerable trouble to court them, seduce them, and bed them. No matter how good Lin Hong might be, she had merely glanced at them twice, unlike their girlfriends, who were safely in hand. These men were of the opinion that a bird in the hand was better than two in the bush. Therefore, even though they were entranced by Lin Hong, they didn't make any concrete advances. Of the nine, these eight were methodical pursuers of love—only the ninth was an opportunistic pursuer. He began by tentatively placing bets on both horses. One night he slept happily with his current girlfriend and felt emotions as deep as the sea; the following night he secretly bought two movie tickets, hiding one in his inner breast pocket and asking an acquaintance to give the other to Lin Hong on his behalf.

  By that point, Lin Hong had become the towns resident Sherlock Holmes and had investigated the personal backgrounds of all twenty of the town s handsome young men. Therefore, she knew that this opportunist who sent her a movie ticket was already living with a girlfriend. Lin Hong didn't reveal any emotion when she accepted the ticket, but her heart skipped a beat as she thought that this was someone who was about to get married yet still dared to make a pass at her. People at that time were still very conservative, and as soon as a couple slept together they were perceived as having lost value. When a new house or new car becomes old, one can only go to a secondhand market to exchange them. Lin Hong knew that the girlfriend of this opportunist was a cashier at the Red Flag fabric store; therefore she went to the store and, while admiring the multicolored fabrics on display, spoke with the girlfriend. Lin Hong took out the movie ticket and handed it to her; then, noting the woman's confusion, explained that the ticket was given to her by the woman's boyfriend. After Lin Hong told this confused and anxious young woman the full truth, she warned her, "Your boyfriend fancies himself Liu Town's resident Don Juan."

  This opportunistic lover, it turns out, was none other than Poet Zhao, who was initially quite well respected but later became hopeless and despondent. That evening, unaware of what Lin Hong had done, he went expectantly to the theater. Some even say that he was whistling. Poet Zhao wandered around outside for half an hour, and only when the film had started did he sneak in like a thief. Zhao was going from a bright area to a dark area, so he had to find his seat by feel. He couldn't clearly see the face of the person sitting next to him but thought that it was Lin Hong. He confidently whispered her name a few times, then added that he had known all along that she would come.

  Poet Zhao then leaned over and poured out his heart to his companion, still assuming she was Lin Hong. He had not yet finished speaking when he abruptly heard an ear-piercing screech and was rewarded with a few hard slaps to the face. Finding himself suddenly under attack, he had no idea what was happening, and even less how to protect himself. Dumbfounded, he craned his neck and turned toward his attacker, thereby exposing his entire face to the oncoming slaps. As his girlfriend shrieked in fury she didn't sound like herself, so Poet Zhao didn't recognize her voice and continued to believe that it was Lin Hong who was slapping him. He therefore became very indignant, wondering,
Who in the world flirts like this? He quietly urged, "Lin Hong, Lin Hong, be careful of your image…"

  At this point Poet Zhao's girlfriend screamed, "I'll fucking kill you, philanderer!"

  Poet Zhao was finally able to make out his girlfriend's face and fearfully hugged his head as he allowed her to beat the stuffing out of him. The movie that was showing was The Shaolin Temple. Later audience members would say that they enjoyed double screenings of The Shaolin Temple that night—one starring Jet Li and the other with Poet Zhao. Furthermore, everyone agreed that Poet Zhao's version was more impressive, that his girlfriend was even better than the Wulin master, and that the martial arts she used in cursing and beating Poet Zhao were even more deadly than Jet Li's. From that day on Poet Zhao became notorious, his reputation for wickedness exceeding even Baldy Li's after he was caught peeping at Lin Hong's bottom. Zhao's girlfriend immediately kicked him out and married someone else, and went on to bear her new husband a cherubic son. Though he was deeply regretful, from that point on Zhao never managed to have another girlfriend, let alone a wife. After learning this painful lesson, Poet Zhao waxed lyrical to Writer Liu with a sigh, "They speak of going for wool only to end up shorn. ‘Tis I, ‘tis I."

  Writer Liu laughed appreciatively but thought to himself that since he also had designs on Lin Hong, it was really but for the grace of God that he had avoided losing his current wife and ending up like Poet Zhao. Writer Liu patted Poet Zhao's shoulder, then—though it was unclear whether he was congratulating himself or consoling Poet Zhao—he concluded, "It is a wise man who knows his own limitations."