Brothers

by Yu Hua

  That night Baldy Li also got drunk. He sat at home alone drinking baijiu, altogether drinking an entire jin of it. This was the first time he had ever gotten drunk, and afterward he cried himself to sleep. When he woke up the next morning, he was still whimpering. The neighbors heard him crying over his lost love and remarked that Baldy Li's crying ran the gamut of emotions: At different times he meowed like a cat in heat, screeched like a pig being slaughtered, lowed like a cow grazing grass, or crowed like a rooster greeting the dawn. The neighbors were very annoyed, saying that he made such a ruckus that they barely slept all night; even if they did manage to fall asleep, they had continuous nightmares.

  After bawling for an entire night, the next day Baldy Li went to the hospital to have a vasectomy or, more specifically, a vasoligation. First he went to the Good Works Factory to obtain a certificate from his work unit. In this case, Baldy Li was not only the person requesting the operation but also the work unit supervisor in charge of approving the request. Therefore, he approved his own request and quite properly affixed a seal to the certificate. With this in hand, Baldy Li walked into the hospital clinics surgical unit with a martyred air, slapped the certificate onto the doctors desk, and announced loudly, "I have come to heed the call of Chinas birth control policy."

  The doctor, of course, recognized that the person walking up to him demanding a vasectomy was the famous Baldy Li. He watched as Baldy Li stabbed at his abdomen with his hands as if they were knives, and wondered how there could be a man like this. He then looked at Baldy Li's work unit certificate and, noticing that Baldy Li was both the applicant and the supervisor approving the application wondered how there could be a certificate like this. He couldn't help but laugh, saying, "You've never been married and don't have any children. Why do you want a vasectomy?"

  Baldy Li said heroically, "If I get a vasectomy without even having been married, won't that fulfill the population control policy that much better?"

  The doctor wondered how in the world there could be a logic like this. He lowered his head and started laughing. Baldy Li impatiently pulled him up from his seat, as if he were the one planning on giving the doctor a vasectomy. He then wrestled the doctor into the operating room, where he unfastened his own belt, pulled down his pants, unbuttoned his shirt, lay down on the operating table, and ordered, "Ligate me!"

  The operation was finished in less than an hour, after which an exuberant Baldy Li walked out the front door of the hospital. In his left hand he carried the medical certificate, and with his right hand he cupped his stitched-up groin. He stopped to rest every few steps until he arrived at Lin Hong and Song Gang's nuptial home.

  Lin Hong's twenty workmates from the knitting factory had come to attend the traditional celebration of the matrimonial quarters. Writer Liu had also come and was sitting there happily with the twenty female factory workers, a blissful expression on his face. The girls hung a string from the ceiling and tied an apple to it, then urged the newlyweds to try to bite it at the same time. When Baldy Li walked in, the girls cried in alarm, since they all knew the history of his relationship with Lin Hong and Song Gang—a relationship that was somewhat of a love triangle, yet not quite, and that no one could figure out. Everyone assumed that Baldy Li had come to pick a fight. Lin Hong also tensed up when she saw him marching in with dead-set eyes, certain that he was up to no good. Song Gang was the only one who didn't notice anything wrong; simply overjoyed to see that his brother had come, Song Gang greeted him with a cigarette and said happily "Baldy Li, you finally made it."

  Baldy Li shoved Song Gangs hand aside and said, "I don't smoke."

  The girls all fell silent, petrified with fear. Baldy Li calmly handed Lin Hong the vasectomy certificate. Lin Hong, not knowing what this was, made no move to accept it but, rather, looked over at her new husband. Song Gang reached for it, but Baldy Li pushed his hand away, instead handing the certificate to one of the girls and asking her to pass it to Lin Hong. Lin Hong took this medical record but didn't understand its significance. Baldy Li instructed, "Open it and look inside. What does it say?"

  Lin Hong opened it and saw the word vasoligation. She still didn't understand and whispered to one of the girls standing next to her, "What does vasoligation mean?"

  While several girls were crowding forward to look at the case history, Baldy Li said to Lin Hong, "What does vasoligation mean? It means castration. I just went to the hospital to have myself castrated."

  The girls cried out in surprise, and Lin Hong went pale. During that period it was common in Liu to have newly purchased roosters caponized, then cook and eat them once they were full grown. That way, they would be especially tender, and wouldn't have that distinctive rooster taste. People usually called these caponized roosters fresh roosters. Upon hearing that Baldy Li had gone to the hospital to have himself castrated, one of the girls asked in surprise, "Are you now a fresh man?"

  At this point Writer Liu decided to make his presence known. He slowly stood up and took the medical record from Lin Hong. He read over it and with a scholarly tone corrected the girl, saying, "No, castration and vasoligation are two entirely different things. After castration you become a eunuch, while after vasoligation you can still …"

  Writer Liu glanced at the girls in the room and didn't finish his sentence. The girl persisted: "Can still what?"

  Baldy Li impatiently specified, "Can still sleep with you."

  The girl blushed with fury and replied through gritted teeth, "No one would want to sleep with you."

  Writer Liu nodded in agreement with Baldy Li and added, "It just means that he can't have children."

  Baldy Li nodded enthusiastically at Writer Liu's clarification. He took back his medical record and said to Lin Hong, "Given that I can't have children with you, I won't have any with anyone." Having said this, the unswervingly faithful Baldy Li turned and walked out of Lin Hong's new home. Once outside he paused, then turned to her and said, "Remember: Baldy Li will always get right back up from where he fell."

  Then he spun around like a Spanish toreador and left. For the first seven steps he heard no sound from the newlywed house. As he took his eighth step, however, the entire house behind him burst into laughter. He hesitated a second, then shook his head in disappointment. Song Gang came running after Baldy Li, who was by now limping away. He grabbed Baldy Li by the arm and said, as if wanting to say a whole lot more, "Baldy Li …"

  Baldy Li paid Song Gang no heed. Instead, grasping his groin, he continued limping down the street with a martyred air, with Song Gang following close behind. After a while, Baldy Li turned and said quietly, "Go on back."

  Song Gang shook his head. He opened his mouth, but the only thing that came out were the words "Baldy Li …"

  Baldy Li saw Song Gang standing there without moving and quietly urged him, "Damn it, today you are the groom. Go on back inside."

  Song Gang finally found the words to say what was on his mind: "Why would you want to cut off all hope of having descendants?"

  "Why?" Baldy Li repeated miserably. "Because I have become disillusioned with the mortal world."

  Song Gang shook his head sadly. He watched Baldy Li walking slowly down the road. After about ten paces, Baldy Li turned around and told Song Gang sincerely, "Take good care of yourself."

  Song Gang felt a stab of sorrow. He knew that from this point on the two brothers would go their separate ways. As he watched Baldy Li limp away he suddenly remembered the first time they had parted. His grandfather had held his hand at the village gate, watching as Li Lan led Baldy Li by the hand down the country road.

  Liu Town's toreador walked away without turning back. On the street he encountered Little Scissors Guan. Little Guan saw that Baldy Li was limping and grasping his abdomen with his left hand, so he called out to him curiously. He asked if he had a bellyache. Baldy Li had not yet had a chance to respond when Little Guan peremptorily suggested, "Roundworms. I'm sure its roundworms chewing up your intestines."

  At
that point Baldy Li was still reveling in the martyrdom of his vasectomy With the air of one who had made a heroic sacrifice, he grasped Little Guan, held up his medical record, and asked scornfully, "What are roundworms?"

  Then he opened his medical record and showed it to Little Guan, specifically pointing out the word vasoligation on the front. Little Guan carefully read through the record, constantly complaining about how poor the doctors handwriting was. After he finished, he still didn't know what vasoligation meant, so he asked Baldy Li to explain.

  Baldy Li perked up and announced proudly, "Vasoligation? That means castration."

  Little Guan asked in astonishment, "You cut off your dick?"

  "What do you mean by cut off?" Baldy Li was not pleased by Little Scissors Guan's choice of words and corrected him. "It was not cut off, it was ligated."

  "That is to say," Little Guan asked, "you still have your dick?"

  "Of course I do." Baldy Li stroked his crotch with his right hand and added, "It is still completely intact."

  Then Baldy Li heroically said, "I originally wanted to cut it off, but then when I thought about having to squat down to pee like a woman, I felt that would be rather unbecoming and therefore decided to have it ligated instead."

  Baldy Li patted Little Guan's shoulder, grasped his abdomen, and, waving his vasectomy certificate, slowly limped away. Little Guan stood there laughing uncontrollably. Then, pointing at Baldy Li, he told everyone that Baldy Li had gotten himself ligated, which is to say castrated—although, he then noted for the sake of precision, Baldy Li's dick was still intact. As Baldy Li walked farther and farther into the distance, the crowd around Little Guan kept growing. They excitedly discussed Baldy Li, agreeing that this had been a most entertaining day. What the crowd did not anticipate, however, was that a decade later Baldy Li would single-handedly account for the GDP of the entire county.

  CHAPTER 38

  BALDY LI'S road to GDP-dom began in Liu Town s Good Works Factory. How could he have known that his early romantic setback was a blessing in disguise? After he had his heart broken by Lin Hong, he went back to the factory and proceeded to produce one profit miracle after another. This was the era when Deng Xiaoping's reforms had just begun to affect the general economy. The more Baldy Li thought about it, the more convinced he became that he was an entrepreneurial genius. If he was able to strike it rich leading a motley crew of two cripples, three idiots, four blind men, and five deaf men, then if he were able to command fifty college graduates, forty M.A.'s, thirty Ph.D. s, and twenty postdoctorate fellows, wouldn't he become as rich as an oil tanker?

  As soon as Baldy Li reached this earth-shattering conclusion, he immediately ordered his fourteen loyal minions to put down whatever they were working on and attend the most urgent emergency meeting in the factory's history. A moment earlier he had been on the phone negotiating a new contract for his factory, but as soon as he hung up he decided to resign. He proceeded to deliver an hourlong impassioned speech in which he spent fifty-nine minutes praising his own achievements and the final minute reapproving the two cripples as the factory's director and deputy director. He concluded by sadly declaring that they, the Good Works Factory's workers, had unanimously accepted Director Baldy Li's letter of resignation. Baldy Li tearfully concluded, "Thank you!"

  After Baldy Li gave his thanks, he sprinted away. His fourteen loyal minions sat there without moving. The three idiots hadn't understood a word of what he had said, and so after Baldy Li left they remained cheerfully oblivious. The five deaf men had just watched Baldy Li's thick lips move up and down, and upon seeing him stop moving his lips and abruptly leave, their first thought was that he had gone to the rest-room. Therefore, they sat and waited patiently for him to return and resume moving his lips. The two cripples looked at each other, not knowing what was going on. Five years earlier, Baldy Li had held a similar meeting with all of the employees, at which he abruptly dismissed the crippled director and deputy director and appointed himself factory director. This time he was dismissing himself instead and reinstating the two cripples in their former positions. The four blind men stared ahead blankly with their dark eyes. Their minds were much clearer than those of the remaining cripples, idiots, and deaf men, and therefore they were the first to fully realize that Baldy Li would not be returning. One of the blind men laughed, then the other three started laughing as well. The three idiots were jolly to begin with, but upon seeing the four blind men also getting jolly, the idiots, not willing to fall behind, broke out into loud guffaws. The five deaf men couldn't hear, but they could see everyone laughing and thought that Baldy Li must have made a joke as he was rushing off in search of a restroom. Therefore, the five of them also broke into guffaws—the three deaf-mutes simply miming. Finally it had dawned on the two cripples who had just been reinstated as factory director and deputy that Baldy Li had quit, but they couldn't understand why everyone was so tickled. The crippled factory director remarked that Baldy Li had always treated them very generously, and therefore he suggested that perhaps it was a bit unseemly for everyone to be so happy at his resignation. The deputy director nodded repeatedly, saying that the director was exactly right and had expressed exactly his thoughts. The four blind men chuckled and asked whether anyone was curious about why Baldy Li would want to quit when things were going so well. Obviously it was because he had been promoted to the Civil Affairs Bureau. The blind man concluded blindly, "Factory Director Li has gone on to become Bureau Director Li."

  "You have a point," the two cripples responded.

  Bureau Director Tao Qing and the Civil Affairs Bureau didn't learn about Baldy Li's resignation until a month later, by which point the fourteen cripples, idiots, and blind and deaf men had completed all of the work contracts Baldy Li had obtained for them. The two cripples had moved back into the director's office, dug up their old chessboard, and once again spent the entire day playing chess and cursing each other. The remaining twelve workers sat in the workshop with nothing to do. The three idiots remained jolly and oblivious, and the four blind men and five deaf men engaged in yawning competitions.

  Everyone started to miss Director Li, and at the proposal of the four blind men and with the permission of the two cripples, the factory's fourteen loyal minions haphazardly made their way to the courtyard of the Civil Affairs Bureau. Once there they called out, "Bureau Director Li, we have come to see you!"

  Tao Qing, who was in the middle of hosting a meeting, leaned out his window and saw the motley band standing in the courtyard, hollering. He was in the process of reading aloud an official directive issued from the Communist Party's central command, and all the commotion outside infuriated him. He threw the document down and said angrily, "This time Baldy Li has gone too far, thinking that he could move his Good Works Factory here to the Civil Affairs Bureau."

  Tao Qing then waved at a section chief sitting next to him, telling him to go outside and get rid of them. The section chief became even angrier than the bureau director and furiously upbraided the crowd, "What do you think you're doing? We're in here studying a directive sent down by the Party's central command."

  The two cripples—who, having been factory directors, naturally understood the importance of studying Central Party directives—were startled into silence. The four blind men couldn't see a thing, and therefore had never granted much importance to Central Party documents. When they heard the section chief's rebuke, they replied insolently, "Who are you? How dare you speak to us like this? Even Bureau Director Li would never speak to us like this."

  When the section chief saw the four blind men leaning rakishly on their canes, he became even angrier, screaming, "Get out! All of you, get out of here!"

  "Go in! You go back inside!" the blind men screamed back. "Go in and tell Bureau Director Li that all of the factory employees miss him and have come to see him."

  "What do you mean by Bureau Director Li?" the section chief asked, perplexed. "There is no Bureau Director Li here. The bureau director's na
me is Tao."

  "You are lying," the blind man responded.

  The section chief didn't know whether to laugh or cry at this, deciding that this was truly a case of blind men speaking blindly. At this point Tao Qing emerged, his face contorted with fury. He didn't catch sight of Baldy Li but roared into the motley crowd anyway, "Baldy Li, get over here."

  The four blind men didn't know who it was who had just come out, and therefore continued asking impetuously, "Who are you? How dare you address Bureau Director Li like that?"

  "What do you mean, Bureau Director Li?" Tao Qing was also baffled.

  "Oh, you don't even know who the bureau director is," the blind men said haughtily. "It is none other than our own former Factory Director Li, who has come to assume directorship of the Civil Affairs Bureau."

  Tao Qing looked at the section chief but couldn't understand what the blind men were talking about. The section chief immediately admonished them, saying, "That's ridiculous. If Baldy Li had been appointed bureau director, then what would our Bureau Director Tao do?"