by Yu Hua
Wandering Zhou shook the vials, letting the people crowded around hear the pills rattling inside. The Fierce Zhang Fei pills, he said, were made from a treasured formula of traditional Chinese medicine, originating in the imperial medical files of the Ming and Qing dynasties preserved in the Forbidden City's Palace Museum and created from a synthesis of the best concoctions used at the time. As for the imported Apollo ones, he said that they were the pride of foreigners, formulated on the basis of the American company Pfizer s Viagra but with additional genetic engineering and nanotechnology. Wandering Zhou was like a street vendor with his peddlers drum, waving the vials around and cordially telling everyone that their formal name was Virility Enhancing Pills but colloquially they were called Bigger, Thicker, Longer Lasting Pills. Wandering Zhou patted his chest and guaranteed that just two to three doses could make you a "real macho man."
By this point Song Gang had realized that Wandering Zhou was a charlatan. As their long-distance bus left Liu Town and set off toward Shanghai, Zhou pulled off Song Gangs face mask and threw it out the window into some tree branches. Wandering Zhou told Song Gang that now no one knew of his illness and therefore his lungs could be considered cured. Song Gang breathed the Shanghai air, then turned around and looked back at his face mask hanging from the branch. When the bus turned a corner, the mask disappeared from view.
It was a few days into their journey, though, that Song Gang really understood what kind of person Wandering Zhou was. After traveling down many dark alleys, they arrived at an underground warehouse full of counterfeit tobacco and liquor. In a dark corner of the warehouse, Wandering Zhou bought two boxes of virility-enhancing pills. Then he and Song Gang, carrying their boxes of Fierce Zhang Fei and Apollo pills, hopped aboard a train headed south and embarked on an excruciatingly long and unsuccessful year trying to sell them off.
The cheap "hard seat" rail compartment they rode in was full of itinerant workers heading south, speaking a wide variety of dialects. Some were going to Canton, and others planned to take the ferry to Hainan Island. All of them were young bachelors hoping to earn some money and then return home, get married, and have a child. Wandering Zhou sat among them, a smile plastered on his face, occasionally striking up a conversation with some of the laborers and periodically glancing up at the two boxes of virility-enhancing pills up in the luggage rack. Song Gang felt that Wandering Zhou looked quite comical, dressed so nicely and sitting among all of these itinerant laborers. Two laborers asked Wandering Zhou what he did for a living, and Zhou glanced at Song Gang and casually answered, "Health products." Zhou knew that these laborers didn't have any money to be swindled out of and therefore didn't even bother trying to make a sales pitch.
Song Gang realized that everything Wandering Zhou had said in Liu Town was a complete lie. He looked sadly out the window at the endless fields, feeling very agitated. What prospects did he have following this charlatan around? Song Gang didn't know. But when he remembered that Wandering Zhou had, in fact, earned a huge sum of money in Liu, Song Gang began to be feel more hopeful. He hoped that he could quickly earn a fortune and then return home. The sum he set his sights on was one hundred thousand yuan, because with that Lin Hong wouldn't have to worry about anything. For Lin Hong, Song Gang told himself, I'd be willing to do anything.
For several years, Song Gang had been breathing through a saliva-soaked face mask, so during the first few days without a mask he felt that the air had become unusually dry. While Song Gang was fairly quiet to begin with, after following Wandering Zhou on his swindles, he became even more silent. Often he would wake up in the middle of the night and recall his departure from Liu Town, imagining how Lin Hong must have ridden her bike home from the factory and found the house empty, and his eyes would tear up. Many mornings, when he would walk out of an unfamiliar hotel and into the streets of an unfamiliar part of the country, he would feel a strong urge to return to Liu Town, to Lin Hongs side. But the die was cast, and he told himself that he couldn't return empty-handed. Now he had to grin and bear it and follow Wandering Zhou on the road.
Song Gang would often take out that picture of himself and Lin Hong and examine it closely. Their lives had been so perfect, and that Eternity bicycle had been a symbol of their happiness. For the first few months, the photograph served as Song Gangs spiritual support, but after half a year he couldn't bring himself to even look at it. At the mere sight of Lin Hong's smiling face, he would begin to feel uneasy and be overcome by a wave of homesickness. Therefore, from that point on he left the photograph locked up in his luggage and struggled to forget it existed.
The two traveled to five cities over the course of the next two months. Zhou's method of hawking his virility-enhancing pills resembled that of a highway bandit: He would grab a passerby by the shoulder and begin speaking nonstop. He shouted himself hoarse but during those two months only managed to sell ten vials of medicine, five each of the Apollo and Fierce Zhang Fei brands. Song Gang also tried to sell the pills but proceeded much as he had when selling the little magnolia flowers in Liu Town—politely inquiring of middle-aged men as they walked by, "Do you need enhancing pills?"
"Enhancing what pills?"
Song Gang would smile, hand them the instructions to the Apollo and Fierce Zheng Fei pills, and patiently wait while they read them and decided whether they wanted to buy some or not. Some people read the instructions over and over again but in the end left empty-handed. Wandering Zhou felt that Song Gang missed out on a lot of good opportunities, but Song Gang disagreed. He felt that the efficacy of these pills was very dubious to begin with, and a hard sell would only make people more suspicious. He said that when selling something, one should use reverse psychology. After two months, Song Gang had sold twenty-three vials of virility-enhancing pills. His reverse-psychology business model turned out to be twice as effective as Wandering Zhou's highway-bandit approach.
Wandering Zhou began to look at Song Gang with newfound respect. He no longer regarded Song Gang as his assistant but, rather, as a partner, saying that they would divide their profits 80/20, with Wandering Zhou taking 80 percent and Song Gang 20 percent. Furthermore, from here on out he would make his financial operations completely transparent. That night they stayed in a small town in Fujian, in the basement of a small hotel. Wandering Zhou had a worried look and said that even though they had stayed in the cheapest hotels and eaten the cheapest food, they nevertheless had sold only thirty-three vials over the past two months, and consequently all of their revenue had been spent on room and board. Song Gang didn't respond for a long time, since his thoughts had once again wandered to Lin Hong all alone in Liu Town.
After he returned to the present, with some hesitation he told Wandering Zhou that when he was selling magnolia blossoms in Liu Town, he discovered that it was easier to sell them when standing in the door of a clothing store rather than in the street. Why was that? Because young women who are fond of beauty go to clothing stores, and after buying clothing they were likely to buy a string of magnolia blossoms.
"You have a point." Wandering Zhou nodded and asked Song Gang, "Where do men tend to congregate? Particularly those who aspire to become ‘real macho men'?"
"In bathhouses," Song Gang replied after considering for a moment. "Plus, there you can tell at a glance who is somewhat on the small side."
"You have a point." Wandering Zhou's eyes brightened. "That is called targeted marketing."
"But," Song Gang said hesitantly, "in order to get into the bathhouses, we would need to spend more money."
"We will spend what we need to spend," Wandering Zhou said firmly. "As they say, if you can't bear to sacrifice the child, you won't be able to lure the wolf into the trap."
The two of them decided to go with this plan, so they took ten vials each of the Apollo and Fierce Zhang Fei pills and went to a bathing center near the hotel. They left the pills in their locker, took off their clothes, and ventured inside. This bathhouse was not very fancy, but it was enough to aston
ish Song Gang. Inside there were three large pools: the middle one filled with water, a second filled with milk, and the third filled with roses. Wandering Zhou led the way to the milk pool, where he was joined by Song Gang. Zhou saw several men taking showers and whispered to Song Gang that, given that they had spent the money to get in, they might as well enjoy themselves. Song Gang nodded and submerged his body in the pool, then asked Wandering Zhou in a low voice, "Is this really milk?"
"It is made from powdered milk," Wandering Zhou responded knowingly. "Low-quality powdered milk."
The two sat soaking in the low-quality powdered-milk pool for half an hour. Then Wandering Zhou got up, walked past the clear-water bath, and, with a comfortable look on his face, submerged himself in the rose-petal pool. Song Gang remained in the milk bath but felt somewhat uneasy hanging out there alone, so he went and sat in the rose-petal bath. He grabbed a fistful of petals and, seeing the red water, remarked with surprise, "The color has seeped out."
"It is red dye," Wandering Zhou told Song Gang calmly. "They pour in a few bottles of dye and then toss in a few rose petals."
When Song Gang heard that it was red dye, he quickly stood up. Wandering Zhou pulled him back down and made him sit next to him, saying that even if it was merely red dye, it was still more expensive than plain water. Wandering Zhou smelled the steam rising from the rose petals and announced with satisfaction, "They also throw in several drops of perfume."
Both of them closed their eyes and lay soaking in the red-dye bath. At that point, a well-built man with an enormous member walked by, leading a German shepherd. Wandering Zhou glanced at the mans crotch and said quietly, "A real macho man." The man heard Wandering Zhou and, standing next to the clear-water bath, shouted, "What did you say?"
As the man shouted his dog also barked a couple of times. Song Gang began to tremble, and Wandering Zhou, a smile plastered on his face, lifted his hand from the rose water, pointed at the mans crotch, and repeated, "I said that you are a real macho man."
The man glanced down and chuckled with satisfaction, then he jumped into the clear-water pool like a cannonball, splattering clear water into the rose-petal bath and splashing water all over Wandering Zhou's and Song Gangs faces. Soaking in the pool as his dog lay next to him, the man rubbed his chest with his right hand and scratched the dogs back with his left. The dogs eyes looked like those of a professional assassin as he stared at Zhou and Song Gang, making their hearts pound in fear. Song Gang asked with a quavering voice, "How can dogs come in here?" The dog immediately started barking and snarling at him, terrifying Song Gang and Wandering Zhou so much that they didn't dare say anything else, instead simply lying there without moving.
At this point several naked men walked in carrying white towels. When they entered, they were talking and laughing, planning on soaking in the clear-water bath. When they saw the German shepherd lying beside it, however, they turned pale and beat a hasty retreat. Outside in the changing room they angrily asked the attendant what the hell a dog—and what's more, a fucking German shepherd—was doing in the bathing room. The dog, hearing the commotion outside, for a second stopped watching Wandering Zhou and Song Gang and instead turned around and barked a couple of times in the direction of the changing room, making the changing room become as still as death. Then an attendant carefully walked in and stood about five yards away from the dog and said quietly, "Excuse me, mister…"
This attendant had originally planned to convince the well-endowed man to take his dog outside, but when the dog lunged at him, he quickly retreated in terror back to the dressing room. Wandering Zhou took this opportunity to move to the side of the rose pool, but as soon as he stood up, the dog turned around and resumed snarling at him. Wandering Zhou couldn't decide whether to advance or retreat, so just stood there staring at the man with a broad smile on his face. The man petted his dog and told it to lie down. Zhou held his breath and, feigning calmness, climbed down the stairs. Then, seeing a door, he pushed it open and walked inside. Song Gang also began to move slowly toward the side of the pool. The dog stared at him the entire time, and he continued staring at the dog with a kind smile. As soon as he stood up at the side of the pool, the dog also stood up and barked. The man again patted the dog and made it lie down, whereupon Song Gang jumped down the stairs. He also saw the wooden door and rushed in.
One after the other, Wandering Zhou and Song Gang entered the sauna. When Song Gang entered, he saw that Zhou was sitting in the sweltering wooden room with a dazed look on his face. Song Gang asked him, "What is this place?"
Wandering Zhou immediately assumed a calm expression and replied, "A sauna."
Song Gang breathed heavily as he sat down next to Wandering Zhou. Zhou picked up a wooden spoon and splashed water onto the stove, generating a cloud of steam. Song Gang felt it was becoming hard to breathe and said, "It's too hot in here."
Wandering Zhou replied proudly, "That's what a sauna is."
At that point the wooden door opened and the brawny man entered. Wandering Zhou and Song Gang jumped in surprise, but when they saw that the German shepherd wasn't following him in, they breathed a sigh of relief. As the man prepared to lie down Wandering Zhou and Song Gang jumped up to give him room. He nodded with satisfaction and lay down on the very top step of the wooden steps while Wandering Zhou and Song Gang sat on the lower steps. After sitting in the steam for a while, Wandering Zhou felt that he couldn't endure it anymore and stood up and announced that he was leaving. When he opened the door, the dog lunged at him through the doorway. Zhou slammed the door shut in terror, turned around, and muttered to himself, "I might as well steam for a little while longer."
He sat down next to Song Gang, and the man lying above them gestured and said, "Add some more water."
"Okay," Wandering Zhou replied, then he poured more water onto the stove and white steam again billowed forth. Song Gang felt that he was about to pass out from the heat and said to Wandering Zhou, "I think I'm going to be sick."
"Then leave." Zhou pushed him toward the door.
Song Gang stood up. Knowing that the dog was lying in the doorway like a tiger eyeing its prey, he gathered his courage and pushed the door open. The dog stood up and started barking as if he were about to bite Song Gang in the crotch. Song Gang shut the door again and retreated, reflexively holding his crotch. He smiled helplessly as he sat back down next to Wandering Zhou. The two felt as though they were about to pass out, but they were more terrified by the dog in the doorway. Therefore, they had no alternative but to continue sitting there, enduring the heat of the steam and hoping that the man lying above them would soon get up and leave, taking his dog with him. But the man seemed to be getting increasingly comfortable and after a while even started whistling. Wandering Zhou felt that if he stayed a moment longer, he would almost certainly pass out and die. Therefore, he staggered over to the man, leaned over, and called out into his ear, "Excuse me, mister…"
The whistling man opened his eyes and looked at Wandering Zhou, who said feebly, "Your bodyguard …"
"What bodyguard?" The man didn't know what Wandering Zhou was talking about.
"Your canine bodyguard is guarding the door," Zhou said. "We can't get out."
The man laughed and said, "Add some more water."
Wandering Zhou wiped the sweat from his face, then headed over to the stove to add more water, producing another cloud of steam. Song Gang seemed about to topple over, and Wandering Zhou staggered forward and said to the man, "I added the water."
"Good," the man said. "You can leave."
"But," Wandering Zhou said, "your canine bodyguard …"
The man laughed as he got up and climbed down. He opened the door and pulled the dog to one side, allowing Wandering Zhou and Song Gang to exit safely, then lay back down in the sauna and left the dog standing guard by the door. Zhou and Song Gang returned to the dressing room, feeling that they had just had a close brush with death. Zhou immediately drank eight cups of distilled water, and So
ng Gang drank seven. The two sat in the changing room for more than ten minutes, their heads hanging down, before finally recovering. Then they put on their robes and, looking halfway human again, strutted into the rest hall with the virility-enhancing pills in the black bag.
There were about twenty customers lounging about. Some of them were getting pedicures, and others were getting foot massages. A soccer game was playing on the projection TV. Wandering Zhou signaled Song Gang with a look, and the two proceeded to opposite sides of the hall. Song Gang lay down next to a middle-aged man who was watching the soccer game, patiently waited until halftime, then took out the instruction booklet and handed it to the man, asking politely, "Sir, do you have a moment to look at this?"
The man stared in surprise, then took the booklet and began to read it intently. When he finished reading the booklet for the domestic Fierce Zhang Fei pills, Song Gang handed him the one for the imported Apollo pills. After the man finished reading both, he looked around at the other men resting in the hall and whispered, "How much for a bottle?"
Wandering Zhou, meanwhile, was much more direct with his sales pitch. With imported and domestic vials in either hand, he smiled and asked the man next to him, "Do you want to be a real macho man?"
"What do you mean by ‘real macho man'?"
Zhou then launched into a long, complicated explanation, until finally the young man took the two vials to have a look and even opened his robe to glance down at his member. Wandering Zhou took the opportunity to take a peek as well and told him, "You are already a macho man, but unfortunately you are not yet a top-quality real macho man."
