Burdened By Guilt

by Michiko Katsu

  “So,” Smythe started. He continued to scribble notes on his yellow tablet and did not look up. “I’ve got the ME’s report on the three bodies you’re currently investigating.”

  Mike did not respond.

  Smythe looked at him. When Mike gave him no indication he would respond Smythe stood. He capped his Mont Blanc and placed it in its velvet lined case, let it close with a loud fwap and paced behind his desk. “I also have a report from Lieutenant Daily. Do you know what’s in his report?”

  “No,” Mike responded.

  “Lieutenant,” Smythe motioned to Daily. “Why don’t you fill Detective Anderson in on your conversation with Doctor Kelly?”

  Daily turned in Mike’s direction but did not look at him. “She’s an intelligent and attractive woman Detective. I can see why you would be attracted to her.” He flipped through the pages of his own yellow notepad inside the black leather portfolio he balanced on his crossed legs.

  Mike looked at Smythe and then off in the distance. He leaned his head forward hiding the lower part of his face behind his still folded hands. His eyes clouded over as if the answers to everything were on the back of his lids.

  Daily continued. “What I can’t understand is why someone with your record and proven character would jeopardize his entire career for her.”

  Mike remained quiet.

  “She told him you two are having an affair,” Smythe said.

  Daily looked at Smythe then back at his notebook.

  “I doubt that,” Mike said.

  “Why do you doubt that?” Daily asked.

  “Because she would be lying.”

  “And I supposed she doesn’t lie?” Smythe asked. He continued to pace as he folded his arms across his chest.

  “Not in my experience with her.”

  “Your experience—,” Smythe started but Daily cut him off.

  “And how would you characterize your experience with her Detective?”

  Mike looked at Smythe and then at Daily who remained focused on his notes, at no time making eye contact with him. “She provided some insight into two of the homicides based on her knowledge of the literary references found on the bodies.”

  “And?”

  “And? There is no ‘and’. That’s how I would characterize our interaction.”

  “So you’re saying there’s nothing going on between you then?” Smythe asked.

  “I’m saying we aren’t having an affair.”

  Smythe stopped but did not uncross his arms. “But you admit to being in her house?”

  “Yes. She was attacked at her office and after I went down to the hospital to get her statement I took her home. I checked to make sure no one had broken into her house. After an interior and exterior perimeter search of the residence, I left.”

  “And that’s it?” Smythe resumed pacing.

  “Yes.”

  Mike wouldn’t swear to it but he thought he saw a visual exchange between Daily and Smythe. At if reading his thoughts, Daily took a deep breath exhaling through his open mouth. He wrote on one of the clean sheets of paper but did not say a word.

  “We know you’re sleeping with her Detective,” Smythe stood, his hands crushing the back on his chair. “Your girlfriend all but admitted it.”

  Mike focused on Smythe and for the first time since he sat, relaxed. Daily’s lack of acknowledgment when he walked into Smythe office indicated his lack of engagement; Smythe hijacking the questions was the second. Mike smiled behind his hands.

  “I doubt that,” Mike answered.

  “Why? Because you’re so in love that she wouldn’t rat you out?”

  “Rat me out?” Mike mocked.

  Smythe looked as if he would jump over his desk when Daily stood and asked Mike to wait outside.

  He stood outside Smythe’s office for less than thirty seconds when Daily opened the door and invited him back in.

  “Mike,” Daily started. “You and I have already discussed your circumstances and the consequences of your actions. Now that the ME’s reports are in it’s only getting worse. Unless you have something or someone else for us to focus on, your time is running out. This is your life we’re talking about Mike.“

  “What is it exactly that you think you have on me?” Mike asked.

  “Collusion to begin with,” Smythe spat out at him. Daily looked at him and then back at Mike.

  Mike looked at Daily. “What did the ME’s report tell you that makes you think things are getting worse for me?”

  “The ME’s report confirms that the weapons used to kill your three victims as well as the drugs in their systems could be directly tied to some of the missing items from the stolen evidence. The forensics team confirmed that based on the remaining details within the case files associated with the stolen evidence. Of course without the actual weapons it can’t be confirmed beyond a doubt but given the previous detailed information they would testify to it in court, if necessary. At least in terms of the exactness of the weapons and drugs used.”

  Daily continued. “Two out of the three victims are related and it’s my understanding the third was a personal acquaintance of the other two.” He took a deep breath. “Which brings me to Doctor Kelly. Somehow you’ve leveraged a woman for assistance in these cases who just happens to be related to two of your victims. All three victims are found with excerpts from classic works in literature and she just happens to be a Literature teacher.”

  Daily took two steps back from Mike and ran his hand over his ruddy face. He shook his head. “I have stolen evidence from your cases being used to kill men you are investigating and a suspect you’re using to help solve the cases. I’m no genius and I’m no dummy either but there are quite a few coincidences all of which are tied together by only one thing.”

  “Me,” Mike said.

  Daily nodded. “Look Mike. I gave you twenty four hours to come up with something, anything to get you out of this but I can’t hold off on this forever.”

  “I need more time.”

  “Ha,” Smythe scoffed.

  Daily held his hand up to Smythe. He regained his two steps and looked at Mike.

  Mike tilted his head. He swallowed hard expectation knotting his stomach. He could smell stale coffee and dried perspiration emanating from Daily. The bags under his tired, blood-shot eyes pulsed like hairless caterpillars burrowing under his skin. “What do you want from me?”

  Daily smiled tightly and without satisfaction. He stepped back again and put his hand on the back of his chair. “We want the woman,” he said. “There’s no benefit in hanging this around your neck and embarrassing the department. We can spin this so it looks as if she manipulated you into helping her. I saw the similarities between her and your deceased wife. She took advantage of that and manipulated you in to helping her.”

  Mike squinted. His hands balled into fists at the mention of Carolyn and he forced them open when his nails cut into his palms.

  “There will still be charges filed,” Daily said. “But we can limit that to the theft and keep you out of the murders. But right now we don’t have any proof against her. We need your help in proving she’s the killer. I need for you to arrest her, bring her in and we can take care of the rest.”

  Mike debated telling them about Molly. Given the direction of the conversation he thought she might be the one person who could exonerate them both. But how was he going to explain how he knew about her without breaking Suzanne’s trust or divulging the extent of their relationship? He needed time to think through how best to handle the situation and without either Smythe or Daily staring at him.

  “I’ll get back to you,” Mike said.

  “You’ll get back to us?” Smythe asked as he shook his head in disbelief. “This isn’t a job offer Detective. It’s either your ass or hers. Quite frankly I’d just as soon arrest you right now than give you what equates to a slap on the wrist.”

  Daily looked at Mike. “Alright. But your answer is going to be in the form of you arrest
ing her. You have until noon tomorrow to make your decision. Either we see you walk in here with her in handcuffs and we make this work to benefit the department as much as possible or we’ll arrest her and you’ll go down for as much as we can pin on you and embarrassing the department be damned. Are we completely clear on this?”

  Mike squared off to Daily. “Crystal.”

  Chapter 46

  Captain Madison’s gray, Ford F-350 Super Duty angled through two spots when Mike pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant fifteen minutes late. A mixture of reds, grays and blues lit up the setting sun as shadows shifted from the wind caressed trees. Passing cars honked their impatience when two teenagers jay-walked across the busy street drawing Mike’s eyes but not his thoughts. Focused on the second ultimatum he received in as many days he dreaded yet another confrontation he had no way of avoiding.

  At sixty-two, Madison had been captain for ten years. With a solid thirty five years under his belt, a wife with a successful insurance business, five grown children and twelve grand-children, retirement was just over the horizon. A full head of thick, gray hair and pinches at the corner of his ice blue eyes were the only indicators of his advanced years. A permanent tan over tight leather skin made his teeth appear neon white whenever he smiled which was often and genuine.

  His usual demeanor was steady, relaxed and affable but tonight Mike wondered if that would be his tone when he walked in. A mentor and father figure to him, Mike worried about the reception less than the judgment of a man he held in such high esteem.

  He wiped away small beads of perspiration from his forehead and upper lip. Neither Smythe nor Daily had the authority to move forward with their plan without Madison’s knowledge, at minimum, and the idea of him condoning such duplicity made him nervous. It was diametrically opposed to the character of the straight-as-an-arrow Captain causing Mike to question the one person he believed to be his key ally.

  Breathing in deeply Mike walked through the heavy wooden door and waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark interior. He scanned the half empty restaurant until he saw Madison waiting for him at a four top table in the center of the room. Indicating to the hostess that his party was already seated Mike made his way through the room deciding which path to take, defense or offense, based solely on Madison’s initial reaction.

  "Hey Cap," Mike said holding his breath. "How ya' doin?"

  "Mike," Captain Madison responded congenially, stood and held out his hand. "I'm glad you made it."

  “Yeah, sorry I’m late.” Mike exhaled and sat in the wooden captain's chair across from Madison relieved at his comforting demeanor. He ordered a drink from the waitress and the two men shared innocuous conversation until she returned.

  "Things aren't looking that good for you right now Mike," Madison sipped from his highball, the ice clanking against their glass enclosure.

  "No. Not really.” Mike also drank.

  "I thought it was probably long overdue for us to sit down and talk about what’s going on. Unfortunately I've only heard Ed and Adam's version. Now I want to hear yours."

  "Cap, listen—,”

  Roy interrupted him with a raised hand. "Let me be clear on a couple of points before you say anything. First and most importantly I'm here because I want to know what's going on. Directly from you. I want to know because I care about you Mike. I know you've been through a lot and I've been right there with you as much as I possibly can. I trust your judgment as a cop and as a person but I have to admit that everything I've been hearing doesn't align with making good personal or professional decisions. Which brings me to my second point.”

  He took another sip of his whiskey. “I know Ed and Adam talked to you and I wanted to tell you up-front that they have my approval to suspend you if you don't arrest that woman.”

  Mike shifted in his seat. He expected Madison to confirm his sanction on Daily’s plan but hearing him say it with such conviction deflated him.

  “As of this moment I can only base my decision on what I know Mike. Unless you tell me something I don't know,” he paused, “I don’t have much of a choice. I have to think of the department not just one person in it.”

  As much as he felt betrayed by Madison, Mike knew he was right. Madison didn’t have the luxury of giving him the benefit of the doubt when the entire department was at stake. The aftershock of his arrest for a triple homicide and the out-of-context, exaggerated details would not only undermine the inner workings of the department but would also erode public support of the entire force Valley-wide. It was a concession Madison could not make.

  Mike leaned forward placing his elbows on the bare tabletop. "Where do you want me to start?"

  "Why don't you start with the woman and we can go from there," Madison responded.

  Mike spent the next hour telling a focused and at times irritated Captain Madison the details about Suzanne from when and how they met, up until her revelation about her true identity and their collective assumptions about Molly. Unwilling to test Madison’s restraint however, Mike omitted any references to Suzanne’s similarities to Carolyn or their night together. As patient and understanding as Madison was, sex with a suspect would have undermined any credibility Mike had ending their conversation then and there.

  "Do you really believe it’s a coincidence that Kevin found her on the Internet and she just happens to be tied to two of your murder victims?" Madison asked.

  Mike shook his head. "No. I'm just not convinced he was a willing conspirator. Cap if you met this kid you'd understand my apprehension with tagging him like that. This kind of stuff takes planning, fortitude and, to be quite frank, balls. He might be able to plan something like this but he doesn’t have the balls to execute." He finished his drink and signaled the waitress for another before he continued. "I think he was manipulated by someone else. Someone who doesn't want to get his hands dirty."

  Madison squinted. He tilted his head back and looked at Mike over the bridge of his nose. "Do you have any proof?" He put his hand on the waitress’s arm when she set down Mike’s drink nodding his request for another.

  "No. If I did we'd be having a much different conversation right now."

  “Then it would probably be in your best interest to focus on what you can prove versus what you can’t. Do you understand how deep in shit you are right now?”

  “Yes.”

  “Really? Do you understand that if I was anyone else you would be behind bars right now? That you should be behind bars right now. Letting you walk out of the station is a violation of everything I believe in and swore an oath to protect Detective. Do you understand the implications of that?” His voice was low but emphatic.

  “Of course I understand. I know you’re sticking your neck out for me…again. But this time, this time I don’t know if it’s going to be worth it.” He sat back unwilling to look Madison in the eyes.

  Madison leaned forward filling the gap left by Mike’s resignation. “What is it about this woman that is making you willing to risk your career for her? Not to mention your freedom. I’ve never seen you like this before except…,” he stopped.

  Mike looked at him then quickly looked away. Madison leaned back, his fingers intertwined as he placed his elbows on the armrest. “I see.”

  He took a drink and looked a Mike. “Always out for the underdog aren’t you,” he said. “Are you trying to save her Mike? Are you trying to make up for one mistake by making another?”

  Mike held his glass and stared at the beads of condensation dripping from the sides onto his lap leaving small, black dots on his jeans. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” he admitted both to Captain Madison and to himself.

  “You have until noon tomorrow,” Madison said. His words sounded like they were coming from the distance in a heavy fog. They were mottled with emotions, alcohol and a weight that was so heavy his jaw moved slowly when he spoke as if he’d been chewing gum for ten straight days. “I want to hear that she’s been arrested, by you, and brought into the
station by noon. If she isn’t in custody by then – ”

  “So you’re saying I shouldn’t say anything about the Molly connection?” Mike asked.

  Captain Madison tilted his head to one side and looked at him. “What would you say Mike? Seriously? You have a convenient and uncorroborated story whose only benefit is to displace guilt. If you go back to Ed or Adam with that it will only make you look more guilty.”

  Madison took a deep breath, put money on the table and stood. “Arrest her Mike. Do yourself a favor and take the deal. Right now it’s your only option. You should ask yourself if you would be acting any differently if you weren’t trying to save her. If your answer is yes than you have your answer.”

  He turned to leave but stopped. With his back to Mike he said, “I never thought I’d see the day when you would put your career, hell, your life, on the line for some woman you barely know.”

  Mike took the verbal chastisement knowing it was deserved. There was nothing Captain Madison could say to him that he hadn’t said to himself, however, hearing it from someone he held in such high regard cut him to the bone. He felt weak and incompetent.

  “Take a cab home Mike,” he said. “I hope by tomorrow the only connection between you and this woman is made out of carbon steel.”

  Chapter 47

  The cool air washed over Mike as he walked out of the restaurant into the partially lit concrete walkway in front of the restaurant. Twenty years had passed since he was a smoker and as he scratched his thickening beard he craved the dizzying numbness the first drag after a long hiatus brings. Exhaustion overwhelmed him.

  His head spun but he didn’t know if it was the conversation, the booze or a combination of both. The onset of what would turn out to be the mother of all headaches crept up the back of his neck pulsating with the rapid beating of his heart. Tight witches fingers contracted and relaxed as they intertwined their sinewy hooks into his spine. The only solution equated to a simple decision. A simple yes or no and he could breathe again. But simple did not mean easy.