Paying the Ferryman

by Jane A. Adams

  ‘What’s his position in the prison community?’ Naomi asked.

  ‘Not as influential as he’d like to think. His brother gains him certain kudos but I suspect most of his cohabitants think he’s a bit of an idiot. On the up side, he rarely gives us any bother. He’s noisy, but … empty vessels, as they say.’

  Naomi nodded and they took their leave shortly after.

  Naomi closed her eyes, remembering.

  She had forgotten how much she had loved to run. Not in the gym, treadmill kind of way she did now, purely as an exercise in building stamina. No, this was the sheer joy she felt in knowing that she was fast and sure footed and fit. The feel of the ground, hard beneath her feet, or springy as she left the track and moved on to the short grass. The wind against her skin. The sense of her body moving as a coordinated whole.

  Run, you bastard, she thought. You sure as hell aren’t going to outrun me.

  She could see him up ahead; he’d left the park and was now cutting across between buildings. Her hearing and peripheral vision told her that a patrol car was screaming around the corner, blues and twos in full glare and cry.

  Sod you, Naomi thought. He’s mine, you wait your turn.

  She knew, even as she remembered it, that it was a ridiculous thought, but at the time she had fully meant it. The bastard had run away from her. From her. She was going to be the one to take him down.

  Where did that woman go to? the present Naomi found herself thinking. She was still driven, still unable to settle for anything less than whatever it was she thought she ought to be capable of, but that Naomi, her past self – she had verged on the obsessive.

  No, she corrected herself. Not even verged. She’d tipped joyfully right over the edge and then kept on falling. Falling, and celebrating the fall.

  She was aware that Steel was waiting for her to continue, wondering what was going on in her head. She smiled.

  ‘I saw him run across the road and into a side street. By the time I’d reached the corner he’d disappeared but I knew he couldn’t have gone far. I’d got a clear view of the whole road, down to the junction. I could hear the patrol car and I knew backup was on its way and everything that was logical said I should wait. You know when you’ve run so hard that when you stop your whole body is shaking with that mix of adrenalin and exhaustion?’

  Steel laughed. ‘I used to play rugby,’ he said. ‘I can probably empathize.’

  ‘But I knew that if I stopped, it’d be a full stop. I wanted to finish it, you know? I wanted to be the first one there. I’m not saying that was right, I’m just telling you how it was.

  ‘I started to jog down the road. I thought I’d spotted him cutting between two buildings and I was right. But he’d miscalculated. There was a high wall behind the shops and by the time I ran down into the alleyway he was looking for something to climb on to to get over the wall.’

  ‘So, what did you do?’

  ‘I shouted. I called his name. He turned and he laughed.’

  A fucking woman, Terry Baldwin had said. A fucking woman.

  ‘Laughed?’

  ‘You saw him today. Cocky as hell. He doesn’t care. I mean he really doesn’t care. It’s not something he even thinks about – prison, punishment, restitution. He laughed because it didn’t matter; the only thing that bothered him was that I was the first on scene.’

  And then he’d started to move towards her and Naomi had realized that he had a knife and she had no illusion at all that his threat to use it was an idle one. Terry Baldwin didn’t do idle threats.

  ‘He was holding a knife,’ she said. ‘A craft knife. You know, the sort with the snap-off blades.’ Nothing big and brash, just sharp as hell.

  ‘Most people slash with a knife rather than stab,’ Steel observed. ‘To stab someone you have to come in close; to slash you can keep at arm’s length.’

  ‘True. You know, I think the fact that it was such an everyday, ordinary kind of weapon made it more frightening in a way. We’ve all cut ourselves one time or another so we’ve all got an idea of how much it hurts. I read some research somewhere that said people are more likely to tackle a gunman than someone wielding a knife. They reckoned it was because of that. Because most of us don’t know what it’s like to be shot, but we all know what it’s like to be cut.’

  Steel laughed and switched on the indicator. ‘We’re off the motorway in a few minutes,’ he said. ‘I know a place we can stop for something to eat. That all right with you?’

  ‘Absolutely. I’m starving.’

  ‘I’m not so sure I’ve got a preference,’ Steel said, referring back to her confrontation with Terry Baldwin. ‘I’ve faced a few incidents, thankfully not alone. Only one of those involved a gun. So what happened then?’

  ‘I told you we were in an alleyway at the back of some shops? Well, to cut a long story short, I floored him with an industrial sized wheelie bin.’

  ‘Seriously?’ Steel guffawed and Naomi felt the car shake. The man had a big laugh, she thought.

  ‘Seriously. Believe me, I might have been keen, but I wasn’t going anywhere near him. I knew backup was coming, so I grabbed the bin and swung it towards him. There was, like, this slight camber in the alleyway and the whole thing just kept travelling and … bang. Terry Baldwin on the floor, reinforcements arrive. Problem solved.’

  ‘No wonder he hates the sight of you,’ Steel said bluntly. ‘Can’t have done his reputation much good. Arrested by a woman and floored by a bin.’

  ‘I was improvising,’ Naomi said. ‘Actually, my boss wasn’t impressed. Said I should have held back and not gone in alone.’

  ‘And he was right,’ Steel told her.

  ‘And he was right,’ Naomi conceded. ‘But what is correct and what is expedient don’t always tally, do they?’

  ‘No,’ he said. ‘Sometimes they don’t.’

  EIGHTEEN

  Steel waited outside the school for Joey and Tel to appear and then got out of his car and called to them.

  Joey turned guiltily; Tel just looked surprised. He saw Joey’s expression turn from one of guilt to sudden anxiety as both boys hurried over.

  ‘Sarah?’ Joey asked.

  ‘Is all right. Look, I’ve called Tel’s mum to warn her you’ll be a bit late back. I thought you might like to come with me to the hospital. I want to talk to Sarah again and I think she might be more willing to chat to me if she’s got friends there.’

  Joey was already opening the car door.

  ‘Evie’s mum has taken her away,’ Tel said.

  ‘So I heard. We’ll be sure to tell Sarah why Evie couldn’t be there.’

  Steel had already spoken with Mrs Preston about collecting the boys but he was very conscious of the curious looks he was getting from members of staff and from the kids getting on to the school buses. He was not exactly inconspicuous. As Naomi had told him that morning, he did tend to block out the light.

  ‘How was school?’ he asked.

  Tel laughed. ‘It was school,’ he said.

  ‘Are you in your GCSE year?’

  ‘Exams next year. Then I’m doing AS, or whatever it is by then.’

  ‘University?’

  ‘Mum wants me to. I think she fancies me being a lawyer or something.’

  ‘And you? What would you want to be?’

  ‘Well, I’ve kind of grown out of wanting to be a fireman and an astronaut. I wanted to be Indiana Jones for a bit but now I really don’t know. I like sciences, but I’m not sure I’m good enough to do them at A level.’

  ‘You get good grades,’ Joey objected.

  ‘Yeah, but not good enough. Not really. Yours are better.’

  That was interesting, Steel thought. He didn’t press the point. ‘So if not sciences?’

  Tel shrugged. ‘I’m trying not to think that far,’ he admitted. ‘It’s like we’ve got to decide on the rest of our lives, like in the next year. I mean—’

  ‘Seems a tall order,’ Steel agreed. Should he ask Joe
y what he wanted to do? He wasn’t sure. ‘And Sarah, what does she want to do?’

  ‘Art and languages,’ Joey replied without hesitation. ‘She’s brilliant at art.’

  ‘And languages,’ Tel added. ‘In the top stream for French and German and they’ve let her add Spanish this year. She’s doing Japanese at Summer School.’

  ‘Talented, then,’ Steel said. ‘Me, I failed French. I went to night school to learn Spanish for a holiday I never actually went on.’

  Tel laughed. ‘Why not?’

  ‘Well, I had this girlfriend. She wanted to go to Spain, wanted to get off the beaten track, so she said, so she reckoned we should take a language class.’

  ‘And what happened?’

  ‘She met someone else,’ Joey guessed.

  ‘Unfortunately, yes. She met him at the language class. They went off to Spain and I decided languages were definitely not my forte.’

  The two boys laughed and then fell silent for a bit and then Joey asked, ‘Did you always want to be a policeman?’

  ‘Always, as in when I was a kid? No. Not even later. I went to university, did Politics, Economics and Modern British History, then had to think what to do with that. The local force were advertising a graduate recruitment programme and so I thought I’d give it a go until I found something better.’

  ‘But you liked it,’ Joey said.

  ‘Not at first. I hated the routine and the shifts and having to get up early and all the stuff most people hate when they leave uni for the real world. But I found I was good at it. I liked seeing the connections, I liked the people. I liked the idea of maybe making a difference. I mean to real people. So I stayed and worked my way up and here I am.’

  ‘You don’t though, do you?’ Joey said, and Steel heard the sudden bitterness in his voice. ‘Make a difference?’

  ‘Why do you say that, Joey?’

  No response. Steel glanced into his rear-view and looked at both boys. Joey, sullen and angry now, staring out of the side window and Tel, concerned and a little embarrassed, not too sure what to say.

  ‘The police round where you live have let you down?’ Steel asked.

  ‘Of course they fucking have.’

  Steel’s eyebrow raised at the sudden expletive, but more at the burst of rage. ‘They come out and they talk to my mum and dad and my dad sweet talks them and me mam, she just nods and tells them what they want to hear. What he wants to tell them, and then they go away again and nothing changes. You fucking tell me how that makes a difference?’

  ‘Joey, it’s not his fault,’ Tel said, gesturing towards Steel.

  Steel said nothing. Joey needed this explosion, he thought. Joey badly needed help too.

  ‘But nothing gets done,’ Joey went on. ‘I saw on the news that the police can prosecute now, even if the woman doesn’t want to. You could take him away. Lock him up, even if she didn’t want it. You could change it. But no one ever does.’

  They had reached the hospital car park and Steel pulled into a space. He cut the engine and turned in his seat to face the furious boy. Joey was trying very hard not to cry. His face was set and hard and Steel suddenly glimpsed the man Joey would become if nothing was done for him.

  ‘So, tell me,’ he said. ‘Let me try. Let me make it change.’

  Joey slumped back and rubbed his eyes fiercely. ‘I want her to leave him,’ he said, ‘but she doesn’t know how. All she knows is him or some other bastard beating up on her, and you know what? You know what really scares me? Sometimes I feel so mad with her that I want to hit her too. I just get—’

  Tel was staring at his friend as though suddenly seeing him in a new light.

  ‘You don’t mean that,’ he said. ‘You’d never hurt anyone. Except maybe your dad.’

  Joey shrugged.

  ‘What you’re describing is very common, Joey. Both your mum’s reaction and what you feel. Sometimes people get so worn down they can’t see any other kind of life. But that can change too, with the right care and the right opportunities.’

  ‘And who’s going to give her those? She won’t talk to you.’

  ‘Probably not. But you just have, and that’s a beginning. Your mother isn’t the only victim here, Joey, and I don’t just mean because your father hits you too. You’re a victim of your mum’s inability to act too. All the pain and the frustration that brings. It isn’t fair, Joey, and it shouldn’t be your responsibility either.’

  Joey wiped his eyes again. ‘I want to see Sarah,’ he said. ‘Now.’

  Steel nodded and they all got out of the car. He could see that already Joey was regretting his outburst and he knew he couldn’t just let this opportunity slip by.

  ‘Sarah’s mother lived with a violent man,’ he said. ‘I met him today.’

  He had their attention now, Steel realized.

  ‘What did he say?’ Tel asked. ‘Is he sorry? Did he do it?’

  ‘No, he’s locked up in prison. Sarah’s mother managed to escape, with help. She made a fresh start here. Many people do.’

  ‘Until someone killed her,’ Tel said.

  ‘Which is not the usual outcome when a woman, or a man for that matter, manages to get away. The odds that they’ll be able to rebuild their lives improve with every day. The odds that their partner will kill them also increase with every day they have to remain.’

  ‘You said men too?’ Tel was a little shocked.

  ‘Anyone can find themselves undermined and hurt,’ Steel said. ‘It can start with something very small. Little actions that bully and diminish. Someone constantly telling you that you are stupid or unworthy – that can be the start of things. Sometimes that’s all it is – if you can call it all – but when that erosion of self belief happens over a long period of time it can destroy someone just as surely as the beatings can. And it doesn’t make any difference if it’s a woman or a man or a child. It can happen to anyone and when it does, it’s always wrong. Something should always be done.’

  They had entered the hospital by the back door into the basement. ‘There’s a lot of media interest,’ Steel said. ‘I didn’t want you to have to face that out front.’

  He took them up the back stairs and down a long corridor. Despite what Naomi had suggested, Steel had been doing a lot of sneaking about this last day or so. He guided the boys through two doors locked by key codes and two security checks, then on to the ward that Sarah was on. Two uniformed officers stood chatting at the nurses’ station and Steel paused for a word with them before leading Tel and Joey into a side room. A woman sat beside the bed and she rose with a smile as Steel entered, then looked curiously at the boys. Sarah lay in the bed with her eyes closed. Joey was awed. She looked so small and so fragile. So un-Sarah. The woman stood and Joey took her seat, Tel moving round to the other side of the bed. Joey could hear her talking quietly to Inspector Steel.

  He took Sarah’s hand. ‘Sarah?’

  She turned her head and opened her eyes. ‘Joey? How did you get in here?’

  For the first time in two days, Sarah smiled. Joey leaned forward and laid his head on the pillow close to hers. ‘I thought you were dead too,’ he said, and he began to cry.

  Later, when the first flood of emotion had passed, Steel sat beside the bed with Tel and Joey and DC Stacy Woods, and he told Sarah about his trip to visit her father.

  ‘Do you remember being Sarah Baldwin?’ he asked.

  ‘Sure. I was seven, nearly eight, the last time I saw him. I wasn’t a baby.’

  ‘And your mother told you that you were going to leave, change your names, live a new life?’

  Sarah nodded, her eyes filling with tears again. Her mother was gone – the pain of that would be terribly raw for a long time, Steel thought. He hated having to scrape an already open wound, but he had no real choice.

  ‘One day, it was a Monday, my dad left in the morning. He and Mum had had a terrible row the night before and he’d hit her so hard she’d fallen down and not been able to get up again. I was so sc
ared. He just stood there, leaning over her, breathing really hard like he’d been running for miles. It was horrible.’

  Joey gripped her hand even harder, his thumb stroking gently across her fingers. He looked very pale, Steel noted, and his eyes were very red.

  ‘The next morning he left early and Mum said we had to go. Right then. She made a phone call and told me to grab a few things. Just a small bag, she said. Like my school rucksack and maybe a carrier bag with toys. I asked her what was going on and she said we were walking away and that we’d never be able to come back.’

  ‘That must have frightened you a great deal.’

  She shook her head. ‘Not right then. I didn’t realize what she meant by “never”. I didn’t really think about leaving our friends behind and never being able to talk to them again. Like my auntie down the road.’

  ‘You sent a card to her,’ Steel remembered.

  She nodded. ‘Mum said it would be all right so long as we didn’t leave a return address and she got someone to post it from miles away when they went on a business trip.’ Sarah turned to Tel. ‘Your mum was going down to London with her boss. Maggie took the letter with her and posted it from there.’

  ‘So Maggie knew a lot about your mum?’

  ‘No. She knew a bit, guessed a lot more. Maggie doesn’t need to know everything. She’s nice. She just helps people because it’s the right thing to do, you know?’

  Steel nodded. Tel looked pleased, he noticed.

  ‘And you went where?’

  ‘I don’t know. We went to this café I’d never been to before and then a woman came and picked us up in a car. There was another woman there, a policewoman. She’d been to see Mum before. Mum had been really mad with her then but she wasn’t after, not in the café. She was just … just kind of determined, you know?’

  ‘Do you remember the names of the policewoman and this other woman that picked you both up?’

  ‘Naomi. The policewoman was called Naomi. I don’t think I knew the other one. She wasn’t with us for very long.’

  ‘And what happened then?’

  ‘We were driving for a long time, then the woman stopped on a road in the country and got into another car. Naomi didn’t come with us after that. She said goodbye and told my mum she was doing the right thing and that it would all be OK and then we got in this other car with another woman and we drove off again. We stayed the night at this big house. It was on a farm, I think, because we could hear cows, but it was dark when we got there and not light when we left, and then the next day we ended up at this seaside place and we stayed there for a few days.’