Chapter 2
Seth
Can she move that damn arm, please?
I try to focus on the instructor as my body starts to rage with lust for the only girl I’ve ever actually felt something for. Fuck! How am I supposed to concentrate on anything when her perfect, soft skin is touching mine? She keeps glancing at me, and I can’t tell if she’s doing it out of annoyance of being close to me or if she’s thinking the same thing.
It’s too soon, Seth, I chastise myself.
Fuck my internal morals. Fuck standards. I want to grab her and devour her whole. I want to make sure she never forgets just how good I can make her feel. I want to mark her whole body with mine, so every other guy she wants to fuck with knows that she’s my girl, and make it impossible for her to think of anyone but me when she is with them. I can’t do that yet, though. She just lost her dad, and there’s no way I’ll play with her emotions when she’s so fragile. She deserves to be in a good place whenever I leap into that with her.
Anyway, I still don’t know what happened between her and Blake. She hasn’t brought it up since I came back. It’s been a year since they broke up, but that doesn’t mean she’s over him. He’s the one who fucked up everything she and I had together, but she loved him for some fucking reason. We haven’t had enough time to catch up, but since school let out for the summer and she finished her degree, we now have the time to talk about things. I need to know she’s over him. I need her to have a clear head, not one that’s being corrupted and consumed by some asshole.
Finally, the instructor finishes his repetitive speech, and we’re dismissed. There’s a warring sense of relief and longing that consumes me when Josie moves to go to the locker room. I let out a breath that I’ve been holding since her skin first skimmed mine.
Sometimes it’s so hard to be around her knowing that my feelings never changed. I tried so fucking hard to get her out of my head in the last two years. I fucked tons of girls, hell more than one on many occasions, but she was still there. When I’d make the girls leave, Josie’s face always crept into my mind. I would go outside and stare at the stars, wondering if she was looking at them, too. Wondering if she was thinking about me.
I tried to talk to her through e-mail, but those e-mails were nothing compared to the real thing. Those e-mails were a way for each of us to hide from our embarrassment and anger. I knew she would be mad that I left without telling her. I wanted to hurt her, though. I was just so fucking angry. I was angry at myself for falling for her and angry at her for not fighting for “us.” Mostly, I was hurt, though. Hurt that she thought what we did together was “sick.” She just never understood what each and every time with her meant to me.
I pick up my backpack, and wait for Josie to come back out of the locker room. She walks out with her black gym bag that she always carries to the classes. I never understood why. She never changes after class, but I swear she brings it every time, thinking she’s going to.
“Didn’t change today, Jos?” I ask, smirking at her. She walks toward me and rolls her eyes. God, she’s so sexy. She’s wearing skin tight yoga pants that make me want to bury my head between her thighs and tight sexy ass, and a blue tank top revealing her toned slender arms. Blue is definitely her color. She’s always looked good in it, even in that stupid old Ravenclaw t-shirt she’s been wearing since middle school. She slings the bag onto her back and shakes her head.
“Not today… next time, though,” she says, walking to the door to leave. I watch as she does her routine of checking both directions before she exits the door. It makes me sad to see her do it, but I don’t think she even knows she’s doing it. She always checks and double checks her surroundings so she won’t ever be caught off guard again. She acts so strong, and she is, but when I watch her eyes continually searching for any signs of danger I can tell she’s still affected by what happened six years ago. I’d give anything to take that away, to take away the hurt that bastard caused her. To take away the memories.
“I was hoping we could go to Will’s grave today,” I say, walking next to Josie as we head toward my truck. She’s been so busy that we haven’t been able to go, but I also think she’s been avoiding it. She sighs, but I know she won’t be able to come up with an excuse this time. She already told me she was free all day.
“Okay,” she says quietly and opens the door to get into the truck.
“Good, I’ll be back in one sec… lock the door,” I tell her, throwing her my keys and jogging down the sidewalk quickly.
I go to the flower stand and pick up some white daisies. Will had always loved them, and always had a vase full of them in the house or had them planted in his garden. I walk back to the truck and wait for Josie to unlock the doors. She’s got the cutest grin on her face, making me a little uncomfortable in my shorts. I can hear her laughing through the locked door. She thinks she’s so funny. I tap on the window and point to the lock. “Open it up, Jos,” I say loudly, trying to hold back a grin.
“No way! How do I know you’re not some guy dressed up as my best friend, sent to take me away forever?!” I hear her reply loudly. I let out a chuckle, wishing that were the case. If I could whisk her away for the rest of my life, I’d be the happiest fucking person on the planet.
“Guess you’ll just have to trust me,” I say in return. “Of course, I could show you a couple body parts that you might be able to recognize.” I start laughing when I see her shocked expression. Her mouth hangs open, but a smile is tugging at her perfect pink lips. Finally, she leans over the seat, and unlocks the door so I can get in. I lay the flowers in between us, and grab the keys from her lap.
“You wouldn’t have exposed yourself in the middle of the street,” she says with a huff and leans back in her seat. I look over at her quickly and smile.
“Don’t underestimate me, Pussy Cat. You don’t think I have an exhibitionist side? Have you seen my pictures?” I ask, teasing her. I see her turn her head and look out of the window in my peripheral vision. When I glance over, I see some red color flushing against her flawless light brown skin. I can’t tell if it’s out of embarrassment or anger at me for bringing up my pictures. Of course she knows. She took some with me, and she thought it was revolting. Anger starts to clog my throat and I clench my jaw, staring at the road.
I thought I was over it. I thought I could forget, but her words will never leave my head. It makes it hard to even think about trying to get her back, when all I can think about is how she said she didn’t love me.
“Oh I’ve seen them alright,” she answers quietly, still facing away from me. I grip the steering wheel harder, not sure where she’s going to go with this. “They were gorgeous, Seth.” She doesn’t need to explain what she’s talking about. We both know. “I never got to tell you that, but they were amazing. Beautiful. They captured…,” she trails off, unsure of herself.
I want her to continue. Fuck, do I want her to finish that sentence, but I shouldn’t ask her to finish that damn sentence. It’s selfish to want to hear what she thought those pictures captured. They are gorgeous; she looked so fucking beautiful in those pictures. I had to leave them behind so I wouldn’t be tempted to jerk off to them every time I saw them. Now they’ve been tempting me for the last two weeks since I’ve been home, making me insane almost every night.
“…everything,” she whispers, finishing her sentence. I close my eyes briefly. I want more from her; I want her to explain more. But that one word is enough to cause the emotions that I’ve been burying for two years, to resurface. We’re pulling up to the cemetery, and I’m fucking speechless.
“I know they did,” I say finally, grabbing her hand after I park the car.
It’s not even close to what I want to say. I want to tell her what I really think of those pictures. It’s still too soon. She needs time to heal. I rub my thumb across her soft hands. I don’t know why she lets me hold her hand. My hands are calloused and rough from working on the farm my whole life, and hers have always bee
n dainty and soft in comparison. But she lets me, and I savor every fucking stroke I make against her skin. We both take a deep breath, before moving toward the door to get out of the car.
I reach over and grab the flowers, and walk to Josie. She’s staring across the cemetery, a look of sadness on her face. Ugh, it drives me insane to see her sad. I want to take away all of that hurt. She’s so tough and tries to hide that she’s hurting, but I know her too well. She looks over at me and smiles before taking off in the direction of her father’s grave.
We walk in a peaceful silence, respecting the other people who are mourning their losses as well. When we reach the tombstone a weight starts to form in my chest. Will was like another dad to me. He was always there for Josie and me, taking us everywhere we wanted to go and being there for us when we needed him.
His tombstone reads: Will Sommers, beloved husband and daddy. “There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be- John Lennon”
Josie must have picked out the quote. She knew Will would have thought it was fate for him to leave that night and crash. How do you not love a girl like that? Someone who is so thoughtful and careful with the people she loves. She probably hated that quote when she decided to put it on there, but she knew her dad well enough to know he would love it. I look over at her, and see a single tear fall down her cheek. If there wasn’t enough pressure in my chest before, there is now.
I turn away so I don’t succumb to the urge to pick her up and kiss away all of her pain. I groan quietly at my thoughts, and kneel down in front of his grave. Grass is starting to grow over the mound of dirt that covers someone who was really special to anyone who knew him. I run my hand over the dry soil, burdened with guilt. I haven’t been around for two years, and I feel guilty for not coming back home sooner.
“I’ll keep my promise,” I whisper softly, low enough that Josie doesn’t hear me. I stay there for another minute, before getting back up and stepping back. Josie seems to be in a trance, not quite sure what to do. I walk up next to her and graze my shoulder against hers. She jerks slightly and looks at me. I lost her there for a minute, but she’s back.
“Can I have a minute?” she asks softly, pulling her lip into her mouth. Yeah, I need a minute, too.
“Sure, I’ll go wait in the truck.” I wrap my arm around her, bring her to me, and kiss her forehead, needing her to know I’m here for her. I walk back slowly, checking behind me multiple times to make sure she’s okay. I sit in my seat and let out a long sigh. I bang my head back against the headrest, unsure of what I’m doing.
I want Josie.
Fuck!
Chapter 3
Josie
“I just want you to know that I did it, Daddy,” I tell… well, the grave, I guess. I know he’s not really here, but this seems like the place to come to talk someone who has died.
“I told Blake about the baby and the abortion. But more than that, I forgave him.” This is hard for me to get out. I’m pretty sure Daddy still liked Blake even after everything that happened, but his goal was for me to be happy and guilt free. He’d be sad about how things turned out, but I think he’d be proud of me.
“He walked away… At first I was sad, thinking I was wrong, but now I’m not. I’m okay… I just wanted you to thank you. You said the truth could solve the underlying problems, and I think you’re right. I told him the truth, and he couldn’t handle it. There’s no doubt in my mind that him walking away solved our issues. Showed me who he really is.” I pause, and reflect on what I just admitted. It’s true. It made me see our relationship in a whole new light, and forced me to move on. I’m glad I told Blake. “I love you, Daddy, and I miss you something fierce. Dad does too.” I start choking up from the grief swirling inside. I place a kiss on my hand and place it on his tombstone, letting it linger there for a moment before getting back up and going to Seth’s truck.
Seth. What the hell am I thinking? Telling him what I think of the pictures we took together- I’m just looking for trouble, looking for another heartbreak.
I get back in the truck, and we drive in a comfortable silence. I’m still a little solemn because this is the first time I have gone to my dad’s grave since the funeral, and I think Seth is respecting my need for a little quiet. He taps his fingers against the steering wheel to the beat of the music on the radio. I love his hands.
Ugh, shut up! I scream to myself and imagine me in cartoon form, clobbering myself in the head with a hammer. Seth starts singing the Imagine Dragons song that’s playing, and I close my eyes to enjoy his voice. Seth can sing. I always envied his talents in the arts. He could draw, paint, take amazing pictures, and the bastard could sing and play instruments too. It’s been so long since I’ve heard him, and I almost forgot how good he is. He’s really good at singing the new alternative rock that he listens to.
Listening to him is not helping. I shake my head and look out the window.
He drives in the direction of my apartment. We agreed to have a movie night together, since it’s the first opportunity I’ve had to relax in the past couple of weeks. He’s never seen my apartment before, so I’m a little excited for him to come over. He’s been staying in his room above the garage at his parent’s house, but I actually have my own place and I want to rub it in his face that I’m all grown up. He parks on the side of my building and I hop out of the truck, grabbing my bag from the back. I really should stop bringing it if I’m never going to use it.
We walk up the stairs to my door, and I turn around and grin at Seth, excited for him to see it.
“You ready?” I ask in false seriousness. He returns the stern expression and crosses his arms over his chest.
“I was born ready.” I give him a curt nod, and unlock my door, sliding my bag against the wall when the door opens.
I lace my fingers together, making a “gun,” and pretend to sneak in as if we’re undercover. Seth follows jerking his head in all directions to scope things out. Then he surprises me by rolling on the ground, trying to be slick. He leans against the wall in my hallway, looks at me still standing here with my pretend gun, and gives me a nod.
I put my back against the wall and slide stealthily across until I reach my kitchen entrance. I sneak a peek in, and quickly turn back to look at him. He gets down on his stomach and starts to army crawl toward me. When he reaches my legs, he glances in the kitchen. He looks back up at me and makes a show of checking out my thighs, before reaching my eyes. My stomach gets a warm feeling, when he looks at me like that.
“I think it’s clear,” he whispers.
“I think so, too-,” I start to whisper back, but am shocked when he jumps up from the ground and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me toward the living room.
“Don’t worry, pretty girl, I’ll get ‘em.” He points his finger gun at the invisible intruders and blasts them away. I giggle as he chucks me onto the couch and flops down with a big sigh. “Shew, that was a close one,” he says seriously.
“Good thing I had you,” I say, laughter in my voice. He reaches over and tucks some of the hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear.
“Yes, you are,” he says confidently, with his beautiful smile on full display. I missed that smile. His laugh lines and crinkles by his eyes somehow make him even more handsome. His lips are so smooth and luscious…. UGH!!! I give myself another mental image of slamming myself with a hammer until I’m a cartoon accordion. I hop up from the couch and spread my arms wide.
“Welcome to my home!” He continues to smile while he looks around.
“Looks good. Did you clean for me?” he asks with a wry smile. I huff.
“Not everyone is a slob like you, Seth,” I rebuke, pushing his head. “Go pick a movie, I’ll get the popcorn.” I go to the kitchen while he looks through my DVDs. I wait for the popcorn to finish, and put it in a bowl. I grab the chocolate chips and dump a bunch in the bowl, shaking it so it gets all over the popcorn.
“Don’t forget the chocolate
chips,” Seth shouts from the living room. I laugh softly and bring the bowl out to the living room.
“No way would I forget.” I sit on the couch while he puts in the movie. Blake always thought it was gross to put chocolate chips in my popcorn, so I never did it with him, but Seth loves it just as much as I do. When he’s ready, he turns around and smiles at me.
“Good.” He sits on the other end of the couch.
“What are we watching?” I ask and grab a handful of popcorn, shoving it in my mouth.
“Ted,” he answers, grinning at me. Oh hell yeah! It’s going to be one of those nights. We both look at each other, excitement in both of our eyes. This has always been our thing, to watch stupid funny movies and goof off all night. We’ve never watched this movie together since it came out last year while he was gone, but I have no doubt he likes it as much as I do.
“Awesome… I love this movie,” I say and get comfy on my couch.
“Me too,” he replies with a mouthful of popcorn. We both crack up laughing in the same spots during the movie, repeating different phrases that we think are funny. Without much thought, I end up with my head in his lap watching the TV while he strokes my hair.
When my favorite part comes on, I can’t help but shout along, pleasantly thrilled that Seth is right there with me singing it too. “When you hear the sound of thunder, don’t you get scared. Just grab your thunder buddy and say these magic words.” We both yell the next part, “Fuck you, thunder! You can suck my dick! You can’t get me thunder, ‘cause you’re just God’s farts!” And then to top it all off, we both blow raspberries. We don’t hear anything from the movie for a good five minutes, because we’re laughing too hard. Tears start slipping out of my eyes, and my sides hurt.
Nothing in this world feels as good as a good tear jerking laugh with my best friend. Nothing can beat the sound of our laughs intertwining and filling the space with our happiness. I look up at him while my laughs start to subside and see the same happiness reflected in his light blue green eyes. He looks back at me, pulling himself together, and reaches his hand to my face. His thumb swipes the tears and his hand cups my cheek perfectly. The feel of his strong calloused hands against my soft skin is incredible. I close my eyes and lean into his touch, holding my breath while my heart pounds in my chest.
That's a Lie Page 2
