Punishment (Light My Fire Series Book #2)

by Alexa Phoenix

  In that moment, I wanted him again. I wanted his lips all over mine. I wanted to feel him within me and one with me. Our bodies collided as we made love. We didn’t fuck. We made love. He worked me slow and sweet. It was perfect. I was what I needed.

  He was what I needed.

  ***

  “Hey girl,” Roxy called out from the chair as a young Asian woman worked her feet.

  “Hey,” I waved back. I walked towards her and sat at the empty seat next to her. “So, are you excited for tonight?”

  “Sure am. Mhm, this guy is hot. Man he’s something else Nix. I’m telling you. When I’m with him I feel like – me. Does that make sense?”

  I thought of the Captain as she asked. It did make sense. I felt it too with him. I knew what she meant and how she felt. I nodded in agreeance.

  An older woman approached me and sat down before my feet. “A French tip please,” I smiled. She nodded at my request and began to turn the hot, bubbly water on forcefully below me. I dipped my feet in and felt the warmth of its touch calm my whole body down. There’s just something about a pedicure that can put any woman at ease.

  “Nice suggestion,” I turned to her and smiled.

  “I know, right?”

  The sound of a phone went off within Roxy’s purse. Instantaneously her expression changed to restlessness and annoyance.

  “Ugh, why can’t he just leave me alone?”

  “I thought you wanted him to call you and make up with you?” I was confused. I mean happy for her that she finally saw what I had seen prior, but confused that her attitude changed so drastically.

  “I did. But after meeting Curtis…I don’t know it’s like he made me realize I had so much more to offer. He made me feel comfortable and me again.” Her eyes squinted to the truth of her comment. I did know what she meant.

  “Ugh, hold on a sec.” She picked up her phone and answered. Her tone was no longer bubbly and relaxed, it was annoyed and angered. “What? No- no. I told you. It’s over. We are done. No I’m not coming back there. I’m staying here. I’m over you. No, no you will not manipulate me like that? I have done nothing wrong but try to be me. Me! What’s so wrong with being me?”

  The words stung like a knife. She was right. What was so wrong with being yourself? We both finally find men who let us be just that, and Roxy runs towards him and every inch of me wishes to run in the opposite direction. What the fuck is wrong with me?

  The young Asian woman looked up to Roxy as she nodded her to continue. A simple smile was all she showed before she bowed her head back down to work.

  I could only imagine the conversations they overheard every day.

  “No, you are not coming here! I would like to see you try! I’m not going back with you! No, I told you – it’s over! Over! Do you not understand that word?”

  We had an audience now as the volume of her voice strengthened. She didn’t care though. She only wished for the relationship she once had to be over. I was happy for her. I was happy she finally found the confidence to do so. Why can’t I take my own advice of what I wish for other people for myself? Am I that fucked up?

  “Nope. That’s it! Goodbye asshole!” She hung up the phone and smiled. She was overjoyed. Her emotions changed so quickly it was quite humorous.

  I turned to her with a wide smile now upon my face. “How’d that feel?”

  “Amazing.”

  “I’m happy for you girl.”

  “Thanks you too. How by the way how did it go last night?”

  I gave in to her questioning and told her every last detail of our night. She smiled the whole time and just kept nodding her head at my words.

  “Finally.”

  I was confused. “Finally what?”

  “Finally you allowed yourself to let someone in who gives a shit about you. I mean really gives a shit about you, Nix. I’m so happy for you.” She leaned in to give me a side hug.

  “Thanks, Rox. I’m happy for you too.”

  We both smiled at the progression of our love lives with the men of interest and with ourselves. We both turned her trip into something of a life changing obstacle course. I thanked God for her presence with me in that moment. It was what I needed.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  -Captain Michaels-

  “So, what do you think of her?” Curtis asked.

  “I told her I loved her,” I said with a smile.

  “You what? Are you fucking crazy? Holy shit, you are bat shit fucking crazy man! Do want to scare this brawd away?”

  “Well, she’s not a brawd, and no I’m not scaring her away.”

  “What do you mean dude? You finally take her home and fucking told her you love her? I mean that’s a bit like crazy, stalker like of you man!”

  “Don’t worry about it, Curtis. She loves me too.”

  “Huh? She told you that?” He was completely confused.

  “No, not yet. But I know she does. I can feel it.”

  “Whatever you say, Jax.”He turned and sipped his beer. “How’d you get the day off anyways? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

  “Eh, I called in sick this morning. I woke up to her beautiful face and body next to me and I wasn’t ready to leave it, so I called in.”

  “You? You called in sick? I thought I would never hear those words from you.” Another sip of his beer and he was ready to talk again. “Damn, this girl must be special.”

  “That’s an understatement.” I smiled as I thought of her. I wondered what she was doing and how she was feeling today. I wondered if she thought of me as I was of her.

  “Well, to us brotha,” he clinked his beer with mine.

  I repeated, “to us.”

  “So, it seems you and Roxy hit it off as well.”

  “Yeah, she’s great man. She’s so different.”

  “Hm, sounds like someone else I know,” I raised my bottle to him.

  “Touche man, touche.”

  “Well, to us and our woman.” We cheered again, and both smiled at the progression we made with the woman now apart of our lives.

  It was unbelievable to think the words I love you would ever come from my mouth again to another woman. That was not a thought for seen by me in my future at all. After Carolyn I was ready to swear myself to singlehood. I was ready to take on the challenge of being alone while the love of my life, lived and loved someone else. It’s a hard act to complete and live out, but I was ready to do it. I was determined to do it. If I scared away a woman who knew me my whole life, who knew me inside out so easily, what would a woman I just met think? What would a woman that barely knew my past and why I was the way I was understand me enough to put my hardships aside and love me. There was still so much to tell Phoenix. One day. Not yet. I needed her to learn to love me back first before I told her of my past, before I told her of Carolyn and what we shared – what we continue to share. She would know, but not until the future.

  The present was about us. It was about our role together and the bond we have. I know she feels it or she would have never given in to me that day. She would have never done what she did. She would have left after the words left my mouth. She loves me; she’s just not ready to admit it yet. But soon. Oh, soon she will have the strength to confess her feelings. The strength to trust her feelings.

  Trust.

  That’s what it’s all about.

  Trust.

  I would never want to lose her trust.

  I’ve lost the trust of a woman once before and she lost mine. I never wish for the mistakes of my past to be apart of my future. No, not with her. She was special. Oh, so special. She was the one. I always thought and prayed it was Carolyn, but seeing her that day, being with her – no, she’s it. There is no doubt in my mind that she is the one. She is meant to be with me. She will be with me.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  -Phoenix-

  6 months later

  It’s funny how life changes. How life challenges you with obstacles you almost always b
elieve in your heart you will never overcome, and then you do. It’s those moments that we live life. It’s those moments that defy who we are and who we will become. Those are the moments that drive us to do better, to be better, to wish better for ourselves and others. My life was built on moments like that. Moments where I thought there was no way anything would come of what I did, or was doing, and nothing would matter if I didn’t do it. To think like that, is to live your life as a lie.

  Six months ago, my life was challenged. Not like the first challenge with Blaine, but with a challenge of love and lust. I wonder how my life would be if I didn’t say yes to Jaxson? I wonder how unhappy I would be if I still continued to base my life one single fuck at a time? I gave myself unrealistic goals he made me see the better in me. As I sit here in our home together, I smile at the progression of our life. I smile at the formality of what we challenged each other with and the civility of our actions.

  I challenged myself with every aspect of my life until I met him.

  Him, who I can’t think of less than a thousand times a day.

  Him, who I can’t stand not being with.

  Him, who makes me smile with every sick and twisted comment he makes.

  Him, who I can’t seem to say the words, “I love you” to.

  What is wrong with me to think that a man who loves me is ok with my inability to say the words back? I question every day if he hates me or thinks less of me for my lack of acceptance to the idea. I’m sure I feel it. Hell, I almost guarantee you I do, but I can’t get up the courage to say the words to it. It’s kind of pathetic on my end. Maybe I’m afraid saying the word words would some how tarnish what we have? It makes sense in a way. Everyone I loved, leaves. What’s going to stop him from doing the same? Me?

  I question the value of my own self-worth with that statement.

  Stop the fucking pity party Nix! This isn’t you! You are not down on yourself like this shit. You don’t let petty feelings discourage and devalue you. You live in a man’s world and swim freely with power. Don’t allow three simple words to eliminate the power you have. Don’t let it determine who you are with him.

  Life was great and it was scary. The department was unaware of our relationship and we intended to keep it that way – at least for a little while longer. I enjoyed our so called “bubble” we were in. It was hard to eliminate the amount of passes from fellow employees however, but Jaxson was never jealous. He knew where I laid my head at night. He knew my pussy was his and only his.

  My phone buzzed in my jean pockets as I stretched out on the lawn chair in the backyard. I prayed I wasn’t being called into work. I enjoyed my day off. Sure, I missed Jaxson but it was nice to have the moment to myself for a bit.

  Roxy’s name came up across the screen and I smiled.

  “Hey girl,” I answered. “How’s it going? How’s LA treating you?”

  “Hey, you know, I never thought I’d say it, but I’m so happy I stayed.”

  “What do you mean you never thought you would say it?” I joked. I knew how she meant it, but it was still fun to mess with her every now and then.

  “I just mean, I never thought my life would bring me here to LA. To Curtis. You know? I mean who knew how funny life could be? It’s crazy how much has changed.”

  “I completely agree. We both seemed to of had a one-eighty in life. I never saw myself laying in the backyard of a home I shared with another man.” I laughed. “Oh, hey I forgot to ask you, have you heard anything from what’s his name anymore?”

  I hoped for her sake she didn’t. Her ex stressed her out so much while she was with him, I hoped he didn’t pain her with that while they were broken up.

  “No, not since he threatened to come out here. Curtis told him if he came within a hundred feet of me he would call the cops. He probably didn’t have to go that far, but at least it kept him away from any attempt of coming out here. Too much drama for my ass.”

  “Wow, yeah, that’s kind of crazy. But, I do love having you around. It’s nice to have you here so close and not thousands of miles away. Just saying,” I laughed. It was true though. I never thought we would live within the same vicinity again, but I was so thankful to Curtis for it. One crazy night in a club and she changed her life; we both did.

  “So, Curtis and I were gonna go to this new restaurant in the valley tonight, you guys wanna come?”

  “Yeah, that sounds great. He should be out about eight, so anytime after nine will work.”

  “Perfect. Let’s say ten o’clock. We’ll meet you there?”

  “Yeah that works. Just send me the address when you get the chance and I’ll call him and let you know.”

  “Alright, girl that sounds like a plan. I’ll see you guys tonight then.”

  “Great.”

  A night out with the two of us would be good. We needed to do something. I feel like the past six months our favorite past time was to hook up within the secret realms of the station or hook up in every inch of our home together. Not a bad past time of course. I definitely was not one to complain, but a night out with the two of them would be fun.

  I dialed his number in my phone and placed it to my ear. I took one more sip of my lemonade before he answered.

  “Hey babe, how’s it going? I miss you here today. It’s been pretty slow. I would have sneaked you off into one of our special spots and taken good care of you had you been here with me today”

  “Hey baby, I know. The feeling is mutual I promise. That sounds awesome. I’m taking you up on that the next slow day, you hear me?” I giggled.

  “What are you doing? I hope you’re actually relaxing and enjoying your day off for once.”

  “Oh I am, trust me. The backyard has been calling my name all day, so we are relaxing with one another with some lemonade,” I smiled and laughed once more at the perfect day I was having.

  “Glad to hear it baby.” I could almost see him smile from the other line. It’s funny how someone so unexpected can make you so happy. I was thankful for him and his personal challenge with me. He changed me, and I changed him. “So, what’s going on? Did you just call me to hear my sexy voice?”

  I laughed. “Of course baby, and because Roxy and Curtis invited us to some fancy restaurant tonight when you get out. Some new place opened up in the valley and they wanted us to check it out with them. What do ya think?”

  “Yeah, that sounds good. It would be good to see them again.”

  “Ok, great. So you get out at eight right?”

  “Yeah, I’m-“

  A knock on the door within his office could be heard over the phone.

  “Hang on a sec, babe. Come in,” he called out to the incoming guest.

  “Captain, I’m sorry to interrupt, but we just got a call for a massive fire in a school that can’t seem to be contained. We’re short staff today, we could use your help. I’m sorry sir.”

  “Baby, you there?”

  “Yeah. Is everything ok?”

  “Yeah, yeah. I have to go with the crew, we’re short today but I’ll see you tonight?”

  “You have to go? Short? You want me to come in?”

  “No, no. You deserve your day off. I’ll be ok. We will be in and out. You know we are good at what we do. I love you. I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Ok, baby.” The phone went dead.

  Damn, Nix. You still don’t have the fucking courage to repeat the words do you. Coward! Just say how you feel damnit!

  My mind replayed the many memories in my head of Jaxson. I definitely wasn’t short of material to repeat. Twice we almost got caught by Johnson as we tried to sneak a mid-day hook up within the station. His spots were good though, I had to give him that. He had us hidden from all who would catch us. Johnson was on the prowl though. He knew something was going on, he just didn’t know what. But he kept his distance from the two of us after the altercation within the rec room. I wasn’t worth the loss of his job and for that I was thankful. I didn’t need anyone else to mess with
my life, I was able to do that all on my own; like my lack of words that mattered.

  I was going to say the words. I knew it my heart that eventually I would, I just wasn’t sure when or how. How do you say three words that scare you to death as if they are powerful enough to give you courage? My fear was greater than my strength. I wished to change that. I’m going to change that. The question was when and how?

  How did I get so lucky to find a man who was so perfect for me? How did I get so lucky to find a man who knew from the moment he saw me that he wanted me no matter the consequences? What a change in life? What a change in me.

  I was thankful for his effect on me. I affected him too. I knew that and could see that. I was greatful that a man could feel such an effect from me. Of course, his sexual effect on me was just as intense. Never have I ever had such empowering multiple orgasms with someone as I did with him. He knew every spot, every move I needed to feel the greatest satisfaction. He paid attention to what I wanted and what I needed and gave in to every need willingly.

  How did I get so lucky?

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  -Captain Michaels-

  Part of my heart was at our home together, while the other part was ready to walk within the flames for the first time in a long time. I knew I was ready. Hell, I was born ready for this opportunity any time it presented itself since my promotion to Captain. Being a firefighter was my passion.

  It was my life.

  It gave me life.

  It gave me her.

  I was thankful every day for the opportunity to have her within the department. First sight I knew I wanted her within our department. Not only was she the full package, but she was tough and devoted. Most woman wish to prove to their male competition they were good enough to stand next to them, Phoenix went beyond. She proved she was good enough to move past them. She was good enough to excel any challenge they were able to do. For that I was proud. I was proud of my choice to take her on, and proud for her ability to prove all doubters wrong. We’ve had a number of females within the department, but none of them compared to her. None of them could even come close to her.