Revelations

by Kirsten Bij't Vuur

  Now they were ready to start on the songs, and Eric played the intro beautifully, as ever. Frankly, Georgiana couldn't wait to hear his entire concerto either. As he started singing her heart took a little leap, as it always did when she heard a truly superior voice. Some time ago she had asked him whether his singing was all a natural gift, and he had admitted to having had some singing lessons in his youth. As she joined in the chorus she could see her sister completely taken by the quality of the singing, and the emotion of the song. Good, nothing would have been worse than Fitzwilliam marrying someone who was tone-deaf or unable to enjoy music. Except, of course, marrying someone like that herself, but that was a possibility Georgiana

  preferred not to think about at all.

  After their little show together, Eric offered to play a part of his latest work for them, and they just could not refuse, Elizabeth was also very eager to hear it. Georgiana joined her on the sofa and Eric seemed to retreat into a world of his own, then started to play, very small and like nothing Georgiana had ever heard before. As the music slowly grew, ever gaining depth and meaning, Georgiana just couldn't seem to enjoy it, there was something about it that was not as it should be, something was not right at all. It was still very beautiful, but a little nagging aberration would not let go of her attention, spoiling the mood of the music.

  Looking at her sister Georgiana could see that nothing bothered Elizabeth, she was enjoying this music without reservation, was totally enraptured by it, as she had been by Eric's concerto. Ever aware of Georgiana, Eric stopped playing.

  'You're not enjoying the music as you usually do, Georgiana, don't you like it?'

  He did it again, use her first name, Elizabeth would forgive him but Fitzwilliam might not. Still, he had been totally appropriate yesterday during their lesson, maybe he knew exactly what he was doing.

  'I like it, Mr Fielding, but it feels as if something is not quite right about it.

  It's beautiful, but somehow I get distracted from letting the music take me along with it. I can't think what it is.'

  Fortunately he didn't look disappointed again at her not using his first name.

  They just could not risk giving offence, these lessons were too important for Georgiana.

  'Mrs Darcy,' Eric now asked Elizabeth, 'did you hear anything amiss?'

  'I did not. It was very easy for me to let the music take me where it would, there was a certain natural flow to it that pleased me even more than your concerto, though this is friendlier, milder, and I actually preferred the wildness of your completed work. I am absolutely thrilled, Mr Fielding, being allowed to hear you play this, thank you so much.'

  Eric smiled, but not just for being praised, there was something else going on and he was going to explain straight away, Elizabeth had confirmed something he thought himself, he was very pleased with her comments.

  'Let me tell you why I'm pleased to hear that, Mrs Darcy, Miss Darcy. I've used the two of you as test subjects, to validate a theory I have been forming

  in my mind. I told you how the music rules me until I write it down, didn't I?'

  Georgiana remembered, but he had told her in Fitzwilliam's company, Elizabeth didn't know yet.

  'You told my brother and me, Mr Fielding, my sister wasn't there.'

  'That is true, so I'll tell you, too, Mrs Darcy. The music wells up in my mind, haunting me day and night, preventing me from practising or performing until I sit at my piano and play it and write down what I play. Once I've done that, I can still hear it but it will make way for a piece I'm studying or for rehearsals for a public appearance. After a few days it subsides, and then I play what I wrote down, polishing it and making little changes to conform it to the general rules of composing music to be played on a piano. My concerto has been through this entire process and is ready to be performed in public.'

  This really excited him, and when Georgiana thought about it, it was incredible, music just taking shape in his mind, to be written down and adapted to the traditions of piano music.

  'This fragment is exactly as I wrote it down, I have not adapted it to the rules of composition, it's exactly what my mind wanted me to play. The feelings that caused it to come into being are reflected in the music exactly as I felt them, still feel them. Mrs Darcy could feel them, could feel the flow of the music as it was meant to be. But you, Miss Darcy, are so educated in the ways of modern music that you could hear this piece of music not conforming to the rules that have been ground into your very being. You couldn't feel the music because it didn't sound right to you. Knowing this, that the not-quite-right feeling it gave you has been laid upon you by mere humans, setting up rules how music should sound, would you do me the honour of listening to it once more, to determine whether you can enjoy the music now? See whether your mind can dismiss the feeling of wrongness since it is not natural but a habit ingrained by traditions?'

  'I'm amazed I should be influenced so strongly by tradition, Mr Fielding, I can't wait to hear it again. I want to hear what Elizabeth hears, let the music take me along and tell me what it has to convey.'

  Frankly, Georgiana could not imagine knowing the cause of the wrongness taking it away, no matter how much she wanted to hear Eric's music as he felt it. But as soon as Eric started playing again she noticed the difference.

  Incredibly the itch was totally gone, and soon she was as enraptured as

  Elizabeth was. This music was so small, but so powerful, it was ever growing without being obvious about it, and though Georgiana had never herself experienced the feeling before in this intensity, it was clear that this music spoke to her about love.

  Georgiana had felt love, she had loved her father dearly, and though she hardly remembered the love she must have felt for her mother, she loved Fitzwilliam more than anyone. But this music felt different, there was an intensity to it that made her flush even more than her usual admiration for Eric's fabulous music. This was about true passion, the burning desire for a fallible fellow human being, this was how Fitzwilliam must feel about Elizabeth, it was very strong and very intense.

  And it was probably about her.

  That was not a comforting thought for Georgiana, she did not want to inspire such passion in anyone, not until she was ready to feel it herself. For the first time she wondered whether it might in fact be better for both of them to stop being in each other's company until Eric had conquered his attachment.

  Still, his unrequited feelings were pushing Eric to make the most beautiful music ever, for she had to admit that this was incredible, such a talent, such a shame to shackle this powerful flow of feelings by forcing it into a traditional arrangement. But if it had felt wrong to Georgiana it might feel wrong to all avid music listeners, how would Eric ever be able to break that bond with tradition?

  Unable to answer her own question she let the music take her with it, enjoying it to the full, tasting intense love for a few moments and looking forward to the time when she would experience it for herself. Part of her wanted Eric to retain his feelings for her until she was ready to receive them, who knew whether she would ever be loved like this again? He certainly was a man of feeling and principle, worthy of being loved. But Georgiana did not dare believe Fitzwilliam would adhere to his promise and let his sister marry below her, and allowing herself to fall in love with Eric just to secure a man who would certainly respect her and love her for herself, and not her fortune, seemed like a rather foolish thing to do. Better wait another few years and see what happened.

  'I felt it this time, Eric,' she observed, hoping he would not mistake the obvious feeling in her voice as encouragement, but she supposed he would

  not for Elizabeth showed her feelings, too. He should be used to that, playing for an audience at least once a week.

  'Somehow my mind managed to ignore the rules it is used to and I felt the true impact of this music. I think you should try to work with it, but aren't you afraid most audiences will pick up the same wrongness I did? How will you solve that pro
blem?'

  'I don't know yet. I was hoping the two of you might have some bright ideas, or at least react positively enough for me to dare play it for my patron. He is very knowledgeable, but I'm afraid very traditional as well, what if he loses faith in me because of this? I haven't even played my concerto for him, yet.'

  'Do you still have the original music from the concerto?' Elizabeth now asked, eagerly.

  'Actually, I do,' Eric replied, 'I couldn't face throwing it out, I truly love it.'

  'Why not do the same as you did with us, play it first, see how it lands, then tell him, play it again. If he still dislikes it make two versions, maybe start playing the originals as encore, or to young or progressive audiences.

  Change things slowly. But please do not throw these out, this is how the music offered itself to you, this is the direct translation of your feelings and it will always be more powerful to those who can feel it. Do you feel different playing the other versions?'

  'I don't know, I've never played the original again after improving it. And I haven't changed this one yet, so I cannot compare. I will play my original of the concerto this afternoon, after my rehearsal, and I'll let you know tomorrow evening. Thank you very much, Mrs Darcy, and thank you very much, Miss Darcy. You've both been very helpful.'

  Eric was now in a bit of a hurry, and rather affected, Georgiana thought, it was quite an honour for him to entrust them with his dilemma, he felt strongly about this and decided to let them hear it first, even before his patron. She shook his hand warmly, it felt warm, and surprisingly strong and muscular for such a slender man, giving it a tiny extra squeeze to put some heart in him, and his smile proved she did manage to do so.

  Elizabeth shook hands too, and as warmly.

  'Trust your talent, Mr Fielding, I'm sure it will take you very far indeed. I find it very exciting to think that we may have been the first people to hear a revolution in music today. People who love music are usually very sensitive, and they cannot but appreciate the qualities of your work, I just cannot

  imagine someone not feeling this. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, Mr Fielding, very much so.'

  They parted in great spirits, and on their way back they discussed Mr Fielding's new composition with great enthusiasm.

  'I really think we may have witnessed a momentous occasion, Georgiana,'

  her sister said, 'Mr Fielding really tested his surmise on you, had you not been able to ignore the different style at your second hearing I'm certain he would have spent the afternoon adapting that piece to the traditional rules, and something beautiful would have been lost, maybe forever.'

  'That was about me, wasn't it?'

  Elizabeth took Georgiana's hand.

  'It was, my dear, did you mind very much?'

  'In a way I did, I feel pushed towards something I'm not ready for. How can I ignore his feelings for me when he is such a good man? He'd be certain to respect me, and to love me, I feel as if I should accept his love to secure a future for myself. I don't trust men in general, but I trust Eric. Still, I'm not ready for love, and I don't want to disappoint Fitzwilliam again, ever. But what if spurn Eric to marry a gentleman in a few years time, and he turns out to be a worthless mercenary? I'll regret Eric forever. What should I do?'

  Despite her tone, Georgiana didn't seem to take this very seriously, she illustrated her exclamation with large dramatic gestures as if in jest. Then she was back to normal, and her words proved she was serious after all.

  'I have to admit I did feel very special, he is such a great composer, and to let us be the very first people to hear this masterpiece is such a compliment.

  So, I suppose I'm just going to take my lessons and see what happens, find out how Eric's affection evolves, and his compositions, concentrate on my own playing, see whether I develop a need for love other than from the two of you. I'm so glad to have you supporting me, Elizabeth, I feel like I can tell you anything, even things I dare not tell Fitzwilliam, not until they are serious anyway.'

  'Don't you worry one bit, Georgiana, I'm behind you. We're not going to fight Fitzwilliam over this, but we're not going to blindly obey him either.

  Taking your time is the only right option, I agree with you entirely.'

  Of course such sympathy resulted in a hug for Elizabeth, and Georgiana once again was so happy that her brother married such a loving, sensible woman.

  Chapter 29

  When they arrived, remarkably, Fitzwilliam was not waiting to receive them. Of course the new butler opened the door before they could knock, he came very well-recommended and had shown himself to be very professional so far. Taking their coats he stated, 'You have a guest, Mrs Darcy. He has been in the drawing-room with the master for about half an hour. Shall I have some fresh tea brought there for you?'

  'Please, Johnson, thank you for your kind reception.'

  Elizabeth clearly was not used to such formality, but Georgiana knew that butlers were supposed to act that way, and he was still very new. He'd loosen up to fit their household eventually. Since Mrs Annesley and Simon shared the responsibilities of a housekeeper, this butler would not have the kind of power their former butler Theo had had, Fitzwilliam might even have hired him temporarily only, just until spring, when they'd all move to Pemberley once more. Georgiana didn't want to think of their move too often since it would be the end of her lessons, one simply did not drive all the way from Derbyshire to London for a piano lesson. The very thought of half a year without lessons made her feel for Eric himself, she could imagine his frustration to have his development stand still.

  But maybe Elizabeth would think of a solution to Georgiana's lessons, she knew her sister would be pleased to move back in the country and frankly Georgiana didn't want to stay in London all by herself. Better enjoy her time here, enjoy her lessons, and let things sort themselves out.

  'I'm going to check on the old piano first, see how the temperature and dampness of the room are, and check how badly detuned it really is. I'll join you for tea in ten minutes.'

  And off she went, up two flights of stairs to the room where they would hopefully try out their newly-found skills for a few hours this morning or afternoon, if Elizabeth's visitor didn't take up too much time.

  Meanwhile, Elizabeth was very curious who her mysterious guest might be, for in all honesty, how many people did she really know? Maybe it was Mr Gardiner, but he wouldn't just drop by, they had been over for a visit since Elizabeth's move to London but with due notice. Since the drawing-room was rather close her patience was not put to the test for too long. As she entered the room Fitzwilliam immediately got up from his favourite chair, where he was chatting comfortably with the occupant of the adjoining chair...her father? What could her father be doing in London, days before Jane's wedding? Fitzwilliam must have seen her expression, for he took her in his arms as usual, and even before he kissed her he said, 'Don't worry, love, this is merely a social call from your father, nothing to fear.'

  Then he kissed her, slightly less than chastely, as usual.

  'You're cold, better have some tea.'

  Just as he walked to the table to pour her a cup of tea, a maid came in with a fresh pot. Seeing the master ready to pour she merely offered him the fresh pot and took away the old, letting the master do the honours.

  Meanwhile, Elizabeth went to her father to greet him. He was smiling fondly, apparently he didn't fault Fitzwilliam for kissing her like that at all, and he got up as well to embrace his daughter and kiss her on both cheeks.

  'I've missed you so much, my dearest Lizzy, you have no idea. And with Jane moving out I won't hear a sensible word until Christmas when we all visit.'

  He hadn't changed a bit, of course, but he looked well enough, and indeed very happy to see her.

  'You look better than ever, Lizzy, life in the big city must agree with you, strangely enough. I'm glad to see you both so well, and even closer than before. It's always a bit of a chance, you know, getting married, but since you're both rather sen
sible people I suppose I should have trusted you to have made the right choice. Darcy has already told me how wonderful you are, and how happy you are together, but I suppose you'll want to rave about him as well, later. Then when we've gotten that over with, I'll tell you why I came over for a visit just before we'll all meet for the wedding anyway. I suppose that must seem strange to you, and I assure you I wasn't planning to do so at all.'

  'Mr Bennet, you will want to have your daughter all to yourself for half an hour,' Fitzwilliam offered, 'and I have a sister to attend to and some letters to

  write. Will you excuse me?'

  'Of course, Darcy, it was a pleasure catching up with you. See you later today. And don't worry about entertaining me, just leave me in your library and I'll be fine.'

  As Fitzwilliam and herself both laughed at his droll way of delivering an undoubted truth, Elizabeth mentioned to her beloved, 'Georgiana is in the room with the old piano, we're planning to tune it ourselves later today.'

  He nodded, blew her a kiss and was gone.

  'Now my child, tell me how you have been. Is married life what you expected? Don't be shy telling me the truth, you know I can handle it. Your lover seems to be pretty smitten still, he has told me nothing but good about you, how you two spent the most fabulous two weeks in Derbyshire, fishing, shooting, riding. Riding, my dear Lizzy? You must love him a lot.'

  Elizabeth was affected by his concern, he still seemed a bit anxious to find her disappointed in her husband, and as Elizabeth had realised herself, not entirely without reason: they had known each other only superficially before getting married and the love had mostly been on Fitzwilliam's side. Though she remembered defending him towards her father with quite some feeling already on the night Fitzwilliam had asked him for his consent to wed. Her father did not wait for an answer from his favourite daughter.

  'I suppose you did your share of rambling, and some exploring, my Lizzy, and I hope not just his beautiful grounds, but the bedroom as well? Though that kiss just now suggests you're both doing just fine. Then he told me how fond his sister is of you, and how you helped him sort out a domestic dispute in this very house. Good for you my love! Now let me hear your account, please. I see you totally look the part of a fashionable city lady, your mother and sisters won't know you again in dresses like that one.'