Crossing Lines

by KD Williamson

  Kelli glared. “That’s none of your business.”

  “It’s just, she was different. She was good for you. I’ve never seen—”

  “Drop it!” Kelli snarled. She wasn’t all that shocked by his words. Sean was very much on the Nora bandwagon. “Finding Antony is all I care about right now.”

  Sean’s lips thinned. “Fine.” He shoved his hands into his jean pockets. “I’ll text you if I find something.”

  “Yeah, you do that.” Kelli waited for him to pass before getting out of her car.

  *

  Nora didn’t really feel like eating, but she finished her lunch anyway. She put her plate and utensils away. As Nora closed the dishwasher, she heard the telltale rustle of Phineas’s entry into the kitchen.

  He paused to look at her and snuffled in greeting. Nora smiled at him and watched his progress toward his bowl. It was empty. Phineas sat down in front of it and placed the tip of his snout on the dish. Nora almost laughed. Kelli thought that was the funniest thing ever. The wave of sadness that flooded her was almost unbearable. Nora moved mindlessly toward the refrigerator to get his food. When she turned back to him, Phineas was looking at her.

  Nora froze. “She’s gone.”

  There was no response. The house was quiet…too quiet.

  *

  The hospital was a safe place, a neutral place, or it was close, which was just what Nora needed it to be this afternoon. It was strange for her to be here on a Sunday, but her home was a little too big right now. Here, at the hospital, there was noise and people. Being here wasn’t going to cure her loneliness, but it was a good Band-Aid. Nora took a stack of charts off the desk at the nurses’ station, intent on completing some paperwork and scheduling upcoming surgeries as far out as she could. It never hurt to be prepared.

  “Dr. Whitmore, what are you doing here? You’re not on the board this weekend. I’ve been on vacation the last couple weeks. I heard you were back. Nice to see you.” The nurse smiled.

  Nora blinked. With a couple of nasty comments, she could reestablish herself and become the person she used to be. It would bring her another step closer and spread through the hospital like wildfire.

  The nurse continued to smile, but it was beginning to dim.

  Nora made her decision. “I—” Her mouth snapped shut. Those particular words were stuck in her throat, but others came out instead. “Thank you.” That felt right. Nora was actually relieved.

  “I guess it’s a good thing you’re here. We’re actually short staffed in Peds and ER/Trauma. So, feel free to help out.”

  Nora glanced down at the stack of charts in her arms. She couldn’t go to her office with these. That was the last place she wanted to be. Too many memories. “Let me get situated in an empty on-call room, and I’ll head down to trauma within the hour. If they need me for an emergency, just page me.”

  The nurse nodded. “Will do.”

  Nora walked down the hall. A chart fell from the top of the stack. She bent to get it and the others started to slide from her arms, as well. Nora sighed loudly and kneeled. A few seconds later, she almost toppled over as someone plowed into her from behind.

  “Oh God! I’m so sorry. I was paying more attention to my shirt than the hallway. Are you okay? Here, let me help,” the nurse said, as she swept gray hair out of her face and helped Nora pick up the charts. “Spilled soup down my scrubs, and now I almost took out a doctor in the hallway. My shift just started. Can’t wait to see what the next eight hours will be like.” Her tone was filled with laughter, and her blue eyes sparked with humor. “You okay, Dr. Whitmore?”

  “Yes, thank you.” Nora paused. The nurse looked familiar, just like the rest of them. She glanced at the nurse’s name tag to see Susan Collier. “Yes, Susan. I’m fine.”

  Susan gazed at Nora thoughtfully. “Are you sure? I mean, you don’t look like you are.”

  Nora assumed Susan’s observation had nothing to do with their collision. She knew her inner disarray was bleeding outward. Nora stepped back and retreated into herself a little. “I—”

  “I wasn’t trying to pry or fish for gossip. Believe me, there’s enough misinformation floating around about you. You look completely human to me.” Susan’s grin took the sting out of her words.

  Nora was still taken aback. She had no idea what to say, so she remained quiet.

  Susan scrunched up her nose. “That was me…trying to be friendly. I blew it, didn’t I? Did I make it weird?”

  Surprised that the conversation was continuing, Nora nodded. “Yes, this is a bit strange.” The oddness of the encounter was the perfect segue for escape. “So, if you’ll excuse me—”

  “Listen, I know you don’t have many friends at the hospital, and that’s our fault just as much as it is yours.” Susan crossed her arms over her chest and looked at Nora as if daring her to refute it.

  Well, that was blunt. This put Nora slightly at ease. “I agree.”

  “Good. So we’re officially not strangers anymore. You know that I’m weird, and I know…absolutely nothing about you.” Susan smiled.

  And for Nora that had always been best. Susan waited and continued to smile. The least Nora could do was be cordial. “Split pea?”

  Susan glanced down at her scrub top and back up again. “Yeah, made it myself.”

  “I’m more partial to lentil.”

  “Ack, I won’t hold that against you.” Susan backed away. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

  Nora adjusted the stack of charts and mulled over the decidedly odd encounter that had just occurred. It was completely out of her comfort zone. Despite that, the sky didn’t fall, and Nora was in one piece, relatively speaking. But she wasn’t going to overanalyze. Nora didn’t have the energy. All of it was currently being used to figure out ways to stop thinking about Kelli. Work was the most obvious choice, and Nora was more than willing to immerse herself in it.

  *

  A little over an hour later, Nora stood at the ER nurses’ station, flipping through charts.

  “Dr. Whitmore?”

  She glanced up at the sound of her name. “Yes, Dr. Gibbs?”

  “I could use you in Trauma One. We had two GSWs come in. The police said it happened during a liquor store robbery. The shooter is stable, and an officer is in with him now. The victim is the messy one. GSW to the chest. There were no lung sounds on the right, but we were able to relieve the pressure from the pneumothorax. I’m trying to intubate, but there’s so much blood. I thought a smaller tube would work. Dr. Simmons sent me to get it.” He held up the wrapped package. He barely met her gaze, and he fidgeted as if nervous.

  Nora was a little taken aback by the amount of detail she was just given. Regardless of the information and his demeanor, Nora said, “Let’s go.”

  They entered Trauma One to the sound of blaring monitors. The medical personnel already around the patient moved in a blur. Dr. Simmons barked out orders for epi and the crash cart.

  Nora quickly pulled on gloves and inserted herself into the chaos. When she saw who it was, the shock paralyzed her. An icy chill slid its way down her back. The moment passed within seconds, and everything came into sharp focus. Nora moved quickly, and was able to successfully intubate James Rader.

  The heart monitor bleeped, showing signs of life.

  Nora’s insides quivered, and she wasn’t sure why. On the outside, she presented herself to be the epitome of calm.

  “Let’s get him to surgery.” Dr. Simmons gripped the bed railing and pushed.

  “I’ll take over from here.” Nora moved in front of the gurney. Given Simmons’s recent record, it was better to be safe than sorry.

  Simmons stared, as did everyone else.

  Yes, this was an odd situation. Maybe she had something to prove. Maybe she just wanted to show that she could rise above. Or maybe saving Rader’s life would make her own feel less in shambles.

  “I can handle this.” Dr. Simmons looked defiant and confused at the same time.
r />   “No, I need to see this through,” Nora said, as she waved one of the residents over. “Dr. Gibbs, you’re with me.”

  *

  Nora dropped the bullet from Rader’s chest onto the metal tray next to her.

  “The bullet nearly bisected his lung.” She pointed to the damage. “Would you recommend repair or partial removal Dr. Gibbs?”

  “He’s young and in good shape otherwise, which lowers his chance of infection. I’d go for repair.”

  “Good call.”

  He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I should have told you who it was. Given you the choice—”

  “It doesn’t matter who he is.” Nora meant every word. This man had nearly ruined her career and her life. Despite her animosity, right now, he was just a patient.

  “Suture.” Dr. Whitmore glanced up as the apparatus was placed in her hand. This wasn’t her usual surgical team, but they were efficient. “Thank you.”

  The surgical tech smiled behind his mask, making his eyes crinkle at the edges. Nora smiled slightly in return.

  “Tell us, Dr. Gibbs, about the other possible complications Dr. Rader could face.”

  “Um—”

  “Take your time. We’re going to be here a while. If he could hear it, Dr. Rader would enjoy your display of knowledge.”

  Someone chuckled. The act was misplaced, yet, it was also a relief.

  “Pulmonary embolism.” Dr. Gibbs cleared his throat. “There could be a second lung collapse. Not to mention, there is a chance of significant scarring that could hamper his breathing for the rest of his life.”

  “Yes, possibly,” Nora said, as she checked James’s vitals. He was holding steady.

  Time seemed to crawl by, but finally, her work was nearly done. Her internal organs were in knots. Nora’s composure was cracking even though no one else was aware. “Dr. Gibbs? Would you like to take over from here?”

  His gaze met hers. She could almost smell his enthusiasm.

  “I’d like that. Thank you, Dr. Whitmore.”

  Nora nodded. “Great work, everyone.”

  Without looking back, she walked briskly toward the exit. She threw her gloves in the biohazard container and removed her hairband before washing her hands. Then, Nora left the area completely. Her need for solitude was overwhelming. After trying two doors, the third opened easily to a supply closet. She turned on the light, and the trembling inside her forced its way out.

  Kelli’s presence alone could have soothed her frayed nerves. Her misplaced attempt at humor could have provided much needed levity, and her touch would have relieved everything else. She didn’t have that anymore. Barely two days had passed, but Nora had never felt more alone.

  A sob fell from her lips. Nora pressed the back of her hand to her mouth to stifle the sound. Her chest contracted as it happened again. She leaned against the wall and slowly slumped downward. The weekend could have ended differently if she’d just stayed in Kelli’s bed.

  CHAPTER 4

  Kelli moved to the rear of the elevator and leaned on the railing as people filed in. She responded to shouts of her name with a smile, a nod, and did her best to melt into the background. For a second, her thoughts strayed to Antony and then to Nora. Her stomach fluttered. Her life was a mess, and right now, nothing made sense. She couldn’t have the family she wanted. She couldn’t have the woman she wanted. All she had was this fucking job, which she loved, but she couldn’t help but wonder if it was enough.

  The elevator dinged, bringing Kelli closer to her destination. After a couple more floors, she found herself standing outside the squad room.

  This made sense.

  In there, she was able to immerse herself.

  In there, she rarely failed.

  In there, she caught the clues others missed.

  Kelli pushed the door open. The place was just about empty, but that didn’t matter.

  Her eyes strayed toward Travis’s desk. It was neat as always, but she could still see remnants of him there. His favorite mug sat on his desk, waiting. With that, she knew there was hope, and there was certainty. Travis would be back. The knowledge filled the holes inside her, at least momentarily.

  Kelli threw her jacket over the back of her chair and sat down. She removed her gun and badge, and placed them in the locking drawer of her desk. Williams was nowhere to be found, so Kelli decided to get some paperwork out of the way.

  Sorting and filing was mindless work, leaving Kelli’s thoughts free to roam, and every last one gravitated toward Nora. The past weekend had been easier to get through. Kelli’s mother had been there to provide a distraction, but the first couple of nights during the week were unbearable. Now that Kelli knew what it was to have Nora in her arms, despite the circumstances, she missed her heat. She missed her softness. She missed every fucking thing about her. Worries about Antony were pushed to the periphery. She should have been focused on her brother, but somehow Nora took over. Kelli tried like hell to swallow down the guilt, as well as the memories of the way Nora had looked at her, as if Kelli had taken something irreplaceable from her. She wasn’t successful at either. She was in deep shit.

  Kelli refused to analyze her life further. Her fingertips skimmed over the labeled edges of the files until she got to the one she needed. Her cell phone buzzed. Kelli answered it without checking the caller ID.

  “McCabe.”

  “Well, damn. I can tell where you are. Early start?” Travis asked.

  Kelli smirked. It was good to hear his voice. “What? What do you mean?”

  “Because you’re like ‘McCabe.’” He lowered his tone of voice. “All serious and shit.”

  “I do not sound like that!”

  “Uh-huh, yeah you do.”

  “It’s barely eight o’clock. Too early for you to be an ass.”

  “No way. Always time for that. Kinda like Jello.”

  Kelli laughed and, God, that felt good.

  “By the way, my physical therapist, I mean Dan, wanted me to thank you for the naked Williams imagery. It’s stuck with me since the first day there. It’s fucked up, but all I have to do is close my eyes. Makes my ass want to run.”

  “Yeah, that’s a snake you don’t want chasing you.”

  “That was awful.”

  “It needed to be said.” Kelli finally pulled the file she needed.

  “Bullshit. So… No Antony yet?”

  “Haven’t heard from Sean this morning, but no.” Kelli sighed heavily. “I called in a few favors at DEU. They’re putting out feelers.”

  “I know that’s bothering you, but what else is up? You sound…off, and the stoic thing you’re trying to push on me is only going to get you so far. I’ve given you a few days to snap out of it, but you haven’t.”

  Kelli slammed the drawer shut hard enough to make the entire filing cabinet rattle. “I’m fine.”

  “So am I. It’s genetic.”

  She laughed despite herself. “That’s not gonna work.”

  “What?”

  “What you’re trying to do. Every little thing doesn’t have to be discussed. So just leave it alone,” Kelli said. Her stomach started to churn.

  Travis made a sound of acknowledgement. “Well, all right then. I’ll leave it for now. Later?”

  “Yeah, after work. I might even bring you fries.”

  Travis laughed. “Good, but that won’t work either.”

  “What?”

  “Bribing me to shut up.”

  Kelli was relieved; at least he didn’t push. “No fries then?”

  “I didn’t say that. I’m not stupid. See you.”

  After the call ended, Kelli stared at her phone. She was hanging on by a thread, and Travis had noticed. It was hard as fuck to be nice, to smile, and to seem hopeful. She didn’t know how much longer she could keep it up. Nora’s hold on her was strong. It made Kelli wonder what she would be like a month from now. How long would it take for Nora’s mark to fade enough to let Kelli at least function without the consta
nt dull ache in her chest? Kelli did her best to derail her train of thought, but she knew it would make its way around again.

  *

  Nora submerged herself in patient charts. Her brain fired on all cylinders, as she planned and revisited upcoming procedures. She needed it to be that way. The past few days had been a plodding nuisance that passed at a crawl. There was too much time for reflection. There was too much time for regret, anger, and loneliness. This did not suit Nora at all.

  Guilt was a new feeling, and it ate at her incessantly. However, at the hospital, those feelings remained in the background. They had too. With Rader’s appearance, Nora’s veneer had developed an even bigger crack, and that left her dangerously vulnerable. She couldn’t let that happen here. It could never happen here, again. With iron will and determination, she hoped to remain somewhat impenetrable.

  James Rader was someone else’s problem now.

  Kelli McCabe was…

  Nora had no words to fill in that blank.

  She flipped to the next page in the chart. She noticed a fine tremor in her hands. Nora stopped and made a fist. That was enough for now. Loneliness crept in at home, tormenting her at every turn. She saw Kelli everywhere, embedded in the changes that adorned her walls and even in more minute things.

  There was beer in her refrigerator.

  Nora took a deep breath in order to focus. Despite her best efforts, Kelli had seeped through. Nora clamped down on her frustration and brushed it aside. She refused to admit that her plan to simply ignore the way her thoughts always returned to Kelli was flawed. The longer she denied it, the longer she could cling to what little peace of mind she had left.

  Nora scanned her desk for a pen to make a notation on the chart she was reading. No pen. She pulled open a desk drawer to search for one.

  Her stomach clenched.

  Along with the pen she needed, she found her collection of notes from Kelli.

  Nora’s heart raced. Its beating filled her ears. The trembling in her hand returned, and the tremor grew to be much more noticeable. She slammed the drawer shut. Fortunately, the words were not visible. Not that it mattered. Nora could hardly hide from the powerful reaction they evoked in her. She remembered every syllable.