Starboys

by Jeremy Jenkins

  There was a part of me that enjoyed this strange camaraderie we now had. I half expected it to wear off as the alcohol did, but it seemed like we’d made a solid bond during our time in that bar.

  As soon as I had that thought, the waiter came by and set a delicate-looking champagne flute down in front of me.

  I raised an eyebrow at Reese, who’d seized his and was holding it up to the table.

  “Cheers, to all of my talented people from today!” he said with a bright white smile.

  Our glasses clinked together in a series of chimes.

  When we all took our sips and the bubbling liquid passed my lips, I discovered a brand new feeling unfolding inside of me.

  I felt like for the first time in a long time, I belonged somewhere. I was part of something greater, creating art, but also helping others create art. I felt like I was a pattern in an intricate tapestry — a vital piece to the overall design.

  I felt important. I felt like I mattered.

  And just like that, I didn’t miss L.A. anymore. I had gone to that city chasing this feeling. This feeling of being accepted, of belonging.

  The only thing I still missed about L.A. was Hazel. For what felt like the third time today, I resisted the urge to call her.

  The thing she said about my heartmate still latched onto my mind as an obsessive thought that wouldn’t go away. My eyes scanned the people surrounding me: Oliver, Reese, Leo, Mason, and Alina.

  They were all… significant to me. But which one was my heartmate? It had to be Leo; even now, I felt a tether to him across the table. I snuck looks at him when he wasn’t looking, admiring his sculpted facial features.

  My eyes slid over to Oliver, silently thanking him for telling me that Leo’s girlfriend was fake. Now I could obsess over him in peace without thoughts of a woman’s hands on him.

  Now that there was a shred of a possibility that he and I could maybe… possibly end up together, my mind latched onto that and ran with it.

  Was he my person?

  He looked up at me and I quickly looked away, embarrassed at being caught staring at him.

  I felt the heat rise into my cheeks as I looked down at my buttered roll.

  How could I make things go further with him? How could I make him want to talk to me? The only thing I’d done with him so far was sit on the bench next to him lamely.

  Then Hazel’s words were there in my mind again, reminding me that there was someone I needed to forgive.

  As the extroverts engaged in chatter around me and the waiter brought out some very Mediterranean salads, I got lost the labyrinth of my mind.

  Who the hell did I need to forgive?

  There was that bully that called me a faggot all the time in high school, but I didn’t even think about him anymore. My parents were fine — boring Ohio people. I didn’t harbor a grudge against Boring Guy or Narcissist Guy, so there wasn’t anything to forgive there.

  I looked down at my salad sadly.

  “Everything all right, Charlie?” Mason asked.

  I was jerked out of my thoughts and forced into the present as five pairs of eyes were on me like spotlights.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, feeling a weird squirming in my gut.

  Having to comb through my mind for anything that had ever made me unhappy was… it was putting me in a weird place.

  Maybe there was something so bad that happened to me that I’d forgotten about it?

  My brain picked at that like I was picking my thumb cuticle, and then I felt a pinprick of pain.

  Looking down, I saw a bead of red blood forming on the edge of my thumb.

  “Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom,” I said to the table.

  Alina’s black eyebrows pulled together in concern as she watched me go.

  The bathroom was way fancier than it needed to be. Like the rest of the restaurant, it felt like I was in some part of an Italian palace.

  I ran my thumb under warm water, gritting my teeth as it stung.

  My mind continued to explore that unpleasant feeling I was getting, and the more I thought about it, the more my suspicions seemed like they might be true.

  I’d forgotten about something.

  I looked into my reflection, watching as my features rearranged themselves into a look of disbelief.

  I knew I was putting too much stock into Hazel’s words. Maybe my imagination was taking this forgiveness thing and running wild with it.

  Maybe nothing had happened to me at all, and I was just feeling anxious around all these movie stars. Getting lost in the possibility that one of them might be “The One.”

  It was silly. There were billions of people on this planet; it didn’t make sense for there to be someone— a special person that was made for everyone, did it?

  There were pages and pages full of qualities I was looking for in my perfect man. No one person could be all of those things. I would certainly have to settle for someone as normal as myself eventually.

  Just as the thought of doubt emerged in my mind, the door to the bathroom opened.

  Leo was there, and his eyes were fixed on me with a look it took a moment for me to recognize:

  Hunger.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Are you okay?” he asked in his slow molasses voice.

  “I— I am. Just picked my thumb a little too much,” I said quickly, drying off my hands.

  “Alina asked me to come and check on you,” he said.

  That dark look of hunger was still there in his eyes, fixated on me.

  “Well, I’m okay. You can tell her I’m okay,” I said stupidly.

  His lips parted ever so slightly.

  My mind couldn’t make sense of it, so I blurted out, “Why?”

  “Why what?” he asked.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” I said, my knees shaking.

  He looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  There was a charged pause as I scrambled for something to say.

  “Look, maybe I was worried about you,” he admitted.

  I barely let myself believe what he just said. My mouth came open. “Worried?”

  He joined me at the sink. “And to give you this…”

  He handed me a fresh bandaid.

  “Th-thank you,” I said, my fingers closing around the bandaid. “How did you know?”

  There was no way he could see me picking my thumb under the table.

  He shrugged and said, “Earlier today when we were on the bench, you were doing this,” he held up one of his giant manly thumbs and picked at the side. “I knew it was only a matter of time before you’d bleed.”

  The words hung in the air, heavy. I had to wonder if they had more meaning than he let on.

  He looked down at me, his eyes liquid gold, full of concern.

  My heart was beating in my throat. I wanted to pinch myself because this felt like a dream.

  “Be nice to yourself,” he said, touching me gently on the shoulder.

  As soon as he touched me, I felt fireworks go off in my gut.

  I was… giddy.

  “I’ll try,” I said, looking up at him earnestly.

  He smiled slightly, then turned and left the bathroom.

  As soon as he left the room, it felt a little colder as though the sun had just set.

  All I knew on some primal level was that I needed to be around Leo more; I needed to feel that warm, caring feeling that I only felt in his presence.

  My heartmate had to be him — it had to be. There was no one else that had ever made me feel this way in my life.

  Though, after I bandaged my thumb and left the bathroom, I approached the table from behind. I could see Reese leaning in to whisper something in Leo’s ear, and he laughed.

  My face fell.

  There was no way I could ever compete with Reese Riley.

  Dinner carried on without a fuss. I didn’t have to say much, and all of the extroverts around me carried the conversation. Then, i
t was time for dessert.

  Before the waiter could bring out our plates, Reese said, “Tomorrow our cast is expanding. We’re bringing in Rachel again.”

  Alina tensed beside me. On some level, I knew that Rachel had to be Princess Valentine — the woman she was having an affair with.

  “Well that’s a surprise,” Mason said bitterly. “I didn’t think she’d be invited back after what happened last time…”

  “Now Mason, let’s let bygones be bygones. It’s not like we can recast her…”

  “What do you mean we can’t re-cast her? She had like two seconds of screen time in the first season.”

  “Wait wait, what happened?” Oliver asked with a twinkle of delight in his eye.

  I was grateful he asked instead of me; I was profoundly curious too.

  “Nothing of importance. We don’t need to discuss it here,” Reese said, straightening his tie and eyeing Mason sharply.

  “If she’s coming tomorrow, the whole cast needs to know,” he argued.

  Alina tensed up even more beside me.

  I squeezed her hand under the table.

  Mason pressed on, “Last season she—”

  “You don’t know what happened last season,” Reese snapped. “Don’t be a wanker and spread rumors.”

  Mason scowled and narrowed his eyes at Reese.

  I thought back to what Oliver revealed to me — that Mason and Reese used to be a thing. I had my doubts, but the tension that was firing between them only backed up what Oliver said.

  There was an old hurt there.

  Mason closed his eyes and opened his mouth. “As I was saying, Oliver, last season Rachel was here, the one time she was on camera it was with Leo over here. You know, the guy that plays her husband.”

  Oliver and I leaned forward, hungry for the juicy gossip.

  “And there was this one scene that took all day to shoot. It was one where Rachel and Leo kissed. Rachel’s actual husband was involved in last season too, but had a minor part so he was on the set when it happened.”

  Alina relaxed her grip on my hand. She’d thought Mason knew about her secret affair with Rachel. But the way she shifted and relaxed in her seat communicated one sentiment:

  This is old news.

  I relaxed too, allowing myself to enjoy the gossip.

  “And?” Oliver asked, practically on the edge of his seat.

  “And, her husband got jealous of the kiss.”

  “But… she’s an actress,” Oliver said, one of his perfectly manicured eyebrows going up. “Doesn’t she have to kiss people all the time?”

  Leo spoke up. “The scene lasted all day. We couldn’t get it right…” he said, looking away.

  Was that… was that shame on his face?

  I thought of what Alina said, about not having any chemistry with Leo. Maybe Rachel felt the same thing.

  According to Oliver, he was secretly gay, so that would explain why they couldn’t create a believable spark for the audience. I had my doubts, but that longing look he gave me in the bathroom just now… that couldn’t be nothing, could it?

  “Having to watch your wife kiss someone else all day would be hard on anyone,” Alina offered.

  “He could have left,” Mason said, eyeing Reese with something that resembled an accusation.

  “He could have,” Reese agreed, his gray eyes locking onto Mason.

  “But he didn’t,” Oliver guessed, a smile lurking in the corners of his lips. I could tell he was thirsty for drama; practically begging for it at this point.

  “He was obsessed,” Leo said softly, looking down at his plate. “He wanted to see everything.”

  The table went silent as we all watched him carefully.

  I couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable it would be, to continually be forced to kiss someone else’s wife while they watched.

  “Did he have a cuck fetish or something?” Oliver asked.

  Alina chuckled, breaking the tension.

  I saw Leo’s shoulders relax ever so slightly, then he said, “No, the opposite. He was jealous. He got worse and worse with each take.”

  Reese shifted uncomfortably.

  “Why didn’t you make him leave, then?” Oliver asked Reese.

  Reese shifted in his seat as he crossed his legs. “I didn’t want to make him worse. I knew we were close to getting the scene we needed, and he refused every polite request to leave.”

  “And by the end of it, he lost his shit,” Mason said with a twisted smile.

  He was watching Reese like a panther watching a mouse. I could tell that he was enjoying making Reese uncomfortable like this, digging in the knife.

  Reese crossed his arms over his chest and nodded slightly. “He lost control.”

  I looked over at Oliver. His eyes were gleaming and he was leaning forward. “How?”

  Leo spoke up again, his slow, deep voice reliving the memory. “He lunged at me. Pushed the cameras down, causing thousands of dollars in damage to the equipment,” he said, his mouth shifting into a frown.

  I wanted to reach out under the table and grab his hand to comfort him, but I restrained myself.

  “He flung himself at me and punched me in the jaw,” he continued, pointing to the side of his face. “That’s how I got this…”

  The table was silent as he bore his teeth, and he stuck his tongue onto one of his canines.

  “Is it fake?” Mason asked.

  Leo nodded.

  “So let me get this straight,” Oliver said, putting both of his hands on the table. “Some jealous husband assaulted the star of the Black Castle because he couldn’t handle his wife doing her job. And you’re asking them back onto the set? We’re expected to work around these people when at any second he could fly off the handle again?!”

  “He’s not allowed back. We agreed not to press charges against him as long as he agreed never to come back to the set,” Reese said, fixing Oliver with his steely gaze.

  Mason was looking at Reese, his blue eyes dancing with delight. He enjoyed making Reese have to explain this; making him uncomfortable.

  “So Rachel’s coming back, but her husband isn’t,” Alina said with finality.

  I nodded as I watched her relax.

  Just then, I shared a quick look with Mason. He was trying to read me; trying to suss me out with those icy blue eyes. He thought he could dive into my eyes and fish out all of my secrets.

  I broke his gaze, training my eyes on Alina.

  Her husband beats her, she’d said.

  I felt a pang of empathy for Rachel. If he was strong enough to knock a tooth out of Leo’s mouth with a punch, I couldn’t imagine the kind of damage he’d be able to do to a small, pixie-like woman.

  Mason was right. Shit was about to hit the fan.

  “Just to be clear, he’s not allowed on the set, right?” I said.

  Reese fixed his steely gray eyes on me. “He’s not. Everyone here is safe.”

  “Wait, do we have security?” Oliver asked.

  Reese closed his eyes, clearly annoyed. “Yes, we have security. We’ve had it this whole time,” he said, gesturing to the area around us.

  I looked around at the surrounding tables and saw some large men quickly look down at their food, pretending that they weren’t staring.

  Were they undercover security guards?

  Reese looked up at Mason, his eyes a burning silver. “Happy?”

  Mason smirked. “Very.”

  The tension in the restaurant lessened once the waiter brought out our desserts. I noticed that Alina skillfully changed the conversation to talking about Mason’s last project, and he was so full of himself that he took the subject and ran with it.

  I was only half-listening as I scooped my ice cream sundae, trying not to look at Leo.

  “Psst,” Oliver hissed from across the table.

  I peeked up and looked into his sea-green eyes, which he promptly darted over to Reese.

  He wanted me to do what we’d discussed earlier. A
ll part of this weird plan to hook me up with Leo and him up with Reese.

  I had my doubts that it would work, but he’d urged me to go ahead and do it anyway.

  “We’ll plant a seed when the time is right,” he promised when he was drunk.

  I thought he’d forget about everything as soon as he became sober, but here we were.

  What’s the worst that can happen? I thought to myself. What Oliver asked me to do was stupid and childish, and there was no way it would produce the results he was hoping for.

  Do it, his eyes said, fixing on me from across the table.

  I rolled my eyes, sat down my spoon, and said, “Reese, can I have a moment to talk to you alone?”

  Everyone at the table stopped eating and they all looked at me.

  Having all five of their eyes on me at once was probably the most uncomfortable I’d ever felt.

  Reese eyed me suspiciously. “Could it wait until after we eat?” he asked, his spoonful of gelato inches from his mouth.

  This was exactly what Oliver predicted he’d say.

  “No,” I said, just as planned.

  The power of that word shifted the energy in the room; shifted the power into my hands. It took everything in me not to squirm.

  His eyes narrowed. “What could possibly be so important that it can’t wait?”

  I swallowed. He must have already been irritated from being around Mason for this long.

  “It’s about tomorrow,” I said, the words leaving my mouth and floating onto the table, pretending to be the centerpiece.

  His eyes shifted to understanding, then concern.

  “Very well, then,” he said sharply as he dabbed his mouth with his napkin and then placed it on the table.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Oliver watching me carefully.

  This was going exactly as we’d planned.

  I glanced at Leo as I stood up.

  If he likes you, he’ll watch you leave the room. Trust me on this one, Oliver said to me a few hours ago.

  And just as he predicted, Leo’s gold eyes were fixed on me as I stood up.

  Blush fired up into my cheeks and I bit my lip. I couldn’t bear to meet his eyes again.

  As I followed Reese outside, I was aware that there were four pairs of powerful eyes on my back. I could feel them digging into me like darts.