Starboys

by Jeremy Jenkins

  “It only happened with him a few times,” she said. “And it got me where I am today. If I had the chance to go back and do it over again, I would,” she said with a fierce determination burning in her eyes.

  “I don’t blame you,” I said, pulling her into a hug.

  She squeezed me tight. When she pulled away, her mind was right back onto business. “Which is why it’s so important that this never gets out. If the fans of The Black Castle ever found out about this, I’d be ruined. People wouldn’t be okay with someone underage sleeping their way into a role.”

  “No, they wouldn’t,” I agreed grimly.

  “Netflix would drop me. The authorities would go after that director, ruining his career too…”

  “That wouldn’t be your fault, though,” I said. “You were a child. He’s a predator.”

  Her eyes were burning with anger as she looked up into mine. “I knew what I was doing. I was sick of being treated like a kid. I was a year shy of being old enough to do that anyway — so what? I’m tired of society trying to tell me what I did was wrong!”

  “Alina, you have to do what’s right. You need to get in front of this—”

  “You know what?! No, Charlie.”

  I was taken aback. “I know you’re frustrated,” I said patiently. “But that doesn’t mean—”

  “No! I don’t want to hear it. I thought I could tell you, my best friend of all people, but here you are judging me!” she said, pointing a finger at me accusingly.

  “Alina, I want to help you—”

  “No! No, you’re going to sit there and judge me for what I’ve done in the past. Just when I needed you the most, you turn your back on me like this!” she shouted tearfully.

  “Alina, listen—”

  “Is there a problem here?” Leo’s Molasses voice drifted out from behind me.

  I turned to see his massive golden linebacker form appear out of the ether, coming toward us on the beach.

  Alina’s face turned to pure rage as she said, “It’s nothing. We’re done here.”

  Then she turned and stomped away across the beach, leaving me with Leo.

  “What was that about?” he asked, his golden armor glittering in the light.

  I shook my head slowly. “Nothing. I think we’ll be alright— she’s just stressed.”

  Leo nodded, and I watched as his golden eyes followed Alina across the beach.

  Even though Leo was right next to me, I felt a million miles away from him. My mind kept tormenting me with the memory of the bonfire.

  Leo and Oliver hooked up, Leo and Oliver hooked up, Leo and Oliver hooked up…

  “I… I need a moment alone,” I said, turning from him.

  I took a few steps in the sand toward my trailer, then Leo’s voice stopped me in my tracks.

  “Charlie…”

  I squeezed my eyes shut tight.

  “It gets easier. All you have to do is stay out of the drama.”

  I turned to face him, locking my eyes onto his.

  “You didn’t,” I said sadly.

  We both knew I was talking about his hookup with Oliver.

  There was a tightness to his jaw.

  I turned and marched through the sand to my trailer.

  Chapter Eighteen

  As soon as I was safely inside my trailer, I shut the door and shut out the world. I kept picturing Alina’s face, her eyes full of hurt and accusation.

  She just needed to cool down for a little while… right?

  I slumped down on my bed, leaned back, and stared at the ceiling as if it somehow knew the answers to the questions swirling around in my mind.

  Without Alina on my side, what was I doing here? The only thing keeping me here was Reese’s promise of more scenes in The Black Castle. But as he reminded me outside of that restaurant, he could send me back to L.A. Any time he wanted.

  The power was all in his hands.

  And that got me thinking — what kind of nefarious rumors were circling about him? Was he… was he sleeping with underage people like Alina’s old director was?

  I closed my eyes and could still see that grainy photograph of her, her dark hair spilling down around her face contorted into an expression of pleasure.

  Maybe she was right. Maybe I was being judgmental. It must have taken a lot from her to even admit that to me — and it must have been a slap in the face when she placed her trust in me like that and I had that reaction…

  There was a knock on my door.

  I sat up from the bed, alarmed. Could it be Reese telling me that he had the meeting, and the showrunners wouldn’t let some nobody like me ruin their show with more scenes?

  It would probably be for the best.

  But when I answered the door, Leo was standing in front of me.

  I opened my mouth in surprise, but he cut through me with his golden gaze.

  I was speechless.

  Suddenly, he looked unsure of himself. The expression looked foreign on his stoic, perfect face. It was as if the lines weren’t carved there yet, and he was making that expression for the first time in his life.

  “I wanted to come by and explain,” he said.

  “Explain what?” I asked breathlessly. Even in my sour mood, I couldn’t deny the effect his presence was having on me. Again, it felt like I was tethered to him.

  But for once, I was able to ignore it. I leaned on the wall of the stairwell, regarding him carefully.

  “Can I come in?” he asked.

  It was impossible to read the look in his eyes.

  I shrugged, crossed my arms, and stepped back up inside my trailer.

  He followed, his footsteps heavy.

  Under normal circumstances, I would have been freaking out that Leo Knight — the irresistible movie star that made my heart sing — was alone with me in my trailer. But right now, I wasn’t in the mood for people at all. Nothing could brighten my mood except alone time.

  Still, I was going to make an effort to be polite.

  As Leo sat down on my couch, I bustled in the kitchenette, avoiding his eyes.

  “Tea?” I asked my voice coming out more stiff than I intended.

  “If you’d be so kind,” Leo said cordially.

  “Well aren’t you polite,” I said with a huff.

  I knew this wasn’t fair. I was upset and taking it out on Leo. Even though I knew I had no stake or claim on Leo, I couldn’t help but feel betrayed that he’d hooked up with Oliver — a man that had quickly become my enemy.

  Leo sat in silence on my couch, looking simply too big for it. Almost nothing about him was betraying any sort of emotion within him — almost. His arm was outstretched, resting on the back of the couch, and I noticed that his index finger was trembling ever so slightly.

  “I know this life can be overwhelming,” Leo said.

  I pursed my lips as I heated some water.

  “So I’m guessing you heard that I’m getting a bigger role,” I said.

  “Word gets around fast,” Leo explained.

  I wouldn’t look at him. I couldn’t look at him, so I busied myself with watching the water come to a boil.

  “Why did you come here?” I asked.

  “Me and Oliver… that wasn’t what it sounded like,” he said.

  I watched the tea slowly bubble.

  “Why should that matter to me? That’s you and Oliver’s business,” I said flatly.

  He was quiet for a moment, then said, “I don’t want there to be drama when there doesn’t have to be.”

  “You’re all a bunch of dramatic actors from big cities. It’s inevitable, isn’t it?” I asked.

  “I’m not from a big city. I’m from the midwest, like you,” he said.

  I stopped breathing for a moment. That was right — he had a similar background to me. But that didn’t explain how he knew I was from the midwest.

  “How do you know that about me?” I asked, the bubbles in the pot rising to the surface of the water slowly. I turned around and leane
d against the counter so I was facing him.

  He was staring at me like he was seeing the real me — the me that hid underneath the surface. For a second I thought of Mason’s eyes that night we hooked up.

  “Even though I don’t participate in spreading the gossip doesn’t mean I don’t hear it,” Leo said, fixing me with that golden stare.

  “So I’m guessing you know everything about me at this point,” I said bitterly, turning back around to check on the water. It was almost boiling now.

  “No, I don’t,” Leo admitted. “But I’d like to.”

  I froze. This was… this was getting intense.

  “I’m just a boring guy from the midwest,” I said, grabbing the handle and swirling the bubbling water.

  “Really? Is that how you see yourself?” he asked.

  The water bubbled excitedly as the butterflies in my stomach flung themselves around.

  “It’s all I am,” I said.

  “You can’t believe that,” Leo said. “Reese sees it in you. I see it in you. Hell, even Oliver sees it in you, and that’s why he acts the way he does.”

  Leo’s words combined with his slow molasses voice caressed me. I relaxed ever so slightly. There was silence for a moment as I removed the boiling water from the burner and poured it into two teacups.

  “Do you like floral tea?” I asked, trying to break the silence. My insides were squirming under this nebulous pressure.

  “I’ll take whatever you’ve got,” he said.

  I bit my lip and turned away from him. I couldn’t look at him; his gaze was making me squirm. I could feel my bad mood melting away for some reason, and I was reluctant to let it go. It was the only thing keeping me from crying, and I couldn’t let myself cry.

  Not in front of Leo.

  I brought a steaming mug of the pink liquid to him, and he grasped it with both of his big, meaty hands.

  Our fingers grazed, and the touch sent shivers of sensation through me.

  I pretended like I didn’t notice, but I couldn’t stop the blush from rising into my cheeks.

  “Thanks,” he said, the single syllable sitting heavily in the air.

  Grabbing my mug, I scanned the area for the right place to sit. Leo was sitting on the couch with his big arm outstretched, resting on the back.

  Every instinct within me urged me to sit there, in the crook of his arm. It took every ounce of self-control I had to muster myself into the chair across from the couch.

  “Where were we?” I asked, taking a sip of the sweet and sour liquid.

  His golden eyes were on me, watching me carefully. “I was telling you about me and Oliver, so we can get the story straight.”

  The tea burned my mouth again, but I tried not to let it show. “You don’t have to tell me anything,” I said.

  “I want to. I want to clear the air,” Leo said.

  The way the orange light of the sunset fell across his face was captivating— again, he looked like he was more than human. He was a sparkling god.

  “The world thinks I have a girlfriend… thinks I’m straight.”

  “I know,” I said, the tea trembling in my hand.

  “You know I’m not,” he said, his eyes boring into me.

  “I know,” I repeated, and felt a strong sense of satisfaction unfold within me. Even though I knew that he was gay, that Oliver told me, it still felt really good to hear it from his mouth. To hear some kind of confirmation that the chemistry between us was real.

  He took a sip of his tea, and I made sure to exhale in the silence to try to steady myself. To regain my center of gravity.

  “That brings me to Oliver,” he said.

  “You hooked up. That’s none of my business,” I said, crossing my legs.

  “We didn’t, though,” Leo said.

  My heart was in my throat, and my grip on the teacup intensified. “You… you didn’t?” I asked, trying to keep it cool.

  Leo shook his golden head. “Depends on your definition of hooking up. We were… we made out once,” he said with a far-off stare. “It was a mistake.”

  “R-really?” I said, my throat tight.

  Leo nodded. “In season one, last year. I could tell he was trying to figure out if I was gay… the way that a lot of guys do. He kept dropping hints here and there, waiting for me to reveal myself to him or something. I pretended not to notice.”

  I took another sip as I listened, thinking that Leo was much more observant than he seemed. I wondered how many times he’d played dumb with me, putting up this stoic facade.

  “He kept following me around on set, pretending to need things from me. Another sizing, another measurement, my opinion on what color to make things. I knew what he was doing.”

  “He was trying to get closer to you,” I said, holding my mug in my trembling hand.

  Leo nodded slowly. “And I’m ashamed that I let it get to me. I was going through some family stuff at the time, and I wanted to tell someone — anyone about it. Having Oliver around all the time, it made the most sense to tell him. And that’s when he kissed me.”

  I tightened my grip on the coffee cup.

  “We were alone in my trailer, and it was nice to talk to someone about it. And if I’m honest with myself, I was a little tempted. I gave in to the temptation, and we made out for a while.”

  My hands were shaking and I was rooted to the spot. I was quiet, letting him continue.

  He cocked his head to the side and regarded me carefully, then said, “As long as I kissed him, I could escape from all of this. I could avoid thinking about the issues with my family, the drama happening with Reese at the time, and the pressure of being the star of this show.”

  “What was the drama with Reese?” I asked, hoping my voice sounded more confident out in the air than it did in my head.

  “It doesn’t matter anymore,” Leo said slowly. “What I want you to know is that there’s nothing between me and Oliver, though he keeps trying.”

  The thought of there being even more drama with Reese that I didn’t know about was too much for me. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and suddenly I was done with all of the secrets and the lies and the tangled drama that was tearing the cast apart.

  “It was hard for me to see him kiss you,” I said, the words spilling out of me.

  Leo looked at me in silence.

  It felt like I was dying inside.

  “Say something,” I begged. I couldn’t bear for my feelings to be left out in the open like that, vulnerable.

  “I don’t know what I can say,” Leo said. “I came in here to set things straight. To undo some of the damage that has been done to you, Charlie.”

  “Why do you care?!” I nearly shouted. I was angry — angrier than I’d been in a long time. It felt like I was so close to catching him — this iridescent, shiny firefly. I’d closed my hands around him, but then when I opened them to check, they were empty. He eluded me again.

  “I care because when I look at you, I see… I see myself. We’re both from the midwest, thrown into a cage with all of these big ego drama queens from Hollywood. I’m just telling you… what I wished someone told me when I first started. This is what you need to know. This is how you survive.”

  He’d completely glazed over my feelings from earlier; skillfully redirected the conversation to some kind of fucked up mentorship lecture.

  Under any other circumstances, I would have appreciated the gesture. But right now, when it felt like I was completely alone in the world, I wasn’t having it at all. My mind took his words and twisted them into a patronizing tone.

  I was so incredibly done with everything right at that moment. It was like all of the feelings inside I’d been shoving down were all coming out at once. And they came out in the form of a boiling hot anger.

  “Get out,” I said.

  Leo raised one thick eyebrow in disbelief. It was clear that he was the one used to calling the shots. “Sorry?”

  I looked down at my tea. “I wa
nt you to leave my trailer.”

  I don’t know what I expected; maybe yell at me, tell me that he was staying as long as he damn well pleased, that he would threaten me with spreading rumors or something. What I didn’t expect was for his shoulders to sag and say, “If that’s what you want, Charlie.”

  I watched him stand up, set the nearly full mug on my kitchenette counter, and step down to leave my trailer.

  “Thanks for the tea,” he said flatly without looking at me.

  And just like that, he was gone.

  As soon as he left, the tension in the air broke. It was just me and myself now in the silence.

  I took another sip.

  Was I unnecessarily rude to Leo? It was such a shame he had to put up with someone like me — someone so bad at managing their emotions.

  I dunked the tea bag in the pink liquid and looked down at my reflection sadly. Where had all that anger come from? I hadn’t felt like that since…

  Since high school. This felt exactly like high school; in fact, I could remember a situation where it had been pretty much a mirror of what was going on now. My best friend was mad at me and refused to speak to me. There was some popular, hot guy that I’d hooked up with the day before, who treated me like I was something to be used and discarded. The guy I had a crush on was completely oblivious to my feelings, and tried to avoid talking about it once I made a pass at him. There was one bully that I thought was kinda hot, but he tried to sabotage me and my crush. And then there was my super hot theater teacher, who was almost exactly like Reese…

  A chill crept across my skin as I recognized the parallel in my life.

  Just like back then, I had to come to terms with my own mistakes; my self-hatred. I’d come home from high school and feel so out of control almost every day, cursing myself for making terrible decisions.

  This was just like that.

  I reached for a blanket near the couch and wrapped myself in it, sipping tea and contemplating.

  Just like back then, I felt alone. And just like back then, I longed for someone that would be able to properly listen to me, to understand me. To be able to reach into my head and pull me out of my swirling, self-hating thoughts.