Regret (Under My Skin Book 1)

by Christina Lee

  I readjusted myself on the pillow and shut my eyes. Settling in, I listened for the sound of him grabbing Tally and leaving, but I didn’t hear anything. After another beat, I felt the mattress dip and my eyes sprang open. Brin reached for the covers and slid them partway open. My heart vaulted to my throat, clogging with too many emotions.

  “Brin,” I whispered as our breaths intermingled in the narrowing space between us.

  His knee nudged further inside the covers, making room for his body to sink down, facing me. His wide gaze was fixed on me and his breaths fanned against my lips. I nearly groaned out loud, I needed him so fucking much in that moment.

  As my fingers reached up to connect with his nape, he tensed, so I eased off. But his arm stretched forward into the empty space to grasp for my hand and he dragged my fingers back in position against his neck.

  He bent forward, connecting our foreheads and we breathed the same air for a few intense seconds—our noses skimming, our chests heaving. I edged forward fractionally, my lips brushing over his mouth soft as a breeze fanning off the lake.

  My stomach clenched as I tested the waters, hoping like hell he didn’t reject me. Because goddamn, I was living for him in that moment and every single thing I wanted—needed—was narrowed down to the sensation of his mouth grazing against mine in the barest of kisses.

  When a whimper caught in his throat, I opened my eyes and trapped his gaze in mine. His pupils were wide and searching—as needy and wanton as me right then. I tried once more—painfully slowly—aligning our mouths together, feeling the curve of his lips, the softness of his skin.

  When he responded with his own tentative pressure, I sighed, melting against him, allowing the turmoil in my head to finally be silenced. I reveled in the moment—listening to his breaths, the faint noises in his throat—and feeling the solid bulk of his weight as he angled his body to get closer to me beneath the covers.

  Hoping for more, I nipped at his bottom lip and felt the tremor that tracked across his shoulders and down to the small of his back where my fingers had landed, providing steady pressure above the waistband of his trunks.

  My mouth resting firmly against his, I parted his lips with the tip of my tongue. He moaned low in his throat, as he finally allowed me inside the intimacy of his mouth.

  It was almost too much to bear so I took my time exploring over teeth and gums and soft palate, tasting his flavor and savoring his warmth for the first time as my fingers curled against the nape of his neck.

  When I felt his hand burrowing deeper in my hair, gently curving against my skull, I trembled as my heart pounded in my chest. My stomach filled with a warmth I hadn’t ever experienced with anybody before.

  Fingers tugging at my hair like they had the first time I’d gotten down on my knees for him, Brin hauled me against him, his lips becoming urgent as my tongue delved deeply inside his mouth. I groaned into the kiss, never wanting to come up for air.

  He gave back in kind, intruding inside my mouth with the wet velvet friction of his tongue sliding against mine in a hypnotic rhythm that made the hair on the back of my neck stand on edge.

  I could feel his hard cock aligning against mine, providing the perfect pressure as he melted into me, but all I wanted was his mouth and lips and tongue.

  We stayed that way completely intertwined with fingers beneath jaws or tangling in each other’s hair for who knew how long. My lips felt bruised, but the steady sensual pressure of his mouth fitted against mine momentarily satisfied my overwhelming longing and flooded me with crushing relief. I’d stay up all night kissing him if I could.

  But soon enough, both of us breathless and satiated, we fell into a soundless sleep, our limbs entangled and our fingers knotted together.

  23

  Brin

  I awoke in the twilight morning hours in Nick’s bed for the second night in a row. Somehow Tallulah and I had ended up here again after he’d begun tussling in his sheets and calling out his sister’s name.

  Zoey.

  I didn’t mean it.

  What the fuck was that about?

  Tallulah had gone to him first and I had followed her path to his room just like the previous evening. And exactly like the night before, he had soundlessly opened his covers while his eyes had begged me to stay.

  I carefully slung my arm over my head on the pillow, trying not to stir Nick as his fingers braced my hip, wanting to keep me close. I made a mental note to ask Elijah if the nightmares were a regular occurrence for him. But from what I’d gathered, his dreams were wracked with the kind of heartache and remorse I’d never experienced, and I wanted to know more, but every indication told me he wasn’t willing to go there with me—or maybe anybody.

  Besides, why would I want to open a can of worms with a man I was still wholly unsure of—maybe the better word was afraid of—and completely overwhelmed by? Still, I went to him in the middle of the night like lightning drawn to a steel rod. I couldn’t seem to help myself, even though I was sure to be in a world of hurt soon enough.

  Except it felt too good, seemed too right—trying to understand another person’s humanity. Endeavoring to make peace with Nick, so I could forgive him. Maybe that was ultimately what all of this was about.

  Both nights, my entire body was on fire for him. I wanted to devour his lips and tongue and I couldn’t stop kissing him for anything. He had looked so vulnerable after that nightmare and I just wanted to connect our bodies and mouths and hands and breathe the same small sliver of air as him for as long as he’d let me.

  And whereas two evenings before was slow and sweet and sensual, last night was scorching hot. My cock plumped back up simply thinking about it. The way he’d fed me his tongue, letting me suck on it over and over before dragging his mouth away and making me beg for it again while he devoured my neck and ear and collarbone—just like he made me plead for my orgasm the two times he’d sucked me off.

  He fulfilled a need in me nobody else had, so if I could make him forget for a little while whatever was tormenting his soul, then that was the solace I would provide to him. Had I realized all those years back that me being down on my knees helped him think about something besides all the heavy shit on his mind—had he only confided in me about it—maybe things could’ve been different. Or maybe I was only fooling myself.

  Regardless, it was the exact reason why I’d helped him forget last night.

  And I wasn’t sorry for it. I wasn’t sorry I had gotten down on my knees for him again. The dark and greedy desire we had for each other was some sublime reckoning I’d never experienced with anybody before and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get my fill of this man. Even though it would all come crashing down around us again soon enough.

  We had rutted up against each other before sliding our underwear down and he had placed both of our cocks in his tight first. But it wasn’t what I wanted right then. I wanted to remember one last time what he tasted like, smelled like. I had batted his hand away, pushed him back on the mattress and knelt before him.

  His breath had caught in his throat as he stared at me wide-eyed. “Brin, you don’t have to—”

  “Shut the hell up and give me what I need,” I rumbled.

  He squirmed and swore and sobbed as I sucked on his nipples, his hipbones, and licked gluttonously at his balls. As if he’d never been touched before. And maybe he hadn’t—not like that. Because desperation clung from me as my lips and tongue and teeth worked him over, tasted every part of his skin I could reach until he was shuddering and pre-come was leaking from his long and stiff cock. His skin was flushed from his neck down to his hips and he begged me to take him in my mouth.

  Yet even then he knew what I needed as he clutched at my hair and fed me his length, slowly easing it to the back of my throat. “Yeah, that’s it. Take it all,” he rasped, his legs quivering. “Show me how much you love it. How much you missed it.”

  I growled, hollowing out my cheeks and sucking harder. “Oh fuck, oh yeah. You get me hard
like nobody else can.” Unsheathing my teeth, I made him really feel me as he arched off the bed.

  He smoothed my curls off my forehead so he could watch me make him come. “I need you, Brin. Goddamn, do I need you.”

  And after he spurted inside my mouth and I swallowed it down, those shadows had left his eyes and he looked at me with such clarity, like he was seeing me for the first time. He tucked me under his chin and sighed against the top of my head.

  “Thank you,” he whispered as he fell into a deep and sated sleep.

  As daylight broke against the blinds I again asked myself why I’d stayed in Nicholas Dell’s bed. The sex was one thing. It was so blazing hot and fulfilled a deep craving inside me.

  But sleeping wrapped up in him all night was a wholly different thing.

  I was moving out in a couple of days, and I didn’t have to see him again if I chose not to. And maybe someday I’d hear through the grapevine he was engaged to marry some other Sarah. And then a couple years after that, other Sarah would be pregnant and Mrs. Dell would be anxiously awaiting her first grandchild.

  Fuck.

  Thankfully I was opening the daycare side of Doggie Styles this morning at six, which was early for Nick, who usually never rolled out of bed before eight. So as I carefully slipped from the covers, he pulled me back into his warmth, attempting to hold onto me for longer. And damn, I wanted to stay there in the cocoon of his heat and scent, his strong arms and soft lips. But his safety net only provided minimal coverage from heartache and logically, I knew that.

  Instead, I softly shushed him, mumbled that I had to get to work, and he reluctantly let me go. My heart ached as I made coffee, fed Tallulah, got dressed, and got my ass out the door.

  24

  Brin

  It felt good to throw myself into the morning routine at Doggie Styles even though every now and again I also couldn’t help rubbing my fingers over my swollen mouth. I couldn’t remember ever being kissed like that before. So thorough, yet overwhelmingly so—like he was trying to climb inside me and live there for a while. Little did he realize he already fucking did. Goddamn, how did I let this shit happen?

  As I busied myself by playing ball with some of the more active dogs that had been dropped off for play time, I heard Brooke and Tristan show up for work on the grooming side, flicking on the lights and firing up the machines. When Elijah came through the door, it felt like I hadn’t worked with him in forever. I was happy to see him, especially since he looked much healthier than the last time I’d laid eyes on him.

  “Hey, you,” I said with a wave. Though given his lingering hacking cough and sniffles, he still wasn’t a hundred percent yet.

  “Maybe you should’ve taken an extra day to chill?” I remarked as he let himself in through the gated enclosure.

  “Nah, it was time,” he replied, elbows on the service counter. “Besides, I was bored at Stewart’s place while he was at work.”

  “Why not go home?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

  “He wanted me at his place,” he grumbled and before I could say anything more, he added, “Just shut it.”

  “Good to have you back,” Tristan said passing through the groomer’s side door. “But if I see you struggling, you’re taking your butt back home.”

  “Which home?” I whispered and Elijah stuck out his tongue like a five-year-old.

  “Have you been sleeping in my bed?” Elijah asked as he grabbed the bucket and filled it with the stationary hose in the corner of the room. We used it to clean up any messes throughout the day, and with this many dogs, there was bound to be something spattered or deposited.

  I shook my head, nuzzling Tallulah as she approached me with one of the tennis balls the Great Dane pup had given up. He was the size of a small horse and dwarfed all of the other large breed dogs except for the Irish wolfhound.

  “Hope Nick has been a good roommate,” he continued as he added some disinfectant to the warm water. “Or the other way around. Guess you haven’t driven him away yet.”

  “Screw you,” I replied and playfully lobbed a tennis ball in his direction.

  “Oh, I detect a story here,” Brooke said from the other side of the counter and Tristan raised his eyebrows. “We need some juicy gossip around this place. Spill.”

  I threw a couple of tennis balls to the corner of the room and no less than five dogs charged after them. “There’s nothing to—”

  “Turns out Brin knew my roommate way back when,” Elijah said almost gleefully. My narrowed eyes didn’t even stop him. Our group was close, but this scenario was way too sensitive to share. I could feel my cheeks firing up as he continued. The loud mouth. “They were in high school and our boy here had a crush on him.”

  “Fuck, you’re making it sound dumb. It was way more than that.” I slapped my hand over my mouth. Shit. “Never mind.”

  “You better tell us now,” Tristan said, motioning to his employees. “Or they’ll hound you all day about it.”

  I sighed as two of the dogs brought the slobbery balls back to my lap while the others trailed behind. “I’m not saying a word.”

  “Why not?” Elijah asked, folding his arms across his chest like some bossy older brother. “Nick admitted he’s been with men, so now I’m really confused. This whole time I thought my roommate was straight.”

  “Ooooh, the plot thickens,” Brooke said, leaning over the counter, as if she needed to get closer to hear the story better.

  I should’ve totally blurted it out. I sucked his dick in high school, okay?

  So whom was I protecting? Him or me? It was a million years ago. Still, it was private and only between us. Why did anybody else need to know?

  “Stop teasing him,” Tristan said, carrying a bunch of new customer forms that needed to be entered into the computer. “He’ll share when he’s ready.” He swung toward Elijah with a pointed look. “And you stop being the town gossip. Just because we’re like a family here doesn’t mean we need to know everybody’s business.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. My bad.” Elijah threw his arm around me, still wet from the hose, drenching the side of my shirt. I learned the hard way never to wear nice clothes to this job. “Just missed you guys is all. It sucks being sick.”

  Tristan straightened when Mr. V strolled through the door in a crisp black suit with his phone tied to his ear to drop off his two black pugs. He dipped his head toward Brooke, who grabbed the leashes and checked them in, and then snapped at whoever was on the phone. I could see Tristan’s jaw tick as he stared the man down and we all busied ourselves with other things until Mr. V left, which was fine by me. I noticed how Tristan’s gaze lingered in the parking lot as if checking to see if Mr. V had come alone. Brooke glanced behind her and threw me a look that said she’d observed the same thing.

  As customers dropped off their dogs for appointments, Tristan and Brooke got working on the grooming side. Elijah and I took the dogs out back to our fenced-in grass area. One of us would eventually head back inside to mop the floor and let it air dry, since the terrier puppy had had an accident that morning already. We were all pretty much clean freaks at Doggie Styles, but damn if my hands didn’t take a toll from all the chemicals sometimes.

  “Nick mentioned Tallulah has been staying at our place?” Elijah asked in a hesitant voice, as if afraid I’d bite his head off again. I thought about how the dog sought Nick out the last two nights. “He had a change of heart?”

  I leaned against the fence and watched to make sure Mr. V’s two pugs didn’t get possessive with the French bulldog’s squeaky toy, which sometimes happened with the smaller dogs. “Guess so.”

  “Or maybe it was just you,” he replied with a smirk as he reached for the Frenchie’s favorite toy shaped like a fire hydrant.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked picking up one of the rope toys and playing tug of war with the chocolate Labrador.

  “You admitted you had a thing for him,” he said nonchalantly as he threw
the toy across the yard. “But given what I know now, maybe it was him who was crushing on you.”

  “No way.” I fished the rope toy from the dog’s clenched mouth. “He told you himself he was a dick to me in high school.”

  “Wait a minute, how did you…” Elijah narrowed his eyes and looked far off into the distance like he was putting two and two together. “Were you eavesdropping on us the night he gave us haircuts?”

  I scratched one of the pugs behind the ears. “Fuck no, I could hear your loud mouth all the way down the hall.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Maybe it was all a cover. You know how some jocks pretend to be homophobes in front of their teammates, but really they—”

  “Just drop it already,” I hissed at him. “Besides, I’ll finally be back in my own place in two days and out of your hair. We never have to talk about this again.”

  “Fine.” He snapped his fingers at two dogs fighting over a stuffed animal before walking back inside to mop the floor.

  I should’ve asked him more—like maybe about the nightmares—but knowing Elijah, he’d make even more out of all of this. Besides, would Nick want me to dig into his business?

  That night after work, Nick heated some frozen pizzas and I made a side salad. Elijah looked pretty washed out after a full day of work, but he seemed relieved to be back in his own space. I helped him put clean sheets on his bed, and soon after he took some nighttime cold medicine and retired early.

  Nick left for a spin class and I took Tallulah for a long walk down by the lake. I heard him come in a couple hours later and it might’ve been my imagination but he seemed to linger near my bedroom door. Tallulah didn’t stir on her pillow, and unless Nick had another nightmare, I didn’t suspect we’d be making another midnight visit to his room, not with Elijah being home. Even though he’d more than likely be out cold.