Midnight Dawn

by Jocelyn Adams

  Taka and Caine didn’t show up to the meeting, but Kat did, shocking the heck out of me. Probably wanted a chance to rip my face off.

  “So how do we find this sanctuary?” Sampson asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees as if having trouble staying upright. Probably because his worry over Kyle was getting to him. At least a cool breeze blew through the open-air hall, only a roof supported by beams to let nature in.

  “Izan said it’s a place of light that’s weathered many storms or something like that,” I said. “He said only I know the way, but I’m thinking all of us have to get Baku inside and keep him there.”

  “What would you have of us?” Raldad asked in his rumbling voice.

  “I know it scares all of you because of your previous touch issues, but you need to go to the person you’re most drawn to, and just…accept that it’s all right. Look at them, touch them, talk to them. Break down your walls and invite them in. If your storms reach out, let them merge. It’ll be the most beautiful, powerful, and awesome thing you’ll ever see and feel. You are all part of the Machine, and the stronger we are, the better chance we have of telling battle stories around a campfire tomorrow night.”

  Chatter broke out, some excited and others worried, as Dad wandered in and took a chair at the back. He shook his head, which I took to mean that his talk with Kyle hadn’t gone well. I hoped he’d at least stayed in the village and wasn’t either downing great gobs of alcohol or crying by himself somewhere.

  Most bowed the way Caine had earlier, with their fists to their throats, before wandering off. It made me feel weird, but it seemed as much of a ritual as our inductions were, so I didn’t complain.

  When my gaze landed on Kat, she launched out of her seat and tried to glare my face off before striding away.

  Even though I’d rather have eaten slugs, I rushed after her. “Kat, wait.”

  She stopped, skidding in the dirt as she turned around. “Is this my punishment for not training you?” she asked quietly. “Condemning me to live eternity alone while everyone else gets matched is a little harsh for the Goody Two-shoes you are.”

  Harsh, bitchy Kat I knew how to deal with, but vulnerable, hurt Kat? No freakin’ idea. “You think I did this? I don’t match people up. I’m pretty sure something inside us does the choosing when we’re ready. I have nothing to do with it.”

  “I grew up the youngest of ten children and the only girl. I spent my life having to fight for everything. To be heard. For a scrap of bread. To be seen for even a moment by my mother in a house where females had no importance. When I got to the Machine, I thought I was finally going to be at the top of the food chain, so I could be somebody worthwhile. I was the only female sentinel, and it gave me a sense of pride I’ve never had. But now we’re all sentinels, so I’m still alone and a nobody shouting to be heard over your mighty thunder. I hate you, and I will never bow to you.”

  Huh? “I never asked you to. Hell, I don’t want anyone to bow to me.”

  “Then what do you want?”

  “For you to step up. You’re an awesome fighter, better than anyone else here, and we’re about to go to war with the wraiths. Don’t fight for me”—I pointed to a group of guardians gathered in front of the mess hall—“do it for them, and for everyone who doesn’t even know today might be their last day on Earth. You have to choose what you become. Nobody can do that but you. If you want in, meet us in front of our cabin at dawn.”

  I jogged along the trail and didn’t look back until I’d almost made it to the cabin. She still stood where I’d left her, staring into her own future. I wasn’t sure if I’d helped or hurt her, but she had to figure it out on her own.

  Kyle sat on the front steps of my new home as I came trotting up the trail. He appeared the way Asher had for the last week, like someone had broken some fundamental structure inside him, leaving him a sorry sack of bones.

  I sat down beside him and put my arm around his shoulders. I didn’t say anything, only waited until the tension singing through his muscles began to relax.

  “Why couldn’t I have had a dad like yours?” he asked quietly.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know why anything happens. Maybe it’s just luck of the draw, or maybe it’s life’s big screw-you challenge to see who can rise above the shit and who falls face-first into it. Do you remember your father?” I wasn’t sure if his sensei had taken away his memories of the past during his induction into the Machine.

  “He comes to my dreams every night, and do you know what he tells me?” Kyle faced me, the sickness in his soul present in his eyes. “I didn’t raise a fucking faggot, so swallow your queer and be a man I can call my son.”

  “Jesus.” I ground my teeth. “Sorry, but your father’s a dick.”

  He frowned for a second before he cracked a smile. “Yeah, I guess he was.”

  “Don’t carry his shame with you for the rest of eternity. You don’t need his permission to be happy. You only need yours.”

  He smiled wider. “That’s what your dad said, too.”

  “You didn’t think I got my mad Dr. Phil skills from Asher, did you?” I rolled my eyes at myself, and he laughed.

  “Baku’s gone off the grid,” he said, sobering. “The drained host bodies aren’t showing up in the news anymore, so he must be hiding them somewhere. Sorry I couldn’t be more help.”

  “Just keep an eye out for anything majorly weird going on out there, and leave Baku to me.” I hauled him to his feet and hugged him. “Go get something to eat and some sleep, and no dreaming. That’s an order.”

  …

  A red-eyed, tearstained Sophia sat on the sofa at our cabin as close to Remy as she could without touching him. He hadn’t moved so much as a finger since they’d sat down after supper. It was almost painful to watch the separation full of wants and fears, but they declined when I said they didn’t have to keep me company tonight.

  Dad had parked his behind at the dining room table, his fingers linked together on the wood while his thumbs tapped together. It was his don’t-bother-me-I’m-thinking pose. After his talk with Kyle where the poor kid had tossed his cookies as his deepest shame had emerged, Dad’s worry had the entire rest of the day to snowball out of control. If he’d have believed it, I might have tossed him a lie or two to take the utter helplessness out of him, if only for the night.

  Asher’s fingers played in my hair while I leaned against his chest, his arm around me. “We should go to bed, Addison,” he said.

  “What?” Sophia slid forward on the sofa. “What time is it? It can’t be bedtime already.” She sounded half strangled with panic, and more tears leaked out of her eyes.

  I sighed, pried myself out of Asher’s arms, took his hand, and reluctantly got up. If we went to bed, it would be time to go the moment our eyes opened again. And time to decide the future of all with the skill of a blind woman stumbling around in a room full of razor blades. My shoulders drooped under the weight of that load.

  “Remy, do you want our room so you can be close to Sophia?” I asked. “Asher and I can find somewhere else.”

  The gentle giant came to his imposing height, staring down at her as if afraid she’d slip away into the shadows if he didn’t grab on to her. “No, may I sit here for a while, if that okay.” And by sit here, I thought he intended to spend the night parked outside Sophia’s bedroom door, probably as close to her as she’d allow given how hard she hugged herself.

  How could I ask them to come with us tomorrow? What if Remy came but not Sophia, and what if I couldn’t bring him home to her? It would destroy her and me, if I managed to survive.

  As if Sophia had been listening to me think, she bolted down the hall and shut herself into her room. “She has to figure this out by herself,” Asher said. “You’d be surprised what she can do when it’s important to her.”

  Remy lumbered down the hallway and stood at her door, his giant hands pressed against it. He spoke low words I didn’t try to hear, because they were for S
ophia. I hoped he got through to her. They needed each other tonight.

  I moved in behind Dad, hugging him from behind. “You should hit the hay, too, Dad. Sophia found you some clothes. She put them in the last room at the end.” I’d created a third bedroom for him with my new funky Architect powers.

  “Sleep. Yeah, that’s a good one,” he said, folding his hands over mine and squeezing tight. Low and raspy, he said, “I’ve spent the day trying to figure out how I can go in your place, or hog-tie you out in the bush somewhere ’til this is over, but I can’t do that, can I? People would die. Maybe the whole damn world. So, you come back to me, Addy. I will not lose you again.” Up like a shot, he rushed down the hallway without looking back.

  “Should I go talk to him?” Asher rubbed his hands up and down my arms.

  “No. He’s probably crying, and like most guys, he doesn’t want an audience. Besides, there’s nothing I can say to make this better, and we all know it.”

  “You will come home to him tomorrow. I promise you.” The fierceness coming through the words drew my focus to him. He seemed so certain, but he was deluding himself. We all had our coping mechanisms, so I let him believe the lie.

  Afraid of breaking the dam, I held my composure by the barest thread as Asher scooped me up and carried me to the bedroom. The twist in my gut wrenched tighter as he set me on the bed. “Um…I know you said we’d…you know…tonight, but I don’t think I can. Not with everything, and not with Dad here.”

  “Shhh.” Giving a sad smile, Asher crouched in front of me and undid my hiking boots. “Let me get you comfortable, and then I’m going to tuck you into my arms.” After removing my boots and socks, I lifted my butt so he could pull off my jeans.

  Would we get to be together long enough for the newness of our bond to wear off? Or would our lives together last for a whole twenty-four hours?

  Half choked, I jumped up and went to the en suite bathroom. “Be right back. Have to brush. Can you please set an alarm for…I don’t know, 4:30?” Yep, I was totally not outrunning an all-out screaming, sobbing fit that waited to crush me.

  By the time I cleaned my teeth and splashed a few dozen gallons of cold water on my face, I’d reclaimed control of my emotions. “Izan,” I said. “I know you’re listening. Any last advice?”

  No Aztec boy appeared in the mirror, but his voice whispered in my head. “You have come far, child. I will walk the last mile of this road with you and your Shepherd. If we do not speak again, I would have you know that taking this journey with you has been my greatest pleasure, and my greatest sorrow. The longer I know you, the more I understand what it is to feel, and I shall never forget how you have changed me or how you’ve changed the world around you. Go in peace and in strength, and believe you are ready to face this challenge.”

  What he’d said sounded distinctly like a good-bye, and my confidence took a dive. Zombie-walking, I emerged to find Asher already in bed, his chest bare and the covers pulled back. He stared at me as if I were a goddess, made me feel beautiful and about ten feet tall. God, I loved him. Everything I’d ever wanted was in that bed. A gorgeous man who loved me, weirdness and all, whose arms could hold back the scary world for a while.

  I didn’t hesitate before jumping into those arms and running my hand up the bumps of his abs, trying to shut out what Izan had said. As I nestled my face against Asher’s throat, he arranged the covers over us, turned a little so I could tangle our legs together, and held me against him.

  There, in the circle of his arms, with his heart beating a steady rhythm under my ear, a sense of calm settled into me. I understood all at once what Izan never had, how a mother could lift a car off her child, why a wife would take a bullet for the one she loved. The strength I found in Asher saturated me to the core, and no matter what it took, I would use that strength to make sure we had a forever.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  The hush and click of a door shattered the restless sleep I’d slipped into after a horrible night of tossing, turning, and trying to figure out where to find a prison for a dead king. I launched out of bed, terrified I’d somehow slept in, but it was still dark.

  “Addy,” Dad said, his form silhouetted in the doorway. “You’d better come. Something’s going on with your man.”

  “What?” I pulled on my pants and ran by Dad. “Where is he?”

  “Outside on the stoop. Been sitting there with that book of your mother’s for almost an hour, and I’m pretty sure I heard him out there sobbing.”

  I reached out with my energy, and Asher’s pain rushed over me like wildfire. “Asher!” Once outside, I found him sitting on the bottom step of the front porch with his face in his hands. The book had dropped into the dirt between his shoes. The overhead light illuminated several other guardians who’d gathered around in silence, Remy, Sophia, Caine, and Kat at the front of them. They all looked to me to fix it, but what was wrong?

  I strangled out a cry that wanted to rush out and went to Asher without a clue what to do, dropping to my knees when he didn’t move.

  “Asher?” I slid my hands up his wrists and lowered them away from his face. His eyes were puffy, the whites bloodshot. “I’m here. Can you look at me? Why are you out here?”

  Slowly, his focus moved from whatever morbid scene played inside his head to me. “Addison.” He shook his head as he gripped my arms and pulled me between his knees, shoving the book aside with his foot. “Why is this happening?”

  “Please breathe and tell me what’s wrong. You’re scaring me.”

  He leaned down and picked up the closed bible, and I moved beside him so he could set it on his legs. “You were right, this isn’t just a book,” he said. “It’s a vessel of memory. Our memory. We’ve lived before. And died. You always die.”

  So that’s what I’d been feeling every time I added a page.

  Dad made a choked sound, drawing my focus to where he stood in the doorway, but I couldn’t go to him, not yet.

  Caine moved up and sat on the other side of Asher. “He hasn’t been feeling premonitions of the future, Addy, he’s been feeling echoes of the past.”

  I frowned at him, my inner world growing dim, and only concentration kept me from crashing. “You knew? How? Why are you just telling us now when you know what we’re about to do?” I gripped Asher’s hand as he stared at me in silence. “So all those other Architects who died trying to do what we’re about to, those were all other incarnations of me?”

  Was that why Baku had called me the walking dead? That would make me no better than a wraith. An invader in a body that should have had a new soul in it, because if I’d died, I’d be energy floating around the universe, or if I’d died unnaturally, I should have been a wraith. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. How we came to be. What magic created a soul in the first place. I suddenly felt like I didn’t know anything about my own race. An eerie numbness crashed over me, deadening all but Caine’s voice that I wanted to shut out.

  “Only the first three were you. Asher has watched you die in his arms three times in battle, and been born again into whatever hell our wise founder dreamed up for him. You found him every time, and yours was the first kind hand he had ever known. The power of that first touch was a sight to behold.”

  Asher’s face told me he’d seen it all through the book. It was true. Why, Izan? My ribs seemed too small, and I struggled to breathe in air. “Why only the first three?” Asher asked, and I was glad he asked, because I couldn’t think.

  “I think Izan hid the two of you so Baku wouldn’t know how strong you were becoming. You continued to live outside the Machine as exiles, tortured with horror after horror under the guise of training. He made sure you never got to bond, building the emotional pressure in the two of you like a nuclear bomb. I’ve watched you suffer over a time spanning more than a thousand years, and if I could have stopped it, I would have. Please know that.”

  “Bastard!” Asher pounded his fist against the boards and launched up. “Is Izan ly
ing to us, Addison? Maybe he’s lying about the other planets. Maybe they’re all peaceful like Baku’s used to be before Izan screwed them over. In New York, the king told us most other worlds were culturally united. Maybe Izan’s getting ready to destroy all of his toys so he can go home, including us, and we’re the weapon of our own destruction. This is heinous, and it stops here.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know what to believe. I’ve been trusting my instincts, but if Izan put them there, and he really…how could he hurt you like that? Did you really see our past lives when you touched the book?”

  “Once I put in the last page, its soul inhabited me, and I lived every moment of it again as if I’d never forgotten. And I hadn’t, not completely. That’s why I had a sense of dread whenever I got close to you, why I could feel you die.” He roared wordlessly, and Remy put his hand on Asher’s shoulder, speaking quietly to him.

  I picked up the book and turned to the back. Drew in a breath that took a while to come back out again. “Where did you get the last page?”

  Asher frowned, and looked over at Caine. “He said he found it on a wraith he killed last night.”

  “No.” I dropped the book, every alarm in my head ringing full force. “Mom had it, and she’s with Baku. Caine, tell me you aren’t working with him.”

  Asher lunged at him. Caine leaped up and grabbed Dad, throwing a spear of energy through his chest.

  I screamed and bolted up two steps, but Dad went rigid, and Caine said, “Stop, Addy. His heart is in my grasp, and it’s up to you whether or not it stays beating. I don’t want to hurt him, so stay back. You have to understand, there’s no other way. You have to listen to me.”

  I held my hands up, and the rest of the sentinels shifted forward. “Okay, take it easy. It’s okay, Dad, I’m going to figure this out. Caine, just tell us what you want.”

  Dad nodded, his color graying.