Levels (The Swingtown Series Book 1)

by Jaime Whitley

  Justin had taken the day off work so he can be here with me since I’m getting the results from my biopsy. They took it a couple weeks ago when they removed my tumor, and I’ve had a long wait to get some answers. I'm sitting in an uncomfortable chair waiting for my doctor to join me; the exam room feels claustrophobic today, more than it has before. I have such mixed feelings today, hope, fear, doubt, and insecurity, just to name a few. If my results come back benign, then I will be over the moon about it but if not then …well, actually I don’t know how I’ll feel. I have two children that I will be leaving behind and that scares the hell out of me. The door to the room opens, and Dr. Michaelson walks in and greets us both.

  “Hello Mr. and Mrs. Mills, it’s good to see you both again.” He shakes hands with both of us while holding my chart in his other. “Katrina, how have you been feeling?”

  “I’ve still been having pains from where the tumor was removed, but other than that, nothing out of the ordinary.” I look to Justin, who’s rubbing his hands down his pant legs. I can tell he’s just as nervous as I am to hear what the news is going to be.

  “Okay, well as you know, we don’t like to give results over the phone good or bad.” I nod holding my breath. “I hate to have to tell you this, but the biopsy did show that the tumor is malignant.” And with those words the breath whooshes from my lungs, stealing my ability to breathe properly. I drop my head and immediately start crying. Justin is quickly by my side, grabbing a hold of my hand and wrapping his arm around me pulling me into him. His comfort means the world to me and I’m so grateful he is here with me at this moment. The doctor remains silent, giving me a minute to let this life changing news sink in.

  “So what now? Where do we go from here?” Justin asks, the strain evident in his voice.

  “We also removed some lymph nodes while I was in there and thankfully they came out clear.” The doctor looks at me with a blank face, he must be used to giving people news like this.

  “Okay, so you removed the tumor, and the nodes were clean so she should be cancer free now, right?” Justin asks hopefully, his hand tightening around mine.

  “Technically, but I’ll be honest with you. There is always a chance that it can pop back up but for now, yes, she is cancer free. We will want to run a few more tests and do a couple more scans to make sure that we didn’t miss anything the first time around and we will want you to continue getting scans every three months.”

  “Babe, this is great news.” Justin lets go of his hold of me and walks over to the table grabbing a tissue handing it to me. Drying my eyes, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

  “So that’s it? I just come back for scans every three months, and I’ll be good?” I ask full of hope that the cancer will never show its ugly face again.

  “I can’t give guarantees, there’s always a chance that another tumor can come back. I can’t make any promises, but I’m extremely optimistic that you are in the clear.” He smiles. “Do you have any other questions for me?”

  “Will the orders already be in the system for the scans or do we have to call the office before trying to make an appointment with radiology?” Justin inquires, and I’m thankful he knows what questions to ask because I would never have thought of that.

  “No, there will be an open order so when you’re about to reach your three-month mark, just go ahead and schedule your appointment.” I nod, “Now if you could just lay back, we’ll take a look at your staples, make sure everything is healing nicely.” I do as he asks and lay down on the bed, and the paper crinkles as my body touches it. As he puts gloves on, I lift my shirt, he presses down on my abdomen, and I wince and he notices. “You’ll have some tenderness for a little while but if any of your other symptoms start to return, call us immediately.” Taking off the gloves, he holds out his hand and helps me sit up. “We will see you back to get the staples taken out. If you have any other concerns before then be sure to call the office.” I nod and Justin thanks him, shaking his hand before he leaves the room.

  Driving home, we manage to make small talk before silence falls upon us. I wish I knew what was running through Justin’s head right now but, unfortunately, I’m not a mind reader. I can’t wait to get home and tell the kids the good news. I’ve been preparing myself for the worst possible outcome, but the doctor’s optimism gives me hope that I’ll be okay. As we pull into the driveway, I take off my seatbelt and notice that Justin isn’t moving.

  “Are you going to shut the car off and come inside?” I ask looking at him. Turning to me he gives me a small smile.

  “Actually,” rubbing the back of his neck, “I’m going to head back into work.”

  “But, I thought you took the day off?” I had been hoping to spend some time with him, just enjoy the fact that I am healthy. I just wanted some time.

  “I did, but since it didn’t take as long as I expected it to, I have some things I need to take care of. If I stay home, I’m just going to be stuck at work longer tomorrow. I’d rather just head over there real quick and get some things knocked out of the way.” He uses a tone that lets me know that he doesn’t understand why I want him here like I’ve had the news now life just goes back to normal.

  “And what about the kids?” He looks to me giving me a ‘what about them look’. “Don’t you want to be there when I tell them the good news? I’m sure they are going to have a lot of questions, Justin.” I can hear the emotion start to seep into my words, even though I try not to let it.

  “Just tell them what the doctor told you. Honestly, Katrina,” his voice starting to sound annoyed, “I’m trying to get this stuff done since tomorrow is a Friday, and I can get home to you guys earlier. If you want, wait until tomorrow to tell them the news and we can do it together.” Looking at his watch he gives me a pleading look before leaning over placing a kiss on my lips. “I promise I won’t be long.” Taking that as my cue to leave, I get out of the car slamming the door behind me.

  As I walk into the house, I’m met with a little body tackling into me. “Whoa, there little princess. What’s the rush?”

  “Mommy! I’m so glad you’re home. I was so scared you weren’t going to come back.”

  “Why wouldn’t I come back?” Chuckling at the crazy imagination my daughter has, I wonder how she spent her day today.

  “Because, you have cancer and cancer kills you.” Her lower lip quivers and I can see her eyes start to water. I gasp as my body goes rigid with my hand flying to my mouth. Quickly removing it, I bend down to her level and soften my voice.

  “Who told you that?”

  “Alex did.” My body trembles and my eyes bulge. I’m speechless for a minute, trying to process what she just said.

  “Honey, I’m not going anywhere.” Pulling her into my arms, I hug her tightly. “Why don’t you go wash up and I’ll make us something to eat for lunch.” As I pull away from her, I can see she believes what I’m telling her as her face starts to brighten again.

  “Can we have grilled cheese, please?” And just like that her thoughts are changed, and I smile at her.

  “I’ll make you whatever you want.” She rushes off to the bathroom to wash up, and I walk over to the stairs.

  “Alexander! Get your butt downstairs right now.” I yell out before heading back to the kitchen.

  “Hey, mom, what’s up?” He asks as he rounds the corner. Turning around, I grab him by his arm pulling him closer to me.

  “Don’t what’s up me. What is wrong with you?” I scold him softly. I don’t want Gabby to hear our conversation.

  “What do you mean?” He grimaces, looking down to the ground. He knows exactly what I'm talking about, but he's playing innocent.

  “Why on earth would you tell Gabby that I wasn’t coming back?” I'm trying to stay calm, not let my anger with his father come out at him.

  “It just kind of slipped.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal.

  “How does something like that just kind of slip?” I raise my hand waving
it around.

  “She was crying when you left and wouldn’t calm down. I got agitated and told her she should probably get used to you not being around because if it comes back that you have cancer, you could die and we won’t have you around anymore.” Closing my eyes, I rest my head in my hand.

  “Do you have any idea the fear you probably put into her? She’s five, Alexander. She’s just a child!” Opening my eyes, I glare at him.

  “I’m sorry, okay?” His apology isn’t sincere, and I’m getting annoyed he isn’t fully grasping the damage he could have done today.

  “No, it’s not okay and sorry isn’t going to cut it. You’re grounded.” This is not how I saw my homecoming going; I thought I would be surrounded by the love of my family after some great news.

  “Are you kidding me? That’s so unfair.” He throws his hands up like I'm the most unreasonable person in the world.

  “No, what’s unfair is that you made your sister think that her mother was never coming back. You should have known better, Alex.” I pinch the bridge of my nose.

  “Really? I don’t know anything because you won’t tell me. You treat me like I’m a child and keep me in the dark.” My heart nearly breaks when I hear the pain in his voice. I’ve tried to protect him, and all I’ve done is made him feel cut off.

  “I’m just trying to protect you, both of you. You will understand one day when you’re a parent.” Sighing, I pull him into a hug. “But you’re right. You are old enough to handle the truth, and I shouldn’t have kept you in the dark like I did. I should have been straightforward and kept you in the loop with everything. You have to remember that even though you’re seventeen you’re still my baby.”

  “So, does this mean I’m not grounded?” I laugh at him.

  “Nice try, hand over your car keys and we’ll discuss further punishment when your dad gets home.” Holding out my hand, he huffs but reaches in his pocket and places the keys in my hand.

  “Where is he anyway? I thought he had the day off?”

  “He decided to go into work and get some things finished up so he can get off early tomorrow.” The disappointment in his eyes guts me as I can relate to the feeling.

  “Well, if you need any help with making lunch or dinner let me know.” I know it’s an empty gesture and if I asked him he would complain the whole time. I decide to let him off the hook today.

  “Thank you. Why don’t you go upstairs and enjoy your Xbox while you still have it.” He groans as he runs upstairs to return to his gaming world.

  I text Justin to see how long it’s going to be until he gets home, but I don’t get a response. I’m not sure what to do about him anymore. He’s been so checked out lately; this job was supposed to be better and make more time for family. I know it isn’t going to happen until he’s done with school, and I’m more than excited that we only have two more weeks until graduation. Having a feeling that Justin isn’t going to be home anytime soon, I text my neighbor Julie once I’m done making lunch for the kids and ask her if she wants to come over for a cup of coffee. She’s been my best friend for years and knows everything that’s been going on. We both have kids the same age so she will bring her son Gavin over to play with Gabby while we talk.

  “Hello.” her voice calls out before I hear the door shut. We used to knock or ring the bell but after a while we just felt like it was pointless. We’re practically family so why not just walk in. After getting the kids settled out back, I make us a cocktail and sit under the umbrella on the patio. I tell her about how things went at my appointment today, and it's nice to be able to talk to someone about it all.

  “So let me get this straight, you find out that it was cancerous,” I nod, “and then instead of staying home and celebrating the fact that they removed the whole thing, he runs back to work.” Her eyes are wide as she takes a drink of her cocktail. At least I know I'm not being unreasonable with my feelings.

  “Yup, that pretty much sums it up.” I lean back against the cushions of the chair, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face.

  “I got nothing.” Julie says as she frowns at me.

  “Well, thanks for the encouraging advice.” I joke as I take another sip of my cocktail.

  “Look, I’m not defending him when I say this, but that school is stressful. I remember when Camden was going through it. I wasn’t sure if our marriage would even survive his mood swings.” I laugh at her. “I’m serious; I thought about divorcing his ass several times. I couldn’t take it anymore. He was always taking his long days out on me and criticizing everything I did even down to how I spent my free time. He started becoming very judgmental and paranoid.”

  “How come you didn’t tell me any of this?” I’m in complete shock that all this was going on across the street, and she never told me. We tell each other everything, well at least I thought we did.

  “There’s just some things in your life you keep private. You don’t go spilling your marital problems to the world especially when you don’t know where it’s going to end up.” I feel bad that I have spent the last few months telling her all my problems.

  “And here I am, bitching to you about mine.” She smiles.

  “That’s just the way I deal with things. Not everyone is the same. I just didn’t want people judging Camden if we ended up working through all of it. And we did. I’m glad I kept our problems behind closed doors. Now when people see him, they won’t look at him and judge him for all his past douchey actions.” She quirks a smile and takes a sip of her drink.

  “I would have never judged either of you.” Her words hurt me and make me think that maybe we aren’t as close as I thought we were.

  “I know you wouldn’t. I’m just not as confident of a person as you are. I wish I were, and I admire the confidence you carry. I wish I was as brave as you. There were so many times I wanted to cry about it to you, but I just didn’t have the courage.” Her words help my insecurities about our friendship, and I relax again.

  “So what changed that?”

  “I’m not sure. This is the first time I’ve ever really spoken about it.” She holds up her glass and shakes it, making us both laugh.

  “I don’t know what it’s like with your medical issues, but I do know what it’s like dealing with the stress of this school. You have a couple more weeks and things will change.”

  “And if they don’t?”

  “Well, then that’s up to you to decide.” She looks at her phone. “I'd better get going. Camden should be home from work soon, and I have to get dinner started.” Standing, I give her a hug.

  “Thank you for coming over and listening.”

  “Anytime. If you ever need me, you know where to find me.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek and calls for Gavin before heading home.

  As I’m getting dinner ready, my conversation with Julie plays over and over in my head. She could be right, after school is over maybe things will go back to normal. But what if it ends, and everything remains the same? What am I going to do if Justin finishes school and doesn’t go back to the way he was with me before all this started. I know I’ve changed physically and without the distraction of work and lack of intimacy, what if he realizes he’s no longer attracted to me? I guess that’s something only time will tell once school is done with. It’s eight-thirty when Justin finally comes home, and I’m already in bed. He goes straight to the shower without even saying hello and comes out of the bathroom without any clothes on, climbing in bed next to me. To my surprise, he slides across the bed pulling my body into his placing a gentle kiss on my neck. I’m still a little aggravated at the fact that he just left earlier leaving me to handle the situation with the kids. I don’t dwell on it at the moment considering this is what I’ve been craving.

  Turning to face him, he leans his head down to mine and connects our lips pushing his tongue to meet mine, not waiting for permission. He’s being forceful and I have to say, it’s turning me on. Our bodies are pressed against each other, and I can feel his di
ck come to life as it hardens against me. Tracing my fingers down his abdomen, I reach his cock and wrap my hand around it, stroking him gently. As soon as I tighten my grip, he bites my lip groaning into my mouth with pleasure. With our lips never parting, he moves his hand down my body and pushes a finger into me. “So fucking wet already.” He wastes no time as he pushes another two fingers in me, sliding them in and out while circling my clit with his thumb. The sensation that is flowing through my body is almost unbearable, my legs shaking with the pure pleasure he’s bringing me. Pressing down harder on my clit, he moves faster and starts pressing his fingers to my g-spot, the pressure there is all I need, and I immediately lose myself to my orgasm. He removes his hand all too quickly before rolling me on top of him, sliding himself into my slick pussy. As I’m riding him, he lifts my shirt off my body and sits up devouring my breast with his mouth. The flicking of his tongue against my nipple has it hard in no time, and he bites down on it sending a shiver through me. “Rub my balls,” He demands, and I’m more than happy to oblige. Reaching back I cup them in my hand and gently begin to massage them in a circular motion. “That’s it, I’m so close.” I start to move a little quicker knowing he is about to go over the edge, feeling him harden inside me before he fills me. I slow down but continue to ride him, letting him enjoy his orgasm before I lean down placing a kiss on his lips before rolling to my side of the bed.

  “I’m sorry about earlier,” He says rolling over to face me. “I’m honestly just so stressed out at work and just hearing that your tumor was cancerous scared the shit out of me. I didn’t know how to deal with it, and I thought if I went to work, it would distract me from all the fears that were running through my head. I’m trying to be strong and supportive, but I feel like a complete failure when I’m freaking the fuck out on the inside. I don’t want to lose you, Katrina.” I feel tears building in my eyes as he speaks, telling me he does love me.