by Xyla Turner
“Yes, I agree. I knew that, which is why I was always pulling away, but I wanted to be with you too.” I admitted, finally.
He cupped my chin and placed his lips over mine, “Falling for you, sweetness. We can fight for us.”
A tear escaped my eye as I felt the ending coming way too soon. “Ryan,” I kissed his lips. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that. So much is happening. Good and bad. I just don’t feel like I have what it will take to fight. I don’t want to let you down, I guess. You need someone strong enough to handle your burdens and that doesn’t seem to be me.”
“What?” he exclaimed. “I carry your burdens, sweetness. Not the other way around.”
“Ryan,” I breathed but this time, he kissed me. “I carry my own weight.”
“No on my watch.” He kissed me deeper this time. “Who’s going to watch out for you, now?”
“I can take care of myself.” I said, after his peck on my lips. “Just like I have been for years now.”
“It shouldn’t be this way,” he said and shook his head.
“Please, Ryan. Don’t fight me on this, I’m not strong enough to resist you.” I was pleading because it was true.
Another tear dropped from my eye. My heart was pounding, my ears were ringing and I knew the scent of fear was all over me. Ryan kissed my rolling waterfalls, then dipped down to kiss me on the lips.
“Every Saturday, Zee still meets with me. Even after the six months are over. Reggie can come too. If you get anonymous gifts, just shut up. I won’t bother you, won’t stalk you, but I just want to know you’re alright. Agreed.”
Oh my God.
He still wanted to meet with Zee. Like a mentor and Reggie too. He wasn’t like the other police. My Ryan wasn’t like that. More tears started to come to my eyes, but I ignored them and kissed him hard. His hands were all over my ass while he lifted me so I was against his whole body.
“Last time, okay.” He said as he pulled up his shirt. “Give me one last night, sweetness.”
“Yes,” I was out of breath as my nipples screamed for him to wrap his lips around them.
My aching center needed his touch, tongue, finger and especially his thick, long dick. He stood up and almost dragged me to his room that was upstairs in the sheik apartment. When we reached his bed, the all black comforter was draped over the bottom, where Ryan placed me. Pulling my shirt off, I unbuckled my jeans and he ripped them off with my sneakers and all. He quickly removed his shirt, took off his belt and let his pants drop. He must have kicked off those ugly boots because when he climbed over me, black socks covered his feet.
“You’re so beautiful.” He sighed on my stomach.
Trailing kisses down my stomach to my panty covered lips. He pulled on them, so I lifted as he pulled them clean off my body. When he returned, he pressed both hands to my thighs, baring my throbbing center to him. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. His tongue game was on point and I knew once he started, he would not stop until I was screaming and his head was wrapped up with my legs.
Something touched my clit, then I felt his lips take them in his mouth, causing me to scream out.
“Ryan,” I yelled.
His focus was solely on me and my next orgasm because his head was buried in my middle until his fingers joined him. That lasted for no more than two minutes he was pressing my thighs open, so he could continue to assault my sensitive nub.
My screams were muffled by his fingers in my mouth. Two of them as he grabbed the bottom half of my mouth. After I had calmed down, I started to suck on his fingers until he kissed his way back to my mouth. Then he started to push them in and out of my mouth and I watched as his eyes dilated right in front of me.
Pulling his hand out of my mouth, I turned him and straddled his waist. I kissed my way down to his hard manhood. Both of my hands rubbed up and down as I kissed the tip. He moaned and dropped his head back on the pillow, saying through gritted teeth, “God, D’asia. Yes, baby.”
Wrapping my lips around his warm dick, made my pussy pulse as I thought of him entering me and causing me to come apart. I continued to suck on him, using my tongue as an additional sensation, while he moaned and whispered my name. After a while, his hand grabbed my braided ponytail and he held my head as he pushed inside my willing mouth. My moans urged him on as he finally pulled me off of him and up towards him.
“Bout to have me bust in your mouth. Not on our last night.” He kissed me deeper, then grabbed my hips.
He lifted up my hips, then said, “Guide me in.”
I reached between us and twirled my hips around on the head.
“Fuck, D’asia.” Ryan growled, then slapped my ass. “Ride it.”
This spurred me, as I settled on him. It was like time stood still and neither of us was breathing. The air in the cool room gave us no room to catch it in our lungs. He felt so goddamn good, I didn’t want to move. To lose that would be so hard, but I definitely wanted to savor the moment.
“Ryan,” I finally breathed. “Oh my God.”
He ripped my lace embroidered bra off, then bit down on my hard nipple. Holding his head against my chest as I moved my hips up and down on his hardness, I felt my moment coming. This spurred me on and I picked up the speed. Ryan switched to the other nipple and I started to lose it.
“Ryan,” I screamed. “I’m coming.”
He pulled back and said, “Come for me, sweetness. Come all over me, baby.”
A sting on my ass, made me realize that he was spanking me.
Oh my God.
“Harder,” I moaned. “Spank me harder.”
Oh and he did.
I was sure it would be hard to sit down and I definitely did not care. He spanked me one more time and I started to jerk erratically over him. He quickly turned me so my back was on the bed, and he begin to power inside of me as my head and the top of my back was flat against the headboard. My legs were spread apart with Ryan holding each ankle wide as he rocked the bed back and forth, causing me to unravel again.
“Oh D’asia,” he grunted, “Oh, sweetness. Don’t leave me.”
“Ry…” He dropped my ankle and put his hand around my neck.
It wasn’t hard, but it was weird. He pulled my head towards his and nipped my bottom lip, then my upper, until he had my jaw.
“God, I’m going to miss you.” His thumb rubbed my jawline.
Then his hand grabbed the back of my neck and he took me in a searing kiss as he came. I swallowed all of his groans and moans. He fell on me with his face in my neck. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, while he moved us further down the bed in our embrace. Both of his arms were around my mid-section and they were rather tight, but I didn’t care. I’m sure I was squeezing the life out of him as well.
We laid there, then he pulled back and said, “So, no contact. Just Zee on Saturdays.” He kissed my forehead.
I nodded my head, then said, “Thanks for doing that.”
“Anything for you.”
“Stop.”
His eyes roamed over my face for what seemed like an eternity, then he whispered, “The woman that broke my heart. Beautiful, smart, sexy, a fighter, independent and perfect. Everything I ever wanted. My girl.”
“Ryan,” I buried my head in his chest.
“Just stating my peace,” his voice trailed off.
My eyes closed for a short bit, then I jolted awake to see that I was alone. As my eyes adjusted to see the clock, it was three in the morning. Wandering out of the room, I saw a light was on in the adjacent room.
“Ryan?” I called.
“In here, sweetness.” A voice called.
“Hey, what you doing?” I asked.
“Just working on this case, had a weird dream and it reminded me of the case with your neighbor. Something was off about it, so just going on a hunch and didn’t want to forget it.”
I rubbed my hand through his hair and smiled. “You’re a good cop Ryan McFadden. You should look to bein
g a detective.” I smiled, then added. “Okay, I’m going back to bed then.”
“I’m coming soon.” He kissed my hand and I laid back down for a few hours.
The next time I woke up, he was out like a light. I didn’t want to wake him, so I wrote a note, kissed him and met my Uber outside.
I held back my tears and willed my heart to stop aching. It didn’t work and the Uber-man asked me on several occasions if I was alright. After assuring him that I was, he dropped me off and I came in just in time before Zee was up and getting ready for school.
The rest of the week, I laid in bed crying, eating and watching Life Time movies. I knew what would happen with all of them, but I continued to mindlessly consume each horrid event. Zee was worried and even Mrs. Henry called because she said she knew a breakup when she heard one. I told her that it was a mutual decision, but she read through that as well.
“Honey, you can wallow around till the end of time, but if you don’t like something, you got to make the change for yourself.” She paused, “You like that man?”
“Yes,” I answered.
“So, the problem is your current situation or is this more internal?”
“Both.”
“Then pick one of those and start working on it. You hold the power in your hands.”
“Right.”
She was right. If I wanted to change, it started with me. No man could help me with that.
Come up plan, phase two - here I come.
D’asia
Six Months since the Breakup
The past six months had been absolutely crazy. I never thought in my wildest dreams, I would be leaving Jackson, Parris & Associates because I worked there. Me, D’asia Carey, worked there. It all started with my counselor at the life program. She called an attorney and let them know about my work and they spoke with Professor Hillman who not only vouched for me, but sent a few of my papers to them. They were so impressed, they gave me a paid internship.
While all of this was happening, the Rent-to-Own program had contacted me about starting the process of cleaning up my credit, saving money and making other moves to put me in the best position to buy a house. The process was absolutely crazy, but now I understood that a late payment on a bill would affect my credit, just like co-signing for a loan your mom needed to join a recovery program. I had no idea that those credit cards I cut up had yearly enrollment fees that added up since I always threw them away.
It would take some time for my credit to become what I needed, but with the rent-to-own program, they worked with people like me. I searched for a few homes, but I could not maintain living in Harlem because it was extremely expensive. My sites were set in Brooklyn or the Bronx. Queens was such a confusing city, that I figured I’d bypass that all together.
What I did not expect was after three months, Jackson, Parris & Associates decided that I was a major asset to the organization and wanted to bring me on full-time as a legal secretary and if I wanted, to pay for me to finish my associate, bachelor's and go to Law School.
“You’re a natural, D’asia. Not only with your personal experience and your passion. You just have a gift for detail and articulate enough to convey your thoughts in a way that moves folks. That is a recipe for the PERFECT lawyer. Your research skills are above average and they will only increase as a legal secretary. We really hope you’ll think about taking this position. We’d love to have you here.” Tammy Parris smiled at me.
“Wow, uh. I don’t know what to say. I’ll have to think it over. Can I let you know on Friday?” I was scrambling for words.
“Oh sure. Please, no rush. Thank you again.” She smiled.
That was the thing about the partners. They were about their business, but nice and personable. They were lawyers, so they were direct yet fair. I liked them all and would love to work with them in a different capacity.
After talking it over with Zee who was beyond ecstatic, the Henrys and my counselor at the Life Program, it was a unanimous decision.
This was an opportunity of a lifetime. I wanted to post it on Facebook and pray that Ryan would read it or something, but this was for me. Not him. This was my life and though the pain of his absence in my life was still there, the cut would occasional throb.
I told the partners that I would take the job and my application for undergraduate school was expedited. I had no idea these people had pull and power like that in the city. They knew everyone and were widely respected.
Now that I had a much higher income, my rent-to-own status was also pushed towards the top. Zee and I had a major discussion about changing schools, staying out of trouble and enrolling in college preparatory programs to aid him in the process. He seemed happier about moving than I was. I found a nice house in the Bronx that an older couple had owned and left to their children, but they all moved away and did not want to worry about dealing with tenants forever. So, they put their home on the program, they met me and Zee and they approved us after reviewing everything.
The charges against Zee for both arrests were dropped and I absolutely refused to find out why. Also like we promised, Zee kept meeting with Ryan or another officer on Saturdays. He would spend the entire weekend with Reggie and I spent the weekend doing homework since my workload had increased. On a few occasions, I would sip a glass of wine and cry, but work kept me from thinking about Officer McFadden.
He had not called as we agreed and neither did I. Zee did not really mention him, but he knew we weren’t together, so maybe he felt he was protecting me. Jesse did not say much after class and there were no more cop cars following me after class.
Again, I should not have cared, but a pang of hurt would often hit me as I made my way to the sub. The same subway station that we had our last encounter.
I missed him. More than I thought I should.
It was only a fling, right?
John Jay and my community college had a collaboration that allowed me to finish my Associates degree, take classes at John Jay for another year, including the summer and get my bachelors. Since I was no longer on welfare, they stopped paying for school, but a part of Jackson, Parris & Associates deal, they paid for the rest of my schooling until I finished with a law degree.
Deal of a lifetime.
Zee loved our new three story home with a basement, backyard, and garage. I loved it even more and the fact that it would be mine was just beyond. He was doing amazing in his classes and although I had reservations about the transition, Zee was excelling beyond what I could ever imagine. He made some friends at school and in the neighborhood and more importantly, there were no gangs trying to recruit him.
Finally, it seemed like things were working out in my favor. I mean, I hadn’t heard from my mom or about her, but I also did not ask. My heart could not really take much of her progress. I figured if there was something I needed to know, the Henrys would communicate that.
So, everything was good now.
Six months later, I was sitting at my new desk in my new office of my new job and everything was good.
My phone rang and I figured it was Zee asking about staying over Reggie’s this weekend. I grabbed my purse and started to leave out the door when I answered.
“Hey. Yeah, you can stay.” I answered the phone without looking at the screen.
“D’asia,” a faintly familiar voice said.
I turned the phone around to see an unknown number.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“This is Paula Sanchez, D’asia. I really have to talk to you. Something terrible has happened to Ryan.”
What?
D’asia
Six Months since the Breakup
The gang activity had increased significantly in the past few years, but definitely near The Trap. My last night with D’asia had opened up the floodgates, probably because I didn’t want to think of losing her. I couldn’t think of it. I fell into work like a man starved. I worked doubles to the point, my supervisor told me not to work them on Fridays and Sat
urdays.
Every Saturday, I still met with Zee and Reg and we toured all of New York State, traveled and did community service at the local shelters and food pantries. There was no discussion of D’asia, but occasionally I’d hear Zee tell Reg that she was studying or stressed from work. On those rare occasions, I’d send her some flowers or have Edible Arrangements delivered to her apartment. During those times, they were returned. I assumed she did not accept them or they were too scared to enter the vicinity. I couldn’t send anything to the class anymore because the semester was over. Jesse had said he did not have courses with her anymore, but he occasionally saw her around campus. We made a deal, which was the only reason I didn’t contact her.
God knows I wanted to.
During the first month after D’asia and I split, I spent a lot of time working her neighbor’s case. The college age boy did not seem to care much that his mother was missing. D’asia had eventually told me that he barely saw the woman and when she did, it was only on a few occasions. The more I looked into it, the more I realized that the woman did not live there, but he did and apparently those long parties he had on occasion cost a pretty penny and he was in the red with payments. He had been threatened, but the mother was the one to receive the consequences. He was in bed with the same gang that L.A. belonged to. They were known for their cutters. Most of the other gangs had signatures, like a certain type of gun, how they were shot, or cut, but some made it artful, which was how she was sliced.
After I had brought my evidence to the gang unit and the detectives, they included me on the task force to find the murderer. We interviewed the boy again and after explaining my thoughts about how I thought he was in bed with the gang and how he owed them money, he broke down and told all.
Needless to say, both units were impressed with my work and wanted me to join their teams. The first person I wanted to call was D’asia because she had said I would be a good detective. I could collaborate with the gang unit, but I liked to figure out the puzzles of life. Not my own love life, but others people’s drama.
