by Xyla Turner
The third month included my promotion to detective came as a surprise to everyone, but Sal. He knew those doubles and extra work would put him back on the list for a new partner. He was proud in his own way, but he liked being a street cop. I enjoyed certain aspects of it, but I really wanted to get out of those ugly shoes.
My mom was surprised as well since it didn’t come from her. We had been cordial, but she knew I did not have much to say to her. Therefore she used my uncles to gauge my thermometer or let her know what was going on in my life. I loved my uncles and they loved their sister to the point that they still babied her. I would not cater to her temper tantrums, especially when it came to controlling my life.
During the fifth month, I finalized the deal. With all of the double shifts I had worked, not only could I afford the down payment on a new house, but I was able to fully furnish the place and put a big chunk in savings. The promotion helped as well, so I was able to live comfortably and not have to rely on anyone. My mom was trying to hold it over my head that she could buy me a new home, co-sign on a loan and all of that, in order to keep me in line. That was not happening and when I bought the house, I did not even tell her. My uncle did. When we finally met up, all she said was, “You and father are so much alike.”
Sometimes she would try to bait me for conversation by bringing him up, but this time, she kept talking. “He would go and do something like that. Get an entire car and then come and tell me about it. Knowing that I could full well help with the process, he didn’t want to hear my mouth, so he did it himself. I appreciated it, but hated it. I was there to help him and he wouldn’t let me. That’s all. I just want to help.” She said her peace and left.
Overall, the past six months had been back-to-back busy and many huge things happened in my life. Things were looking good, except I did not date. Shit, I hadn’t even slept with anyone since D’asia. I got off on a picture that I took of her on our last night together. This was a frequent occurrence as no one peeked my interest enough to make a move. The guys thought I was going through a mid-life crisis at twenty-six years of age. I assured them that I wasn’t, but it was Friday and I planned to tie one on, get a cab home and pass out.
Present Time
“I’m out guys,” I slurred my words.
Seven beers will do that. Maybe it was eight.
“Noo, noo,” Sal chimed in. “You ain’t got no one to go home to, might as well stay with us miserable bastards.”
He came along this time, which was shocking because he never came out with the D’s. I came with him and the street cops when they went out, but now I had to make an appearance with my new squad. So I was glad when Sal said he would join. Four hours later, I was ready to go home.
“Man, I’m wiped. I can barely keep my eyes open.” I yawned.
“Yeah, yeah.” He sang.
“Alright, guys.” I held up my hand in an imaginary salute. “Catch y’all next week.”
Various forms of sure, yeah, later and good night were shouted.
As I left the building, I realized that I had Sal’s keys. When I returned they said he was in the restroom. I opened the restroom to see a guy punching Sal in the gut and him falling to his knees.
“What the fuck?” I yelled as I tackled the guy to the ground.
I swore I heard Sal tell me no, but I was mid-tackle. We tussled and turned around a few times, then he pulled his gun. The two of us wrestled with it, until it went off two times. He stopped moving and all I could feel was a hot warm sensation around my stomach area. As I looked around, I saw Sal on his knees staring at me with remorseful eyes. The guy under me, his head was turned and I was falling on the side of him as the darkness took over.
D’asia was near me because I smelled her fragrance. She wasn’t smiling and she looked upset. Like she was crying.
What was she crying about?
I looked around to see if there was something that could help me figure it out, but it was just her and her tears felt like the dam had over-flooded. I open my mouth to speak to her, but she just kept staring at the wall, like she did not hear me. She could have been ignoring me, but I wanted to tell her it would be okay. I’d fix whatever it was that had her worried. I hoped it wasn’t Zee. He was doing so well and he’d made a pact with me about alleviating the burden off of D’asia by doing his school work and helping around their place.
I reached for her, but I could not reach. When I tried to get up, something was keeping me down. There were other people in the room, but they weren’t visible.
What was going on? Was I awake?
I tried to talk again, but I could not even hear my own voice.
Was I alive?
Oh God.
Then, I heard the unthinkable. It was D’asia talking.
“You warned me away from him. Remember? You called me a hood bitch and said Ryan was only using me, right Paula.” Her head moved to someone else, then she continued, “You put her up to it. I know you did. So, please don’t sit here and try to act like I’m disrupting something.”
“No, no.” Shit, that was my mother. “He hasn’t been responsive and when he did talk, he was saying your name. I was just trying to ensure Ryan had the best.”
“What!” D’asia exclaimed. “You tried to blackmail me to break up with him in exchange for my brother’s charges to be dropped. This was you trying to ensure Ryan had the best.”
“I did what was necessary.” My mother snapped.
“But now you call me to tell me he’s been shot. I rush down here and you want me to work some magic because I’m some sort of a voodoo witch and wake him up then leave him alone forever. You, bitches, have balls of steel.” D’asia was about to go off.
“Think about what’s best for Ryan. Since you’ve been separated, he’s been promoted, bought a home and has been able to focus. That should tell you something, D’asia.” This was my mother again.
Was this all a dream?
“Are you serious?” D’asia yelled. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
Fuck.
“Get out,” I yelled.
I didn’t think anyone could hear me, so I kept yelling and yelling. They turned around to face me. It was D’asia with tears in her eyes, Paula and my mother. They all rushed over to me, but I looked at them and yelled, “Get out.”
“Get the fuck out.”
“Ryan,” My mom tried to interject. “Just…”
“Get the fuck out.” I sneered as my voice was hoarse.
“But…” Paula tried to come around the other side.
I glared at her and repeated, “You especially, get out and never return. You have nothing to say to me.”
It was all making sense now and D’asia did not tell me any of it. She did not say one word to me about any of their meddling.
I looked at her as she was backing out of the room, “No, you stay.” She stopped and looked around. “You, D’asia. Stay.”
“Ry…” My mother tried to interject.
“Mother, I won’t say it again. Get the fuck out and I do not want to see you until I make the move to see you.”
She scoffed and stormed out of the room. Paula followed her. The only person that remained was D’asia.
Her eyes bore into me as tears continued to roll down her beautiful face.
“They both came at you?” I asked as I tried to sit up and clear my throat.
She moved to pass me the water in a cup on the side with the bent straw in the center. Holding it to my face, I took a sip and moved my head back. She replaced the cup back on the countertop next to the hospital bed.
“They both came at you and you didn’t tell me,” I repeated. “Is that why?”
She shook her head at me. “No, that’s not why. Yes, I didn’t tell you. That is your family, right. Blood and blue.”
“I don’t give a fuck,” I yelled. “You should have told me they were filling your head with that toxic shit. I don’t fucking want Paula and my mother does not dictate my
life or who I’m with. Ever!”
“I know, Ryan.” She was still crying. “This had nothing to do with what they were saying. I can handle them. You know what that was about. We just were too different.”
“Bullshit.” I was about to tell her fuck all that, but the doctor came in.
“Mr. McFadden, I see you are up and lively this morning. Welcome! I’m Doctor Rashaad.”
“Doctor,” I nodded at him.
“Mrs. McFadden?” He asked D’asia.
“No, no. I was just leaving.”
“She stays.” I interrupted her and grabbed her hand.”
She looked down at me, then nodded. The doctor smiled, then said, “Okay. You were shot in the stomach. That bullet traveled and has took residence near your spinal cord, causing you to have experience temporary paralysis.” He lifted up the covers near my feet. “Can you feel this?”
There was no feeling and panic hit me as my chest grew tight. My entire body seemed to be immersed in a furnace. I could not feel my legs. I was so caught up with everything else, I did not realize that I could not feel my legs. My chest tightened, my lungs felt like they were flooding and I couldn’t breathe.
The doctor continued, “I’m sorry Mr. McFadden, but it’s too early to know how long you will have no feeling, but it is temporary because there is some movement in your toes. My guess would be that it will not last long, but the body is such a weird organism, so you need to be prepared.”
“Prepared?” D’asia asked.
“Yes, he’s going to need someone to help him get around, do basic things and even get him back and forth to therapy.” She laid her hand on my head to wipe off the sweat.
“Okay,” D’asia said. “If you don’t know how long this will last, then how aggressive should his therapy be?”
“Every day.” He responded.
She sighed, “Okay, then. What services does the hospital provide and what does he need to outsource?”
What the hell was going on?
Temporary paralysis?
Therapy?
Everyday?
“What the fuck,” I finally said. “So, I will not be able to move on my own and I’ll need a nurse to help me get around. You have no idea how long this will last, but you’re certain it’s temporary.”
“Yes, Ryan.” He confirmed. “You have little feeling in your left toes. They respond when they’ve been touched, but only slightly. You will need a nurse and some assistance for a while, but I’m very optimistic that it won’t be for more than a few months.”
D’asia found a hand towel and was patting my face, neck and chest. I grabbed her hand and held it. She let me as I thought about my next steps.
“Do you have a traveling nurse service here that can assist him during the day? Me and my brother can help him after that and on the weekends.” D’asia took control.
“No,” I started to say, but she leveled her eyes on me with the look that said more than I was willing to fight.
“Yes, we actually do. You can select your nurse today and set up when to start. The same with physical therapy.”
“Okay.” I squeezed her hand. “Let’s get this going. When can I get out of here?”
“We have to do a few more test, but you should be out of here by tomorrow afternoon.” He smiled.
“Okay, can we start the process of selecting a nurse and physical therapy will be here, correct?” D’asia asked.
“Yes, I’ll send the representative to start the process.”
“Great.”
When the doctor left out, she turned to me and wiped off the new beads of sweat that formed on my head.
“It’s going to be alright, Ryan.” She reassured.
“What happened to the other guy?” I asked, for the first time remembered how I got here. “How is Sal?”
“Sal is okay. He was outside for most of the night. The other guy, I believe is okay. He was shot in the stomach and he lost a lot of blood, but he’s in another area and has some officers, guarding him.”
“Okay. Okay.” I tried to remember what I walked in on.
I needed to talk to Sal about everything. It didn’t seem random.
The next two hours, I filled out paperwork and selected a nurse. Well, D’asia picked the nurse because the one I chose was too sexy and would make me lose my concentration. Well, according to D’asia. She didn’t leave me for the rest of the day and even Zee came to see me. Sal had not come in to see me, but it was reported he was at the hospital and wanted to make sure that I was alright. My old group of officers came to visit along with my new crew of detectives.
My mother came through, but not to my room. I was sure she was trying to make an appearance for show because she knew damn well not to bring her ass in my room. My uncles stopped by and I would not even listen to talk of my mom. Apparently, they muttered their ‘he’s just like his father’ comment and left it alone. D’asia had stepped out to sort some business, but she stayed until visiting hours were over.
The doctor finally cleared me to leave Sunday afternoon. My nurse, physical therapist and designated person to watch over me were all set in place. That person was D’asia, even though I told her I could handle a round-the-clock nurse, she insisted that she and Zee could maintain the evenings, but if the nurse handled mornings and afternoons, that would be best.
There was no arguing with the woman, she was just as stubborn as I was. More importantly, I did not want to argue with her. Being in her presence, touching her and having her in my home had been my silent prayer over the past six months. She had made it clear, we were friends helping each other out, but I’d even take that from her.
I’d take anything from her.
D’asia
I thought a call stating that my mother was no longer on this earth would be the thing that had me sliding down a wall. Yes, she was no longer my mom and the substance controlled her, but she was still my mother and I loved her. I just had to love her from a distance until she got her life together.
However, the call that had me sliding down to the floor was hearing that Ryan was shot and he was in critical condition. To top that, of all the people that could have delivered the news, it was Officer Paula Sanchez.
Bitch.
After she had given me the information, I raced to Harlem’s Hospital Center to find that he was still out. The doctor was updating his mom, who seemed distraught, despite her cold façade.
I was called on Saturday, but Ryan was shot on Friday and the only reason I was called was because the doctor said that Ryan kept murmuring, “Daja”. Once his mom heard it, she figured it was me and had her minion call. Then they wanted me to go and talk to him, just to see if he would wake up and then leave. The minion said this and that was when I went off.
The problem was that, we were in his room at the time and we had no idea that he would be getting up. He heard most of our conversation and I’m sure he heard me call both of them bitches. I did not really care, but I was not in the habit of disrespecting people’s folks. However, they were their same snobby selves.
Truthfully, I would have done anything for Ryan. Anything. My chest still ached for him, but I had so many other things to think about, except the hole in my heart. So much so, after our showdown, I took it upon myself to be his caretaker in the evenings. That meant being in close proximity to him for extended periods of time and at night. I’d have to sleep there.
Me and my big mouth.
Little did I know, Ryan no longer lived in his apartment, but he bought a house in Queens. It was absolutely beautiful and huge. A four-bedroom, three full bathroom house with a garage, deck, and a porch. Out of everything, I think the porch was my favorite feature. I used to watch the television show 227 and loved how the neighbors would sit on the porch or in the window and converse. That was a different time, but it looked like they had good times.
Ryan was in a wheelchair and he was not in the best of moods. Which, I could definitely understand because he could not do much
of anything without the help of someone. He had to sleep on the first floor, so we converted his office to his temporary living quarters. The hospital provided a bed for him, which he hated, but there wasn’t much that could be done about all of that.
“You don’t have to stay here at night, D’asia.” Ryan was saying as I rolled him to the living room. “I know you have things to take care of.”
“Its fine, Ryan.” I pushed him in front of the television. “It’s settled.”
“I know, but I don’t want to put you out.” He continued, as I turned on the television and sat next to him but on the love seat.
“I said I got this, okay. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have said it.” I exhaled. “If you don’t want me to do this, just say so and I’ll make other arrangements. We’re friends and we’re adults. You need help and you’ve done more than I could ever ask anyone, so it’s the least I can do. Okay?” I changed the channel to Sports Center.
“You don’t owe me anything, sweet…” He corrected himself. “I mean D’asia. I don’t want anyone else, I just don’t want to put you out.”
“You’re not putting me out. It’s my pleasure to deal with your moodiness and help you out.”
He smirked, then muttered, “Thanks.”
“Sure.” I curled my feet up on the nice, mahogany leather man couch.
Our routine included the nurse coming at 6:00 AM and leaving at 3:00 PM. She fixed him breakfast, lunch and a snack. Then she would take him to therapy every day. When her shift was done, Zee would take over until six when I arrived. I would cook dinner for all of us, prepare what he needed for the evening and help him in bed. The great thing about Ryan’s new house was that it was not far from a train station, making it easy for us to get there. However, by the end of the week, he was trying to tell me to take and use his car.
“It’ll make me feel better if you are driving,” he said.
