by Xyla Turner
“I don’t feel comfortable driving someone else’s car. Plus, I haven’t driven in years. I’m completely out of practice and you have a freaking monster truck.”
“D’asia,” he said as he grabbed my hand, while I was washing the dishes after dinner. “Take the car. It’s not up for discussion. I can’t protect you like this and you’re less likely to be attacked in a car than you are near The Trap.”
“I told you we moved.” Zee chimed in.
“What?” Ryan looked at Zee, then to me.
“We moved to the Bronx, near Morris Park.” He continued. “It’s a really nice house and we’re in a residential area.”
Oh shit.
All week, we had not talked much because I did not want to share. I guess I didn’t want my living or employment situation to change anything between us. We were here and we’d stay here. He did not know about my job, promotion, school or anything.
“No, I don’t remember that.” Ryan said with wide eyes.
“Oh, my bad. I must have told my old coach or something.” He popped a grape in his mouth and walked out. “Night guys, I got to study for my Chemistry exam.”
“Night,” I called.
“Night, Zee.” Ryan added.
“Why didn’t you tell me you moved?” Ryan asked me.
I wrung the cloth out and laid it on the faucet handle. Then I went behind him and unlocked his brakes on the wheelchair and moved him out of the kitchen.
“Are you ready for bed or did you want to watch Sports Center?” I asked.
“Answer me,” he commanded.
I sighed and moved him towards his room.
“When?” he asked.
“A few months ago.” I said, noting it was nine-thirty at night.
“Why?” He asked simply.
Once I stopped him, so we could start our routine, he switched the style up and pulled me to him, so I had no choice but to sit on his lap.
“Ryan,” I yelped as I landed sideways in his chair.
“Answer me.” He rubbed my arms, causing the hair to stand to attention all over my body.
“It’s no big thing, Ryan. It just did not come up in conversation.”
“The fuck it didn’t. You saw that I moved, that was the first time you could have said, oh I moved too. No, it’s been a whole damn week and I’m just hearing about it in passing.” He opened my hand and begin to rub my fingers. “Now what else has happened, that you aren’t telling me? And since you haven’t told me, it means it is something significant.”
“No, Ryan. There is nothing significant. I applied for a rent-to-own program and I was approved. I found a nice place in the Bronx and we moved, which put Zee in another school and away from the gang activity and being recruited. It’s much safer, so I don’t need your car. That’s it.”
“Are you still in school? I’m assuming so because you are always studying while I’m watching TV or reading. So, have you declared a major yet?”
“Yes, criminal law and justice.”
“Good, you’re perfect for that.” He nodded. “Where are you working, now?”
“At Jackson, Parris and Associates,” I answered simply.
His hand loosened as he reared his head back and said, “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.” I smiled.
“Wow, sweetness. That’s fucking awesome. They are first rate.” He was openly smiling. “What are you doing there?”
I inhaled, and then let it go. He might as well know.
“So, I’m a legal secretary there and while I’m in school, it’s to finish my associates, then get my bachelors next year and Jackson, Parris and Associates has made me an offer to pay for my undergrad and law school, as they want me to be a lawyer at their firm.”
Ryan couldn’t lean his head back any further than it already was, but he simply looked at me and said, “Yes, that’s perfect for you. I told you, fucking first rate and they only select first rate people.”
I tried to turn my head so he would miss me blushing, but he turned me back around and said, “No, sweetness. Take that, you deserve it.”
He pulled me by my chin to him and kissed me lightly on the lips. At first I gasped, and then I closed my lips around his upper one.
God, I missed him.
Missed this.
It felt like a slice of pie and I just wanted to savor it because it would not last.
Fuck.
I pulled away and he quickly said, “I’m sorry. That’s my fault. I got caught up.”
Quickly standing, I walked over to his bed and pulled the covers back. I heard some rustling behind me, so I assumed he was taking off his shirt and pants like he always did. When I turned around, he was still sitting in his chair, but without his shirt.
“You need help with your pants?” I asked.
“No, going to keep them on tonight.”
“Oh okay.”
He pulled up using his arms on the chair, then use my shoulder as leverage to get in the bed. He scooted to the other side and I pulled his legs up on the bed, then covered them.
“Can you check again?”
“Sure.”
I lifted the covers and took the pen in my hair out to slide across his feet to see if there was any more mobility in his toes.
“Try the other foot.” He directed.
I slid the pen across his other one as I was told, but there was no movement.
“I’m sorry, there’s nothing.” I hated to disappoint him.
“It’s cool.” He said. “Thanks for your help, though.”
“Not a problem,” I said as I tucked him in. “Ring the bell if you need to use the bathroom.”
“Always.” He smiled at me.
I turned to leave, when he called my name.
“D’asia.”
“Yeah,” I answered as I turned around to face him.
“Proud of you baby.”
The first month went similar to that first week. The nurse was great as she was attentive to his needs and sensitive to his ego. Physical therapy was okay, but besides his original movement in his toes, I think he was worried like we all were about his progression. He did not seem to mind Zee and I staying there and even insisted on attending Zee’s science fair as we worked almost like a small family of sorts.
Ryan’s mom called at least once a week, but he refused to answer the phone and she even had a few things delivered that he turned away. He was in active mode of cutting her off. I tried to warn him against it, but he told me to stay out of it. His uncles came by regularly and so did Jesse. We were chatting about my career path and the route I was taking and this started a little debate between the three of us.
“If you’re working for Jackson, Parris and Associates, you’ll be a corporate attorney and you won’t be able to help the very people you set out to help,” Jesse argued.
“Not really,” Ryan chimed in. “They do pro bono work and they have other departments that assist the district attorneys.”
“But, I like the work they do.” I interjected. “I’ve been on several cases and I like that too.”
“Right, but in class, you are always talking about your neighborhood and how they don’t have the same opportunities and all that. So, now you have an opportunity, and you’re doing what many people do. Leave the place that helped you become the person you’ve become, only to turn around and not even help with the issues that plague your community.”
“Jesse,” Ryan scolded.
I did not have anything to say. He was right and I never even thought about it like that. Jackson, Parris and Associates was started by black partners, but I was not sure what they were doing for the community besides what Ryan had just said.
“No, no.” I patted Ryan on the leg, only for it to jump.
“Whoa,” Jesse pointed. “Do that again, D’asia.”
I patted Ryan’s leg and it jumped again.
“Oh shit,” I said, smiling from ear to ear at him.
He looked a little shaken, but n
odded his head and said, “I’ll let the PT know tomorrow.”
“This is awesome,” I exclaimed.
“Yeah.” He put on a fake smile and said, “It’s good.”
From that day forward, Ryan’s progress had sky-rocketed to the point where he was on a cane by the end of the second month. He did not need around-the-clock help, but he kept it just in case, according to him. The nurse was still there during the day and Zee and me at night.
Some of his detective friends and police officers would come over and join us for dinner at least once a week. At first, I was a bit skittish, as I did not know how they would take me or the situation, but everyone was pleasant, nice and I realized it was me who thought I did not belong and not necessarily the other way around.
I felt the same way at work, in my neighborhood and apparently in life. Why couldn’t I partake in a better life? Why was I always waiting for the other shoe to drop? Why did I doubt the good and expect the bad? Why did not I deserve happiness?
Sitting at the table, I observed the laughter, friendship, stories and the camaraderie and almost envied this because I did not have these per se. The closest person to a confidant was Mrs. Henry. I met a few women in my classes, but I didn’t know them like that. There were several women at work that seemed to be cool, but I had been so caught up in my life, Zee and school, I had not made time for things like fun.
Ryan looked at me with raised eyebrows, silently inquiring if I was okay. I nodded and joined in the festivities. The well-deserved laughs that friends shared when they got together. I enjoyed that moment.
After everyone had left, Ryan helped me clear the dirty dishes so we could put them in the dishwasher.
“What was that about?” Ryan asked.
“What?”
“That faraway look you had at the table.” He asked as he got closer.
“Oh, just thinking.” I laughed. “I’m good.”
He pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around my waist, so his hands were resting on my ass.
“You are good, but something was going beyond those big brown eyes earlier.”
Placing my hands on his chest, I said, “Yeah, I was just thinking about my life and all. Thinking about some of my own internal insecurities. That’s all.”
“Things like why you and I agreed to be apart?” He leaned his head down, so his forehead was on mine.
“Yeah, along those lines.” I smiled up at him. “But we both know and agree that it is good for both of us to be apart, right.”
He closed his eyes and sighed. His breathed rolled over my mouth and chin to my cheeks, causing my nipples to come alive. I tried to back away, but he held me tighter.
“Right, it’s good for us to be a part because we are from two different worlds and it’s easier.” He sighed. “Riiiggghhhtt.”
“Ryan,” I warned. “Friends, remember. We make good friends. I had a blast today. Shit, even the past two months. Nothing about it felt like work. Right?”
“Right,” he let me go and turned to leave the kitchen. “Friends.”
Oh boy. It was time to go back to the Bronx. We were good and this worked when we were on the same page. If either of us was getting off that page, then we needed to go our separate ways. That night I started to pack and tomorrow I would tell Zee to gather his items as well. I took his truck keys off my keychain and laid them on the living room table.
The next day when I arrived to work, my first call was from Detective Ryan McFadden himself.
“Why the fuck is truck key on the table?” he growled.
“Good morning,” I answered. “I’m doing well and yourself.”
“D’asia,” he warned.
“What?”
“Explain.”
“You’ve made a lot of progress, so I think it’s best for me and Zee to get back to our normal routine. You don’t even need the nurse as much as you used to. You’ve been cleared to do light desk work, so it might be good to get back in the saddle.”
“You making decisions for me again?” he asked.
I sighed, “No, Ryan. I’m making a decision for me.”
“No, D’asia, you’re making a decision about you that will impact me. Thus making a decision for me without my input. That’s your M.O. You do this shit anytime you get scared. We agreed to be friends, right. So, why do you have to leave? I’m not comfortable just yet. I haven’t even let go of the nurse, so clearly I do not feel like I’m back to my normal self. Sitting behind a desk won’t do that either, so let’s stop with the thinking and making decisions for me. Okay? I got shot in the stomach, not my fucking head.”
“I need to get back to my life, Ryan. If you want, I will gladly call your mom or have the nurse extend her time.”
“Sweetness, you want me to spank your ass, huh?”
I scoffed, and then laughed. “What?”
“Bring your ass home, I’m cooking dinner tonight.”
The line went dead.
No he did not.
Son of a bitch.
Literally.
Home?
By the time I left that day, a black sedan was sitting idle outside of my office building on 142st Street. When I kept walking, the doors opened and Captain McFadden emerged from the car.
“D’asia,” she called.
I sighed. I already had a showdown with her son earlier today, I did not want to have one with her to end my work day because he and I would definitely have another one later tonight.
“Yes,” I remained facing my destination and away from her.
“Can we please talk?” Her voice was different.
Less arrogant.
“Please,” she said again.
I slowly turned around and said, “You have ten minutes.”
She nodded her head and said, “Okay, thank you. We can chat in my car.”
I followed her and after the door was closed, she asked, “How’s my boy?”
“He’s doing fine,” I answered.
“No, how is he doing?” She leveled her eyes on me, like she really needed to know.
“He’s doing better each day. The feeling is coming to his legs and it’s almost back at 100%. He’s walking with a cane and doing physical therapy every day.”
She nodded her head. “Good, good. Listen, I, uh, am woman enough to say that I prejudged and misjudged you, D’asia.” She shook her head. “I think this job has jaded me. I mean, I have been on the force for over forty years now. My late husband, my father, his father, Ryan’s uncles are all on the force. It’s like, this is all we know and sometimes, that feels good. Because not only do we have the experience, but we have the longevity to lean on and the legacy. However, when it came to you, I was totally way off base.” Her light green eyes flickered in the light from the passing car.
I was not really sure what to say, so I remained silent. The woman just admitted that she judged me, but judged me wrong.
Wow.
She continued, “I took one look at your residence, your brother’s situation and came to the worst conclusion.” She scoffed, “Shit, it’s what I’m trained to do. But that is no excuse and I’m sorry. Ryan is smart, aggressive and I swear he’s just like his father. He won’t stop until he has his prize, so you never had a chance darling.”
“We’re just friends, Captain.” I interjected.
“Not for long,” she shook her head. “Anyway, I would like to have a dinner party. Really, it’s more of a celebration for Ryan, his new house, promotion to detective and his speedy recovery. He won’t take my calls but he will listen to you.”
“Captain, you…”
“Call me Connie, please.” She asked as she shifted in the seat.
“Captain,” I repeated, “Please do not put me in the middle of your drama with your son. Okay? Your actions have consequences and as a woman of the law, you know this better than everyone.”
She looked at me, and then laughed.
“God, you sound just like me.” Her gaze was weird, and th
en she continued, “Well, I see why he likes you.”
I smiled. I’m not quite sure why since I was just compared to the wicked witch of the east.
“You are right, but he’s my only son. I haven’t done completely right by him and especially where you are concerned and I want to make that right. I miss him. Very much so.” Her voice started to break, when she said, “He’s all that I have.”
“I’ll talk to him, Captain.” I did not want to see that woman crying.
She was genuine. That I could tell because I learned that from my own mother. Tears could flow at the drop of a dime with her and I had to learn very quickly the difference between sorrowful and pitiful tears.
“You will?” She looked surprised. “Okay, dear. Uh, that’s great.”
“Sure.” I nodded. “What date did you want the party to be?”
“Next Saturday, but I’ll wait for Ryan’s confirmation.”
“Okay. I can only talk to him, Captain.” I leveled my eyes at her. “No guarantees.”
“You’ll do it.” She smiled. “He listens to you. I can tell.”
I shook my head and laughed because he never listened to me.
“Can I offer you a ride?” She waved towards the traffic. As I started to shake my head, she added, “I know Ryan doesn’t want you traveling on the trains at this time of night.”
“Yes, he won’t listen to me.” I nodded.
“You have to understand something about Ryan. He’s protective to a fault, always has been, but I think that was because he had to be the man of the house and fill some pretty big shoes. However, his first case was a robbery gone wrong in the train station. The woman’s purse was intertwined with her baby bag, the robber thought she was putting up a struggle and turned around and stabbed her four times.” I gasped. “Yes, this was his first case and that was five years ago. He’s had plenty more and believe me, where you live and how you go about getting there were all things that I know bothered him.”
Oh, things were starting to make more sense.
“I see.”
“So, I’ll gladly offer you a ride.”
“Isn’t that out of your way?” I asked.
“No, I live in Queens as well. All of my family does.”
“Oh, okay. Cool.”
