The Road to Hope

by Rachael Johns

  ‘Today was the best Christmas ever, Tom.’ She put the drink down on the table and leaned slightly forward.

  Before he could think better of it, instinct took over. He slammed his glass down on the table, Baileys spilling over onto his fingers as he reached out and pulled her towards him. She tumbled onto his lap as his mouth landed on hers, one hand sliding up her back and into her hair to enable him to deepen the kiss. Her lips felt like magic against his and she made little mewls of delight, driving him to the brink as his tongue swept between them to taste the sweet cream she’d just sipped. Their tongues duelled, teasing and begging each other to take it to the next level.

  Neither of them needed much encouragement.

  Her fingers reached for the button at the top of his shirt and his breath went haywire as she worked her magic. A few buttons gone, she slipped her hands beneath the cotton. The feel of her soft skin against his hot chest drove him wild. Drawing away from her mouth, no longer a man in control, he dipped his head and covered one perfect nipple. As he sucked her into his mouth through the bra and the thin cotton of her dress, she gasped and pressed herself closer against him.

  ‘You’re so damn hot,’ he uttered, before taking her other nipple and giving it equal attention.

  Smiling, she moved to straddle him. Instinctively he arched up, pushing his trouser-covered erection up against the apex of her thighs. Her dress had bunched up around her hips and he ran his hands over her body, groaning as he moved over the fullness of her breasts. His erection began to burn as he laid his hands on her bare thighs.

  ‘Oh Tom.’

  Never had his name sounded so sweet. He inched his fingers upwards, desperate to slip them inside her panties and feel her hot, wet need. She cried out as his hand did as he desired, as he pushed two fingers up inside her, the sound more beautiful, more raw than anything he’d ever heard before. He caught her lips with his, relishing the taste of her mouth as he brought her to release.

  Demons in his head tried to intrude on the perfect moment, shrieking right along with her, telling him how wrong this was, but he pushed them aside, squeezed his ears shut tight and focused on the moment. After the guilt of not being near his family today, he needed this. He needed Lauren, and he didn’t want to fight it anymore.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  As the most magical orgasm of her life crashed over her, Lauren thanked Father Christmas for her gift. Her grin stretched from ear to ear as she leaned her head against Tom’s perfect chest in an effort to catch her breath. Warmth filled her and her limbs felt like liquid gold. With just a few deft strokes he’d taken her to heights she’d only ever dreamed of. She could only imagine what would happen when they came together in the truest sense of the word. Despite feeling like she’d already overdosed on pleasure, she felt his cock—thick and deliciously hard—pressing into the vee of her thighs and she wanted it more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life.

  The scrap of lace that called itself her panties felt like a painful barrier now that he’d removed his hand. Although his fingers were tenderly caressing her back, teasing the nape of her neck, she wanted more. She wanted his everything and she wanted it now.

  Lifting her head, she looked into his eyes and smiled. ‘Thank you, Tom.’

  He grinned back, looking slightly drunk, despite not yet having had one sip of his drink. ‘You’re welcome, Lauren.’

  ‘I think it must be my turn now.’ She snaked her hand between their bodies and slipped it down beneath the waistband of his navy cord trousers. He sucked in a breath, gasping as she found his hot, hard erection. She wrapped her fingers around its length, smoothing over his silky soft skin and squeezing him tightly as they gazed into each other’s eyes. Nothing had ever felt so good, so arousing. He pulsed beneath her touch but she couldn’t get a good rhythm going with his trousers still fastened.

  And she wanted a good rhythm. She wanted them both naked. She wanted it all. Now.

  As if Tom could read her mind, he gripped her wrist, stilling her hand. ‘Are you sure you want this, Lauren?’ he asked, again meeting her eyes.

  She’d never been more certain of anything in her life. ‘Yes, Tom. I want you so bad it hurts.’

  Her heart stilled a moment as she waited for his response, terrified he was about to change his mind, but thankfully he did not. ‘Then let’s take this to the bedroom.’

  Before Lauren could reply, he had wrapped his arms around her and lifted them both up off the couch. How he managed to walk with that thing pressing against his pants she would never understand, but she was about to learn that he was a man of many talents. There was no talk about whose bedroom would best meet their needs—their lips were otherwise occupied—but Lauren was thankful when Tom bypassed the guestroom and kicked open her door. Her bed was bigger and more comfortable.

  Within a few strides he’d reached it, plunging her down into the sea of fancy throw cushions before stepping back and shrugging off his shirt. His shoes and socks came next and then his fingers fumbled with the zipper on his pants. She swallowed, thankful for the light from the hallway that spilled into the room, allowing her to appreciate her own personal strip show.

  And then he was naked, standing before her in all his tanned, muscled glory and every bit as splendid as her fantasies had led her to believe. The way he looked at her made her feel more special, more feminine, more beautiful than ever before. Her heart rocked in her chest and she patted the mattress beside her.

  ‘Are you just going to stand there all night?’ she asked, ‘or are you going to come and put all that male hardness to good use?’

  Lifting one gorgeous eyebrow, he took a step towards her. ‘What exactly did you have in mind?’

  She swallowed, her mouth suddenly very dry. He was so…large, and her insides quivered in anticipation. ‘Well…’ She snuggled back into the cushions and spread her legs provocatively apart. Her white dress bunched upwards and she saw Tom’s Adam’s apple rise and then fall. He took another step. ‘You could start by taking off my knickers.’

  The suggestion had barely left her lips before he joined her. Her breath hitched in her throat as he reached out and ran his hands from her toes right up to her waist, where he removed her panties in one deft movement.

  ‘Impressive,’ she said, sounding far more cocky than she felt. Although this was by no means her first foray into the world of sex, she felt strangely nervous. She’d wanted this for what seemed like forever and she desperately wanted to please and be pleased.

  ‘You ain’t seen nothing yet,’ Tom growled as he grabbed the hem of her skimpy dress and inched it up over her head. She sat up slightly and wriggled accordingly, helping him in his efforts to make her as naked as him. Apparently skilled in the removal of women’s underwear, he unclicked her bra with one hand and grinned as her breasts spilled free.

  He flung her bra over his shoulder somewhere into the dark depths of her bedroom and then gently pushed her shoulders down, easing her back onto the pillows before lowering himself over her. She sighed, barely able to tell where her body ended and his began, loving the feel of his heat covering her like a blanket. His cock pressed against her belly as his hands played gently over her breasts, igniting her need even more.

  She moved her hand to find his erection again, desperate to guide it inside her, but he moved out of her reach. One moment she was opening her mouth to voice her objection and the next to gasp her pleasure as he moved down and pressed his mouth against her sex. Her arms flailed outwards, anchoring themselves on the edge of the mattress as his tongue delved intimately inside her. And he was every bit as talented as she’d imagined he would be. It didn’t take long before the waves of pleasure built again and she felt her orgasm ready to break free.

  ‘Let go,’ Tom whispered, and that was all it took for her to fly once again over the edge. Pleasure she’d never experienced before rocked through her. It felt good. Better than her wildest fantasies. In the past, sex had always been about her giving. No oth
er lover had been as attentive as Tom.

  Feeling spent beyond belief, Lauren couldn’t believe the desperate need that built back within her immediately. Barely recovered from her second orgasm in a matter of minutes, she grabbed hold of Tom’s ears and yanked him upwards. She didn’t need to say anything; he crawled right back up her body and kissed her. Hard.

  When they finally came up for air, he stroked her hair behind her ear and gazed into her eyes. The way he could be almost aggressive one minute and sweetly tender the next drove her crazy.

  ‘I need to go get a condom,’ he hissed, moving to get up.

  She shook her head and somehow managed to speak over the emotion balling in her throat. ‘Bedside cabinet, top drawer.’

  He left her for a moment. Came back sheathed. And then smiled as he positioned himself above her, massive and ready. Their eyes locked. The breath left her lungs and her heart brimmed with emotion as he sank down inside her. Feeling like she’d finally come home after a long and torturous journey, Lauren clung to Tom as she wrapped her legs around his waist, desperately trying to deepen their connection.

  They moved together, in perfect harmony, perfect rhythm, both of them climbing to the brink and then toppling over the edge at exactly the same time. For long moments afterwards, all she could hear was their heavy breaths trying to regulate, all she could feel was his heart pounding against hers, and all she could think was how absolutely perfect it had been. Nothing had ever come close before and she couldn’t imagine how it ever would again.

  Finally, Tom spoke. ‘That was something else, Lauren. You’re amazing.’ He kissed her forehead, his hands cupping her face tenderly, before he rolled off her, grabbed a towel that hung over a chair near the bed and then walked out the room. She knew he had to get rid of the condom but she didn’t like letting go, even for a short time. Unable to curb her massive grin, she reached for the bed covers, sighed and pulled the sheets over her naked, satisfied body.

  In a sleepy daze, she let her mind wander. She wanted to talk with Tom about his father’s illness and what it meant for him, and she desperately hoped he’d finally open up and let her in, but whatever happened, she couldn’t be disappointed about what they’d just done.

  When Tom returned to the room a couple of minutes later, he slipped back into bed and wrapped himself around her. The moment was perfect and she couldn’t bear to break it with questions or noise, so she relished the feel of his body spooned against hers and fell into a deep slumber.

  Tom slept better than he had since his father’s diagnosis. In the past he’d never been a sleep cuddler, but being wrapped around Lauren relaxed him and gave him much-needed peace for a few hours. As he’d drifted away, worrying thoughts had tried to intrude, but he’d been too exhausted to let them grab hold.

  He woke in the early hours of the morning with the first light of a new day sneaking in through the gaps in the curtains and spilling over their naked bodies. For one second all seemed right with the world, and then he remembered why this—he and Lauren—could never be. Lying there, his morning erection nudging her backside and his hand cupping her bare but perfect breast, felt like a dream. He’d lived this fantasy almost every morning for the past month, but it was never supposed to happen.

  What the hell had he done? While his cock begged for him to wake her and go another round, his brain told him to get the hell away. Desperate need warred with common-bloody-sense and a cold dread swept over him. How would they recover from this? He couldn’t even blame alcohol and he couldn’t stay here—in her bed or in her house—anymore. Working with her was going to be the worst kind of awkward. Dammit, why couldn’t he have just kept it in his pants?

  Torn between waking her up and sneaking out like some kind of cheap one-night stand, Tom lay there fighting the urge to brush his thumb over her nipple and watch it rise. Just when he decided to get up before he did something stupid, again, Lauren stirred and then rolled over to look at him. She smiled a moment, but it soon faltered as she looked into his eyes.

  ‘Tom?’ She sounded anxious as she pushed herself up onto one elbow. Her breasts thrust upwards and it was all he could do not to lean forward and take one in his mouth. ‘Is something wrong?’

  He couldn’t recall ever wanting another woman more, but maybe that was simply because they’d held out so long. He couldn’t let himself be distracted by lust. ‘I’m sorry, Lauren. Last night should never have happened.’

  ‘What? Why not?’ She sat straight up and pulled the sheets up, covering her bare-naked beauty. ‘Wasn’t it good for you?’

  He sat also and shoved his hand through his hair. ‘Fuck, Lauren, I think we both know how fantastic it was, but I shouldn’t have done it. I don’t want to be just another guy who makes you feel shit about yourself when he walks away.’

  ‘Then don’t walk.’ She held her chin high, challenging him. ‘I want you, Tom. And I don’t think I’m imagining that you want me too.’

  He looked away, unable to deal with the raw emotion in her eyes. Unable to lie, which would be for the best. ‘It doesn’t matter what I want. I can’t be with you. I can’t be with anyone that way.’

  ‘Because you might get early onset Alzheimer’s?’

  She couldn’t have shocked him more if she’d slapped him in the face. ‘What? Why would you…? I never said.’

  ‘You didn’t have to.’ She let go of the sheets and reached out to take his hand. Too stunned to react, he let her hold it. ‘The other night I was speaking to Frank. He told me your father is only young. We put two and two together and I started thinking about how you are, what you do… Are you worried you might get the illness too?’

  ‘I’m not worried,’ he said flatly. ‘I’m almost certain.’

  He heard her intake of breath. ‘Have you been tested?’

  ‘Yes.’ Fuck. He had never intended to talk about this with anyone, least of all her.

  ‘And?’ she prodded.

  He pulled his hand out of her grasp and leapt from the bed, snatching his pants off the floor and tugging them on. ‘And I have a gene that means it’s highly likely I’ll go the same way as my father.’

  She made to get out of bed, let the sheet drop onto the mattress as she stepped towards him. Still naked. How was he supposed to concentrate, to have this discussion, when she wasn’t dressed? Catching him off guard, she reached for him again but he stepped back, putting distance between them. ‘Oh Tom.’ Her eyes filled with sympathy.

  ‘I don’t want your pity,’ he all but shouted. ‘Is that what this was? A pity fuck? Poor Tom, he’s gonna lose his marbles one day. May as well give him some jollies while he’s still capable?’

  Anger burned inside him. He couldn’t bear the thought that she’d given up on her resolve not to sleep with him because she felt sorry for him.

  ‘No.’ Lauren’s head snapped back as if he’d slapped her. She snatched up her dress and hauled it over her head.

  ‘Then what, Lauren? I thought you were steering clear of men until you’d found someone special. You can’t pretend to have feelings for me now you know the truth.’

  As her head appeared through the top of her dress, she levelled her gaze at him. ‘I’m not pretending anything. My feelings for you are real, Tom. I’ve fallen in love with you, and that’s all that matters to me.’

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Lauren waited for Tom’s response, watching as he digested her confession. A range of emotions played across his face but she couldn’t second-guess any of them.

  Finally, he broke the silence. ‘Against my better judgment, I’ve developed feelings for you too.’

  Developed feelings? Well, that wasn’t exactly what her romantic heart had hoped for but it was a start. She blinked, hugging her arms to her chest. ‘What are you saying?’

  ‘Hell, Lauren…’ He sounded as if he were in physical pain. He looked it too. ‘You’re amazing. You’re bright, funny, beautiful, kind, sexy… I don’t know what man in his right mind wouldn’t f
all in love with you.’

  Had she heard him right? Did that mean he loved her? Her heart swelled at his sweet words. ‘Well, there are plenty who haven’t, but right now I don’t care about any of them. All I want is you.’

  She waited for him to come back to her, to tell her that he was hers, but his next words killed that dream.

  ‘But I’ve got no right to fall in love with you.’

  ‘What do you mean, “no right”? Love isn’t about rights, or wrongs, it’s about how you feel inside. No matter how much I tried to keep my feelings for you platonic, they grew into something magical. I want you, Tom—physically, emotionally, the whole shebang—and I think you feel the same way.’ She took a step towards him, desperate to feel his arms around her again.

  But he threw up his hands and jumped back as if he didn’t want her anywhere near him. ‘Even if this is love.’ He gestured his hand between them. ‘It’s barely begun and the right thing to do is to end it before you regret your decision.’

  ‘Love isn’t about making a decision. It just happens.’

  ‘Well, I’m not going to let it.’

  ‘Why?’ she pleaded, not caring how desperate she sounded. ‘Because you might get sick? Who cares? I’m a nurse. I’ll look after you.’

  He slammed his hand into a wall and swore. ‘You say that now, but you haven’t had time to think this through. My ex and I were together almost ten years. She’s a doctor, she’s looked after sick people too, but she still ended it. And I don’t blame her. I’ve got a gene that could make me very ill. I’ll likely become a burden and I couldn’t father children with the knowledge that I might pass this fault on. The responsible thing is to remain alone. I’m dealing with that. Please don’t make it any harder than it already is.’