The Road to Hope

by Rachael Johns

  Her words reverberated inside his head. He’d been told ‘I love you’ many times in the past—by his parents, his sisters, previous girlfriends—but no one had delivered the message with such intensity, such truth, ever before.

  And he felt it too.

  It was suddenly clear as crystal that the feelings he’d had for Lisa were nothing compared to those he held for Lauren. Whether either of them wanted it or not, she’d set up residence inside his heart and if he walked away from her now, he’d be as good as dead. Even if fate gave him another twenty or thirty good years with his memory entirely intact—hell, even another fifty years—he wouldn’t be truly living if he wasn’t with her.

  He had no words to convey what he felt, but his body knew exactly what to do. With one tiny step, he closed the gap between them. He reached across and wrapped his hands around her head, drawing his lips right up against his. She let out a little murmur of surprise, or maybe it was pleasure, and then she opened up her mouth and invited him in. He pressed himself up close, sandwiching her between himself and the doorframe and took exactly what he wanted. Nothing had ever tasted so good.

  His body reacted immediately. After days of denial, it became clear he’d be unable to control himself much longer.

  Lauren pulled back to look at him, and the heat in her eyes only made him hotter. ‘Is that what I think it is?’ she asked, nuzzling against his neck as her hands tugged his shirt from the confines of his waistband.

  No prizes for guessing was she was referring to. His erection pressed so hard against his trousers that he worried he might get carpet burn if they didn’t let it out.

  ‘I can’t help it,’ he whispered. ‘I love you too, Lauren. And I want you. I don’t know if I should, but I do. If you’ll have me, I’m all yours.’

  The most beautiful smile ever burst upon her face. ‘Are you sure?’

  He nodded. ‘Surer than I’ve ever been of anything in my life. Tonight made me reassess a lot of things. Life’s too precious and short for regrets. And if I don’t accept your love, I’ll always regret it.’

  She snuck her hands up and fastened them behind his neck. ‘You’re really mine?’

  He nodded and he reckoned his grin gave hers a run for its money.

  ‘It feels wrong to be so happy when one of my best friends is critically injured,’ she said, ‘but I can’t help it. Come on, let’s go inside. I want you to take me to bed, Tom Lewis. And this time, you had better not sneak off first thing in the morning.’

  As magical as those words sounded, he had to be sure. ‘Are you absolutely certain?’ he asked.

  ‘I’ve never been more certain of anything.’

  Still, he pressed. ‘Because once we’ve crossed this line, there’s no going back. I can’t just sleep with you again and then walk away. It’ll hurt too damn much.’

  ‘Good,’ she whispered back. ‘Because if you do that, I’ll have to kill you.’

  She let go of her hold around his neck so she could grab his hands and pull him inside. He used his foot to kick the door shut behind him, his mind already reeling with exactly what he’d do to her once they reached the bedroom.

  They travelled awkwardly down the hallway, stumbling into furniture and bumping into walls because they couldn’t take their mouths off each other long enough to make a safe journey. When Lauren flung open her bedroom door, her hands were already at the bottom of her tiny tank top. He sucked in a breath as she yanked it up and over her head, revealing she wasn’t wearing a bra. ‘Oh Lord.’

  He itched to touch her breasts—to lick and suck and taste—but first he had to remove his pants before he did some damage. Not taking his eyes off Lauren as she peeled her shorts and knickers down her long, delicious legs, Tom ripped off his shirt, toed off his shoes and then all but yanked his trousers down his legs.

  Still smiling, Lauren took another step, pressing her naked self up against him. Her hand slipped between them and wrapped around his thick, pulsing cock. It was hard to concentrate on anything but the sensations rushing through him, but he tried.

  He didn’t want to lose it before he’d given her every bit of pleasure she deserved.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  As Lauren curled her hand around Tom’s magnificent erection and pressed herself as close to him as she could possibly get, she decided that all her years of bad luck with men had been worth it if he was her prize at the end. Heat flooded her body in delicious anticipation. Wanting to tease him, she stroked her fingers slowly down his length and cupped his balls, loving the feel of the heavy weight in her hands.

  ‘Lauren,’ Tom groaned, his hands coming to rest firmly on her hips, his nails digging into her.

  ‘Yes?’ The way he all but moaned her name did crazy things to her insides. She was glad they hadn’t done the whole undress-each-other-slowly thing. There’d be plenty of time to take things slow next time, but right now she didn’t want anything between them. She needed to wrap her limbs around him, to feel him moving inside her and know she’d finally found home.

  ‘If you keep going like that,’ he said, sounding pained, ‘I’m gonna lose it before we even make it to the bed.’

  His admission made her smile. ‘Who said we have to make it to the bed? I’m quite happy for you to take me on the floor, or up against the wall or—’

  He shut her up with a raw, possessive kiss, and then the hands on her hips pushed her backwards until her legs bumped against the end of the bed and she fell back on top of it. Her hand lost its grip on his cock but she only had a moment to mourn this loss before Tom followed her onto the bed, his firm body sliding up against hers as he positioned himself above her. His hardness pressed against her belly, and the already potent desire within her stirred like a pack of wild butterflies.

  Towering above her, his hands planted on either side of her on the mattress, he looked into her eyes. ‘I’m all for the floor, I’m all for the wall, hell, I’ll do you on the kitchen bench if you want. But this time I want to do it right here, right now.’

  Lauren bit her lip, aroused beyond belief. She was practically shaking with desperation to get him inside her, but…

  Her train of thought evaporated as he lowered his head. She opened her mouth, ready to meet his kiss once again but this time he pressed his lips against her neck. It was the softest of kisses, a bare scrape of his lips against her skin, but she felt its effects in the deepest part of her. The tender spot between her legs pulsed with need and she couldn’t help but arch her hips up.

  He moved his lower body out of reach, chuckling against her skin as he took his lips lower, licking and kissing his way from the skin beneath her ear lobe down towards her cleavage. His tongue traced a line across her collarbone and her nipples tingled in anticipation. Each stroke of his tongue amplified the need burning within her and she felt like an impatient teenager as she waited for him to reach her breasts.

  Just when she thought he was close, he lifted his head and looked into her eyes. He smiled and then gazed down at her chest, looking slowly from one breast to another. ‘You’re so hot.’

  ‘Touch them,’ she whispered, desperate for him.

  ‘What? Like this?’ He placed a hand just above her navel and slowly crept it upwards, coming to cup her breast in his large, hot palm.

  ‘Yeah. Just like that.’ She breathed a sigh of ecstasy as he inched his thumb across the top and then circled her nipple. Already incredibly tender, the bud hardened at his touch.

  ‘What about this?’

  Before she could reply, Tom dipped his head and sucked her nipple right into his mouth. The sensation was so intense that her hips bucked up off the bed. In a desperate bid to maintain just a tiny bit of control, Lauren stretched her hand out and once again it closed over his erection. If anything it felt even larger this time. She raked her fingernails up his length, smiling when his breathing quickened.

  Yet, determined to bring her to the brink first, Tom upped his ante. While one hand roved over her breast, he
licked tiny circles around her other nipple. Occasionally removing his lips and blowing hot air across her skin before taking her in his mouth again.

  As she increased her pace, sliding her hand up and down his shaft, she felt the heat rising between her own legs. She was wet for him, possibly wetter than she’d been for any guy in her life, and as magnificent as all this play was, her body craved him. She wanted to feel his cock inside her, to be connected to him in the most intimate way possible.

  ‘Tom?’ She pushed her hands against his chest and when he frowned down at her, she took the chance to sneak out from underneath. In one fluid movement she flipped him onto his back and straddled him. Now she was the one in control. As she teased him, positioning him at her entrance, his frown transformed into a grin. ‘I want you now,’ she whispered urgently, spurred on even more by his seductive expression.

  ‘Lauren,’ he hissed her name as she sank down, impaling herself on his impressive length. ‘We need a condom.’

  She rocked a little, not wanting to break their connection. ‘I’m on the pill and I promise I’m safe.’ Her reputation might have been tarnished, but that didn’t mean she’d ever been stupid. This was the first time she’d ever begged a man to take her without protection.

  Her heart stilled as she waited for his answer, but it never came. Not verbally anyway. Instead, he lifted his hands to her breasts and thrust up into her. That’s when their plan to take things slow flew out the window.

  Lauren gasped, pleasure rolling through her body as Tom filled her. He was so big, so perfect and she couldn’t get enough as they moved in perfect rhythm. Anchoring her hands on his shoulders, she leaned over him, moaning as he lifted his head to take one nipple in his mouth.

  She was burning all over, the intensity of pleasure like nothing she’d ever felt before. ‘Oh Tom, this is so…’

  His lips left her breast and a look of absolute love filled his eyes as his head flopped down onto the pillow. ‘I know.’

  He reached around and this time cupped her butt, drawing her even closer, pushing himself even deeper inside her. Her mind was a cocktail of contradictions. She wanted to go faster, she wanted to slow things down, she wanted everything that he could give and she wanted to give her whole self right back to him.

  But it was their bodies that made the decision. They came together in a rush of heavy breaths, both of them crying out the other’s name as they peaked. Then, as the aftershocks rocked through Lauren, she sank down, rested her head on Tom’s shoulder and sighed.

  ‘So much for going slow,’ he said, when they’d both had time to regulate their breathing. ‘I promise next time I’ll last longer.’

  ‘Hey, no complaints here.’ She pressed her lips against his chest. ‘How about right now? In the shower?’

  He raised an eyebrow but his grin melted her heart. ‘Vixen. I like your thinking.’

  She smiled right back, slipped out of his embrace and offered him her hand once she’d climbed out of bed. ‘And after that, I’m thinking we’ll need sustenance.’

  He puffed out a breath of air and shook his head. ‘You are the perfect woman. What more could a bloke ask for than shower sex followed by food?’

  She laughed, her heart light and full all at the same time. They still had lots they needed to talk about, but there’d be time enough for that later. After everything that had gone down today—good and bad—she doubted she’d be catching any zeds that night.

  Watching Lauren get dressed after the most mind-blowing shower in his life, Tom couldn’t take his eyes away from her. She was without doubt the most beautiful woman in the world, yet she was so much more than that to him. A few months ago when he’d received the results of his genetic testing, he’d felt like he’d been dealt a death sentence. And although technically nothing had changed on that front, Lauren’s love had brought him back to life. She’d asked him to put his faith in her and promised that however long they had together, they would make the most of it.

  A future that had seemed bleak only yesterday now excited him, and he owed it all to her.

  ‘You look like you’re trying to work out an impossible algebra equation,’ she said, looking at him as she tied her wet hair back into a ponytail.

  He smiled, recalling how he’d felt as he’d washed her hair for her only a few minutes before. ‘There’s a lot to digest,’ he admitted.

  A look of worry flashed across her face. ‘You’re not thinking of running off again, are you?’

  ‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m just thinking about the other things in my life I need to make right.’

  She crossed the room to where he sat on the edge of the bed and folded herself into his lap. Her arms looped around his neck and she looked right into his eyes. ‘You want to talk to me about that?’

  He nodded and then leaned forward to rest his head against her forehead. ‘I’d like that.’

  ‘Come on then.’ She gestured towards the door. ‘We can cook, eat and chat.’

  ‘That sounds perfect.’

  And it was. It felt so right to be back in Lauren’s kitchen working alongside her, chopping veggies and throwing spices into a sauce as they made their first meal together as a couple. They talked while they worked, and opening up to her turned out to be a lot easier than he’d imagined.

  ‘When we found out that Dad’s Alzheimer’s was the early onset type, Lisa, my ex, decided I should get tested to see if I had any of the genes. I talked it over with my sisters, unsure whether that kind of knowledge was really a good idea, and they were divided. My oldest and youngest sisters—Caroline and Louise—decided they’d rather not know. Caroline is married and Louise is newly engaged. Both their partners agreed that it was their decision, but I think they were secretly relieved that they chose not to find out. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.’

  Not taking her eyes off him as he spoke, Lauren filled two wine glasses and then handed him one.

  He took a sip before continuing. ‘But Lisa believed that in this day and age, with our medical knowledge, it would be irresponsible not to have the test. Not to be prepared for whatever would eventuate. Although I was uncertain at first, she eventually convinced me and I think Monica, my twin, only decided to have it because I was too. We’d shared so much throughout our lives and I don’t think she liked the idea of me going through it alone.’

  Although Lauren had barely said a word as he’d told his story, she spoke now. ‘Does Monica have the gene as well?’

  He shook his head. ‘Her test came back negative, whereas I was told I had a risk gene.’

  ‘Hang on.’ Lauren halted her wine glass half to her mouth. ‘What gene did they identify?’

  ‘I have what’s called APOE-e4.’

  Her mouth dropped open. ‘I thought when you were so gung-ho about remaining by yourself that you had a deterministic gene. Are you telling me you’re only at risk?’

  ‘Only?’ He wasn’t sure whether he found her optimistic tone amusing or annoying.

  She sighed. ‘I’ve done a bit of reading around this subject lately, and I’m pretty sure that the gene identified in you doesn’t guarantee you’ll inherit the disorder, right?’

  He nodded. ‘Only those with a deterministic gene are guaranteed that fate. But I’m still extremely high risk.’

  Shaking her head, she put her wine glass down on the bench and crossed over to him. He dumped the spoon he’d been stirring the pot with and she wrapped her arms around him and stared him down. ‘I’m glad you’re finally sharing all this with me. Don’t keep anything from me ever again, okay? Promise?’

  ‘Promise.’ They sealed the deal with a kiss before she pulled back.

  ‘Right, let’s dish up this food and you can tell me what happened next.’

  ‘If I’m honest,’ he said as he drained the pasta over the sink, ‘the fact that I had the gene and Monica didn’t caused a rift between us that I’d never imagined possible. I’m not proud of it, but I felt robbed somehow.’

 
‘That’s understandable.’ Lauren used the tongs to dish the fettuccini between the two bowls and he ladled the creamy vegetable sauce on top. They took their bowls to the table and sat on either side of a corner, close but still able to look at each other while they talked.

  ‘Understandable or not, it makes me feel like a jerk,’ he admitted, picking up his fork. ‘Every time I saw her, the anger grew inside me. It just felt so unfair. And it was even worse with Dad. He’s not that bad yet, although as you probably know, decline is fast with early onset so it won’t be long before he doesn’t recognise family and can’t look after himself.’

  Lauren uttered a sympathetic noise but didn’t say anything.

  ‘Still, even knowing this—’ he took a deep breath, this part the hardest to admit ‘—I couldn’t stand being around him, knowing that I might be going through the same thing in twenty years time. Just when my parents needed me the most, I shot through. What kind of person does that make me?’

  ‘A normal person; someone with real fears and emotions. Dealing with your dad’s diagnosis would have been traumatic enough, but having to come to terms with your own future on top of that… Even the toughest people would crack.’

  He wasn’t sure about that but he appreciated her support. As if reading his mind, she added, ‘And I can’t help but think that if you’d had the kind of support you deserved from your girlfriend, things might have been different. But then we’d never have met. And I will never regret that.’

  He leaned over and stole a kiss. ‘Me neither, but it’s time to right some wrongs. I’ve decided to ask Steve for a few days of family leave. I’m going to go see my folks.’

  ‘Do you want me to come with you?’ She squeezed the hand she still held.

  Yes. He wanted that more than anything. The idea of spending time apart from her now they’d finally got it together tore at his heart. But this was something he needed to do on his own. ‘As much as I can’t wait for you to meet my family, I need to focus on my dad this trip. Do you understand?’

  ‘I do.’